Looking for a Hero

by Cathy Hopkins

  ‘That was just an early Christmas kiss,’ I said so as not to hurt his feelings.

  ‘How about another for New Year?’ he asked.

  Over my dead body, I thought. ‘Er . . . maybe closer to the time,’ I said as I headed for the cloakroom in the hall, feeling a sudden need to wash my face. I didn’t care if Joe had seen me pull away from Eddie. I wasn’t going to do dog-slobber kissing, not even to make Joe jealous.

  Half an hour was almost up, so I checked back in the kitchen but none of my mates were in there. I went back into the hall where Mr and Mrs Davidson seemed to be having a hard time holding back a crowd of teenagers who were doing everything they could to get in and Mr Davidson was pushing the door closed with all his might. Seconds later, there was the sound of glass smashing in the front room, a scream and everyone came running out into the hall, a shaken-looking Brook included.

  ‘That’s it. I’m going to call the police,’ said Mr Davidson. ‘I’m not having any more of this. Mikey! Where’s Mikey?’

  Mikey came out of the front room with a boy who had a cut on his forehead and was looking very pale. ‘Someone threw something. I think it was a brick,’ said Mikey.

  Mrs Davidson rushed forward and ushered the boy to sit on one of the stairs. Mr Davidson opened the door and shouted out into the street, ‘Police are on their way’ And then he slammed the door and made the phone call.

  I put my arm around Brook. ‘You OK?’ I asked.

  She nodded. ‘Yeah. I think. They’re not from our school, are they?’

  ‘I didn’t recognise anyone when I came in,’ I said.

  Mikey peered through the hall window. ‘They seem to be going, Dad,’ he said.

  Mr Davidson looked angry. ‘Good,’ he said. ‘Never again, I tell you. Never again.We shouldn’t have had the party this time. I’ve a good mind to go out there and thump the lot of them.’

  Mrs Davidson’s back stiffened. ‘Don’t be an idiot,’ she said. You do that and you’ll be the one that ends up in prison. Let the police deal with it. Besides, these days, you never know who’s carrying a knife.’

  Mr Davidson shook his head. ‘Little buggers,’ he said. ‘It’s all wrong you know. All wrong.’

  ‘I’m taking Matt to casualty,’ said Mrs Davidson, looking at the boy with the cut. ‘Now you hold the fort here while I’m out and, for heaven’s sake, don’t do anything stupid and don’t let anyone else in.’

  ‘Looks like they’ve all gone,’ said Mikey from his viewpoint by the window. ‘It should be all right now.’

  The police arrived about half an hour later, by which time the crowd outside had disappeared. Everyone was talking about what had happened; it was like we’d all been given an almighty shot of adrenalin and from then on, the party took off and people were dancing, chatting, laughing and letting off steam.

  ‘Great party,’ said Leela when I finally got to meet up with her and Brook in the kitchen. ‘So how goes it with my team?’

  Brook sighed. ‘No joy. Three boys, three rejects,’ she said. She held up the first finger. ‘One was just about OK, Martin, dark hair, nice smile. We got chatting and then I took him some food. Ee-yuk. He ate with his mouth open. Disgusting.’ She held up the next finger. ‘Second guy, Josh, cute but had bad breath.’ She held up the third finger. ‘Third guy was from our school. He’s sweet -Oliver, and I know that he fancies me. I actually let him kiss me but he kept his mouth so tight closed and gave me kisses like an old aunt would give you, you know, light pecks. Like he didn’t know how to join them up into a proper kiss.’

  ‘Sounds like a pigeon,’ said Leela and made her neck go back and forth like pigeons do.

  ‘But where are boys supposed to learn how to be good kissers?’ I asked. ‘Maybe you should have persevered, Brook, and shown him how to do it.’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ said Brook.‘If you like him, you teach him. He’s in the front room last time I saw him, trying to get off with Mary Camberwell from Year Ten. No. I know what I want, he’s not here tonight and I’m not going to compromise.What about you, Leela?’

  ‘No result. I spent some time with Greg fromYearTwelve, but he is so boring, droning on about the best route to get here and the best route to get to school. He looks good, but who cares when his company sends you to sleep. And I spent about half a minute with Tony Johnson, but he’s such a creep, like, trying to get his hands up my top. He just doesn’t get it. He is never going to get off with anyone unless he learns to at least have a conversation before he tries the fumbly stuff.’

  ‘No one else?’ I asked.

  Leela shook her head. ‘How’ve you got on, India?’ she asked.

  ‘Eddie O’Neil did the dog slobber,’ I said, ‘and that’s the sum total of my success.’

  Leela looked at me sympathetically. ‘I saw Joe with Katie Morrison.’

  ‘Who is she?’ I asked.

  ‘She’s in the Lower Sixth,’ said Brook.

  ‘I’ve never noticed her,’ I murmured.

  ‘Are you OK?’ asked Leela.

  ‘Oh yeah. I am so over him,’ I replied. I saw Leela and Brook exchange a glance and added, ‘I am. I really am.’

  ‘’Course you are,’ said Leela, ‘and if it’s any consolation, I just heard him having a row with Katie upstairs outside the bathroom. I don’t think they knew I was in there. But of course, if you’re over him, you probably don’t care what was said . . .’

  I narrowed my eyes. ‘Did I ever tell you that one of my talents is the ancient art of giving Chinese burns?’ I said as I reached out to grab her wrist.

  Leela laughed and hid her arms behind her back. ‘No. You didn’t but your brother Dylan did.’

  ‘So spill,’ I said. ‘Or you will regret it. Although I am only interested from a purely academic point of view.’

  ‘Yeah sure,’ said Brook. ‘We believe you.’

  ‘So?’ I asked Leela.

  ‘Katie was saying that she wanted more of a commitment from Joe,’ she replied, ‘and he was saying that he thought that part of the reason that they’d got together was because neither of them wanted to feel tied down.’

  ‘Hah, that’s the line he gave me,’ I said.

  ‘Anyway’ said Leela. ‘She was saying that her feelings for him have changed and that she wanted a proper relationship or nothing at all.’

  ‘Wow,’ I said. ‘I bet he didn’t like that!’

  ‘What did he say?’ asked Brook.

  ‘He said that he wasn’t going to lie to her and that he couldn’t guarantee that, and he didn’t want to set something up then let her down. And she said then, in that case, he couldn’t feel that strongly about her.’

  ‘I saw her leave about ten minutes ago,’ said Brook. ‘I thought she looked upset.’

  ‘Hey, anyone seen Zahrah?’ asked Leela.

  Brook nodded. ‘She and Ryan are hogging the sofa in the back room.’

  ‘Yeah, I saw them too,’ I said. ‘Having a snogathon.’

  ‘She really likes him, doesn’t she?’ said Leela. ‘I’ve never seen her like this. Maybe we should go and crawl behind the sofa and jump out and scare them.’

  ‘Nah,’ said Brook. ‘Leave them alone.’

  I nodded gloomily. ‘Yeah because it probably won’t last.’

  ‘Oh I don’t know,’ said Brook. ‘I’ve never seen Zahrah so smitten before. I’d give them at least a few weeks.’

  At that moment, Mikey spotted us from the hall, grinned, came into the kitchen and closed the door. ‘OK, ladies, time to tango, I do believe.’

  Leela laughed. ‘You ready for this?’

  Mikey nodded and, without giving him a second to draw breath, Leela went straight over to him and snogged him. After a few minutes, she stepped back and Mikey did a fake swoon, let his knees buckle and slid to the floor with a silly smile on his face.

  Leela stood over him. ‘Get up,’ she said. ‘We’re not done with you yet. Now that was the spontaneous I-can’t-resist-you-type kiss. Brook, you’re on
next.’

  Dutifully, Mikey stood up. Brook stepped forward, took his hands and put them around her neck and snogged him. When she moved away, he put his hand on his heart and grinned.

  ‘That was a romantic-type kiss,’ said Brook. ‘Slower, softer. OK?’

  Mikey nodded. ‘I like this but I think I need a lot more practice. Um. Who’s next? Oh yeah.You, India.’

  ‘I’m all snogged out,’ I said, ‘but I will give you some hints. Don’t open your mouth too much. Don’t keep it tight closed either. You want it sort of in between and relaxed. Don’t shove your tongue in her mouth straight away. Wait a while before you do tongue kissing. Build up to it and then press in gently and take your lead from her. If she puts hers forward then you can nudge it a bit. Try it on the back of your hand. Also, if your tongue is too floppy and out of control, it feels messy and too wet, like you’re kissing a live fish. Keep a little control of your tongue, it feels nicer. Try it out.’

  ‘Show me,’ said Mikey.

  I put my hand up to my mouth and kissed it.

  Mikey sighed. ‘Not like that. It’s not fair, India Jane. You promised to show me. Just show me.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Leela. ‘Me and Brook both did and it is his birthday’

  ‘It is my birthday’ Mikey repeated.

  The three of them were standing looking at me in such a pleading way that, in the end, I pulled Mikey to me and kissed him. It was a nice gentle kiss. I stepped away. ‘That was fine, Mikey, you have nothing to be worried about, but you want to know the real secret of a good kiss?’

  Mikey nodded.

  ‘Chemistry’ I said. ‘It makes it all fizz.’

  ‘OK,’ said Mikey, then he smiled. ‘Want to go again?’

  I shook my head. Behind me, the door opened and someone came in. I turned to see Joe. ‘All right guys?’ he asked. We all looked at the floor, suddenly embarrassed and silent, and Mikey shuffled out. ‘What’s going on? You’re looking strange. India?’

  ‘Oh nothing -just talking about the weather, weren’t we?’ I blustered.

  Yes. Um. Cold out, isn’t it?’ said Brook.

  Joe laughed and shook his head as if he didn’t believe a word of it. You girls,’ he said, helping himself to a can of lager.

  Brook manoeuvred herself behind Joe, looked at Leela and jerked her chin towards the door as if to say, Let’s go. Leela stared at her as if she was mad for a second and then she got it. ‘Oh. Right.Yeah. Hey, need the loo. Come with me Brook, yeah?’

  ‘I’ll come with you,’ I said. I didn’t want to be left alone with Joe, no matter what my friends thought.

  ‘No, no, you stay here,’ said Brook. ‘Besides I need to talk to Leela about something.’ And they both disappeared.

  Joe raised an eyebrow.’Subtle, hey?’ he said. ‘I get the feeling that they wanted to leave us alone.’

  ‘I’ve no idea why’ I said, and I knew that it came out sounding really snooty. Joe hid a smile, which annoyed me, so I decided to annoy him back. ‘So where’s your new girlfriend?’

  Joe shrugged a shoulder. ‘She wasn’t really my girlfriend,’ he said, then he grinned.’She’s stormed off. Think I upset her, but . . . I was only being honest.’

  I decided to pretend that I didn’t know what Leela had told me and to play innocent instead. ‘Why, what did you do?’

  ‘More like what I didn’t do. I don’t know, India. You know me.You know what I’m like.’

  ‘Not really’ I said. I turned and looked into his eyes and I felt all the old chemistry. I knew that he was feeling it too because he smiled again but in a knowing way. It made my toes curl.

  Joe leaned against the washing machine and took a swig of his drink. ‘I wish I knew what I wanted.’

  ‘What do you mean? In life? In relationships? What?’

  ‘Girls,’ he said. ‘Like, I’ve been trying to play it really straight this term, you know, on the level, telling the truth so that no one can label me a rat or whatever. Seems it backfires though. Now Kate hates me and probably you do too.’

  ‘Not hate exactly’ I said.

  Joe laughed and I laughed back to show I meant it as a joke, even though I wasn’t sure that I did. I felt mixed up about what I felt. Like, how could I feel something as strong as I had last weekend for Bruno and, hardly a week later, be feeling the same for Joe, who I thought I was over? Not that either of them wants me, I thought as another flash of frustration went through me. Two kisses with boys that I don’t fancy and the ones that I do fancy don’t want to know. It’s sooooooo annoooooooying!

  Joe looked at me closely. I so wished that he didn’t have such beautiful eyes with such long curly eyelashes. And I wished he didn’t have such a lovely bottom lip, plump and just pulling me to kiss it. I remembered when we had kissed. It had been delicious. His lips were like a soft silk cushion. But he doesn’t want you, I told myself.

  ‘What then?’ he asked.

  ‘What then what?’

  ‘What if it’s not exactly hate?’

  ‘Why do you want to know what I feel?’ I blurted. ‘You’re just playing with me because Katie has gone.’

  Joe looked surprised. ‘I … I …’ he stuttered and for a second I regretted sounding so cross with him. But boys are a pain, I thought, stomping off to find Leela and Brook.

  ‘I think he still likes you,’ said Leela as she pulled her duvet up to her chin. Brook, Zahrah and I were having a sleepover at her house after the party. Brook was in the pull-out bed on the other side of the room to Leela’s and Zahrah and I were on an inflatable mattress on the floor. We’d had mugs of hot chocolate with cinnamon sprinkled on top and Leela’s auntie had plied us with delicious little Indian sweets with pistachios, cardamon and honey. I was feeling stuffed and a half – I love them and had eaten twice as many as anyone else.

  ‘I do too,’ said Brook.’You can tell by the way he looks at you – like with a half smile.

  ‘I know that look. I don’t think it means anything apart from the fact that he thinks I’m barking mad. I always seem to say the wrong thing when I’m with him.’

  ‘A sign of true love,’ Brook declared.

  ‘No it’s not. For true love, surely both people have to feel it.’ I didn’t want to talk about Joe any more. It made me cross. And frustrated. He was a waste of space. And so was Bruno.Thinking about him made me even crosser. ‘I really really really am off boys. I tried. It didn’t work out. End of story.’

  ‘I don’t think you should give up,’ said Zahrah. ‘Maybe it’s just that they’re not the boys for you. Someone better will come along.’

  Brook and Leela sat up and stared at Zahrah.

  ‘What?’ she asked. ‘Why are you gawping at me?’

  ‘Because we’ve never ever heard you talk like that.You’re the Queen of Cynicism,’ said Leela.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Brook.

  Zahrah smiled. ‘Well you never know what or who is around the next corner. Plus I am in love.Yes. Me. L-ove.’

  ‘That’s so fantastic!‘ said Brook.’I thought you were keen on Ryan but love? That’s top.’

  ‘Yeah,’ said Leela.

  Yes,’ I said. ‘I’m really pleased for you.’

  Zahrah glanced at my face and cracked up. ‘Looks like it. I’ve never seen anyone with such a long face.’

  I made an effort to smile and to lighten up and be enthusiastic for her, but when Leela turned the light off and we snuggled down, my uncomfortable mood settled back on me like a bad haircut. Such a lot has happened, I thought. Like, life goes around in circles. Good, bad, good, bad. First I was mugged. Then I had the most romantic weekend of my whole life in Ravello. Then hack to a week of misery. First Joe, then Tyler, then Bruno. Three boys and yet I’m no closer to having an actual boyfriend. As I lay there looking up at the ceiling, I decided that I was going to forget about boys, no matter what my friends said. I was just going to get on with life. Carry on with my school life and forget about Leela’s challenge and looking for the perfec
t boy. If he was out there, he could come looking for me.The other way round was doing my head in.

  After a big breakfast of mango lassies in Leela’s mum’s fab modern kitchen, I got home at around eleven and went to my room to catch up on homework. First though I wanted to contact Erin – it felt like ages since I had spoken to her. Sadly, she wasn’t at home and her mobile was off so, with no excuses left, I turned my mobile off and got stuck into painting a design for panels for one of the scenes in the school show. After a couple of hours, I heard the front door bell ring. Five minutes later, Aunt Sarah called up the stairs.‘India. Come and see.’

  I went down the stairs and Aunt Sarah was standing in the hallway with the most stunning bunch of flowers and a small silver box with a red bow on it.

  ‘For you,’ she said with a big smile and held them out.‘Looks like you have an admirer.’

  ‘But who?’

  Aunt Sarah pulled a little card from the flowers. ‘To my Cinnamon Girl,’ she read. ‘Oh, isn’t that romantic?’