Falling for a Bentley

by Adriana Law

  “You just hate that she was a better parent than you!” I shout.

  My mother laughs and returns to clearing my birds from their shelves one by one. Her hand lands on the carving of a Kirtland Warbler: the bird that is tricked into raising the young of the manipulative, lazy Brown-headed cowbird as their own. I dive for it, clawing at my mother’s flawless hand putting a scratch on it. She appears truly shocked, startled.

  I snatch the Warbler from her grip.

  This doesn’t stop her; if anything it only fuels her anger. She lunges for the carving while I cradle it to my chest. I’m vaguely aware of my father shouting for us to stop. We play tug of war with it, until finally, she wins. She rears back an arm and slings the Warbler into the basement wall.

  My father’s arms encircle my mother’s upper body from behind. He soothes her by whispering in her ear. All the tension seems to leave my mother’s body and she goes limp in his hold.

  “Being angry with each other isn’t helping!” He says. “Why don’t we all go upstairs, sit down, and talk calmly about this.”

  I walk over, kneel and pick up the carving of the Kirtland Warbler. The wood is marred.

  It doesn’t matter. It’s only a piece of wood.

  “My mother hated your father….”

  “Honey, don’t. You’ll regret telling her,” my father warns.

  My mother doesn’t heed his warning. My father sighs releasing her knowing she is hell bent on saying whatever she is about to say. Even he can’t stop her now.

  “She said your father only wanted to marry me for our family’s money.” She chuckles, her eyes glassed over. “She didn’t believe anyone, not even a contractor with less than a hundred dollars in his checking account could love me without having a reason. When she heard I was pregnant, well, she said I’d once again screwed up and I’d never be able to have a family and dance. She wanted me to get an abortion.” She exhales a long breath. “I remember every cruel thing that woman ever said to me but that had saying I should get rid of you had been the cruelest.”

  What? My head is spinning. Emotion roil in my chest.

  “You’re lying,” I shriek, my hands clenched. “You’d say anything to change the way I feel about her! You were always jealous of her! You’re jealous of mine and dad’s relationship! You can’t accept that you have NO REAL connection with anyone!”

  My mother kneels beside me, clamping a hand on my rounded shoulder. “Look at me, Victoria. I despised that woman. She refused to say one thing nice to me even on her death bed. My mother said you were a mistake, do you get that? Truly get that my mother didn’t want me to have you?”

  “It’s not true. Why would you say such horrible things?” my voice comes out weak. There are so many things I’m unsure about now. “Grandma loved me.”

  “Not in the beginning. In the beginning you were just another disappointment.

  “I tried to have a relationship with you, Victoria! My mother wouldn’t allow it. She always knew best! She always had the right words. It wasn’t long before you preferred her.” She sobs.

  My father reaches for her hand. “It’s okay. I don’t like seeing you upset. Let’s go upstairs. We’ll all take a breather and then you can finish.”

  “No. I need to get this out. All I could do was fade into the back ground, Victoria, and find something to take my mind off that I was also failing as a mother. ”

  “That’s enough, Olivia!” My father shouts.

  “Yes. I remember my mother all too well: the belittling, the snide comments, the hatred and anger, the need to control everything! Are you blind? You do the same thing to Victoria and it has to stop or I’ll pack my bags and leave you. Do you understand?”

  My mother slaps a hand over her mouth, tears streaming down her flushed cheeks. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen my mother cry. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

  I let the eagle fall to the basement floor and stand up feeling dead inside.

  I will never carve another stupid bird.

  Backing up I drown out my mother’s voice, unable to listen to anymore of how I was unwanted. I shake my head, refusing to believe it. I was her Toriabear. Trembling, I back up until my hamstrings hit the stairs, and then I turn taking them two at a time. Not taking the time to pack anything I run out to my car. Tires squeal over concrete as my father and mother step out onto the porch. Dad jogs down the side walk motioning for me to wait, but I can’t, not even for him. There’s years of suppressed emotions inside of me threatening to come to the surface. I literally feel like I’m going to explode. All I want is to get away, as far away as I can from all the lies and hurt, from all the degrading remarks.

  I want to get away from her.

  Leap of Faith

  Victoria

  I pull up into Colton’s drive and kill the engine. Pressing my forehead to the steering wheel I replay the events of tonight and then I laugh, like a crazy person I sit in my dark car laughing because the worst thing I’d expected to happen tonight was Sterling making an ass out of himself. I laugh until my sides hurt. The back of my head hits the head rest and I take deep breaths.

  In a couple of weeks I’ll be graduating, but I don’t care anymore. Graduating signifies moving on from one chapter of your life to a new one. It’s a transition into adulthood: being able to make your own decisions, your own choices even if they’re bad ones. I don’t want to be a doctor. And I really don’t want to go in Colton’s house.

  Tonight he’d said.

  I DO NOT want to have sex with Colton Bentley.

  But maybe I will. Maybe I will have sex with every guy I bump into while Keria and I are at the beach over graduation and end up pregnant and not know exactly who the father is. Ugh! The beach. I almost forgot about going to the beach. I can’t go with Keria to the beach now. We’re not friends anymore. Life sucks. It’s all random bullshit that adds up to nothing but chaos.

  Serendipity: accidently finding something good while not looking for it.

  A few get lucky. The rest of us fight for what’s left over.

  I step out and slam my car door, filling my lungs with the cool night air as I follow the lantern lit walkway to the front door. My gaze takes in the three story brick home shrouded by a black sky. Stars, resembling pin holes in the universe, twinkle high above.

  Tonight he’d said.

  I pause with my fist mid-air hearing Colton’s mother’s voice in my head. I can still see her swinging open the wood door, smiling:

  Tori, you know you don’t ever need to knock. Colton is upstairs in his room, go on up.

  My fist taps lightly on the wood door, everything is different now. Folding my arms over my chest I bury my hands, my shoulders curving inward against the chilly night air. The last thing I’d thought about was grabbing a jacket. My body bounces with annoyance. Why isn’t anyone answering the door?

  I knock again, a little harder this time. There is still no answer. I inhale a deep breath and push open the front door, quietly pulling it shut behind me. Light from the living room spills out into the foyer.

  “Get the fuck up!” Uncle Bentley’s voice causes me to stop in my tracks. I move out of sight, leaning against the short wall before the doorway to the living room. On the other side of that doorway is the stairs leading up to the second floor. I could flee; dart across and run up to Colton’s room. I should, but I don’t. Peering around the wall I see Sterling crouched on the floor. He wipes the blood from his lip and then shoves up from the floor only to be struck down again. I remember the wide gold band on his father’s finger and cringe. All the air rushes from my lungs and I’m forced to cover my mouth with a hand to remain quiet.

  Every blow, every lash, I feel it. My body jerks. The keys in my hand make indentions in flesh as I make a tight fist around them. My mind is spinning. I want to yell stop! I want to dart upstairs and forget what I’ve seen. This is one of those moments you look back at and wish you’d done things differently.

  “COME ON! Don’
t be a pussy. Where’s the smartass who made a mockery of his family? Get up!”

  Another jab to the face!

  “Not so mouthy now, are you? Do you even know how embarrassing that was! Watching you make a fool out of your brother … Out of ME!”

  He clutches the fabric of his son’s shirt hauling him to his feet. Their faces are only inches apart.

  “That woman was kind enough to invite us into her home and you insulted her with that foul mouth of yours! I should scrub your damn mouth out with soap like I did when you were five! You tell her to stick a fork up her ass! How about I put my foot up yours?”

  A blow is delivered to Sterling’s ribs and he doubles over stumbling to regain his balance. Why doesn’t he fight back? Adrenaline pumps through my veins afraid the next hit will knock Sterling down for good. Uncle Bentley pauses, towering over Sterling. “Look at you … you’re such a pussy! Get the hell out of my sight! I’m tired of lookin’ at you!”

  Sterling stands, his jaw tenses as his gaze locks with his father.

  Colton comes into view on the landing of the steps. He is wearing navy jogging pants and white socks. His hair is damp as if he just stepped out of the shower.

  “Tori, why didn’t you come on up to my room?” echoes off the walls in the foyer. “Come on,” he orders with the motion of his hand.

  “No,” I simply say. My forehead thumps against the wall and I shut my eyes, silently praying that didn’t carry into the living room. The next time I open my eyes and turn my head to the side Sterling is there, a shoulder planted against the door casing. I gasp at the sight of the gashes in his bottom lip and above a brow. His lip is already swelling. Blood is splattered down the front of his shirt, his blood. His posture doesn’t hold the same arrogance it normally does. Instead he is slightly bent, a hand held loosely at his side as if to protect a couple of cracked ribs. He looks like a whipped puppy, one I want to save and take home, hiding in my room until my mother tells me I can’t keep him.

  I see the sadness in his gray eyes causing a knotted pain in my stomach.

  “Hey,” I say to him, lifting a hand, my lame attempt at a normal greeting. “I just got here.”

  “Yeah?” his eyebrows slam down with confusion.

  My arms ache to hug him. “Yeah. Like a second ago.”

  He studies me closely and I shift nervously. He knows I’m lying.

  “Now you know the ugly truth,” he says.

  “Sterling, I….”

  Colton breaks in and whatever is about to be said is lost forever.

  “What the hell happened to your face?” Colton sneers at Sterling.

  Sterling’s gaze slides to him and changes, narrowing, darkening. Sterling’s shoulder slams into Colton’s, knocking him out of the way—a ‘don’t fuck with me’ expression on his bruised face. He takes the stairs two at a time.

  “Did I miss something?” Colton asks.

  “Your uncle….”

  My entire body stiffens and my words die off when I catch the sight of Uncle Bentley creeping up behind Colton. He digs a handkerchief out of the pocket of his dress slacks and soaks up the perspiration dripping from his brows. “I’m sorry you had to witness that, Victoria. My son needed an attitude adjustment. You understand?”

  I never answer his question. I never get the chance.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” He spits Sterling when he comes jogging down the stairs lugging a duffel bag. Sterling’s jaw is set, steel and determination. He doesn’t acknowledge his father. He swings open the front door and steps out onto the porch.

  A cab is already waiting in the drive. There is no way they could’ve had time to get here if Sterling just called them. He’d known he would need that cab. He’d prepared.

  “Do not ignore me!” Uncle Bentley yells, a vein bulging in his forehead as he clamps a hand down on his sons arm. His face is beet red. Sweat popping out across his forehead. “I asked you a damn question!”

  Gray eyes land on me. Sterling adjusts the strap of the duffel over his shoulder and then stretches out his hand to me.

  “Are you coming?”

  I stop breathing, a hand going to my chest. “Me?”

  “No. She’s not coming!” Colton splutters. “Why would my girlfriend go anywhere with YOU?”

  Butterflies wage a war in my stomach. All I can see is Sterling. He can’t be serious. Can he?

  “I need an answer? Are you coming or not?”

  He is serious.

  “Tori, what’s going on? Is there something you need to tell me?” Colton growls at me as if I’ve done something wrong. “Why is this jackass even talking to you?”

  “I’m going to count to five and then I’m leaving,” Sterling warns.

  Both guys wait for an answer.

  “Where are we going?” I take a couple of steps toward Sterling.

  “One,” He says starting the countdown.

  “Shit.” Colton steps in-between us, his palms splayed on my chest to keep me from moving forward. “You can’t actually be considering it! Tor, tell me what the hell is going on!”

  “Two.”

  “I’m ashamed to call you my son.” Uncle Bentley’s sick laughter poisons the night air. “Will you ever grow up and be a man?”

  “Three.”

  I can’t keep my body still. This may sound strange but it feels like my ass is on fire. I can’t remain still. I want more time. I need more time. “This isn’t a decision you can make by the count of five, Sterling!” I panic. “I didn’t even bring a purse with me.” I motion a hand at the work out pants, tank top and tennis shoes as proof. “I have no money. Nothing. I’m not prepared.” I draw a breath. “I’m graduating in a week!” I’ll still get my diploma, even if I don’t walk with my class, I reason.

  “SHUT UP, TORI!!” Colton shouts. “You’re not going anywhere with this asshole!”

  “Four.” Sterling turns, his unmistakable swagger taking him toward the waiting cab. He hikes the duffel higher on his back.

  I’m at that table with everyone screaming for me to hurt Joanna’s feelings, urging me to be cruel:

  Keira: “Come on, Tori. Why the hesitation? He is nobody.”

  My mother: “It’s a small price to pay for fitting in, sweetie.”

  Colton: “Are you really going to let this loser come between us?”

  Grandma: “I believe in you, Toriabear. You’ll do the right thing. Listen to your heart.”

  It was one decision, one chance to make the right choice and I’d made the wrong one. I shove against Colton’s chest only one voice inside my head now and it’s mine, mine alone, and it’s screaming for me to take a chance, to go with this guy or I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.

  “Move out of the way, Colton!”

  He cages me in not allowing me out of the front door. “HELL NO! You’ve lost your fucking mind!”

  “I mean it!” I snarl, shoving against his puffed out chest. “Move!”

  Sterling is half way down the sidewalk when I hear five.

  I bring my right knee up as hard as I can. Colton’s eyes bulge, both of his hands flying to his nuts.

  “Wait!” I shout, sprinting out of the house.

  One minute I’m stepping off the bottom step to the walkway, the next minute there’s a whack and everything goes blurry. My ears ring as a sharp pain shoots through my jaw. My tailbone smacks the edge of the bottom step, brick cutting into my palms as I try to cushion my fall. The impact jars my teeth and sends a sharp hot pain through my bad leg.

  Sterling throws down his duffel and charges at Colton. His shoulder connects with Colton’s gut, the impact lifting him up off the ground. Both guys wrestle to take the other down first, arms locked around each other’s body, legs spread wide, moving in a circle they crash into the railing.

  I scream, crawling backwards to avoid being trampled.

  Uncle Bentley encases Sterling’s upper body with his arms from behind, imprisoning him, dragging him out into the yard a
nd away from Colton.

  Sterling bucks, his face flaming red with anger.

  “You fuckin’ ever hit her again I will kill you!” He roars at Colton who is bent over, head hung, clutching his knees, his chest heaving as he spits blood.

  Colton lifts his head, his bottom lip stained crimson red. “You stay the hell away from her and I won’t have a reason to hit her, you dumbass! This is all your fault!”

  With Sterling being restrained by his father I know Colton is free to do whatever he wants to me. The thought is repulsive. Last place I want to be right now is anywhere near my EX boyfriend. I force myself up from the ground, pick up Sterling’s duffel, yank the strap up over my shoulder and walk backwards toward the cab.

  Colton angles his head, one eye narrowing more than the other. “Tor, what are you doing?”

  “I’m leaving with him.”

  “You’re going to regret it.”

  “Maybe, but no worse than if I stay.”

  “He’s going to turn you into one of his crack whores,” he warns, believing every word of what he is saying. How much he hates Sterling’s oozes off of him. “Babe, think about what you’re doing. This isn’t you. You’re better than this.”

  My body tenses.

  Sterling’s father releases him. What other choice does he have? He can’t keep him imprisoned forever. Sterling is a grown man, able to make his own decisions. No. Uncle Bentley cannot keep his son imprisoned forever.

  But then again, maybe he knows I’m making a huge mistake. Maybe he already knows how this will end and he is silently laughing. I mean this is the same man who said:

  If you climb up where you shouldn’t and end up breaking a bone, you’ll learn not to climb.

  I guess the same could be said:

  If you give your heart away and it gets broken, you’ll learn not to give your heart away so freely.

  “Drive,” Sterling instructs the cabby sliding in.

  I turn in the seat watching Colton jog after the cab. “Don’t do this to me! Dammit don’t do this!” He shouts, stopping when he reaches the point where he is out of breath. Through the rearview window I watch as he is swallowed by the darkness along with the only life I’ve ever known.