She heard her younger self in the kitchen and shuddered with dread. She knew what was coming. The younger Laurel had thought that if she made life miserable for her stepfather, he would be forced to send her home. He had actually hit her across the face a couple of months ago. Surely, he would send her back to Virginia soon. Why he forced her to come with him, she didn’t know. She let his dinner burn and then left it out on the table to get cold.
The present Laurel shook her head and bit her lip. Why had she annoyed him? She had acted so childishly, like a spoiled brat. When the door crashed open, both Laurels cringed. Her stepfather stomped his way into the house. He looked older, his hair almost completely gray, his face lined from grief and hard work.
“Where’s my dinner, girl?” he yelled.
He walked into the kitchen and looked down at the congealed and blackened mess that was his dinner. His face turned red as his hands fisted.
“You little bitch, can’t you do anything right?”
Grabbing the younger Laurel by the hair, he hauled her closer to him. The present Laurel remembered how his breath had reeked of alcohol. Then, he began to hit her. The older Laurel stiffened and started to move forward, but the wolf blocked her way.
You cannot change the past. But you can learn from it.
“You expect me to stand here and do nothing?”
If you try to interfere, you will be sent back to the cave. To finish this quest you must endure watching the past without changing it. Do you have the courage to continue?
Did she have the courage to continue? Could she sit back and watch herself be beaten again? Did she have a choice?
Leaning back against the wall, Laurel crossed her arms around her middle and held herself tight, while closing her eyes. She could do this. She had survived. But with each sound of flesh hitting flesh, she remembered the pain and fear.
When the room became quiet, she peeked open an eye to see her stepfather standing over the younger girl’s body collapsed on the floor. He trembled and tears fell from his eyes as he looked at his stepdaughter.
“What have I done?” he mumbled horrified. Then turning, he ran from the hut.
The younger Laurel moaned. Eventually, pink light encased her body and sank into her skin. She opened her eyes and slowly rose to her feet, covered in blood, but the older Laurel knew she was completely healed. An orange stone and a blue stone lay at her feet. She stumbled into her room and closed the door. The older Laurel heard the lock click into place.
She walked forward and picked up each stone and placed them into the pocket of her dress.
“How many more are there? How much farther do we need to go?”
There is one more, but the farther we journey, the harder it is to get back.
“Let’s get it finished then. I want this to end.”
The white wolf turned around and led Laurel from the hut. This time they walked into a desert. The sun beat down on them as they climbed up one sand dune and down to the next. Laurel’s mouth became parched, and she wished for water. But there was none in sight, and the desert seemed to go on forever. Before long Laurel was stumbling with fatigue, but still she struggled on. The air was so hot it seemed to burn her lungs, and she panted, trying to get enough air to breath. She glanced at her wolf companion and felt a moment of jealousy as the wolf glided over the sand with very little effort. Then, shaking her head, she realized how ridiculous it was to be jealous. The wolf was a spirit, so of course she wouldn’t be affected by the heat or terrain.
The light glinting off the sand was blinding, and Laurel realized she was having problems seeing. She buried her hands in the ruff of her companion and kept walking, thankful that she wasn’t alone. Off in the distance, she could see waves of heat and light undulating over the ground. Was that their destination or a trick of the light? Deciding she needed to trust her guide, she squinted her eyes and let the wolf lead her on.
Suddenly, they passed into the dark and appeared in a police station. Laurel looked around in surprise. She knew where she was. She had run away and had gone to the police. One of the officers spoke broken English. With her few words of Russian, Laurel tried to explain that her stepfather had beaten her and she needed to be sent to her grandmother in Virginia. With the wolf following her, she walked down an aisle and into a room where a younger Laurel sat talking to one of the officers.
The older Laurel remembered how safe she had felt. Finally, she was going to go home and see her grandmother. The officers were very kind to her and gave her food to eat. She was sitting in a chair, finishing the food, when her stepfather walked into the room. The younger Laurel cried out and stood up to run, but the officer put his hand on her shoulder to stop her. Even then, she thought she was safe. Surely they wouldn’t make her go back to her stepfather to be beaten again.
But the officer let her stepfather come up and take her hand. She began to cry and plead with the officer to not force her to go back. But he shook his head and pushed her gently toward the door. Her stepfather tightened his grip on her wrist and hissed at her to come along quietly or she would pay the price. She had been so stupid to trust the authorities to save her. How could they force her to return? As she walked out of the office, a large black stone the size of her fist fell from her forehead and landed on the floor.
The older Laurel stepped forward and leaned down to pick up the stone. Suddenly, the building was gone and a large black snake appeared curled around the stone. Laurel was back in the desert, and heat blasted her skin, while the bright light blinded her. Her wolf companion began to growl and placed herself between Laurel and the snake. Laurel stepped back and tried to circle around as the wolf harried the snake. But each time Laurel got close to the stone, the snake would turn and look at her, hissing and striking at her.
Laurel circled around a third time when the snake turned toward her. This time the wolf jumped forward and grabbed the snake behind the head, biting deeply. The wolf shook the head violently, and the snake’s body flew off. The wolf dropped the snakehead on the ground.
Laurel put her arms around her companion and gave her a hug.
“Thank you,” she whispered into the wolf’s fur.
The wolf panted, and then licked her face. You cannot pick up the stone while it is black.
“What do you mean?”
The stone is black from your hatred and feelings of betrayal. You must release those feelings before you pick up the stone.
“How do I do that?”
You must remember that you are worthy of love and then you must forgive. First yourself and then your stepfather.
“You’ve got to be kidding. Why would I forgive him, and why should I need to forgive myself?”
Forgiveness does not mean condoning someone’s actions. It is simply letting the anger and hatred you feel toward them go. The hatred and anger will only poison your soul. It has to be released. In forgiving yourself, you let go of feelings of anger at yourself, as well as any guilt you might have about being caught in this situation. You did the best you could, and you have to let the rest of it go.
Laurel sank down on the sand next to the sitting wolf. Could she do it? Could she forgive her stepfather and then herself? She searched her heart. She hated her stepfather. At times, she wished he were dead. At other times, she wanted to kill him. But could she let that go? She was angry at herself for being weak and not fighting back. But she did run away, and the second time she succeeded. Could she forgive herself for failing the first time? Could she love herself enough to realize she did the best she could and that’s all that mattered?
Not knowing the answers, Laurel began to pray with all of her heart to whatever divine being existed to help her. As she prayed, she didn’t feel the heat against her skin. Tears flowed down her face as she struggled with self-love. She sobbed as she struggled to understand the concept of unconditional love, the promise of the divine. She remembered how her mother loved her and how her stepfather loved her mother. Love was the important t
hing. But love needed to be given. It couldn’t be hoarded like a treasure. It needed to be offered fully, not rationed out. Love was the energy she healed herself and others with. She was full of love and only needed to release it. Could it be that simple?
Laurel felt the shift of energy and opened her eyes to find herself back in the forest with her wolf still sitting beside her. She leaned forward to reach into her pocket and experienced a wave of dizziness. Her limbs felt leaden. She looked down, and the black stone was now pink and shone brightly. She pulled out the other stones and set them on the ground beside the pink one. They began to glow brighter and brighter, until the four stones became a ball of light. Then, the light flew up into the air and dove into Laurel’s heart. She felt something click, and a flood of love and light surged through her body. The wolf nodded her head.
It is done. Time to go home.
Laurel got up and dusted herself off. As she walked down the path, she stumbled, following the wolf. The vision quest had taken more out of her than she realized. Darkness permeated the forest, and the moon rose and shone through the trees. Laurel looked up at the moon, and she was suddenly back in the cave, sitting on her cushion. She looked around, and the women were still chanting. She looked down at her skin and noticed it was red from sunburn.
Yelena smiled down at her, and then helped her to her feet.
“Well done, daughter.”
§
Anton felt a sting in his heart each time Laurel found a piece of her soul. He was so proud of her, and with peace settling over him, he was glad his mother and the other women had helped Laurel in this way. As the moon sank behind the mountains, a huge wave of love and light flooded his body, then through him into the other male wolves. Anton knew that Laurel had completed her quest and succeeded in retrieving her soul fragments. The other wolves slowly rose and wandered back to their houses until only Dmitry and Kolya were left. They both sat up and looked at Anton, their heads cocked to the side in question.
How did you hold the feelings of peace for all of us? Dmitry sent to him.
It was a gift from Laurel’s mother. She didn’t want us to suffer while Laurel was on her quest.
Movement from the mouth of the cave silenced any other questions. Knowing they weren’t supposed to see Laurel, Anton, Dmitry, and Kolya stayed back as the women surrounded her and took her back to Alena’s house. Anton was connected to Laurel’s mind, and his grief was completely forgotten, as he followed the women home. He felt how much stronger Laurel had become and how her self-esteem had risen. He would endure two more days for Laurel.
§
She had done it. She had completed the quest and found her soul fragments. All the other women congratulated her, then drifted off to their own houses. Yelena, Violet, and Alena walked with Laurel back to Alena’s house.
“I am so happy for you, Laurel,” Violet gushed. “I’ve never seen a ceremony like that before.”
“She needs to soak in some cold water for that sunburn, and then apply Aloe Vera gel. Then off to bed to rest,” Yelena instructed.
Laurel nodded and wandered into her room. She picked up her robe off the end of the bed and looked toward the window. Was Anton outside yet? She knew he would come and peeked out a couple of times to see him in his wolf form. He wasn’t as big as the spirit wolf had been, but almost as big. His fur was light-silver, with gray markings on his face and back. She wanted to talk to him, to share her experiences in the cave.
But until the final ceremony, two days from now, it was forbidden. She missed him. Maybe he would come to her in her dreams tonight. Either way, she knew there would be a gift waiting for her on the windowsill in the morning. She looked over at the shelf holding the gifts he had already given her. Next to her brush sat a flower, then a wooden carving of a bird in its nest. There was a wooden carving of a wolf, and next to that a deer. What would she find tomorrow? Sighing, she went into the bathroom.
Chapter Twelve
Anton stood in the security building, looking at the daily reports and shook his head. Something wasn’t right. Laurel’s stepfather wasn’t going to walk away. But for the last six days no one had crossed over onto pack lands.
“You’re telling me there have been no security breaches since the last time?” Anton asked.
“Well, there have been several,” Andrei said. “But when a patrol goes out, there is no one around and no evidence there ever was.”
“Have the alarms sounded in the same place?”
“No, first one side of the road and then the other. I don’t understand it,” Andrei said, shrugging his shoulders. The cameras don’t pick up anything. It’s like there are ghosts.”
The only ghost Anton knew was his future mother-in-law, and he doubted she would trip the perimeter alarms. “Alright, let me know if anything turns up,” he said. “I’ve got to go up to the high meadow and help set up the tables and chairs for tomorrow night’s party.”
Violet was going all-out for the festivities tomorrow. After Laurel’s ceremony, there would be dinner and dancing in the high meadow. The whole pack was invited. Dmitry suggested a public acknowledgement of Laurel as Anton’s mate, and Anton quickly agreed. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on her and was afraid he might never let her go. The last few days had been worse than having an abscessed tooth. He wanted to groan and growl at everybody. But instead, he walked up the path to the high meadow.
Rounding a corner, he heard giggling and knew Illarion and his friends were somewhere close by. Then, he heard something that forced him to take a look to see what the young scamps were up to. Turning off the path, he followed the raised voices.
“Now you’ve done it, you ripped it. You’re going to be in so much trouble,” said a young voice.
“I didn’t mean to. If you hadn’t pulled on it.”
“You should have given it to me. It was my turn to carry the supplies.”
Coming around a large tree, Anton saw dappled sunlight shining on the blond-haired Illarion and the dark-haired Vasya as they argued. At their feet, Laurel’s backpack lay on the ground, the pink color now brown and dull from dirt.
“What are you two up to?” Anton asked, walking up and ruffling Illarion’s blond curls. Illarion looked like his father Andrei, except for his blond hair, which resembled his mother’s.
“I didn’t mean to rip it, Anton,” Illarion said, his head hanging down.
“Where did you get this?” Anton asked, kneeling down to the boys’ level and picking up the backpack. One strap now hung down, ripped from the back.
“I borrowed it one day from the lodge. I didn’t think Laurel would mind. Then Mom said I needed to wait to give it back until after the party tomorrow. So we kind of used it to carry our supplies.”
“Supplies?” Anton asked, looking inside to see a small piece of rope and a bag of cookies.
“We were pretending we were exploring in the jungle of the Amazon,” Vasya said. “We’ve been studying it in class.”
Anton caught a glint of silver coming from where the strap had been attached to the backpack. Looking closer, he saw a small, round, metal button-like item sticking out of the material. He pulled it out and looked at it curiously. Could this be a tracking device? He put two fingers into the hole and wiggled around inside the lining near the bottom of the bag. What he felt only confirmed his suspicions. Taking his fingers out, he peered into the hole. Laurel’s father had been tracking her, not because he wanted to keep track of his daughter, but because he was transporting illegal drugs for the Russian mafia and using Laurel to do it. Inside the lining of the backpack were small plastic bags full of white powder. Anton was sure that, if tested, the powder would turn out to be an illegal substance.
“I’ll take this. You boys can have your cookies and rope,” Anton said, handing over the items to the boys. They both stood quietly, their heads down and eyes averted, a sign of respect from one lower in the pack hierarchy to one higher. “Illarion, I think you know you aren’t supposed to tou
ch things that don’t belong to you. You owe Laurel an apology.”
“I was going to give it back. But they wouldn’t let me see her when I went over to Alena’s. So, I was keeping it until the party. Will she still be my friend?” Illarion asked.
“I’m sure she will. Run along home now,” Anton said, smiling in reassurance.
What would Dmitry say when he found out Laurel was carrying drugs in her bag? Would he believe Anton when he told him she didn’t know? He had shared Laurel’s mind enough to know she wasn’t hiding anything. Sighing in frustration, he reached out for his brother with his telepathy.
Dmitry, where are you? I need to speak to you immediately.
Up at the high meadow. Violet has me hanging candle lights in the trees. Aren’t you coming up to help?
Yes, be right there.
Clutching the backpack in his hands, Anton broke into a trot. He needed to get this over with.
§
Morning light filtered through the window into Laurel’s room. She stretched leisurely and slowly got up from bed. Violet would be arriving soon to teach her self-defense. She actually looked forward to it. It surprised everyone how quickly she had caught on to the different positions and maneuvers. She wasn’t as strong as the lycans, but she had put Alena on the ground yesterday. It wasn’t all about strength, but rather shifting your weight and finding a way out of a hold. Of course, surprise and hitting hard probably helped.
“Eyes, Throat, Groin,” she muttered, remembering the prime target areas.
Laurel rushed to the window to see what surprise awaited her from Anton. Sitting on the windowsill was a wooden carving of a howling wolf pup. Laurel opened the window and retrieved the carving. Lying underneath was a small piece of paper. When she opened it, she found a note in Anton’s hand. My love, it started. Knowing that this forced absence from your side is almost over is the only thing keeping me sane. I can’t wait to take you into my arms and hold you forever. Yours, Anton.
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