Johnnie

by Cardeno C.

  After cleaning Johnnie, Hugh began soaping himself. As he raised his hands to his head and rinsed off his shampoo, his biceps and forearms stretched and bulged and his chest and stomach rippled with lines of muscles. All lions were strong, but nobody compared to Hugh’s thick, corded physique. Staring at Hugh’s body, Johnnie remembered Hugh asking what turned him on sexually. Johnnie had given him a true, albeit simple answer—Hugh. He could tell that Hugh didn’t understand his answer, that he had expected a list of sexual acts or positions, but the fact of the matter was, to Johnnie, arousal and attraction were irrevocably intertwined with the man standing before him.

  When Hugh told him he had experienced pleasure with him, Johnnie believed his feelings were returned, but now he couldn’t stop worrying that his own wishes were causing him to misinterpret reality. Without conscious permission, his mouth opened and his concerns tumbled out.

  “I overheard you earlier. When you were in your office.”

  Hugh stepped away from the shower spray and rubbed his palms over his eyes, wiping away the water.

  “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I couldn’t not hear.” Johnnie gulped and fidgeted. “I could have walked farther away, I guess, but then I wouldn’t be there if you needed me fast and there were still so many lions in the house and—”

  “I have no secrets from you.” Hugh cupped both sides of Johnnie’s face and tilted it up. “You’re my Siphon.” His dark gaze bored into Johnnie as he slowly inched his thumbs from side to side. “You’re the only one who sees and knows everything.” Rather than looking resentful or worried about the statement, Hugh’s lips turned up at the edges and his eyes softened. “And I’m not surprised your hearing is sensitive, like your other senses.” He leaned down and brushed his lips over Johnnie’s. “You’re special.”

  “They said you’re spending more time with me to stop me from making an attempt on my life and releasing your power,” Johnnie said in a rush. Once the words were out, he took a deep breath and forced himself to keep his eyes raised, meeting Hugh’s.

  “We’ve always spent our time together,” Hugh pointed out, his brow crinkling.

  “Not like this.” As he spoke, Johnnie wondered if it was possible that the changes, which were so monumental to him, were mere semantics to Hugh.

  “No, not like this,” Hugh conceded.

  Johnnie sighed, relieved that Hugh at least recognized the difference.

  “And you want to know if they’re right, is that it?” Hugh asked, his voice low and his expression suddenly tired. “You want to know why things have…changed between us.”

  “Yes,” Johnnie said, even though he had no right to question his Premier’s motives. He had no idea what he’d do with Hugh’s answer because now that he realized his importance to the safety of the pride, he wouldn’t jeopardize them. But regardless, he had to know why Hugh was paying him attention.

  “Let’s dry off and get in bed,” Hugh said as he turned off the water. Johnnie’s face must have shown his disappointment at not having the question answered because Hugh traced his lips with his finger and said, “We can talk while we’re lying down.”

  “Okay.”

  They toweled off, brushed their teeth, and then crawled into Hugh’s big bed. Johnnie lay on his side, his legs curled up and his hands pressed together and pillowed under his cheek. Hugh lay on his back and looked up at the ceiling.

  “At first I gave you my attention because I needed to keep an eye on you so you wouldn’t do anything to hurt the pride. That’s how I saw it—an attempt to hurt the pride by killing me.”

  Johnnie’s chest cracked.

  “But that was only the beginning. As soon as I started learning who you are, I understood that you weren’t trying to hurt me or the pride. I also realized that I’d never known you.” Hugh drew in a deep breath and rolled his head to the side, meeting Johnnie’s gaze. “Once I got to know the man who had been by my side for years, I stopped worrying about your actions and thought more about mine.” Hugh’s face fell and his deep voice turned hoarse. “I mistreated you, Johnnie.”

  “No.” Johnnie shook his head. “You were doing your job.”

  “Yes, I was.” Hugh nodded. “But it didn’t have to be either-or. I was so focused on the rest of the pride that I didn’t see you. I took you for granted.” He reached out and combed his fingers through Johnnie’s hair, pushing it off his forehead. “You were so young, so innocent.” He caressed Johnnie’s cheek. “You needed me and you deserved better than what I gave you.”

  “So is it guilt?” Johnnie asked. “Remorse?” Because to him, those reasons weren’t any better than Hugh spending time with him to keep him from making an attempt on his life.

  “Yes, I feel remorse for how I treated you. Yes, I feel guilty for the years you suffered alone.” Hugh’s dark eyes were full of emotion. “But no, Johnnie, those aren’t the reasons you’re in my bed right now.” He curled his hand around the back of Johnnie’s head and leaned forward until their lips met. “That’s not why I’m touching you.”

  “No?” Johnnie’s voice cracked on the word and his breath sped up.

  Hugh shook his head.

  “Then why?”

  “I am driven to take care of the pride. It’s who I am, what I was born to do. I’m used to it. But this, with you…” He kissed Johnnie’s forehead. “I don’t know the words to explain it.” He lay down on his side, facing Johnnie, and slid his hand up and down Johnnie’s arm. “There have always been so many people around me, needing me, so it doesn’t make any sense and I never realized it, but—” He took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s like I was lonely before but now I’m not. Because of you.”

  Warmth blossomed in Johnnie’s chest and his eyes burned. “So you haven’t been draining your seed with me instead of the others just because you feel obligated to supervise me?” Johnnie asked, already knowing the answer from what Hugh had said, but needing to hear one last reassurance.

  “I screwed the others for decades out of obligation—my body needed the release to keep my hormones even. Sex with you is nothing like that.” Hugh pursed his lips and scrunched his eyebrows together, as if he was struggling to put his thoughts into words. “The physical acts might be the same, but with you, they leave me sated like I’ve never been and I feel it everywhere, not just in my balls and…somehow it’s different.”

  Having books as his companions day after day had taught Johnnie about a variety of topics. He happily read whatever was available, including stories about relationships and emotions between humans. Though shifters didn’t relate to each other like non-shifters, Johnnie thought Hugh was describing something he had read about.

  “The humans have a phrase for what you’re describing,” Johnnie offered quietly, nervously.

  “For fucking?”

  “Yes.” Johnnie nodded and swallowed hard. “And also the feelings you were describing. It’s all part of the same thing to them.”

  “We’re not humans,” Hugh pointed out. The comment wasn’t intended to be derisive. The reality was that shifters had as much in common with their animal counterparts as they did with their human ones, which meant they had some similarities but were fundamentally different creatures. That was why shifters didn’t live alongside non-shifter lions or humans.

  “I know. But some of the things I read in their books apply to us too.”

  “Like the game theory concept you used to come up with the hunting idea?”

  “Yes.”

  Nodding in understanding, Hugh said, “What’s their theory about sex?”

  “It’s a phrase, not a theory. And it isn’t all sex but—” Johnnie licked his lips. “Sometimes, depending on the people involved, the humans call it making love.”

  “Making love,” Hugh repeated.

  “Uh-huh. The saying is based on the emotion love.”

  “Love.” Hugh paused, his expression thoughtful. “Like what lionesses feel for their cubs?”

  “My sense is t
he depth of the emotion is the same but it’s different when it’s between unrelated humans. They write about it with a unique intensity and passion, and when humans who love each other have sex, they call it making love.”

  “Humans believe fucking creates an emotion more intense than the formation of life?” Hugh asked incredulously. “Why? It’s a bodily function.”

  “I think it’s the other way around. They call it making love, but they don’t write about it as if the physical act creates the emotion. Instead, the passionate feeling comes first and it’s so all-consuming, they need to express it physically, sexually. That’s when it’s more than a bodily function so they call it making love.”

  For several minutes, Hugh continued smoothing his hand over Johnnie’s skin and gazing at him, but he didn’t speak. “And you believe that’s what we’re doing?” he eventually asked.

  “I was empty,” Johnnie croaked. He cleared his throat. “Not the part of me that holds your power, you’re so strong, you always kept that full. But there was another space, and no matter how much your power grew, it never filled that spot, but now you’re there and I’m not empty anymore.”

  “You believe the reason sex is so different with us is because instead of screwing we’re doing what the humans call making love and that fills an empty part of you?”

  “No, I…” Johnnie shook his head and closed his eyes. “I love you, Hugh.” He forced himself to be brave and look Hugh in the face. “I love you and it hurt for so long when you didn’t notice me. It ate me up inside and left a hole, but now, the way you are with me fills that space.” He looked at Hugh imploringly. “Do you love me?”

  “I’m not sure I understand what that means.” Hugh breathed in deeply. “I understand a mother’s desire to protect and provide for her young no matter the cost to herself. I understand a lion’s loyalty to his pride. That’s natural to us in all forms. But what you’re describing…”

  “Nobody talked to me growing up,” Johnnie said. “They protected me because I’m a Siphon, but they weren’t interested in me as a person, and even though it bothered me, it was mostly okay because I always sensed there would be something more. When I saw you, I knew you were that something. That’s why it hurt so much when you didn’t really see me. That’s why—”

  Hugh tugged Johnnie close and held on to him tightly. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his lips pressed to the top of Johnnie’s head. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I know,” Johnnie assured him. “I’m not upset about it. I’m just explaining love.” He tried to think of the right words. “All I’ve ever wanted, all I want now, is you. I want to talk with you, look at you, smell you. I want you to smile and laugh and I want to be the reason for it. I want you to touch me and kiss me.” He sighed in frustration, the words inadequate to explain the powerful emotion strumming through him. “That’s love.” He tipped his head back and looked at Hugh expectantly.

  Seconds ticked by as Hugh gazed at Johnnie. “I said it was about keeping you warm but the truth is the best part of my day is falling asleep with you curled up against me and waking up the same way. Holding on to you makes me warm too.” Hugh rubbed his palm over his chest. “In here.”

  Nodding, Johnnie blinked rapidly and then tucked his head under Hugh’s chin and wiggled as close as he could to Hugh’s broad body. His imagination hadn’t run away with him. The emotion he had sensed coming from Hugh, the affection he had seen on Hugh’s face, and the interest Hugh had shown in him were real.

  “I want you to take your things out of your room and put them with mine so I know I’m going to be sleeping with you every night. I want this to be our bed. I want you with me every second of every day so I can see you and talk to you and smell you. Having you carry my power is just a side benefit.” Hugh rubbed Johnnie’s back gently. “Is that love?”

  After clearing his throat, Johnnie rasped, “It’s different for everyone but I’d like to think so.”

  “Me too,” Hugh whispered.

  “I have another question,” Johnnie said, hoping Hugh would indulge him further and not be frustrated by his probing.

  “You can ask me anything, now and any other time.” Hugh tangled his fingers in the back of Johnnie’s hair and tugged his head back until their eyes met, then he caressed the back of Johnnie’s head. “You’re mine.”

  “Your Siphon.” Johnnie nodded in agreement.

  Hugh’s chest rumbled. “What do you want to know?”

  “You didn’t tell Percy or the rest of the pride that we don’t have to stay as close to each other anymore. You didn’t explain that that was why Larry and Dennis didn’t succeed in destroying you with your power.”

  “Shifters need to see their Premier as all-powerful and all-knowing to feel safe.” Hugh lowered his hand to Johnnie’s nape and massaged it. “The health and well-being of the pride depends on me being able to care for them.”

  “I’m sorry for what I did.” Ashamed, Johnnie glanced away. “I know now how I endangered you and everyone else by making you appear vulnerable.”

  “It wasn’t your fault. The responsibility for what you went through, what you felt you had to do, and what happened since all lie squarely on me. I should’ve seen that you were hurting.” He sighed. “I should’ve seen a lot of things.” He shook his head. “The point is, we’re still figuring out what changed and why you can now carry my power even if we’re not connected by sight or hearing or a small space. Telling the pride something so fundamental has changed won’t give them comfort if I can’t explain the reason for it. It’ll make them question my knowledge, which will leave them feeling vulnerable.”

  The answer made perfect sense and it quieted the last of Johnnie’s anxiety about how Hugh felt for him. “I think I have an idea about what changed.”

  “Already?” Hugh’s dark eyes filled with admiration. “You’re the most insightful shifter I’ve come across in over a century walking this earth.”

  “I’m not sure I’m right about it,” Johnnie said, uncomfortable at the unfamiliar praise even though it warmed his heart. “It’s just a theory.”

  “I’d like to hear your theory.” Hugh’s deep voice went soft.

  “We’ve always known that for your power to flow into me and stay accessible to you, we had to be connected, and we assumed the connection had to be spatial or visual or auditory, right?” Johnnie flicked his gaze to Hugh, who nodded encouragingly, so he continued. “But what if it’s not that limited?”

  “What else is there?” Hugh asked. “If we’re not close together and we can’t see each other or hear each other, how can we be connected?”

  “What if—” Johnnie ran his tongue over his lips and cleared his throat. “What if the connection can be emotional?”

  Hugh continued looking at him, his expression intense and thoughtful.

  “What if everything is related?” Johnnie continued. “You said sex with me feels different.”

  “It feels so good with you, Johnnie,” Hugh rasped. “Nothing has ever made my body experience the kind of pleasure I do with you or the sense of fulfillment. I’ve spent myself with a dozen lions in a night and not felt sated, but one time with you and I’m drained, my seed and my tension.” Hugh brushed his lips over Johnnie’s and then nipped the lower one. “So, yes, that’s different.”

  Trying to ignore the blood rushing to his cock, Johnnie said, “Maybe our emotional connection is tied together with our physical connection.” He couldn’t stop himself from rocking forward and rubbing his erection against Hugh’s belly.

  “Like the humans’ making love idea.” Hugh reached between them and circled his palm around Johnnie’s dick.

  “Yes,” Johnnie squeaked. He took in several deep breaths and told himself to focus on what might be the most important conversation he’d ever had. “And maybe the connection between the two of us that transfers your power, maybe that connection can be emotional instead of physical. Maybe the closer we get in here”—Johnnie laid his palm over Hugh�
��s heart—“the more connected we are regardless of how far apart our bodies get.”

  “That makes a lot of sense.”

  “Really?” Johnnie said, surprised despite having been the one who thought of the idea.

  “Really.” Hugh kissed Johnnie again, this time licking his way into Johnnie’s mouth before drawing back and gently pressing their lips together over and over. “You’re brilliant.”

  Chapter 15

  “I like being connected with you, Johnnie.” Hugh slowly moved his hand up and down Johnnie’s hard shaft.

  “Ah!” Johnnie cried out when Hugh’s thumb swiped over his glans. “Me too,” he said breathlessly.

  With his forehead, Hugh nudged Johnnie’s head to the side, and then licked and sucked his way across Johnnie’s neck. “There’s another way I’ve been wanting to connect.”

  “Okay,” Johnnie said breathlessly as he thrust his hips in counterpoint to Hugh’s fist.

  His voice taking on a tinge of amusement, Hugh said, “Don’t you want to know what kind of connection?”

  “What kind of connection,” Johnnie repeated more than asked. The answer wouldn’t matter because he’d do anything that got him closer to the big powerful man who had been the subject of his every fantasy and desire.

  As Hugh moved his huge hand down Johnnie’s shaft and over his balls, he said, “I want to connect in here.” He slid his fingers through Johnnie’s channel and then circled one fingertip over the wrinkled skin of his pucker. “I want to f—” Hugh paused and gazed at Johnnie for several long moments before speaking again, and when he did, his voice was low and gravelly. “I want to make love to you.”

  “Okay,” Johnnie agreed.

  Gently, Hugh tipped Johnnie onto his back and then leaned over him as he continued moving his fingers over Johnnie’s sensitive skin. “I’ve been craving this.” He kissed Johnnie. “With you.”

  “Why haven’t you done it?” Johnnie spread his legs and tilted his hips up, making himself accessible. “You can do anything with me. I’m yours, remember?”