Veils: A Killers Novel, Book 4

by Asher, Brynne

  Bev waves me off and picks up Vivi, sitting her on her lap, looking like a commercial for perfect grandmothers. “You look rested.”

  “It’s amazing what a little concealer can do.”

  Addy looks to Bev. “I was just telling Gracie how the men might be extreme but we wouldn’t want it any other way. Right, Bev?”

  Bev laughs right along with Vivi, who’s wiggling in her lap from a fit of giggles. “I don’t know about that.” She looks over at me. “Don’t let a one of ‘em intimidate you. They’re a bunch of teddy bears.”

  That makes us all smile and Vivi slides out of Bev’s arms, jumping off the sofa. Addy gives me a secret look that I read loud and clear because I would never describe them as teddy bears and I can tell Addy agrees.

  * * *

  Jarvis

  “Congratulations. It’s a brother.”

  Well, shit.

  Crew slaps a large envelope to my chest. “And just because I was curious and know you will be too, here’s his file. I added his mother’s because I knew you’d ask eventually.”

  I take the envelope but don’t open it since I can’t take my eyes off Gracie. She’s sitting across from Addy in their family room, smiling down at Crew’s newborn daughter. It’s only lunchtime. Crew wasn’t kidding when he said he’d get the test rushed—the labs at Quantico turned it around in no time and the results were undeniable.

  I’m not sure why, after all this time, I’m surprised my father fucked around on my mom.

  “Where is he?” I ask.

  “Asa is with him. He’s interrogating him about O’Dowd.”

  Since Gracie had her suitcase, she did more to get ready today than I’ve ever seen her do. After she put on enough makeup so I can barely see her bruise, I’m pretty sure I aged five years while she dried her hair. When she pulled a dress over her head and it fell over every small curve she has, I was reduced to a bumbling idiot. She looked fucking beautiful. But then again, she always does.

  Still holding the baby, she laughs at something Addy says as Vivi bounces on the sofa next to her.

  “You and Grady good now?” Crew asks, getting my attention.

  I give him an honest shrug because I have no idea. I haven’t seen Grady since I left the barn first thing this morning. “What are you going to do with Prosk?”

  “I need to talk to you about that. You haven’t read those files but I have. I think he’s good at his job and can dig up shit that people have buried deep. He found you from the flight registers and dug enough to track you to Ireland. Other than that, my gut tells me he’s harmless.”

  “Let him go,” I say before looking to him. “But put Ozzie on him. Or Wyatt. I don’t give a shit. They can tag team. I want him followed for at least the next few days.”

  “Done. And Carson has already set up the taps on his phone.”

  “What about O’Dowd? Does Donnelly have eyes on him yet?”

  “We’re still waiting.”

  “Shit.”

  “I put the order out and outsourced it for her to take care of. When they find him, it’ll be done.”

  Good. But I’m pissed I can’t do it myself.

  “I don’t know what to say. Me bringing this shit to your front door.” I shake my head and look back through the windows to Gracie. “And to her…”

  He slaps my shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “It’s okay. We’ll get it fixed.”

  “And I’ll pay you for taking care of O’Dowd.”

  “Shake it off, Jarvis. It’s nothing I haven’t done for your future brother-in-law. Same way Asa had my back when I started.” I start to argue as he moves to the patio door but then stops before going in. “Asa’s giving the normal story to your brother. Military contract work so you’ll know what to say. You want to see him before we take him home?”

  “Not today. I’ll figure it out soon. I need to talk to my father first.”

  “Fair enough. You know, Grady’s got your back on this. Despite what’s going on between you two because of Gracie, he was the first to jump into action today. His history with his sister is deep—remember that and cut him some slack. My wife is hell-bent on making sure the road is clear for you two. Just give it some time.”

  “I’ll make it right with him. Sooner than later.”

  Chapter 28

  Death

  Jarvis

  “Why aren’t you asleep?”

  I’m not used to sleeping with anyone, but in my short time with Gracie, I’m finding I can’t fall asleep until she does. We can’t even blame it on jet lag. Because of Paris, our days and nights are more warped than my father.

  We’ve had a full day.

  After Asa returned my half-brother to wherever he came from, I did everything I could to put him out of my mind. Lucky for me, my new best friends started texting me again and before I could decline their invitation—or better yet, kidnap Gracie and run for Canada—we were in the middle of a Jarvis and Gracie hooked up party that was disguised as a pre-Fourth of July celebration. Everyone was there, including Addy’s entire staff and their families. I wasn’t happy because I’ve become accustomed to having Gracie to myself.

  The only saving grace is that Grady and I were around each other all day and not one punch was thrown.

  Progress.

  But Gracie had a good time and it didn’t matter that I don’t socialize—meaning, never-fucking-ever—because she was smiling, she was laughing, and she was happy.

  I’m sure I looked like the Grinch who Ruined Independence Day because I couldn’t stop thinking about my damned father, how I’m going to handle this shit with my mom, and the sibling I didn’t know I had and who I want to hate if Gracie would just allow it. I’m sure she would have invited him to the cookout and sparkler party had I let her. The entire time all I wanted to do was take her back to the tiny house in the woods and keep her to myself.

  “Why aren’t you asleep?” she asks back. Her hand reaches back and she squeezes my bare hip. “You’re thinking about your brother, aren’t you?”

  I inhale and smell nothing but her minty shampoo. “I’ll sleep when you sleep but since you’re fidgeting around, I’m thinking about everything. If you could wind down, I’d appreciate it.”

  Her bare foot gives me a weak kick in the shin. “I’m trying.”

  I pull her into my chest tighter and I put my lips to her neck. “Do you need me to get our minds on other things? Like me fucking you until you pass out?”

  She presses into me and I’m about to roll her to her back and wear her out when she whispers, “I feel like I need to tell you something.”

  It’s not just her words but her tone that makes me stop. “What?”

  She tenses against me and I don’t like it. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this now. Just because we had a one-night stand and then hung out in Europe for a couple days before shit hit the fan, doesn’t mean anything. But I can’t keep it from you any longer—it feels like a lie.”

  This time I roll her to her back and look down at her. “What are you talking about?”

  She looks away and shakes her head. “I’m not kidding. This isn’t easy.”

  “You told me you weren’t keeping anything else from me.”

  “Not about what happened to me,” she rambles. “This is completely different.”

  “What?” I try to hold onto my patience but I can tell this is something more serious than her admitting she likes mayo on a burger because that’s just disgusting.

  She pulls her lip between her teeth.

  “Gracie,” I lower my voice. “You can tell me anything.”

  She looks up and her blue eyes turned to stained glass in this dimmed room. I realize after everything she’s been through, she never cries. Not when I found her, not while she was in pain, and not even with relief when she was safe.

  I’m no chick expert, but I assumed they cried more.

  I mean, I am a chick expert. Just not in that arena.

  I put my hand to
the side of her face and brush my thumb over her temple. “Baby. Talk.”

  “You know what happened when I was little, with my dad?”

  “I know it all.”

  “I had a lot of internal damage. It was bad but I didn’t know how bad until they started running tests. And I’m sorry.” She places her hand flat over my heart and her voice cracks. “I just never saw this happening. One night—it’s all I wanted from you. I swear.”

  The first tear I’ve ever seen her shed rolls from her bruised eye and I catch it, swiping it away. I have no doubt she can feel my heart speed under her touch and I say, “Why do I feel like we’re going backwards? We agreed one night wasn’t enough. At this point, stopping after a century is out of the question.”

  Her tears are coming steady now. “That’s why I have to tell you … why you have to know.” She blinks and rubs her face before she looks me in the eyes. “We were around everyone today … kids, families.” She pauses and I brace. “That’s not in my future.”

  Well, fuck.

  She turns away from me, like I’m some burning star that will blind her if she looks directly at me. “You deserve that and have to know I can’t give it to you.”

  My insides tighten and I have no idea what to say. I try to get her to look back at me but she’s having no part of it. So I do what I do with any problem I’ve encountered in the last few years and offer to fund it. “I’ll find a specialist—I can afford the best. Maybe someone else can do something—"

  One single sardonic laugh escapes her lips. “Ah, no. I’ve seen many, many, many specialists. There’s too much damage.” She rubs her face again and the tears stop instantly, as if she mandated them to dissipate. She keeps talking even though she won’t look at me. “It’s okay, I’m used to it. I’m really at peace with it. In the beginning, I was obviously devastated and it became a thing, but I’ve gotten accustomed to the idea. I just can’t do this,” she says the word as if the idea of her and me ranks right up there with a strong case of herpes, “and not be completely transparent. I mean, you’re you. Why wouldn’t you want all of this,” she motions to my bare body hovering over her, “to live on for generations.” She closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I’ve avoided this for years so I didn’t have to have this conversation. Which is why I wanted one night and tried my hardest not to do this with you.”

  “Would you quit saying this,” I growl, “like that?”

  She picks at her fingernail and she might appear blank and stoic, but underneath she’s raw. I’ve seen enough of her in our short time together to recognize it. She’s done it again—blanketed herself with that veil she uses for protection from all the pain life has handed her. It took all she has for her to say that out loud—that her fucking father not only almost killed her, but stole a future I can tell she wants, or wanted, more than anything.

  “Hey.”

  She looks up at me and her blue eyes confirm it. She’s scared. She’s not okay. And this is a big fucking deal to her. I lean down to kiss her, and for the first time, she doesn’t reciprocate. Her lips don’t move with mine—they’re stiff and tense and she gives me nothing. And, fuck me, getting nothing from Gracie leaves me empty—my heart might as well rattle around my chest like a lonely stone.

  I roll. She tries to pull out of my hold but I run my hand down her back, clamping it over her ass.

  I raise my knees up between her legs and hold her to my chest. We lay like this long enough until she finally relaxes into me while I run my fingers through her hair.

  “It’s important to you,” I state. “Isn’t it?”

  She ignores my question. “I know this is a weird conversation to have while we’re naked in bed. I should’ve picked a better time. It’s huge—life changing. Trust me, it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with it. If it’s a deal breaker, I get it. I mean, you’ve made no promises or commitments, so don’t worry. I’ll let you off the hook—no hard feelings.”

  I have to force myself not to tense under her.

  No hard feelings, my ass.

  * * *

  Gracie

  I’ve done everything in my power to avoid this conversation with anyone who mattered from the moment I received my prognosis. I had a laundry list of medical issues that led to finding out—then, test after test all revealed the same thing. There was too much scar tissue from the internal damage because of what my father did to me. So many nights I’d lie awake, mourning what would never be mine, like the death of someone I never knew and who I didn’t know I even wanted in the first place.

  I was twenty-three when I found out. I wasn’t with anyone at the time and haven’t been in a relationship since. I didn’t know how much I wanted a family, to make babies with someone I loved—to be a mom. I’d even wondered if I could’ve been half as good as the fictional mom I’ve created in my imagination.

  Grieving for what was never to be caused me to fall down the ugly, slippery slope of depression. I called it my own living hell. I was up. I was down. I was reckless. And I drank too much. Because, in the end, did it even matter?

  It wasn’t a good combination, and if I thought my siblings hovered over me before, they gave new meaning to zero privacy and no personal space. The worst part was, my spiral sent Grady down one of his own. His guilt for my pain, handed to me at the hands of our father, was too much for him.

  Grady gave reckless a new meaning. Thank goodness he found Maya and now they have everything. I’m happier for him than he probably even realizes because he’s too busy worrying about me to see it.

  It took a while, but I got to the point where I didn’t feel like death warmed over. I had to work at it, but I pulled myself up, rung by rung. Then another and another and another. When I met Jarvis, I was far up my ladder to being good. Not great, but I wasn’t under twenty-four-hour surveillance by my sisters any longer, so that has to mean something.

  It was good. I was good. Everything was good.

  And good didn’t suck as bad as almost death, so there was that.

  I had finally taken charge of my life—on that list was to go outside of my comfort zone and do something for others. I decided to do that in Africa.

  Noah’s arms come around me, crushing me to his chest where he won’t let me budge. My ribs pinch but I don’t say anything because there’s a better-than-likely chance this could be over soon. If I were a betting person, I’d say my chances are slim to none. I’m even prepared for a soft release—this is my Noah, after all. I can tell he’s different with me. It’s not like he’s going to walk out of the bungalow in the next five minutes, but fading from my life slowly over the next few weeks might be my reality. He gave me my memories and I’ll selfishly keep them.

  I know there are other ways to have a family. My sisters maintained my prognosis is not the end of my world.

  It was easy for them to say in the beginning. They were popping babies out left and right, and if they weren’t, they were totally fertile and capable to procreate with only the help of a tiny cell from any random man walking the planet.

  Such as the healthy-as-a-horse one lying beneath me.

  It doesn’t matter that I’ve found peace with my future. And I have—my happiness and self-worth aren’t tied to my uterus. But my peace doesn’t transfer easily to a relationship, which is why I’ve avoided one for years.

  He doesn’t let me go but I can be patient. Being in his arms is a place I don’t want to leave. I might’ve been crazy to have ever allowed him to talk me into this, but since I have, I’m going to milk every memory I can in case something changes.

  When his fingers come to my chin, he forces me to look up to him. I refuse to cry and can’t believe I shed a tear when I told him. If I could slap myself straight for that, I would. Learning to handle my emotions was hard but I’ve perfected it and kicked its ass along the way.

  Noah demands my attention. “You didn’t answer my question.”

  “I forgot what it was,” I sort of lie.

 
; “It’s important to you. It’s something you want.”

  I bite the inside of my cheek to keep my voice steady. “Those are statements, not questions.”

  “Lover, answer me.”

  I take in a shaky breath. “Kids are everywhere, Noah. They’re obviously important to a lot of people. You haven’t made any grand gestures but you deserve to know and now you do.”

  “I haven’t made any grand gestures.”

  I try to push away from him but he keeps me close. “You know what I mean. Just … never mind. This has been fun—you know, besides my getting kidnapped and beaten up. And you fighting with my brother. And Crew having to put his whole secret organization under some emergency lockdown. But I enjoyed playing Twenty Questions and Go Fish. And seeing the Eiffel Tower. And the sex—it’s been great.”

  Now he’s looking at me like I’m an experiment, which wouldn’t be that far off the mark at this moment. Discussing this with anyone is so far out of my comfort zone, I might as well be jumping out of an airplane strapped to a recalled parachute, and that’s saying something. I wouldn’t even do that with a first-class one that was the color of a rainbow.

  “The sex has been great,” he repeats.

  I take in a deep breath, needing to get this over with and start rattling nonsense. “I can’t speak for you, but it was for me. But I haven’t been with a ton of people, so my comparison might be skewed compared to yours. Anyway, thanks for that.”

  * * *

  Jarvis

  I can’t fucking believe her.

  “Grace,” I growl and my hand on her ass tightens even though I want to spank it for the shit she’s spewing. But when it comes to her, I never could or would, even if she was into that. I could never bring her pain—even the good kind—after all she’s been through. “Stop talking.”