The Shepherd's Heart Series: A Boxed Set Book Bundle Collection Volumes 1-4

by Lynnette Bonner

  Nicki smiled tiredly. “That would be just fine, Brenda.”

  “Good. I’ll be seein’ ya then.”

  Mrs. Jeffries started to move off, but May tugged on her sleeve. Nicki dropped her eyes to the little girl’s pixie-sweet face. Straight blond hair framed a heart-shaped face with a pair of the biggest blue eyes Nicki had ever seen.

  May stepped close and whispered, “I’m sorry your daddy died.” Nicki blinked back tears and bit her lip, unable to say a word.

  “I have a daddy.” The little girl brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and held out a finger, pointing out her father across the room.

  Nicki glanced at him and then nodded, pressing her lips together to suppress the sob that threatened to escape.

  “He’s real nice. Ya could borrow ’im sometime if ya need ’im.”

  The sob escaped and Nicki pulled May into her arms, resting her chin on the little girl’s head. May wrapped her slender arms around Nicki’s back, and gently patted out a comforting rhythm. When Nicki trusted herself to speak, she pulled back, wiped the tears from her cheeks, and gazed down at May. “Thank you. That’s the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time.”

  “I’m sorry I made ya cry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

  Nicki ran a trembling hand over the child’s silky blond hair. “Some days are days of crying, little one. But know that you have made me very happy on the inside. If I need your papa, you can be sure I will come calling, okay?”

  May nodded, giving Nicki one more quick hug before she turned and took her mother’s hand. Brenda Jeffries smiled kindly, blinking to keep her own tears at bay, and then mother and daughter made their way across the room to stand by Rolf, Brenda’s husband.

  Nicki was just recovering her composure when Suzanne Snow, Tilly’s mother, approached and set a large basket full of canned goods on the table. Suzanne pulled Nicki into a long embrace.

  Nicki squeezed her eyes shut against the tears that threatened to overflow once again as memories rushed in.

  John had never told Nicki where he got the money, but after he had purchased her, he made a number of extravagant purchases—several fine horses and the ranch being a couple of them—and then the money seemed to run out.

  Missing her family, Mama especially, Nicki had been very lonely those first months until she had met the Snows. Ron had brought her to church with him and Suzanne reminded her so much of her own mother that Nicki had immediately been drawn to her. Suzanne had taken Nicki under her wing just as if she had been her own daughter. And now, more than ever, Nicki was thankful for her friendship.

  Neither Suzanne’s nor Mrs. Jeffries’ gifts had appeared out of the ordinary at first but later, when Nicki got home, she found that Mrs. Jeffries’ paper-wrapped package was a beautiful lace tablecloth crocheted in the most intricate of designs. Much too fancy for the soddy. And in the bottom of Suzanne Snow’s basket of canned carrots, tomatoes, and green beans was an unpretentious looking book. The title brought fresh tears to Nicki’s eyes. Ranching in the West: How to Make It Pay.

  Suzanne had known she would stay.

  Clutching the little book tightly to her chest, Nicki heaved a shuddered sigh. She had been strong all day, refusing herself the comfort of many tears. Making sure her neighbors knew she was going to be fine. Trying to convince herself she was going to be fine. But now she was alone. Just her and Sawyer.

  Tilly had ridden home with Conner after promising to come back in a day or two. William had left for his ranch, promising to check on her often. Ron had gone to the bunkhouse for the evening.

  Nicki could finally let down her guard. She glanced around the room at John’s few things, still as he’d left them: his rifle on its pegs above the door, his extra pair of boots, a shirt hanging above the bed, the partially carved toy wagon sitting on the mantle that he’d started for Sawyer a couple weeks ago.

  How was it that she could miss a man who had walked into her life out of the brazen heat of a California summer and forced her to marry him?

  “Papa.” Sawyer banged two blocks together and looked at her as he shoved the corner of one into his mouth.

  Tears coursed down Nicki’s cheeks. She sank down onto the rag rug next to the bed and pulled Sawyer onto her lap. Leaning her head against the quilt, she finally gave in to the deep sorrow. Sobs shook her body as Sawyer happily banged his blocks together.

  4

  A knock on the soddy door awoke Nicki the next morning. She opened her eyes and glanced around the house, momentarily confused. She was on the floor, and her neck was stiff and sore. She groaned and pressed one hand to her forehead. She frowned at the dirt ceiling above her. Why did she feel so spirit-heavy today?

  A flood of memory rushed in. The funeral had been yesterday, and she had fallen asleep on the floor.

  Sawyer! She sat up quickly, glancing around the dim interior of the house, and couldn’t help but smile in relief when she saw him curled up on his side on the bed. Dark curls clung to his head in an angelic halo. His long, dark lashes rested against chubby cheeks rosy from the refreshment of sleep. He must have crawled from her lap the night before and somehow managed to climb up onto the bed.

  Poor child, his diaper hadn’t been changed for hours. But he was sleeping soundly so she decided to leave him where he lay.

  The knock sounded again.

  Rubbing the back of her neck, she raked her fingers back through the long, dark tangles of her hair and made her way to the door. A chill breeze swept into the house as she opened it.

  “William?” She took in his appearance, wondering what he was doing here so early in the morning. He wore an impeccable long-sleeved white shirt covered by a black and white cowhide vest that gave him a rancher’s air of casual confidence. His denim-clad legs ended in well-polished, black boots that were hand-tooled with an elaborate design.

  His immaculate attire made her self-conscious. She had fallen asleep in this dress the night before and knew, without looking down, that it was wrinkled beyond imagination. Her hair knotted in a tangled mess around her face, and her eyes felt puffy from last night’s crying.

  She folded her arms, hoping she didn’t look as bad as she felt. A touch of irritation traced its way through her. Well, he’s the one who showed up at this hour of the morning.

  William was not put off by her less-than-friendly stance. He tossed her a smile, though Nicki noticed he clutched his black hat in front of him like it was a lifeline. “Good morning.” Nervousness edged his voice. Nicki raised one eyebrow and stepped back, gesturing him into the house. “Come in. I will put on some coffee.” She wondered what he wanted. And why is he acting so strange? William was always calm and self-assured, so what had set him on edge?

  As Nicki stoked up the fire and added grounds to the water in the coffee pot, William pulled out a chair at the table. He glanced at Sawyer. “Little guy’s all tuckered out from yesterday, huh?”

  Nicki smiled fondly at Sawyer. “Sí,” she responded quietly. She gazed at the sleeping child for a moment, then turned to find William assessing her, a strange light in his eyes.

  She blinked and pulled the coffee into the center of the stove, where it would heat the quickest. “Did you forget something here last night?”

  “No.”

  She looked at him pointedly. Questioning.

  “Come sit down, Nicki. I have something I want to talk to you about.”

  She moved slowly to sit across from him at the table. An apprehensive foreboding gripped her. What could he possibly have to discuss with her? He and John had become good friends in that first year, but recently she had sensed in John a tension whenever William was near. Not that he had ever confided anything to her.

  William made small talk with her for a few minutes about the weather and how it might affect the cattle if the snows didn’t clear up soon, but Nicki knew that was not what he had come to talk about. Soon the conversation lulled, and she asked, “Why are you here, William?”

  Will
iam cleared his throat. “Nicki, I’ve been up most of the night thinking. Ron mentioned you planned on staying here and I got to thinking…” He twisted his hat around on the table a couple of times, glanced at her, then back at his hat. He drummed his fingers on the table. “Well, with our spreads sharing one border and all, and you and Sawyer being alone now, I thought—” He stopped again.

  The coffee pot started to boil, sending splashes of water out the pour spout to sizzle on the stove top. Nicki realized she had put it too close to the center, so she got up and went over to move it closer to the edge. Behind her, William sighed. What was he trying to get at?

  Sitting back down at the table, she rested her hands in front of her. “What do you want, William?”

  Reaching out, he laid one hand over the top of both of hers and looked deeply into her eyes. “I want you to marry me.”

  Nicki gasped and jerked her hands from his as though he had poured boiling water on them. Standing up, she pressed the knuckle of her first finger to her suddenly throbbing temple and the other hand to the small of her back, closing her eyes for an instant. The audacity of his preposterous proposal made her dizzy. “No.”

  “Nicki, listen to reason. There is no way on God’s green earth that you are going to be able to run this place on your own. John has five thousand acres here. Do you know how much work it’s going to take to keep this place running? And you have two hands who stayed through the winter. Two hands.” He held aloft two fingers. “You need me, Nicki. There’s no two ways about it.”

  Nicki massaged both temples with cold fingers. She could feel a headache coming on strong. And futility was fast on its heels.

  He was right. She did only have two hands. He was right. She didn’t know the first thing about managing a ranch and keeping things running smoothly. He was right. She needed help. But she couldn’t step into another marriage for convenience’s sake. She had done it once to save her family. Now there was just she and Sawyer, and she intended to give it a go on her own. Not to mention, she didn’t know where William stood in his relationship with the Lord.

  She straightened her shoulders and tried to smile.

  A flicker of hope jumped into his eyes.

  She spoke quickly, holding up a hand to slow down his assumption. “I see that you are just trying to help me, William, and I know I’m going to need help here, but I can’t marry you. Not right now, at least. I need some time.”

  He rose quickly and came to her, placing his hands on her arms. “I’m sorry. I should have given you more time. I know you are a strong woman and that if any woman can run a ranch, it’s you, but I have to warn you. I’ve already heard talk in town. There are some very big men who would give anything to get their hands on this land. I’m worried about your safety.”

  Nicki took a step back, looking into his eyes. “You don’t think they had anything to do with John’s death, do you?”

  He stepped close, smoothing her hair, his face contorted with compassion. “No. Shhh. Shhh.” He pulled her to his chest. “I was there, Nicki. John’s death was an accident.”

  Tears welled in her eyes. She pushed him away, folded her arms, and stared at the floor, trying to assure herself his words were true.

  He touched her cheek and Nicki looked into his face. “You need someone to take care of you, Nicki. You’ve had to take care of yourself long enough.”

  Nicki didn’t like this assault on her emotions. William was so tender and caring, yet something didn’t ring true. She took a slow step away from him, needing distance to think clearly.

  He put on his hat. “If you won’t consider me for yourself, think of Sawyer. I already love him like he was my own, and he’s going to need a father.”

  Nicki blinked and looked toward the bed where the little boy still slept soundly. She shook her head in confusion and took another step away from him, pressing her fingertips to her temple once more. “I don’t know. I’ll think about it. I just need some time.”

  “That’s all that I can ask. Meanwhile, I’ll send a couple of my men over to help out where you need them. Would that be all right?” His tone was gentle.

  “Y-yes. I suppose that would be fine.”

  He started to turn away. “William?”

  “Yes?”

  “Gracias. Thank you. I mean, for thinking of us.” She gestured to include Sawyer. “I know you’re just trying to help, and I will consider your offer.”

  “It will be good forever.”

  Nicki nodded. “Would you like some coffee?”

  “No. I need to be getting back to my spread. It looks like another storm is coming on this afternoon, and I have some things I need to see to. I’ll send those men right away, though.”

  “All right. Would you stop by the bunkhouse on your way out and ask Ron to give me fifteen minutes and then come to the house? I need to talk to him about a few things.”

  William nodded and ducked out the door.

  She hurried to get changed and cleaned up. She was a widow, but that didn’t mean she shouldn’t look presentable. However, she only had one black dress and that one she was wearing. She settled for the dark blue, noticing that it was a little bigger on her today than it had been when she wore it last week. She had lost weight in the past few days.

  She rested a hand on her queasy stomach, closing her eyes against the despair that threatened to overwhelm her. She determined this situation would not get the best of her. With God’s help, she would make it through this valley.

  Fifteen minutes later Ron tapped on the door and Nicki let him in. “Did you and Conner eat yet?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Why don’t you go back out and get him, and I’ll throw some things together so we can eat while we talk?”

  Ron nodded and soon returned with Conner. Nicki put him to work peeling potatoes. Ron took flapjack ingredients to the table and began mixing while Nicki dashed through the cold to the henhouse for some fresh eggs.

  Several minutes later when Nicki stepped back into the house, she paused, eyeing her two ranch hands.

  Conner had half-inch-thick potato peelings in the sink and a makeshift bandage wrapped around his thumb. Although he had been working on the potatoes for a good ten minutes, he was just finishing on the fourth one.

  Ron had flour on his forehead, in his hair, and on the shoulder of his shirt, and the flapjack batter looked more like a lump of pie dough than anything. Ron looked from the lump in the bowl to the recipe on the table and back again with a quizzical air that showed he had no idea what had gone wrong.

  Both Ron and Conner glanced at her when she entered and then turned back to their respective duties. By their unflustered manner, this was not an unusual situation for either of them. When she made no move, both men stopped what they were doing and turned to stare at her.

  Merriment traced the edges of her voice. “Well, I can see that the first thing we are going to have to do is hire a cook. How have you two managed to stay alive this winter?”

  Ron poked the lump of offensive pancake dough with the end of his spoon and stepped back, eyeing it as though it might crawl from the bowl. “It hasn’t been pleasant,” he said, picking up the recipe and running a calloused finger from line to line, “but we’re gettin’ real good at makin’ stew.”

  “Well here.” Nicki shooed the men into seats at the table. “The coffee’s done, and I will have some food fixed in no time. You two just sit.” She poured them both coffee and was just turning to start breakfast when Sawyer awoke.

  “Buenos días, Sawyer. How is Mama’s Sunshine this morning?” Nicki approached the bedside and ruffled his dark curls as the little boy stretched vigorously.

  “Mama!” His chubby arms encircled her legs for a split second and then he clambered to his feet, reaching his arms up to be held.

  Nicki picked him up, hugged him to her tightly, then placed a kiss on his cheek before she moved toward the table. “Mama is going to fix breakfast. You sit here with Ron and Conner for no
w, all right?”

  The little boy stared wide-eyed at the strange sight of the two ranch hands inside the house. Indeed Nicki could not remember Ron or Conner ever being inside the house before, other than when I sent Ron into the house for hot water when John was hurt. She brushed the painful thought aside. The hands had always taken their meals out in the bunkhouse, even in the summer months when the ranch kept a full-time cook.

  As Nicki cooked breakfast and watched Conner and Ron play with Sawyer, she knew that God had truly blessed her to have two such men working for her during this time. Gracias, Jesus, for blessing me with these two wonderful men. Give us wisdom as we discuss what needs to be done around the place. And help us to know what must be done immediately and what can wait for a few months.

  Nicki turned her back on the men as a rush of dismay washed over her.

  Taking a deep breath, she reminded herself that God had never yet deserted her and He wouldn’t do so now. Wiping her eyes, she set the last plate on the table and then seated herself.

  After the meal was over and Nicki had Sawyer changed and playing with some toys on the bed in the corner, she refilled everyone’s cups and settled down to talk.

  “First of all, I want you both to come to the house for your meals from now on.” She raised a hand to stop Ron’s protest. “If neither of you can cook, there is no point in you fixing your own meals. In fact, I’m sorry I didn’t know sooner, or I’d have done this a long time ago. Besides, it will make meal time more pleasant for Sawyer and me to have some company.” She glanced back and forth between the men and saw there would be no further protest. “Bueno. It’s settled, then. Now…” She took a sip of coffee. “Ron, tell me what some of our immediate concerns should be.”

  Ron sampled his coffee, staring into the mug thoughtfully before he lifted his eyes to hers. “Well, ma’am, the first thing I should tell you is that Conner and I don’t know enough about the cattle business to tell you too much. Conner here, this is his first job and he grew up in Boston back east. Me, well now, you know that afore I come to work here I was a hard-rock miner down Nevada way for thirty-odd years. We just did what John told us to do. I’ve learned a few things in the two or so years I’ve been here, but the first thing you need is a man who knows cows and the cattle business to run this place.”