Breaking Matthew

by Jennifer H. Westall

  I stepped out onto the sidewalk and soaked up the waning warmth of the sun on my face. I’d always loved fall. Loved the crisp air, loved football season. But it was fading, and winter would soon steal every leaf around, leaving a cold death over everything. I was glad to have the prospect of a new life beginning soon. Something to carry me far away from this place.

  But then I saw her.

  She was coming out of a house down the road a piece. Maybe a couple of blocks down. Dr. Fisher was in front as they crossed the yard. He opened the front gate and let her pass. Then he opened the car door for Ruby to climb inside. She should have, but she stopped and looked around, lifting her face to the air, like she was measuring the breeze against her cheek.

  Then she turned toward me, covering her brow with her hand to shield her eyes from the sun. She was too far away for me to know for sure, but I thought she saw me. My stomach tightened. Should I go to her? Should I wave?

  It didn’t matter ’cause she got in the car before I could decide. Dr. Fisher climbed in too, and in an instant they were gone. The whole thing couldn’t have lasted more than five seconds, but seemed like it could’ve been four years just the same.

  I stood there for a moment, my head spinning. I should’ve waved or something. I should’ve gone over and spoken to her, told her how sorry I was for leaving things the way I did. But once again, without even trying, I’d disappointed her. Part of me wanted to track her down. She’d be heading back to Dr. Fisher’s office at some point. I could easily make my way there and wait for her.

  But I couldn’t shake the lasting effects of what I’d seen that day four years ago. The thought of someone I knew, someone I cared for, having some strange power to make a person stop bleeding. That just didn’t seem right. I couldn’t say it was evil; I knew there wasn’t an ounce of evil in Ruby. But that kind of power wasn’t natural. And I couldn’t wrap my head around it, even after four years of trying.

  I made my way back to my car and cruised the streets of Cullman for a while, mulling everything over. I asked God to make things clear to me. ’Course, he didn’t.

  I ain’t sure what I was expecting. Not a voice talking to me or anything, but something. Some kind of sign or clarity in my thoughts to tell me if I should go to Ruby and make things right. After all, if it wasn’t for her, I’d probably be dead from T.B. Even if she, or her uncle, had used some dark power to heal me, God had allowed it. Maybe he’d even been the one to give her that kind of power. Was that even possible?

  I’d searched the Bible as much as I could over the years. Couldn’t find anything that sounded like what I’d seen. I mean sure, the disciples healed people, but that was different. They walked around in public; they healed out in front of everyone. And they healed people with sicknesses and demons. I didn’t read anything about fatal injuries being healed.

  I realized I was still aimlessly driving around Cullman, and when I turned to head back to Hanceville, I spotted my family’s church ahead on the left. As I passed by, I remembered the times Ruby and I had spent there serving in the soup kitchen. I remembered how humbly she had served, how the broken men and women coming into that place loved her so much ’cause she treated them with dignity.

  But I remembered also the warnings from Brother Cass. He’d told me to keep away from her. Said she was trouble. I’m not sure if he knew how true that was. I’d always wondered if he knew about her gift, and if that was the reason he’d spoken so poorly of her. It didn’t matter anyway. I’d left both of them behind. I couldn’t worship at a church where the pastor had such contempt for another person. Especially when he’d gone so far as to send that brute Chester to attack Ruby.

  I focused my attention on the road ahead. Remembering that day, when I’d found her in the woods nearly beaten to death, made my whole body burn with anger. No matter what that old man thought of her, no matter if she could do something dark and mysterious, she didn’t deserve that.

  As I put more miles between Cullman and me and neared my parents’ home, I pushed all those memories aside. It was best to leave well enough alone. Vanessa would be visiting tomorrow, and I was moving forward with my life. Dwelling on the past could only cause more heartache and nightmares.

  Saturday evening, Mother and Father hosted a dinner for Vanessa’s parents, who’d driven up from Montgomery to spend the weekend with us. I’d had my fun torturing Mary and Mother all morning, but once the Paschals arrived, Vanessa and I finally shared the news that we were engaged. You’d have thought I was announcing a run for President from the way my family reacted. Even Father seemed pleased with my decision, something I didn’t think was possible.

  As I waited at the bottom of the stairs, Mother and Mrs. Paschal beamed at me from the parlor where they were greeting the arriving guests. ’Course, the most important ones, to my parents at least, wouldn’t arrive for a while yet. I could always measure a person’s importance in this town by the order in which he showed up for dinner. Seemed silly to me. But appearances had to be maintained.

  I glanced up the staircase to see Mary and Vanessa coming down together, radiating sunshine and beauty. They already looked like sisters. Acted like it too. I couldn’t help but smile as I admired them and gave them a slight bow. “Ladies, you are both stunning.”

  Mary breezed past me, giggling as she headed for the parlor to join Mother. Vanessa stopped on the bottom stair so that her hazel eyes were level with mine. They sparkled as I lifted her hand to my lips. “You look so handsome in your suit!”

  “Thank you, my dear. You did an excellent job of picking it out and forcing me to buy it.”

  She grinned and shook her head. “You’ll be glad I did, trust me. I’ll bet your mother’s already pointed it out to mine no less than ten times.”

  “Well, they better enjoy it. Can’t imagine I’ll be wearing it again anytime soon.”

  I took her hand and led her over to the parlor to join the families and guests, introducing her as we made our way around the room. Despite my hatred for these dinners, I found myself enjoying the sight of Vanessa making her place in my world. I’d been hesitant for so long, wondering if we shouldn’t just elope and head west. The thought of making my own way in the world away from Father’s judgment called out to me. But there was Mary and Mother to consider, not to mention what such a betrayal might do to Father.

  No, I’d dreamed of that freedom, but I could never act on it. Good thing I supposed, after seeing everyone gathered together and happy. I figured it was all for the best, and I was sure Vanessa would slide right into being a Doyle. I reckoned seeing as how our parents had been friends since before we were born, she might as well have been part of our family all along.

  In fact, I was so content I hardly noticed when Brother Cass showed up. He strolled over to greet Mother and Mrs. Paschal before turning his fake smile on Vanessa and me. “Matthew! It’s good to see you, son.” He stuck out his hand, but I put mine on Vanessa’s back instead. He didn’t seem to notice. “And my goodness, Miss Vanessa, I hardly recognize you! It’s been what? Four years? You’ve grown into a lovely young lady.”

  “Thank you, Brother Cass,” she said.

  “Will we be seeing you and your family for service in the morning? I’d be so pleased to have you all in the congregation once again.”

  “I believe so.”

  He turned his eyes on me then, the same gaze that had sent a cold shiver down my spine every time he’d come to pray over me when I was sick. Like he thrived on my suffering. “And you, Matthew? Will you finally be rejoining us for worship? I’m sure the Lord would love to hear your voice lifted up in praise.”

  “I’ll be praising God on my own, as usual.” I tried to hide my contempt. He was a preacher after all, and the child inside of me was still just the tiniest bit afraid he might call down God’s wrath upon me.

  “Well, keep in mind that God calls us to corporate worship—”

  “God and I have been getting along just fine, Brother Cass. Every Sunda
y morning I take a nice long stroll and have a talk with him. I assure you, the Lord and I are on solid ground.”

  He cleared his throat but kept his smile in place, and nodded to Vanessa. “I’ll just look forward to seeing you all tomorrow morning, then.”

  As he slid over to Father and Mr. Adams, Vanessa frowned at me. “Maybe it’s time to put the past behind you and just go to church with your family.”

  “I’m sorry, but I refuse to sit and listen to a man like that tell me how to worship God. He ain’t got the slightest bit of compassion in his heart.”

  “Well, all right then,” she said, shrugging it off. “Who’s that man over there talking with your daddy and Brother Cass? He seems familiar.”

  “That’s Charles Adams. He runs the newspaper in town. Father’s practically kept him in business the past couple of years.”

  “How’s that?”

  “A lot of businesses cut back on advertising with the economy so poor for so long. Father’s stores take up a fair amount of ad space.”

  “I see. Anyone else I should know about?”

  Mary appeared on Vanessa’s left, scooping her arm under Vanessa’s. “What are you two gossiping about over here?”

  “Matthew was just informing me of who I should be mingling with if I want to move up in society.” Vanessa winked at me. “Anyone else here that’s remotely interesting? Mayor? Bank president? Judge?”

  “Judge Woods is right over there, but he’s not very interesting,” I said. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen the man smile in my life. Not sure why he comes to these things.”

  Vanessa leaned towards me, flashing her own wide smile. “Well, he may be boring, but you never know when you might need a judge in your pocket.”

  We had a good laugh, and I led her over for an introduction. Judge Woods and his wife were seated on a sofa near the front windows, both of them frowning as if they were in pain. He sipped on a brandy, while she nodded her head along with a conversation among some gray-haired women seated in the chairs nearby.

  “Judge Woods,” I said. “I’d like you to meet my fiancée, Vanessa Paschal. Vanessa, this is Judge Albert Woods and his lovely wife.”

  Judge Woods stood and shook her hand. Mrs. Woods barely made eye contact.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Vanessa said. “I hear you’re an excellent judge. Very fair and knowledgeable.”

  He lifted a thin silver eyebrow. “Likewise, Miss Paschal. I wish you the best of luck in your upcoming marriage.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  We nodded and dismissed ourselves. Vanessa giggled as we turned away and headed back across the room. “You were right. Not very interesting at all.”

  Chapter Two

  Ruby

  Saturdays were my favorite day of the week, ’cause those were the days I was free to just be myself. Dr. Fisher would let me borrow his car for the mornings, and first thing I’d do was drive out to see James, Emma Rae, and little Abner. I didn’t care as much for seeing James on account of him being as cranky as ever, as if he packed every one of us on his shoulders every day and carried us through the desert or something. Sure, things were bad all over Alabama, but they were bad all over everywhere in 1936. Everybody we knew was hovering right above disaster, just one sickness away from death, one meal away from starvation, one drought away from losing everything. But we were also one prayer away from miracles, and those were everywhere too.

  Just take little Abner’s birth for one thing. He was turned all around inside Emma Rae, and I was pretty worried he wasn’t going to come out without killing her. But I laid my hands on her belly, and I leaned down real close to where his head was, and I talked to him as sweet as I could. I told him how much his mother loved him already, how much he was going to love being in her arms, and how much I was going to love him too. And I told him he’d have to turn around to come out and see us.

  Then I prayed. I prayed so he could hear me, and I asked God to help him turn around the right way. And I promise as soon as I finished that prayer, that little baby practically did a flip inside her. He came on out without any trouble, and he announced himself to the world with the most joyful noise I’d ever heard. I cleaned him up and laid him on Emma Rae’s chest, and he got quiet pretty quick.

  Now most folks wouldn’t know it ’cause they weren’t in that room, and they didn’t talk to that sweet baby, but I knew it was a miracle. ’Course, by that time, I’d seen my fair share of miracles, so I knew what they looked like. Not everyone gets to see the things I did, so I knew what a privilege it was.

  Well, every Saturday I’d drive over to see Emma Rae and Abner. James was usually already over at the main farm. I’d help with a few chores or chase Abner around while Emma Rae got some work done. Then we’d talk for a spell. She was about ready to deliver her second baby, so I’d ask her how things were going just to make sure she was progressing like she should. It was always a happy time for me, and that Saturday in late October was no different.

  James was still at the house, so he gave me a hug as I came through the door. “On your own today?”

  “Sure am.” I pushed my chin up and dared him to start another argument with me about the merits of my driving.

  He peered down his crooked nose at me, sending a warm shot through my chest, ’cause that was just how Daddy used to look at me when he thought I was up to something. “I reckon you’re determined to go flying around this town in that car of the good doctor’s till you kill yourself or somebody else. He ain’t got no business letting you go out there on the roads by yourself.”

  “I didn’t give him much of a choice. Besides, you worry too much. I can drive just as good as any man. You beat all I ever seen. Just ’cause I’m a girl don’t mean I can’t do the same things as you.”

  “Well, all right then, let’s see you go out there and hook up the mules to the plow and get them fields taken care of. You go on out there and boss them field hands around and see what happens.”

  I put my hands on my hips and readied myself for a full on fight, but Emma Rae came out of the bedroom with Abner, and he tore across the living room toward me.

  “Udee!”

  I scooped him up and threw him into the air as he squealed. “Oh, look who I’ve got here!”

  Emma Rae smiled as she waddled toward us, her belly looking like it was about to explode. She wasn’t quite as together as she normally was, but who could blame her? With only a couple of weeks left in her pregnancy, she had to be exhausted.

  “Sounds like we came out just in time,” she said, raising an eyebrow at James.

  James huffed, but he grabbed Abner from my arms and swung him around for another peal of laughter. There’s nothing in this world like the laugh of a toddler to clear a room of all darkness, and Abner seemed to have a special gift for bringing light into any place. He squirmed in his daddy’s arms till his shirt nearly came clean over his head. I reached over and tickled his chubby belly, relishing more of that sweet laugh.

  James set him down, and Abner took off running. He hid behind a kitchen chair and peeked through the slats. James stomped his foot and pretended like he was going to give chase. Abner squealed again and took off for the back door. Emma Rae sighed, smiled at us, and then hurried after him.

  “I’m heading for the fields,” James called. “See you for dinner!”

  “I’ll be seeing you for dinner today too,” I said.

  He dropped his hand from the doorknob and turned back to me. “How’s that?”

  “Dinner. I’m coming with Emma Rae up to the big house today. She’s helping her mother with something, so I said I’d play with Abner for a bit.”

  “You might not want to do that,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

  “Why not?”

  He glanced over at Emma Rae as she came back through the door with Abner in her arms. “I ran into Matthew at the big house yesterday. I ain’t sure if he’s coming around again.” He hesitated. “Maybe I shouldn’t have s
aid nothing, but I thought you should know.”

  I ignored the momentary spike in my heart rate. “Well, how is he?”

  “Just fine, I reckon. Guess he’s working for the TVA or something. He was checking the electric connections.”

  “That’s good to hear.” I nodded, wondering why such information should keep me from going over to the Calhoun place. Surely he wasn’t likely to return?

  “He asked about you.”

  Another spike. “And what did you tell him?”

  “Told him you were just fine, that you been working with Doc Fisher and such.”

  Emma Rae came over and kissed James on the cheek. “I thought you were leaving.”

  He looked at me uncomfortably. “I am. Guess I’ll be seeing you in a little while.”

  He headed out the door, and Emma Rae looked at me kind of funny. “You all right?”

  “I sure am.” Breaking the spell, I clapped my hands together. “Now what can I help you with this morning?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Who’s Matthew?”

  I waved my hand to dismiss her. “Oh, nobody you’d remember. He’s one of the Doyle boys I knew a long time ago from school.”

  “Oh, I remember him! I overheard Daddy talking about him and Chester getting into an awful fight.”

  This conversation was quickly heading down a road I didn’t want to travel. I tried desperately to think of something to change the subject. But it was like a dam had been busted wide open.

  “I think Daddy said something about you too,” she said. “Do you remember all that? I’m sure you do. He wouldn’t say a word about it if I asked him directly, but I think that was about the time Chester quit and walked out on Daddy. I didn’t even see him for nearly a year!”

  The more she talked, the more my stomach churned. I preferred to think of Emma Rae as part of my family, and to forget all together that Chester was her brother. I couldn’t see how in any sane world, a man so full of hatred as to attack a helpless woman, could be related to Emma Rae and Abner. I wished she’d stop talking.