Bed of Lies

by Teresa Hill

  Julie Morrison.

  It was even worse that it was a friend of his little sister. Of course, she wasn't little anymore. She was a beautiful woman with long, perfect legs and gorgeous hair. She'd looked amazing in that long, white gown at her engagement party, like something out of an old movie. He might well have ruined her engagement—and his own.

  God, what was he going to say to Gwen?

  Zach covered his face with his hands, rubbing at the ache in his head. He'd called her last night when things got bad, feeling lousier than he ever had in his life and trying to work up the courage to tell her just how bad it was. Lately, he just had no distance between him and his clients. Feelings seemed to be multiplying inside him, like a virus out of control. Last night, he just hadn't known what to do with them.

  And either Gwen had been too distracted to listen, or he simply hadn't been able to admit to her how bad he felt, how much he needed... God, he didn't even know what he needed.

  So he'd gone out to buy the bottle. How could he have let himself do that?

  So he had drunk too much and ended up in bed with Julie. She'd been kind and close, and then it was like a neon sign started flashing on and off in his muddled brain that said, Get inside her. Now. That he wouldn't feel so horribly alone, so lost, if he could just be inside her.

  So he did it. Didn't think at all beyond that. Just make it through the night somehow. And then... God, what a night.

  He hadn't felt bad or sad or half-crazy, except for how much he'd wanted her, how insanely good it had felt to have her beneath him, beside him, on top of him. To be inside her.

  It couldn't have been that good, could it?

  Unbidden, images flashed through his mind. Her on the floor beneath him when he'd had his head buried between her legs and made her come so hard she screamed. The feeling of sinking into her tight, wet heat, her body clenching around his when she came again and again. The way she gave and gave and gave, anything he wanted from her, anything he needed, and that it was just so good, mind-blowingly good.

  Had to be the craziness of the night, the fact that he should not under any circumstances have done that with her. Had to be. Zach didn't do crazy, out-of-control, forbidden sex.

  She'd made it sound like she did. This morning, she hadn't seemed mad or sad or outraged or anything like that. Had men used her like this before? Or had she sometimes felt as bad as he had and found someone to help her through a night like the one that had just passed?

  Fuck. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

  But he knew he absolutely had to do one thing, and it wasn't going to get any easier. Determined, he put all thoughts of Julie, all images of that night from his mind and picked up his phone.

  Gwen answered, brisk and efficient as ever. She said she was in Cleveland. It was Saturday morning and nothing would happen with Tony's trial until Monday. So he'd fly up and talk to Gwen, and once she calmed down and figured out where she wanted to go from here... Hell, he'd figure out the rest then.

  "I'll be there as soon as I can," he said. "I need to talk to you."

  "All right. Is everything okay?"

  "No."

  * * *

  Julie hurried inside, hoping she'd make it before anyone saw her with a man's dress shirt thrown over her torn blouse.

  In her apartment, she dropped her purse and keys and stepped out of her shoes as she headed directly for the shower. She stripped off her clothes, not nearly as efficiently as Zach had because her hands were shaking. Actually, her whole body was shaking.

  He hadn't hurt her. He'd just been... what word could possibly apply? Insistent? A little desperate? Needy? All of that, and she had tried to give him what comfort she could. That's all it had been. A bad night. You got through a bad night any way you could. Julie knew that all too well.

  So why was every nerve ending in her body alive and tingling this morning? Why did it seem like she could still feel his hands, fast and a little rough, on her body, the weight of his perfect, sleek, taut body on top of hers, inside her, taking and taking, making her feel so many things she had no business feeling with him?

  She made the water in the shower as hot as she could stand it, because she could still smell him and that distinctive, musky odor of sex clinging to her body. She needed to wash it all away, and if she could, wash all memory of the night from her mind.

  Honestly, it was no big deal.

  He had been a kind man in a very bad place last night, and if she'd needed him in that same, desperate way, he probably would have done the same for her. He'd have felt guilty about it, but if it had been what she really needed, he'd have done it.

  He'd done so much for her over the years.

  So this was nothing.

  She owed him. Most people probably wouldn't think of paying off a debt like that with sex, but she understood. It didn't really matter. It was over. It was something that would not be repeated. She wouldn't see him again, and he wouldn't want to see her.

  He'd most likely beat himself up over last night for a long time. But for her, it was just one more mistake in a long line of them. Although, she had gotten closer than ever before to having that life she'd always wanted, the safe one, the stable one, the sane one.

  Julie scrubbed her skin raw and cried a bit, all the tears she intended to allow herself over this. Then she shut off the shower, toweled off and dressed in the first things she found. Jeans and a plain, white silk blouse. She tied her hair back, grabbed another pair of shoes and left.

  No sense putting this off.

  The town house she and Steve were to share after their marriage was only fifteen minutes away, and one might think she'd use the time wisely by trying to figure out what she was going to say. But her mind was a total and complete blank.

  She climbed out of her car and rang the bell. This was not the morning to use the key she had.

  Steve stiffened at the sight of her. "Sorry I didn't make it last night."

  "It's all right. As it turns out, I wasn't there."

  "You weren't?" He let her in, then closed the door, looking a little unsure of what to do next. "Julie, I know it's been two weeks. I just don't know what to say—"

  "I can help you with that. I spent last night with Zach."

  All the color drained from his face, his gaze narrowing on hers. "What?"

  "The boy he was defending was found guilty yesterday, and Zach was upset. I was worried about him, and went to check on him, and I ended up spending the night."

  "You had sex with him?" he asked incredulously.

  "Yes," she admitted. Too late, she had doubts about just how easygoing Steve might be. If ever there were a time for a man to lose his temper and take it out on a woman, this was it.

  He barely blinked, didn't seem to move a muscle until a bitter smile crossed his face. "I knew it. First minute I saw the guy, I knew it. There was something between the two of you."

  "Well, you're wrong."

  "Shit, Julie, you just told me you slept with the guy."

  "Yes, but it wasn't like that."

  "Oh?" Steve started to laugh. "What was it like?"

  "I told you. He was upset. I was worried about him, and... It was just one of those things. One of those stupid, meaningless things."

  "Meaningless? I'm afraid I don't see it as meaningless."

  "I never thought you would," she agreed.

  "But that's the way you see it? It doesn't mean anything to you?"

  "No. I know it means something to you and me. I know it has to hurt you, and I'm sorry for that. I really didn't want to hurt you."

  "Oh, well. There you go. You didn't mean to hurt me." He folded his arms across his chest and took a breath.

  "I don't expect you to understand," she said.

  "But you expect me to marry you?"

  "No, I don't expect you to do that, either," she said. "And I'm sorry. I thought I was finally going to get something right. Be the kind of woman I'd always wanted to be. I thought that together we'd have
everything I ever wanted."

  "What did you want, Julie?" he asked.

  "Something that would last." God, would she ever have anything good that would last?.

  "You never loved me?" he asked.

  "I was so sure that I did, but I never quite believed you could love me. I'm really sorry, Steve." She pulled the engagement ring off her finger and handed it to him.

  "So what are you going to do?"

  "I don't think I can keep working for you now." One too many mistakes staring her in the face every day—she didn't need that. Neither did he. "I'll clear out my stuff. Everything's planned out for the next quarter. Maggie's up to speed on all of it. She's more than qualified to do the job. And I'd like to just go, if that's all right with you."

  No horrible two weeks notice to work through.

  "What are you going to do? Go back to him?"

  "Zach? No. He's hardly ever in Ohio." Thank goodness for that. She wouldn't have to face him. "My mother and stepfather are there."

  He looked mad all over again. "So you do have family?"

  "I guess you could call them that. They're in trouble, and Peter... he's my half brother. He's only thirteen, and..."

  If he was feeling half as lost and confused as Zach had felt last night... That's what she kept thinking about. What if Peter was feeling the same way, with no one to help him through it?

  God, she didn't want to go. She felt like the past had swooped in and grabbed her, and now that it had her, it wasn't going to let go until she was back in the midst of that whole mess.

  "I don't really know, Steve," she said. "Maybe I'll go find Peter and see if he wants to run away with me. It's all I ever wanted to do when I was growing up there."

  Grab her brother and run. How bad could that be?

  "Steve, it probably doesn't matter now, but I want you to know I never intended to lie to you. When I got here and rented an apartment, my landlady was hard of hearing. I don't know what I said, but she thought I was from St. Louis, and as I was sitting there trying to correct her, I thought, what does it matter? It was a chance to reinvent myself, be anyone I wanted to be, and it felt so good. Just me and whatever I could make of my life here."

  And look where it had gotten her.

  "I'm so sorry I hurt you," she said.

  "I'll be all right." He kissed her forehead. "Take care of yourself, Julie."

  Chapter 7

  Zach found Gwen inspecting arrangements in a banquet room at a fancy hotel, where her father had an event that evening.

  She could keep a thousand details straight in her head, was absolutely unrattleable, hardworking, ambitious, brilliant and beautiful. He'd met her five years ago, when she'd been doing grunt work in the district attorney's office because it would look good on her resume if she followed her father into politics. She'd seemed as out of place prosecuting petty thieves and drunks as she would have been in a third-world country. Zach had been doing a favor for a friend whose son had gotten in trouble. He and Gwen had faced off in court that day and gone to dinner that night.

  They'd been together ever since, as often as their schedules allowed. Both young and ambitious, they'd been fine with the way things were and saw no reason to rush into the wedding and family thing. They had plenty of time for that.

  Zach hated that he was going to hurt her this way.

  He walked across the ballroom. As Gwen spotted him, a slow, satisfied smile spread across her face.

  "Hello, stranger." She gave him a long, slow kiss. "You look terrible."

  He nodded, holding her close. "Bad day."

  "Well, we'll just have to make it a better one. We're starting in two hours. I hope you brought your tux."

  "I can't stay, Gwen. I'm heading back to Memphis in three hours."

  "Not even one night?"

  He shook his head. She wouldn't want to spend the night with him after what he had to say. "Sorry."

  "You're scaring me, Zach."

  And she wasn't a woman who frightened easily.

  She passed her clipboard, with a neat line of checks running down the page, to her assistant. They took the elevator to the penthouse suite. Hotel employees were setting up for cocktails for a smaller group there, before the main event. Gwen glanced over the arrangements, then led him into her bedroom and closed the door.

  She walked to the window, which held a stunning view of the lake and the lights of the city below just starting to come on. Coolly, she said, "You met someone?"

  "No."

  She turned to face him. "You didn't come to tell me you're in love with someone else? Then what?"

  "I was upset last night."

  "I know. You and I talked about it."

  No, they hadn't. Not as far as he was concerned. He'd needed her and tried to tell her as much, but ended up feeling like she just didn't care. Or maybe that was a total cop-out and he hadn't given her a fair chance. He honestly didn't know. But none of it excused what he'd done later that night.

  "Zach, what is it?"

  There was no easy way. No real excuse. He blurted it out. "I was upset last night, about Tony Williams, and I had a little too much to drink, and I slept with someone else."

  She stood there, staring at him, her lips parting slightly. He could see the words sinking in slowly, her bottom lip starting to tremble. "I don't think... Uhh. I don't think I heard you correctly."

  He approached her slowly, putting his hands on her arms. "I'm sorry. I did."

  She shivered and backed away from him, a tear falling down her cheek that she hastily brushed away. She took a breath, raising her chin. "Why?"

  He threw out his arms in a sign of frustration. "I don't have an excuse. No good one, anyway. Hell, I don't think there is a good excuse for doing that. It happened, and I'm sorry."

  She nodded, her hand covering her mouth. He wondered if she was going to yell, if she was going to throw something or get hysterical. He couldn't imagine Gwen hysterical, couldn't imagine where they went from here.

  "So, you just... What? Thought this would make you feel better? Having sex with someone else?"

  "I wasn't thinking at all," he said. "I just... felt so bad."

  "Having sex with this woman? It felt bad?"

  "No—"

  "So it felt good?"

  "I didn't say that."

  "One or the other, Zach. There aren't that many possibilities. It either felt good or it felt bad."

  "It felt..." Necessary. That was the most accurate word he could come up with, but that one would require a lot more of an explanation than he planned to give, even now. He tried Julie's own words. "It wasn't about sex."

  "Oh. Okay." Gwen jumped on that. "It wasn't about sex. That's just what you did. Have sex. So what was it about, exactly?"

  Zach told himself to suck it up and take it. He'd screwed up royally, and whatever she dished out, he deserved.

  " I just... Come on. Spit it out.

  "I trusted you. All those long trips, the trials. I never doubted you," she said. "Was this the first time? The first time you've been unfaithful to me?"

  "Yes," he said.

  She kept her head up, fury mingling with tears she just barely held back. "And I'm supposed to believe that?"

  "It's the truth."

  "I don't know if I can believe anything you say right now. And the fact that you're sorry doesn't seem to help, Zach. Not a bit."

  He nodded, accepting that.

  "So? What now?" she asked.

  He wasn't going to say anything else about what had driven him to this point. He couldn't. Maybe he never would. Maybe things would get better. Maybe he hadn't just screwed up his whole life. Maybe she'd forgive him, and they'd go right on.

  "Whatever you want," he said. "Whatever you say."

  "I don't know what I want."

  "Okay. Think about it. I'll..."

  He went to her, tried to draw her into his arms, but she shoved him away. Then, taking a minute to think about it, she slapped him across the face.
<
br />   The sound echoed around the room. She was furiously brushing away the tears that had finally escaped.

  "Do you want me to go?" he asked. "I'll go."

  She nodded. "I have two important events tonight, and half a dozen tomorrow."

  "I'm sorry. I felt like I owed it to you to tell you right away, and there's just no break for either of us anytime soon."

  "I'll handle it," she said, head held high. "I always handle everything."

  He nodded. He hoped she could.

  He was halfway to the door when she called to him, "Who was she, Zach?"

  He turned back around. "No one you know."

  "You picked up a total stranger?"

  "No. I ran into someone in Memphis. An old friend."

  "Old girlfriend?"

  "No. Nothing like that."

  "But you'd been seeing her while you were there?"

  "I ran into her and her fiancé at a restaurant one night and had dinner with them and her future in-laws."

  "She's engaged, too?"

  Zach nodded. "I was at her engagement party for about five minutes. We had lunch one day during a break from the trial. That's it."

  "And when you got upset and a little drunk, you knew right where to go?"

  "Actually, she came to me."

  "Oh, I see," Gwen said.

  "No, you don't. There's a lot going on that you just don't understand, Gwen, and that's my fault, because I haven't told you. But I was trying last night. I was trying to tell you." He'd been reaching out for help, the first time he'd ever let himself do that, and it had been like she hadn't even heard him.

  "About your case?"

  "More than that," he said.

  "The kid killed his own father. What's he going to do the next time he gets mad? Pull out another gun?" she argued. "And what's he to you, anyway, Zach? Other than an excuse to screw around with another woman?"

  He just blurted it out. "He's me, dammit. How can you not see that? That so easily, I could have been him."

  She shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

  "My life. You know what my life was like in the beginning. You know my old man was in jail for murder and just got out."

  "What is this? Some kind of psychobabble crap that's supposed to keep me from focusing on the real issue? That you've been seeing someone in Memphis and you ended up in bed with her while you were engaged to me?"