by Lisa Gerkey
Grant confessed his feelings, and I believed every word. He loves me…loved me. I’m sure the pain I caused when I ran away has changed everything.
A loud knock rattles my door. David’s gone and can no longer harm me, but Jayson, Malcolm's nephew is still out there somewhere. Though Lindsey probably has the most to fear from him, that doesn’t mean he won’t come after any of us, especially if he thinks we’ll lead him to her.
I swallow down the lump of unease and peek behind the curtain to see the front porch. Oddly, it’s no one I’d expect to ever show up at my door. He hates me. Why the hell would Jeff be coming to my house?
“Jeff…I…”
“Yeah, I know. I didn’t expect to be here either, but Josh has other shit he’s dealing with and Kat is down with a cold, so guess that makes me the lucky bastard today, huh?”
He seems different, nervous. I’ve seen nothing rattle Jeff, so I know something must be wrong for him to show up here.
“Come in… I guess… Is everything okay?”
“Nah. Uh-uh. Everything isn’t okay, Jaycee. Can we have a seat somewhere?”
He rests his hand against my back and guides me to the couch. Something is up because Jeff does not act this way, ever.
“Just tell me, Jeff. Whatever it is, I… I can handle it.”
“Well, Jaycee, there are a couple of things actually. Kennedy contacted Josh. I don’t know the details, but the minute she called, he left. He said he didn’t have time to talk to anyone because she needed help.”
I clutch my stomach with trembling hands as I wait for the rest. Kennedy. Josh will take care of her. That’s a good thing. He’s told me about their encounter and about how he hasn’t stopped thinking about her. He’s a great guy, so I know my sister will be lucky he’s looking out for her.
“And?” I give Jeff a little nudge so he’ll continue. Somehow I think he’s saved the worst for last.
“Uh, shit, Jaycee. Grant’s sister died last night…”
“No! Oh, my God, Jeff, but she just found out about…the cancer, she’s supposed to have surgery soon, I don’t understand…”
“It wasn’t cancer. I don’t know all the details, but Emily committed suicide.”
My god. “Grant. He must be a mess, Jeff. I…I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should go to him, but then I don’t know…that might only make things worse. I’m sure he hates me for walking out the way I did.”
Jeff stands up. I guess a few minutes near me are all he can stand before he needs distance. Who can blame him? I wouldn’t want to be around me either.
“You did a number on Grant, that’s for sure. It took him weeks before he came back and started taking care of the club again. I haven’t seen him with anyone else. I’m sure he was leaving the door open for you, but now…I don’t know. I get the feeling he’s a lot like you. I think he’ll disappear for a while…or longer. Grant and Jon raised Emily after their parents both died. This is going to be difficult for them.”
“Thank you for telling me, Jeff. I…I don’t know what, but there has to be something I can do.”
Jeff walks to the door. He stops and turns back. “Can we be real for a few minutes, Jaycee?”
I nod my agreement. I thought we’d always been real with each other, but he must think differently.
“I know you think I don’t like you. I’m an asshole even to the people I love, that’s just kind of how I roll. You piss me off, you know that? Everyone reaches out to you and we want to help you, but all you ever do is push us away. You’re determined to hide the real you behind this fake persona you’ve created. It’s okay to be a little tough, but you’re a woman, sweetheart, you need to learn to be soft sometimes too. You need to learn there are people you can still trust, and when you’re with those people, be yourself instead of some Betty Badass you want everybody to think you are. You’re not. I know exactly how it is, Jaycee. I’ve held Kat night after night and helped her through the nightmares. Grant wanted to help you the same way. Sadly, I think the time has come and passed for you and Grant, but maybe when the next guy comes along and you figure out he’s someone you can trust, let him in. Give him the reigns and let him have control when he asks for it.”
The time has come and passed for you and Grant.
“Fuck, Jaycee. Josh is gone, Kat’s home sick. I don’t want to leave you after I’ve unloaded all this on you, but I need to get back to her. Who can I call for you? What about that one chick, Madison?”
“No. I…I’ll figure something out. I’ll check on Kat soon.”
When Jeff’s gone, I crumble to the floor. I stay there in a pool of tears and agony until I can’t cry anymore. Until it hits me.
No. No. The time hasn’t passed. Grant told me he loves me. It’s not too late. I’ll go to him and I’ll tell him… tell him what I should’ve told him that night in the hotel room. I love him. I love Grant. It is not too late for us. I know he’s hurt and probably having a terrible time with his grief over losing his baby sister, but I’ll take care of him, just like he took care of me. I’ll love him through it.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Grant
“Please, don’t go! I don’t know what to do, Grant, but tell me! Tell me what you need me to do. I’ll do anything.”
Doesn’t she fucking get it? There’s nothing anyone can do. The rain pours down on us in the middle of the cemetery. I hit my knees against the soggy ground when I watch them lower my baby sister into the ground. Hands reach for me. Grasping and gripping onto anything they can find to hold onto. I think they all expect I’ll crawl in the hole with her.
Then, out of nowhere, she appears at my side. The rest move back to let her take their spot, no doubt hoping she has better luck reaching me. I’m unreachable, untouchable. She’s too late. I’ve sealed my goddamn heart off from the likes of her and everybody else.
I stumble to my feet. “There’s nothing you can do. Go back to wherever you’ve been hiding and leave me the hell alone.”
I should give a damn that when I push Jaycee from my path, she loses her balance and lands on her ass. People gasp; their mouths hang open in disbelief. Jon calls my name.
“Stop! You shouldn’t be alone, Grant,” Madison chimes in, always the one with the last word.
“Go, Maddy! Get her and get out of here. I got him. He needs everyone to step back and give him space. Come on, G. Let me take you home, or wherever you want to go. Just name the place.”
Why? Why does she pick here and now to show up again, and why does it feel like I’m being ripped apart all over again? I barely stayed sober long enough to show up today. Since I got the call that no one ever wants to get from my brother-in-law, I stopped recognizing myself. Numb the pain; that’s all I want right now.
I’ve gone back to that last day when I had lunch with Emily a thousand times, hell, a million times in my mind. She was reaching out to me that day. I know she was, but all I could think about was my shit luck and how Jaycee walked out on me. Now, I’m faced with the reality I’ve lost my sister all because I had my head so far up my ass I couldn’t see the signs.
“I want the damn case, Jon. Look, I know I said I didn’t want to do this again, but that was before everything. I need to get away from here and all the reminders. You know I’ll do shit right. If you think I can’t handle it because of everything, you’re wrong.”
We got a hit on Jayson down in Florida. Jon’s buddy that works with the Feds gave him the tip Jayson is working with a gang involved in the same shit he and his uncle were doing here in Nashville— drugs and human trafficking and more sex clubs.
“Well, you won’t need to worry too much about a disguise. How long’s it been since you’ve shaved or had a haircut? Listen, are you sure you want to do this? I know you’re a man of your word. I know you’ll do the damn job, but are you sure? You’ve had time to process. Don’t you think you need to go see the girl and see if you can work things out with her?”
Hell, a few months ago,
my brother thought it the worst idea ever that I wanted a relationship with Jaycee. Now he’s begging me to give her another chance. “Nah, I’m over that. Over her. It wasn’t meant to be.”
“Perhaps, but do me a favor. Keep your mind open. Anything is possible, and I know you loved her. I’m almost certain you didn’t fall out of love as easy as you want us to believe, but you’re right, sometimes it takes a long time to figure shit out, I guess.”
Jon’s acted a little strange since Lucas’s sister, Heather came to town. Years ago, everyone believed they would end up together and have the perfect storybook ending, but it ended all too quickly. If I had to guess, seeing her again rekindled a few old memories for my brother.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s over between us. Hell, nothing ever really started. I need to get away, and you need a mole in Tampa. We all win if you let me go.”
“Fine. One condition. If you still haven’t got your shit together when you return, you’ll talk to someone. A professional. Sometimes we need a little help to shake the shit. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know?”
After two days getting shit lined out, making sure Troy can handle the club, I’m on my way out of Tennessee. Though I can’t know what awaits me in Tampa, I can look forward to going somewhere no one knows my name or a damn thing about my fucked up life. I even packed a nice supply of Magnums just in case I have an itch I want to scratch.
I haven’t gone near another woman since Jaycee, but abstinence isn’t something I know. Hell, maybe a few whores are all I need to rid myself of the memories that haunt me. My beautiful Jaycee’s tight cunt wrapped around me…her soft body lying against me, her head on my chest.
Loud music thumps as I scour the place. It’s an old abandoned building someone’s turned into an illegal underground club. Apparently, it’s a theme night, public degradation. Word on the street is it’s an initiation for the new girls they drag in off the streets. It’s unclear if they come willingly or if it’s set up much the same as Phoenix’s operation where they’re caged and held against their will until their broken and used up, or shipped elsewhere.
An older woman dressed in a revealing latex getup, heavy breasts exposed and adorned with silver clamps, fills a row of shot glasses lined across the bar. Another telltale sign this place should not exist. No legitimate and safe sex club distributes alcohol this way.
“Is there a limit?”
I pick up a shot and throw it back. The cheap liquor burns a path down my throat.
“No, sir. Help yourself. Your first time here? Devlin’s bringing in a group of new girls tonight. It should be fun.”
Three shots, one past my limit. Fun. Yeah. Right. I’ve already met Devlin O’Hare. It took a little time to make contact and get the ball rolling so I could get inside, but I’ve been on this side of things enough, I didn’t even consider it a challenge.
I make my way downstairs to the area he calls the dungeon. Before I step inside, I take advantage of the facilities. I kick crumpled paper towels and filth to the side to get to the urinal. Even though I wonder if it might be safer to use my own piss, I turn the grimy faucet on to wash my hands in the rust-colored sink.
The dungeon is clouded with cigarette smoke and smells of sweat, alcohol, and sex. There’s not a lot of action yet. According to my watch, I have another hour to go before the new girls arrive. That gives me time to put something together for the demonstration Devlin expects me to give in front of the group later.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Jaycee
“It’s her, Josh! Look! It’s Kennedy. We need to go to Florida. We have to get to her before something terrible happens.”
I’ve spent days and sleepless nights scouring the internet, looking for my sister. My friends begged me to step back and let the professionals handle locating Kennedy, but I knew if I waited, my chance to see her again may never come. Finally. I found a secret group on the internet with profiles of different women…they sell themselves, or someone does it for them. I’m sure a few do it willingly, while I bet a ton of women have their photographs plastered there without their knowledge.
From what I’ve learned, there could be an auction going on somewhere with your face on it without you even knowing until someone grabs you when you least expect it and takes you to meet your new fate. It’s a scary world we live in, and too many people aren’t even aware. I know more people would look out for their sisters, daughters, or perhaps even their friends if they knew this was happening.
“Jaycee, you keep forgetting I’m not Grant. I’m not trained to just rush into something like this, you know. I want more than anything to help you bring Kennedy home, but it’s a job for someone with a little more training. Why don’t you go to the agency with this? I’m sure they’ll help you. Even if Grant won’t, his brother or the other guy, I’m sure will take care of everything.”
“But, I…I don’t understand, Josh. I thought you wanted to find her too. I…What’s changed?”
“Nothing’s changed. I guess I’m over it. I mean, I connected with Kennedy that night, and I couldn’t get her out of my head for the longest time, but I’m sorry, Jaycee, I can’t put my life on hold forever waiting for something that will probably never happen. Staci and I have hooked up a few times recently. We’ve decided to see where things go. I don’t want you to hate me. You know if you weren’t still fucked up over Grant, I’d be all about you and me giving things a chance…”
I shake my head, furious he’d even go there now. He knows! He knows I’ll never be with anyone else. I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes, but no way will I move on and miss any chance I might have with Grant.
Madison and I have spent a lot of time together and talked. There’s a chance it’s over between Grant and me, but I’m not willing to accept that just yet. Even if I did, Josh and I will never be anything more than friends…Now, I’m not sure we can even be that after so much has happened.
“Just go. I’ll figure things out myself. You know I can’t give anyone a chance, Josh. I…it’s best we put our friendship on the back burner for a while. You take care of you and see where things go with Staci. I’ll find Kennedy, and when that’s done, I’ll…I’ll do something else.
My knees bounce up and down while I look around the tiny office and wait. When I came into Masters Security, Grant’s brother, Jon, was busy talking with a gorgeous blonde woman close to his age.
“Jaycee, I apologize for keeping you waiting. What brings you here today?”
Where’s Grant? How’s your brother doing? I miss Grant. Can you please tell him I’m sorry, and I miss him, and…and I love him, too.
“My sister. I think I’ve found Kennedy, or at least, I have an idea where she might be, but I…I don’t know if I can go alone. I…thought maybe someone here could help me?”
His elbows rest on his desk as Jon faces me. He crosses his two fingers in front of his lips and stares at me. He makes me uncomfortable, and I squirm in my seat.
“Someone? You mean Grant?”
“I…well, yeah, or…um, you or Jensen, I guess.”
“Good. Grant isn’t here. I thought he might reach out to you before he left, but I take it that didn’t happen?”
“Where? Where did he go? I mean, he didn’t quit…”
“No. No, he didn’t quit. He said he wanted nothing more to do with undercover work, but…a new case rolled in a few weeks ago and he jumped on it. It’s hard to tell when he’ll show up again. Could be days…weeks, hell, sometimes it takes years to crack these cases.”
Years? Grant packed up and left without a single word, and it might be years before I’ll see him again? I clutch my stomach as nausea rolls through me. The room closes in around me.
“Jaycee, I’m not good with shit like this. I don’t know what to say that might make it easier. I’m sure it won’t take years. Hell, I shouldn’t have said it would take that long. Tell me more about your sister.”
I pull the folder f
rom my purse and push it across the desk. “I hacked into a website. There are quite a few girls going up for auction in a few days down in Tampa. Kennedy’s photo was there. There’s no way I can tell if she’s being tricked or forced, or if she’s doing it herself. I’ve done my research, so I know I can find the club…well, I’ve never been to Tampa, so I don’t know precisely, but I’ll find it. Josh doesn’t want to go. He’s changed his mind and wants to move on with Staci, so it’s…just me now.”
“You know, Grant mentioned you coming to work with us. The receptionist’s job? You interested? I could put a guy or two with you, get you trained. We’ll see if we can get you ready for a trip to Florida in about a week. What do you think?”
Jon pulls his lower lip between his teeth and watches me. His eyes dance with…with…something. Is he challenging me?
“Fine. Whatever it takes.”
I mean, I didn’t expect to come in here and have him tell me I needed to take care of shit myself, but I guess if that’s how he thinks we should roll with it, I’m game to try.
“You all are getting such a kick out of it, huh?”
Jensen places the ice pack the waitress dropped off at our table over his swollen lip.
“Well, it was funny seeing you get your ass handed to you by a girl.” Madison throws her blonde head back and giggles a little more.
This is the last day of my “training”. Jensen decided he wanted to take Madison and me to the gym for a little sparring session.
“All jokes aside, I’m impressed, Jaycee. I think you’ll be a good fit in our business. I assume you plan to stay once you have everything squared away with your sister?”
We’ve gotten a lot done this week. Jon probably pulled strings, but I even have my PI license. I think when this ends, I’ll stick with Masters’ for a while, but I’m also considering going to school to study criminal justice.
