Looking for a Hero

by Cathy Hopkins

  ‘Been caught in any rainstorms lately?’ he asked when he caught up with me.

  ‘Not me.You?’

  ‘Nothing like the one on Tuesday,’ he said. ‘That was really something, wasn’t it?’

  He looked deep into my eyes when he said that in a way that made my stomach lurch, and I knew what he meant and that he wasn’t talking about the storm.

  ‘Yes. I’ve never experienced anything like it.’

  He raised a knowing eyebrow and grinned his lopsided grin. ‘Me neither,’ he said.

  I love him, I thought as I went into double English where I spent the whole two periods replaying the storm and the kisses in my mind.

  In maths, I relived the day I’d spent with Bruno. I love him too, I thought.

  Finally it was the week of the end of term show and all our plans and hard work seemed to be coming together. I had just got home from school when Tyler phoned. Just hearing his voice made me remember how good I’d felt with him. I could love him, I thought. Definitely maybe.

  And then he asked what I was doing on Friday night.

  ‘School show,’ I said.

  ‘Oh the one you told me you’d done the scenery for?’

  ‘Yes. Well, me and some others.’

  ‘Can anybody go?’

  Yes. It’s open to the public. Money goes towards a new science lab.’

  ‘Are there tickets left?’

  ‘Loads.’

  ‘I’d love to come …’

  Erk, I thought.

  ‘India.You’ve gone quiet. Oh. Is there a problem?’

  Duh, yeah, I thought. Joe will be there. How will I explain Tyler to him? Or him to Tyler, especially when I’ve told Tyler that I don’t have a boyfriend? And I still don’t. Not really. Joe’s not my boyfriend. Oh arrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I am sooooooo confused. Why did I have to meet them all at the same time. ANNOYing!

  ‘India?’Tyler prompted.

  ‘Oh yes. Um. Oh God. Just I hate people seeing my work in case they don’t like it,’ I blustered. ‘It would be like having a baby and someone saying, “Boy that’s an ugly one!’’’

  Tyler laughed.’I’m not going to do that. Art is a reflection of the person who made it so I expect to be impressed. Come on India, don’t hide away. Let me be the judge, hey?’

  ‘Er …’

  ‘Is there some other reason that you’re not telling me about why you don’t want me to come?’

  Out of the three boys, a relationship with Tyler would be the least complicated, I thought. Bruno lives in Italy. Joe doesn’t want a girlfriend. I’d be mad to turn such a lovely guy as Tyler down in the hope that something was going to happen with the other two when it might not come to anything with either of them.

  ‘No,’ I blurted. ‘I … No. Come. I’d love it.’

  I’ll get him a ticket and deal with the chance of him meeting Joe then, I thought as a feeling of panic hit my insides.

  ‘Don’t you feel at all guilty?’ asked Zahrah from the bottom bunk bed where she was doing her eye make-up. We had decided to get ready for the show at her house because, out of our four homes, hers was nearest to school. Brook and I were squeezed on to the stool in front of the dressing table and Leela was behind us brushing her hair.

  ‘Why should she?’ said Leela as she put away her hairbrush and got out her lip-gloss. ‘It’s not like she’s cheating on any of them.’

  I gave up on trying to get any mirror space and I retreated to the end of the bottom bunk bed next to Zahrah. ‘Well,’ I said, ‘that’s what I keep telling myself. That it’s early days with all of them and I haven’t made any promises. However, I do think I need to decide soon and maybe let everyone know where I stand. If I was to carry on seeing them for much longer without telling, I think I’d start to feel like I was cheating especially as Tyler’s coming to the show and may meet Joe.’

  ‘But Joe is still Mr Non-Committal, isn’t he?’ asked Zahrah.

  ‘Exactly,’ I said. ‘And Tyler hasn’t asked me to be his steady girlfriend either. This will be only be the fourth time I’ve seen him.’

  ‘OK, so what if all of them did suddenly want something more serious. Who would it be? Bruno, Joe or Tyler?’ asked Zahrah.

  I groaned. ‘I don’t know. I thought I really liked Joe best but he comes at a price and that price is spending a lot of time being frustrated with him. And it’s early days with the others. How can I decide when they all have so much to offer?’

  ‘Well what do you want?’ asked Zahrah.

  ‘I want the way all of them make me feel only with just one boy.’

  Leela pulled a notebook out of her bag and ripped off a piece of paper.‘OK. Scores for kissing. Bruno?’

  ‘Ten. He’s a good kisser.’

  ‘Tyler?’

  ‘Um . . . yeah ten. He’s also a good kisser. Different but good too. More gentle.’

  ‘Joe?’

  ‘Eleven.’

  ‘OK, so it’s Joe then,’ said Leela.

  ‘No,’ Zahrah said.‘I mean a boy can be great kisser but mess your head up, right, India?’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Yeah, ’course you said that, India,’ said Leela. ‘Has he never said anything about dating or commitment or going steady?’

  I shook my head.

  ‘And you’ve heard from all of them since the date?’ asked Brook.

  ‘Yes. Bruno sent roses and Tyler sent a card saying he’d had a lovely day.’

  ‘Sweet,’ said Brook. ‘And Joe?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I replied. ‘Actually, no. He did give me a CD he’d made for me but I haven’t had time to listen to it yet. It’s of some music that he said he liked, but . . . that’s the sort of thing you do for a mate, isn’t it?’

  ‘No way’ said Leela.‘I think it’s the sort of thing you do when you fancy someone.’

  ‘Do you think?’ I asked.

  ‘Depends on the music,’ said Zahrah. ‘If it’s a CD full of funeral music, he might be dropping a hint that your relationship is over.’

  I laughed. ‘Thanks for the vote of encouragement.’

  ‘I’m just saying you need to hear the tracks he picked before you decide if he did it just as a mate thing,’ said Zahrah.

  ‘Maybe,’ I said. ‘Then again, it might not mean anything –although it is thoughtful of him. But ... oh, I don’t know, I like them all in different ways.’

  Leela squeezed on to the bed between Zahrah and me. ‘Different how?’ she asked.

  ‘Bruno makes me feel like a princess, which is lovely and so flattering. He wants the best for me, like he puts me on a pedestal. With Tyler, it’s different. I feel safe with him and I look up to him. I admire him. I feel that I could learn from him; and Joe, well with Joe, it’s like there’s this amazing chemistry and we make each other laugh. Plus . . . it’s like he gets me and we’re equals.’

  ‘I’d go for Tyler,’ said Leela.

  ‘I’d go for Bruno,’ said Brook. ‘He’ll spoil you rotten.’

  I turned to Zahrah.‘And you’re going to say go for Joe, aren’t you? Just to confuse things?’

  Zahrah made one of her disapproving faces, shook her head and sucked in air. ‘No. He could totally do your head in if you let yourself get too involved,’ she said. ‘We all know what he’s like, Mr I-like-you-very-much-but-don’t-want-to-commit, don’t forget.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I do love hanging out with him, though. But then I love hanging out with Bruno and Tyler, too. It’s like how can you compare an orange with a pear, or a mango with a pineapple? Or say that one is better than the other? They each have different flavours and they’re all good in their own ways.’

  ‘My advice would be not to worry,’ said Brook. ‘Get tonight over with and I’m sure it will become clearer.’

  Leela laughed. ‘Yeah, clear like mud,’ she said.

  The atmosphere was buzzing in the school hall when we arrived and there was a lovely Christmassy smell of oranges and cinnamon from the mulled win
e that was on sale to parents at the back of the hall. We found the places that had been kept for us at the front and then went our separate ways to greet guests and show them to their seats. All my family were coming en masse and would take up almost an entire row – I’d reserved seats for them and for Tyler. I couldn’t see any sign of them yet, so I went backstage to see that everyone was OK. I had already spent the best part of the day working with the scenery team, back there making last minute adjustments and, on the whole, everything looked fantastic and my part of the job was over. I couldn’t see Joe, but Harry and Tim from the team were there and gave me a wave.

  ‘All under control, captain,’ said Tim. ‘Joe will be here in a mo, so it’s over to us.’

  Harry nodded. ‘Yeah, you might as well just sit back and enjoy now.’

  Out at the front, I could see that Tyler had arrived and was looking around the hall. ‘Sit back and enjoy, yes,’ I said – and try and keep Tyler out of Joe’s eyeline, I thought.

  As soon as I emerged from backstage, Brook came up to me and glanced in Tyler’s direction. ‘Ohmigod, is that him?’ she asked. ‘If you don’t want him, I’ll have him, no prob.’

  Tyler spotted me and waved. I glanced around to see that Joe wasn’t in the vicinity then went to meet him with Brook not far behind, and suddenly Leela and Zahrah appeared too. ‘Hey,’ I said. ‘Um, these are my mates, Zahrah, Brook and Leela.’

  The girls stood there grinning like idiots and then Ryan appeared so Zahrah went off to show him his seat.

  Leela batted her eyelashes at Tyler. ‘Hey, you haven’t got a brother, have you?’ she asked.

  ‘Two actually.Why? Want to meet them?’

  Leela and Brook nodded. ‘We had a challenge after half-term that we would find a boyfriend before Christmas,’ said Leela. ‘Brook and I have failed miserably.’

  ‘Miserably,’ said Brook. She made her bottom lip wobble and looked up at Tyler from downcast eyes. I laughed. It was funny to see them both go into major flirtation mode.

  He laughed too. ‘And what about you, India? How have you fared?’

  Leela gave me a cheeky look so I kicked her ankle. ‘Ouch,’ she said.‘What?’

  ‘Er . . . you shouldn’t have told Tyler about that,’ I said. ‘He’ll think that I manufactured my mugging just to meet him.’

  Tyler pretended to look shocked. ‘Did you?’

  ‘No way,’ I said and he smiled as I checked my watch. ‘Hey. Come on, it’s almost time. We’d better go in and take our seats.’

  Tyler took my hand and together we walked towards the front of the hall. I turned back and made a ‘what can I do?’ face at Leela and Brook who were following behind us. They both held their sides and did fake laughing, like they found the situation very funny. As we took our seats, there was the hum of people chatting and I saw an usher showing Mum and Dad and the rest of the family to the row behind Tyler, Brook, Leela and me. Soon after, the lights went down and the audience grew quiet. I turned to do a family count: Mum, Dad, Lewis, Ethan, Jessica (for once having a night off from the twins), Aunt Sarah, Kate, her boyfriend Tom, and Dylan. I was about to turn back when I noticed Brook’s mum was sitting at the end of the row with a handsome middle-aged man with silver hair who looked vaguely familiar. She waved when she saw me.

  ‘Mom’s new boyfriend,’ said Brook. ‘The biologist from the dating site, remember?’

  ‘Oh yeah.’

  ‘She’s in love. It’s nauseating.’

  ‘I think it’s nice.’

  ‘You don’t have to put up with her acting like a fifteen-year-old with a crush,’ said Brook.‘It’s not right. It should be me with the boyfriend.’

  ‘Your turn will come,’ I said.

  She made a pouty face. ‘Not the way you and my mom are bagging all the talent.’

  The curtains drew back, some Indian music struck up and the cast for The Boy Friend danced on Bollywood style in a blast of colour. They looked wonderful and the scenery was perfect, creating just the right ambience for the show. It was an explosion of energy, dance and song. Tyler laughed and applauded and appeared to enjoy every moment of it.

  ‘Great scenery,’ he whispered at one point and I felt proud to have done something that he could admire.

  At the end, the audience gave a standing ovation.The cast did two encores and then they called for everyone who’d helped in the show to come on stage. Joe, Harry and Tim were shoved on from the wings and Joe caught my eye and beckoned me up. Tim and Harry were calling to Ruth, Gayle and Andrea who were the other team members.

  ‘Go on,’ said Leela.‘Go and take a bow.The Bollywood thing was all your idea after.’

  I got up and made my way on to the stage with the others, and Joe took my hand and Gayle’s and we took the bows together. As the clapping died down, we trooped off into the wings where everyone was high on adrenalin and congratulating each other.

  ‘Good show, well done everybody,’ said Mr Bailey, the art teacher, and he applauded the cast, who seemed very happy with the way it had gone.

  I turned to go back to the audience as I could see that people were beginning to leave the hall and Tyler was standing on his own.

  Joe caught up with me at the top of the stairs from the stage. ‘Who’s the guy?’ he asked.

  ‘What guy?’ I replied.

  ‘The guy who’s been holding your hand all through the show. Is he the one you met in Italy?’

  ‘No.That’s Bruno.That guy is, er . . . that’s Tyler. He’s the one who came to my rescue when I was mugged.’

  Joe’s expression became serious as he looked out at where Tyler was standing. ‘Your hero,’ he said.

  ‘Something like that.’

  Joe leaned forward, took a strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ear. ‘You going out with him now?’ he asked casually.

  I shrugged. ‘Um. Early days,’ I replied, pulled away and skipped down the steps to see that Tyler had turned around and had been watching us.

  Tyler and I began to walk out of the hall when he stopped. ‘So who was that?’ he asked.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘That guy you were talking to?’

  ‘Who him? Joe Donahue. He’s just a guy on the scenery team. Nobody.’

  ‘Didn’t look that way,’ said Tyler. ‘Looked serious.’

  ‘Not at all. He’s, er . . . in the Sixth Form here.’

  I turned around to see if Joe was still on the stage. He wasn’t. He had come down behind me and had started stacking chairs to our left. His expression wasn’t giving anything away, but he was close enough to have heard what I just said.

  Oops, I thought.

  Cinnamongirl: Erin. At last. I’ve been calling and texting you. And so verily, tis Christmas Eve and the season to be jolly, but tis raining here and I need my brolly. Haha, I’m a poet and I don’t know it.

  Irishbrat4eva: Yeah, I got your messages. Been a lot going on.

  Cinnamongirl: Why? What’s happened? Is it Scott again? Are you OK?

  Irishbrat4eva: Yeah I’m OK. All came to a head. Party down the road. Scott was there necking it back as usual and acting the big man smoking dope and then he disappeared. We found him in the garden, this time in a really bad way, worse than ever before. Was scary. Really scary. The guy who was having the party, Fergie, he called Scott’s mum and she came and took him to the hospital where they pumped his stomach. She was so mad, she contacted all his mates and found out what had been going on.

  Cinnamongirl: Ohmigod! Did she talk to you?

  Irishbrat4eva: Oh yes.

  Cinnamongirl: Did you tell about him?

  Irishbrat4eva: Yes, actually I wish I’d done it sooner. I wish I’d written an anonymous letter to her or something instead of writing to him, because he could have died if we hadn’t gone looking for him and found him. The doctor said that a boy his age, his liver couldn’t take the amount of alcohol he’d consumed and he could have died.

  Cinnamongirl: Wow. But he’s going to be OK?


  Irishbrat4eva: Think so. They’re going to keep an eye on him.

  Cinnamongirl: He’s going to be mad that you ratted on him.

  Irishbrat4eva: I know, but at least he’s alive and maybe this will scare him into being more sensible.

  Cinnamongirl: I hope so. God, Erin. I’m so sorry you’ve been having such a hard time.

  Irishbrat4eva: Not as bad as what Scott has been going through. Hold on . . . Mum’s calling me, someone’s on the landline. Might be news of Scott. Later?

  Cinnamongirl: Later.

  I signed off, got changed into my Christmas jumper, which is red with a leaf of holly embroidered on the front. It’s totally naff but all our family revel in who can wear the worst Christmas outfit on Christmas Eve. I added some Christmas tree earrings that I’d bought from the local supermarket then went down to join everyone. Christmas Eve is my favourite day of the whole season. I love it because there is all the anticipation of Christmas coming the next day. The shops are shut, people have stopped work, school is over, it’s the holidays and, after the frantic last-minute shopping and preparation, a feeling of quiet settles everywhere as people take to their homes. All our family like to get together on December the twenty-fourth for a sing-song and Mum and Dad work hard to make wherever we are look festive. When I went downstairs, the red and gold Christmas tree was twinkling in the hall and Aunt Sarah had lit loads of candles and turned off all the electric lights so that the house was bathed in a warm golden glow. Best of all, Mum had bowls of chocolates and fruits and nuts on the sideboard in the living room for people to help themselves to. I took a white Belgium chocolate and popped it into my mouth.

  I was beginning to feel clearer about what I was going to do about my complicated love life. Bruno had sent me a lovely silver charm bracelet in a blue box with a ‘T’ on it. Mum said that it was from a shop called Tiffany’s and, although it was beautiful, it made me even more resolute to tell him that I wasn’t ready for a relationship with him yet. I hadn’t even had one serious boyfriend so far and didn’t want my first one to live so far away especially as, despite my recent string of dates with different boys, I did think that once I was in a relationship I wouldn’t mess around. It wouldn’t be much fun if I only saw Bruno once a year for a short time. Plus, if he was going to keep sending me expensive presents and giving me treats, I knew there would come a time when I felt bad that I couldn’t return his attention and would maybe feel obligated, and I didn’t want to go there.