Build

by Gillian Archer

  But no more.

  “We’ll have to meet up later, so you can tell me all the details.” Shelby wiped down the Sub Zero fridge’s handles and doors. “And you said something about him having brothers? Maybe invite one or two of them along too.”

  I laughed then sobered when I heard the vacuum turn off upstairs. “But um, you won’t say anything about this to Erin, right? She’d have a stroke since I was technically on company time and all that.”

  “I’m a vault.” Shelby mimed turning a key in her lips. “She’ll never find out. You guys are just hooking up, right? So, what’s there to tell?”

  I shrugged and dropped my gaze to the gleaming countertop. Picking up my cloths and spray bottle, I thought over the past month. The stolen moments with Austin. The way he made me feel when I was with him. Cuddling with his dog. The gentle way his brothers teased me when I visited their shop—the initial animosity gone. The amazing dinner Austin had cooked me that we’d had to reheat because we couldn’t stop kissing…and doing other things. How he’d understood when I had to cancel on him because my neighbor fell through for babysitting after my mom had already left for her date.

  Taking a deep breath, I turned back to Shelby. “Actually, we’re not just hooking up. I’m going to introduce him to my son tomorrow.”

  “Oh wow. That’s a big step.”

  “Yeah.” I bit my lip to hide the huge grin threatening to spread across my face. Bending down, I shuffled through my basket and the collection of spray bottles. I had to get back to work. No matter how much I wanted to skip and daydream, I had a job to do and a paycheck to earn.

  “I’m happy for you.” Shelby bent down next to me and swapped out her spray bottle for another. “And I’m jealous. You better hold on tight to that one, Rach.”

  “Always,” I replied with a smile.

  Austin had the fingernail marks on his back to prove it.

  *

  That night, after two shifts at two jobs, I reclined back on my bed and texted Austin.

  Me: Is it okay if someone else comes along on our lunch date tomorrow?

  I went to toss my phone aside, but three little dots popped up in the corner, letting me know that he was typing his reply.

  Austin: Sure. Who’d you invite?

  Me: I’m ready for you to meet Wyatt if you’re okay with it.

  A second later my phone vibrated in my hand and the screen changed to show an incoming call from Austin. I smiled and clicked the speaker phone option.

  “Hey,” I murmured through my smile.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to push you to introduce me before you’re ready.”

  “I don’t see how that’s possible since it was my idea. But are you ready? Do you want to meet him?”

  “Of course. I mean, I think so. I can’t say that I know a lot of three-year-olds. At least not recently. What do we talk about? What do I say to him?”

  “I’ll tell him that you’re my friend. And more than likely we’ll spend the whole lunch hour talking about dinosaurs or superheroes you’ve never heard of and looking at what he can do. Kids are pretty easy really. You just have to be present.”

  “Okay.” Austin exhaled loudly on his end of the phone. “I can do that.”

  I laughed lightly. “He’s three. There’s nothing to be afraid of. He feeds himself and is potty trained. All the hard, hands on stuff is done.”

  “That’s not even slightly true. Kids are sponges, especially fatherless ones. Trust me. I helped raise my little brothers. I know what a big deal this is.”

  Now he had me doubting myself. “Are you… Do you think it’s too soon?”

  “I’m in, Rachel. I’m all in. I thought I spelled that out a long time ago, but I’m happy to repeat it if you need a reminder.”

  He made it sound like a sexy threat, but I honestly had no idea what he was talking about. Neither one of us had said the three little words. I’d been burned so hard I think it would take an act of god for me to be the one to say it first. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” I dropped my voice to a whisper, my eyes darting to my open bedroom door and the empty hallway beyond. “Is this a sex thing?”

  “No.” Austin laughed. “But we can circle back around to that later. I mean…” Austin sighed. “I guess I thought I showed you how important you are to me. Hell, I reshuffled my whole week and almost lost my spot with The Californian so we could have lunch together tomorrow. If that doesn’t say I’m in, I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing here.”

  “You almost lost your interview?” I repeated incredulously. “You didn’t tell me that part, Austin. Why would you do that?”

  “Because I want to spend time with you! I like you, okay?” He all but roared. “I more than like you. I’m in. I want to meet Wyatt. I want to spend time with your mom—hear all those embarrassing stories about little Rachel. You’ve met my whole family. It’s only fair that I get to meet the most important guy in your life too.”

  “I’m sorry.” I sighed as I heard the frustrated groan on his end. “I know—I said it again—but I am sorry. I have huge trust issues. Every man I have ever met has let me down when it mattered most. I don’t mean to make you pay for all the shit they did to me, but there you go.”

  Austin sighed. “I know. We’re fucked up more than most. I guess that’s why we fit together so well.”

  “I guess so,” I whispered back.

  “So, we’re good to go tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “And how many people should I pack a picnic for? Two or three?”

  “Three.” I smiled. “But maybe I should pack the lunch. It’ll be easier on you if Wyatt’s not freaking out about whatever food you’ve packed. He’s a picky little brat.”

  “I’ll bow to your expertise on that front. I’ll pick you guys up at eleven-thirty, then, and we’ll go to a park or something near your place?”

  “Sounds good.”

  “Okay, baby. Get some sleep.”

  “Night.”

  “Goodnight.”

  I smiled down at my phone then jumped when my mother spoke from the doorway.

  “You’re introducing him to Wyatt tomorrow.” She sat in her wheelchair facing the hallway, so I couldn’t see much of her face in the dim light. But I could tell from her choked voice that she had feelings about the situation.

  “I uh, yeah. We’ve been seeing each other for a month now. I like him.” I finished lamely.

  “I’m happy for you, honey. I hope…” She paused to roughly clear her throat. “I hope you three are happy. You deserve a man who will take care of you and your son. I spent so many years searching for the same thing. I’m glad one of us has finally found it.” My mom gave me a sad smile then pushed her wheelchair forward and disappeared down the hall.

  It was an uncomfortable juxtaposition. I had been trying not to think about how I was in the same situation as my mom had been. Single parent dating. Absentee fathers. As much as I loved and respected my mother, this was one mistake of hers that I didn’t want to repeat. But that little nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me of the long chain of men Mom had introduced me to after Dad had disappeared. And how I’d felt when the ones I liked stopped coming over. Steve had been the first. He’d told stupid jokes and had a funny laugh. He’d been so easy and comfortable—the opposite of the tension we’d lived with those last few months with Dad. And then Steve had disappeared too. One minute he’d been at every Friday night dinner and then the next week he was gone.

  Then there was Colton. Followed by Jon.

  And then I’d stopped keeping track.

  Was that the life I was setting Wyatt up for? Did I want to do that to him? Could Austin and I really go the distance? Was this moving too fast?

  I hadn’t felt like I was making a mistake. Austin was a great guy. And he’d just spent the past five minutes reminding me how “in” he was. But doubts circled my head as I tried and failed to go to sleep. Instead I stared up at the cr
acks on my bedroom ceiling and prayed that I was doing the right thing.

  That I wouldn’t regret it later.

  That Wyatt wouldn’t pay for my mistakes.

  21

  Rachel

  You’d think after I spent four hours cleaning bathrooms and kitchens I wouldn’t have any nervous energy left. You’d also be wrong. I might’ve been up since the butt crack of dawn and worked until my fingers were raw, but I was still jittery waiting for Austin to show up for our lunch picnic. Instead of a picnic and a cuddle in his backyard, we were having a picnic in the park down the street so Wyatt could play. And also, so Austin could meet Wyatt. He’d be the first man I introduced to my child, so you know, no pressure.

  “I swear to God if you pace around this room one more time, I’m gonna… I don’t know. Just knock it off!” Mom huffed from her chair in the middle of the room.

  I groaned and collapsed onto the sofa next to her, and immediately my knee started bouncing. “I can’t help it. I’m freaked out!”

  “I don’t know what the hell you’re worried about. He’s a great guy. You’ve said so yourself. What are you freaking out over?”

  I glanced over at the table where Wyatt was happily coloring away. Hopefully on a coloring book this time. “Oh, you know, I’m just introducing my son to the man I’m sleeping with. No big deal.”

  “It’s not a big deal. Wyatt’s never met a stranger. Everyone loves him because he’s a cute kid. Stop worrying.”

  “You say that like it’s easy.” I scoffed. “I worry. It’s what I do. Is there enough gas in the car? Is the snow going to make me late for work? Is Wyatt gonna have a meltdown in the park and freak Austin out? I am a professional worrier.”

  “So what if that happens? Do you seriously think one little temper tantrum is gonna make your man run for the hills? He seems like he’s made of stronger stuff than that. You’re worrying about nothing.”

  “Well, it’s what I do.” I twisted the pearl ring on my right hand—I was almost used to it being there—while my knee bounced an endless rhythm.

  “If it wasn’t noon, I would recommend a shot of tequila or glass of wine, but I know you, so why bother?”

  “I have to work at Finnegans later, Mom.”

  “And heaven forbid you show up to work at a bar with one drink in your system.”

  Fortunately, a knock at the door saved me from replying.

  I jumped and raced for the door. It might’ve been closer to me, but I still didn’t get there first.

  “Wyatt, no!”

  My son had already opened the door—without asking for permission or who was at the door—and stood in the doorway blinking up at Austin. “Who are you?”

  “That’s a question you ask before you open the door,” I reply as I nudged him out of the way. “When you’re allowed to open the door. Which you’re not.”

  “Mama—”

  I sighed. I could already feel the meltdown vibes emanating off of Wyatt. In five, four…

  “Hey, buddy. I’m Austin. I’m a friend of your mom’s.” Austin shoved his hands into his pockets, his gaze ping ponging between me and Wyatt before finally resting on my son. “I came over to see if you guys wanted to have a picnic in the park.”

  “Yes!” Wyatt cried with glee, his meltdown forgotten. “Come on, Mama. Let’s go!”

  He was halfway out the door before I could blink. “Wyatt! Jacket?”

  “Oh yeah.” He turned and took off for the bench where we stored our winter gear while I rolled my eyes.

  I smiled at Austin. “Come in for a second. I gotta grab the food and my coat.”

  “Let me help.” Austin stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind him.

  “Oh. Er, thanks.” I stammered. “Everything’s packed in the backpack on the table there. Just let me grab my jacket and we can go.”

  “Afternoon, Mrs. Tannenbaum.” Austin nodded as he crossed the room.

  “Hi, Austin, but please. Please call me Trish.” Mom replied before shooting me a smug look.

  “Okay, Trish.”

  “I’m ready!” Wyatt shouted.

  “Here, let me button up your coat,” I muttered after tossing my mom a dirty look. I really hated it when she was right.

  “I got it.” Austin interjected as he crossed back into the living room with the backpack slung over his shoulder. “You go grab your jacket.”

  “But—”

  “I want Austin to help me!” Wyatt shouted.

  I shook my head and went to put on my jacket. Despite it being January, and all the snow the mountains got the past couple weeks, in the Sacramento valley we were snowless and in the fifties. Which was freezing for us thin-blooded folks, but still warm enough that Wyatt could run around outside and we wouldn’t freeze our tails off watching him.

  “All right. Everyone ready?” Austin stood up and looked around the room. “Trish, aren’t you coming with us?”

  “I think I’ll just stay in. This looks more like a family outing.”

  “But you’re family.” Austin shot me a confused glance.

  Mom cleared her throat. “It’s cold outside, so I’ll just stay here and catch up on my soaps. You kids go on and have fun. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

  “Okay. Enjoy your show.” Austin smiled politely and stepped out the door.

  “Bye, Mom.” I tossed her another glare before grabbing Wyatt’s hand and letting him tug me outside.

  “Have a lovely lunch!” Mom trilled just before the door closed.

  “Everything okay?” Austin asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “Fine,” I replied. There was no way I was telling him about my mom’s view on men and their lifesaving abilities—her choked voice from last night was still ringing in my ears. You deserve a man who will take care of you and your son. I spent so many years searching for the same thing. I didn’t want Austin to think that was how I thought of him—someone who swooped in to save the damsel. I was capable of saving myself, thank you very much, and besides, Austin was so much more. He was sweet and sexy and so damn thoughtful.

  I was just glad my mom had exercised her one ounce of subtlety. That could’ve been so much worse.

  “Not family,” I muttered under my breath.

  “What’d you say, Mama?” Wyatt asked as we walked along the sidewalk toward the park.

  “Nothing, honey.” I put my mom and her not-so-subtle attempt at forcing a family behind me and tried to concentrate on the present. Smiling down at my son, I asked him, “Do you want to eat lunch first or play?”

  “Play!” Wyatt chirped with a heart-melting grin. “I wanna hold Austin’s hand, too.”

  “Sure thing, buddy.” Austin paused and held out his hand.

  Wyatt grabbed it with the largest smile I’d ever seen on his little face. A beat later they continued down the sidewalk while I stood there staring. Why did that feel so good and hurt so much all at the same time? I watched as Wyatt skipped along for a few steps before slowing down and attempting to copy Austin’s swagger.

  “….what do you think?” Austin swung his head around when I didn’t answer and pulled Wyatt to a stop when he found me standing ten feet behind them on the sidewalk. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” I replied huskily before clearing my throat then repeating. “Yeah. Everything’s great.”

  “Come on, Mama. Hurry up! You’re gonna miss the park.” Wyatt wriggled impatiently like a puppy being held back from his dinner bowl.

  “Well, we can’t have that, can we?” I replied as I closed the distance between us to grab Wyatt’s unclaimed hand.

  Later after we spread out on a picnic table and watched Wyatt race around the park with a pack of kids, Austin asked me, “are you sure you’re okay with this?” Austin reached out to me next to him before awkwardly pulling his arm back. “If this is too soon or—I don’t know—awkward or whatever, I can go.”

  “No.” I leaned on his shoulder and smiled when his arm reflexively wrapped
around me. “I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s awesome, but it hurts too. I see how much he aches for a male presence in his life, and I just…” Unshed tears made my throat raspy, so I cleared it and then continued in a soft voice. “It hurts that I’m not enough for him. For Wyatt. No matter how much I try, there’s always going to be a hole in his life, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I won’t ever be enough to fill that hole.”

  “I know more than a little bit about growing up with holes in your soul. And I can tell you he’ll be all right.”

  “I know you didn’t have either of your parents growing up, so I appreciate what you’re saying. But it’s not that easy. You can’t just say it’ll all be all right, and it’s magically so.” I watched Wyatt attempt to do a somersault with the other neighborhood kids and fail, landing sideways but with the hugest grin. He was my whole world, and I felt like I was failing. We were living less than paycheck to paycheck. I was working two jobs and we were barely making rent. Add in my mom’s health, juggling doctor appointments, preschool, and work and it was all so damn hard. Some days it was a feat just to get out of bed. “It’s taking everything I am to hold my tiny family together, and I’m so worried that it’s all gonna fall apart. One bad thing happens, and we’ll be on the streets.”

  Austin ducked his head and met my gaze with an earnest expression. “I can help you out with that.”

  “No. That’s not your job here. And I don’t want Wyatt to get confused.”

  “And what if I want to be more. What if I want to step up?”

  “Austin… I can’t—I don’t—” I couldn’t even wrap my brain around what he was saying. It was nuts. We’d only known each other a month.

  “Just think about it. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “It’s a lot of responsibility.”

  “Hey, I’m a responsible guy. I got a business—a mini empire really. I pay all my bills on time. Well, technically Sabrina does, but I have good credit. I own my own home. I’m a good risk—just ask any of my creditors.”