“Why are you telling me this, Father?”
“I do not want you to leave us. The pack needs you and Laurel. There has to be a way you can fit into the pack hierarchy. Maybe Dmitry should have two Betas.”
“You know that will not work. The pack needs to know who is in charge at the top. Besides, Laurel is a healer. She might tell people what to do to feel better, but she is never going to be able to boss the females around like Alena does.”
“We have got to think of something,” Vikenti said, shaking his head. “I cannot remember what we did when our population was thriving. Each of the Alpha’s sons was probably given his own pack. But that was so long ago. Promise me you will not leave us.”
“I cannot do that, Father. I have to do what is best for both Laurel and me.”
Shaking his head, Vikenti picked up the axe to split another log. As he began the downward swing, he glanced back at Anton.
Anton knew his father was upset. He could feel grief and sadness pouring from him. When his father began to cut more wood, Anton moved to the side to gather more pieces. Vikenti started his swing, but then he glanced at Anton, opening his mouth as he began to say something.
“Father!” Anton shouted as a warning, pointing at the wood. But it was too late. The axe was off center and bounced off the log. It continued down and into Vikenti’s leg with a horrible “thunk.” Blood began pouring out of Vikenti’s leg. Anton moved to catch his father, as he crumpled to the ground. He carefully laid his father down.
Blood poured from the wound around the axe, covering the soil with a crimson pool. Anton reached for Dmitry and through him the pack. He was aware when Laurel, as well as his mother Yelena, joined their minds with his.
Tell me what to do, he demanded.
His father was becoming pale, and Anton wasn’t sure he was conscious. Oh God, if his father died, they would lose his mother, too. Anton removed the axe from the leg and pressed hard on the wound. Blood continued to pour out around his fingers.
I cannot stop the bleeding.
Anton heard his mother’s cry of fear through the telepathic link.
Dmitry’s voice sounded in his mind. Mother hold him to earth. Laurel you must heal him. He cannot shift. He is in shock.
I will not reach him in time. Anton, you must pull on my powers of healing. Use them as if they are yours, Laurel sent into the link.
Anton could feel his father’s spirit retreating. His mother tried to grab it and hold his father to earth. He reached out to Laurel, grasping at her gift. He had felt it heal his own wounds. She was his mate, his other half. He found her quiet center of peace and the pink iridescent light of healing. Then, he pulled it into his body and directed it down through his hands and into his father’s wound.
Laurel didn’t try to stop him. She gave freely, letting the energy flow into him. Pink light flowed into his father’s body. Anton saw the blood slow to a trickle, then stop. Next, the tissues started to mend, until the gash was fully closed and the last bit of inflammation dissipated as if it had never existed.
His father gasped, and his eyes flew open. “Anton?”
Tears ran freely down Anton’s face. “We almost lost you, >B5F, Father.”
Chapter Eleven
Laurel walked between Alena and Violet, while Yelena led the way to the cave. The other women surrounded the small group, making sure Laurel couldn’t be seen.
It was nearing midnight, and the moon shown down upon the forest, lighting the path. Violet could hear rustling in the woods and knew that several wolves escorted them to the high meadow and the entrance to the cave. Anton was near as well. Laurel could feel him, but as hard as she tried, she couldn’t see him.
This was the first of two ceremonies to be held. Yelena called this a soul-retrieval ceremony. According to pack traditions, every time something traumatic happened, a piece of the soul was left behind. Laurel had never felt the pieces leave, so she wasn’t that worried about getting them back. But Yelena insisted this healing needed to be done.
The last few days blurred into each other as a routine had been established. Laurel had worked on her self-defense moves in the mornings and learned about pack law and ceremony in the afternoons. She soaked in a hot bathtub full of herbs in the evenings, which was followed by talking about men and sex after dinner. Sometimes the stories told were sad, sometimes funny, and sometimes she was so embarrassed she wanted the earth to open up and swallow her. Then, Anton would be waiting for her in her dreams.
But she had to admit she felt better. This morning, she had actually sent Alena to the floor during the self-defense class. She felt stronger and more capable than ever. Plus, she was getting to know the women and what was important to them. Some of what they said was so profound that it stunned her. The women had promised to teach her a dance of seduction tomorrow night. She didn’t know whether to be terrified or embarrassed.
But tonight, instead of telling stories and talking about men, they dressed her in a plain white gown with red embroidery as well as a white veil to hide her face from any male that might see them. Now that the time for the ceremony was here, Laurel’s stomach tightened in nervousness. She wasn’t a religious person. Even though she believed in a higher power, she didn’t think it was male or female, but just was, or maybe it was both.
This was all so new and at times overwhelming. If it wasn’t for the love these women gave so freely to her, she might have balked. But they treated her so gently and with such tenderness and love that she kept trying to do whatever they asked of her, whether it was physical training or mental exercise. Now, they were asking for a spiritual commitment. Laurel hoped she wouldn’t let them down.
Yelena led the group down into the depths of the mountain to a chamber that glowed with candlelight. The air was cooler and slightly damp. The scent of candles permeated the space. A newly painted white circle already lay around the edges of the room. Alena escorted Laurel into the center and sat her on a small cushion and instructed her to close her eyes. Then, Alena, Yelena, Violet, and Sonya stood one on each side of Laurel, while the other women sat around the edges in a circle.
Laurel felt the women link psychically with her as well as with each other. She gave Violet, as the Alpha female, a drop of her blood, which was enough to link them together. As the women began to chant softly in a language Laurel didn’t recognize, she felt, rather than saw, a field of energy surround the circle with the women inside.
They called on the divine feminine to answer her daughters. They pleaded that she send guardian spirits to escort Laurel on the path down the tree of life into the underworld to retrieve the soul pieces she had lost.
When a large white wolf appeared at Laurel’s side, she gasped. She knew her eyes were closed, but she saw everything as in a dream.
Do not be afraid little sister. I will escort you on this journey. Come, came flooding into her head.
Laurel stood up and was no longer in the cave, but in a forest of huge trees. She could hear the trees whispering, but couldn’t quite make out what they were saying. She walked down the well-worn path with the large wolf beside her. As the trees thinned, they walked into the miner’s hut that Laurel had lived in three years before.
She looked around in astonishment. Everything was like she remembered. The hut had been small, one bedroom. Laurel had slept in the kitchen on a small bed next to the wood stove. Her mother had made curtains and a slipcover for the old couch. A tablecloth always graced the table. They had painted the inside together, a light spring-green that reflected light. The front door, as well as the shutters, they painted a bright blue. They had enjoyed good times here— laughing and joking, cooking and playing cards, planting flower boxes and a garden in the summer, and reading and doing school work in the winter. How had she forgotten?
When she heard noise in the small room where her mother and stepfather slept, she stiffened in dread.
What day was this? Had she gone back in time?
You must face the pas
t if you are going to heal it, the wolf pointed out. You must go into the room.
Laurel heard a rattle of breath and knew what she would see—her mother, dying of cancer. Instead of moving forward, she took a step back.
“I can’t do this, not again,” she said shaking her head. “Wait, I can heal her.”
No, she is already gone. You can have no impact here. All you can do is find the piece of your soul that you left behind.
Reluctantly, Laurel moved forward. She peeked into the room and was surprised to see herself sitting by the bed, holding her mother’s hand. She moved into the room and stood behind her younger self. She looked so young and afraid, her hair unkempt and her clothes rumpled. She remembered how she was afraid to leave her mother for an instant, that her mother would die if Laurel left the room.
Her mother roused herself and squeezed the hand of the younger Laurel. “I’m sorry to be leaving you. But I can’t stand the pain any longer. Forgive me, Laurel.”
The younger Laurel cried and begged. Tears ran down the present Laurel’s face as she watched the scene. Her mother glanced up at her and smiled. “I see things will work out for you. That makes this easier. I love you, Laurel.”
Her mother could see her? Even as her mother patted the hand of her young daughter, she could see the older Laurel standing in the corner?
The door of the little hut burst open as her stepfather ran into the room. He knelt by her mother’s side and kissed her cheek, while he took her other hand. He looked younger, too, and almost handsome, with black hair that was now completely gray. Laurel could see love shining in his eyes and suddenly realized that if he didn’t do anything else right in his life, he loved her mother.
“The doctor is on the way, Susan. You’ve got to hang in there, honey,” he said.
“We both know it’s too late now, Charlie. Please take care of Laurel for me. Send her back to her grandmother.”
“Don’t talk like that. The doctor will be here in a minute.”
The present Laurel shuddered with knowledge that the doctor would come too late. Her younger self quieted, thinking that there might be a chance, that there was still hope.
Then her mother closed her eyes and sighed. Both her stepfather and the younger Laurel were frozen, waiting for the next breath that wouldn’t come.
The present Laurel watched her mother as she began to glow and then a wisp of light floated out of her head and up into the air. She hadn’t seen her mother’s spirit leave her body the last time. But somehow, this time she could see it clearly and even feel her mother’s joy of being free of the body that had given out on her.
The younger Laurel sobbed uncontrollably, while her stepfather collapsed in tears on the floor. So much pain, a pain shared by both of them. How could two people who loved her mother so much come to hate each other today?
The knock on the front door came as no surprise. Laurel’s stepfather got up to answer the door. The younger Laurel reached out to push her mother’s hair off her forehead. Then, still crying, she stood up and moved out of the way as the doctor walked into the room.
As the younger Laurel stepped back, the present one saw a green stone lying on the bed covers. It sparkled in the light. That hadn’t been there before. Was this the piece of her soul that she left behind?
Laurel glanced at the large white wolf and saw her nod. Moving quickly, Laurel stepped forward and picked up the stone, slipping it into the pocket of her dress. As she turned to leave, unable to stay another minute, she noticed her stepfather. His face was ravaged with grief. He leaned against the door, and as she watched, a large ruby-colored stone fell from his heart. When it hit the floor it shattered, breaking into sharp little pieces. Was this a piece of his soul as well?
Come, little sister. Only he can repair his soul. You cannot help him, unless he asks for help.
Feeling torn, the present Laurel nodded her head and followed the white wolf out of the hut and back into the forest.
§
Two more days. Surely Anton could get through two more days. The last five days had been hell for him. He ached with needing to see Laurel. To feel her soft skin and hold her close to his heart was his fondest wish. Sharing dreams with her each night was only making him long to have her returned to his arms. That’s why he walked up to the high meadow. The women would be coming to the cave tonight for the first ceremony of healing. He hoped to catch a glimpse of her. Just for a moment. Shaking his head, he realized how desperate he had become.
During the days, he had chopped wood until there was enough wood for two winters. In the evenings, he had run as a wolf, prowling along the property line, hoping that Laurel’s stepfather would cross over onto pack land.
Finally, when he thought he might actually rest, he made his way to Laurel’s window and lay down. Each night he left her a small gift and a love note, hoping that she might come to love him, even a small amount.
When he wasn’t near her, she didn’t sleep well, crying out with dreams of her stepfather’s abuse. Only when they were connected, Anton flooding her mind with love and reassurance, making love to her in their shared dreams, did she sleep well.
He had hoped his mother and the other elders might let him in the house to sleep on the floor of her room. But they denied his request. He knew they didn’t trust him not to change back to his human form. He even agreed with them. The temptation would have been hard to resist. They would have sent him away completely if it wasn’t apparent that Laurel couldn’t rest unless he was near.
In his wolf form, Anton followed behind the women, unable to force himself to stay away. The group surrounded Laurel, and he was hard-pressed to catch a glimpse of her. She knew he was near. He felt her fear settle into apprehension at the unknown. This ceremony would begin healing the abuse.
When they closed their circle to begin the ceremony in the cave, Anton found himself cut off from Laurel’s mind. He shuddered at the complete feeling of loneliness that consumed him. His heart beat painfully in his chest. Grief engulfed him, and he lay down, his head on his paws as he trembled.
When he felt another wolf lie down next to him, touching his side, he opened his eyes to find the black wolf that was Dmitry next to him. Then the large silver-and-gray wolf that was Kolya walked up on his other side and lay down, putting his head on Anton’s back. Their father soon followed, and Anton thanked the creator for sending him Laurel to mate. Her healing gifts saved his father’s life. Then, the other males mated to the women in the cave joined them until a circle of wolf bodies, each one touching the other, filled the center of the meadow.
Anton realized how selfish he had been in thinking only he suffered from the forced blockage of the mating bond. All of these males felt as he did.
Did you think we would let you suffer alone? Kolya’s voice came flooding into his mind.
We are better able to handle our overwhelming response when we link as a pack, Dmitry’s voice sounded in Anton’s thoughts.
Soon each mind was linked to Dmitry and through Dmitry to the others. They all shared their camaraderie and fondness. Anton was reminded that a pack is a large family. He had never really been alone.
As the ceremony grew longer and longer, Anton could hardly sit still. He needed to do something to stop his terrible sadness. He kept reaching for Laurel’s mind, unable to stop the automatic reaction. Then, he felt a shift and a sting in his heart. As Laurel found her soul pieces, he felt them being returned to her. Dropping his head on his paws, he began to pray that the ceremony would be done, that he could hold on until she was finished.
Being blocked from her mind hurt so badly. He wanted to howl his frustration and loneliness to the moon. He wanted to run until he couldn’t run anymore.
Warmth began to fill his heart and mind. Peace settled over him. He looked around in amazement. How was this possible, when all the males suffered from the same effect?
A breeze blew softly over his fur. It takes a strong man to suffer as you are from love. I give
you this gift of peace in thanks for saving my daughter.
Then, Anton saw her. The spirit of Laurel’s mother floated over the pack, smiling down at him. He recognized her from Laurel’s memories. She possessed the same eyes and pixie-like features. Laurel had talked about her mother’s ghost appearing to her during her healings. Why was she appearing to him?
There is still danger to overcome, but you are strong of heart. I know you will save her. Share the gift of peace I give to you with your brethren. They suffer as well.
As Anton watched, she slowly disappeared into the night. But the feelings of peace she had given him were still with him. Anton opened himself up to the pack and let the feeling spread from one mind to another, until all of the wolves in the circle were at peace. Then, he held onto the connection while he waited for the next soul fragment to be found.
§
The white wolf led Laurel onto another path out of the forest, this one leading over rocks and down into chasms. The wind began to blow, and dust flew into her eyes. She could hear shrieking voices in the wind. The sound of growling and a feeling of pain swamped her senses.
Her wolf guide tried to support her as she was blown around, and she buried her hands in the wolf’s ruff. They continued to make their way, and finally the wind died down, as they walked into the miners’ cottage she had lived in with her stepfather before he lost his job.
This hut wasn’t much larger than the one they lived in when her mother died, but it did have two small bedrooms. She looked around at the shabby interior. Unlike her mother, she had never tried to brighten up the inside. She was resentful that her stepfather made her come back to Siberia, and she had punished them both by doing as little as possible in the hut.
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