Super Sales on Super Heroes

by William D. Arand

  “What’d be illegal elsewhere isn’t so at all here.”

  Leaning forward, Felix spread his hands out in front of him. “And?”

  “And I’d love to spend some time with your ladies. You let me stop by twice a month for an hour or so, and I’ll make sure those taxes you owe disappear. As if you’d paid them already.

  “I’d prefer either of the two who were sitting next to you, but I could go feral on that dog girl,” Mr. Smith said.

  Huh?

  Felix had to concentrate for a second to realize Mr. Smith was suggesting he use Lily and Kit as payment in lieu of taxes.

  “She’s a wolf. And no thanks, I’ll pass. Unless there’s something else, I believe that we can conclude this meeting.”

  Standing up from his side of the table, Felix gestured to the two devices.

  Mr. Smith smirked at Felix and then got up. He pocketed the devices and then paused.

  “See you real soon, Mr. Campbell. My offer remains open. You know, in case something changes and you need help.”

  Turning his back to him, Mr. Smith left the conference room.

  Immediately, Kit, Lily, Andrea, Miu, and the Others came back inside.

  “Well! Now that we know about it, we can set aside taxes for it. Sounds like we need to have yet another finance meeting.”

  Lily watched him curiously.

  No doubt she wants to know what happened after they left.

  “Yes. We probably should. We’re in some trouble, but nothing we can’t work ourselves out of with proper budgeting of both our finances and your points.”

  “Great. Let’s just… do it here. We should probably get lunch sent up.” Felix sat back down with a sigh.

  Almost as if they had been waiting for that statement, a crew of Others came in and began serving pancakes and fruit juice.

  Andrea immediately sat herself down on his left side and pulled his plate in front of herself.

  Several of the cook Others crowded around him, watching.

  Felix knew where this was going. He closed his eyes with a groan, pressing his face to his hands.

  “Say ahhhhhhh,” Andrea Prime said from his left.

  Chapter 21 - Point of View -

  Felicia slapped a hand against the dark black metal. A solid thud came back, which was surprising.

  “It looks like… medieval armor,” Felix said, tapping a finger against the chestplate.

  “Oh, aye. It is, really. It’s what we could whip up on the fly. It’ll stop everything up to a fifty-caliber sniper rifle.” The dwarf seemed proud as she hooked her thumbs into the clasps of her overalls.

  “This’ll keep you safe from most things. We’re working on other things, of course. Better things. This’ll do for today, though.”

  To be fair, metal armor that looked this thin stopping a high-powered rifle round was impressive.

  “Better than even full body armor. No loss of movement, and the weight is minimal. Certainly ain’t fashionable, but that’s not the point.” Felicia reached up and pinged the helmet.

  Fashionable, no. Not at all.

  “Alright. And you’ve tested this?” Felix asked. Picking up the helmet, he set it to one side and then drew out the chestpiece.

  “Andrea shot the material up quite a bit. No penetration,” Felicia explained.

  “Great. Good work, Felicia. You and your team are phenomenal.”

  “Thanks. It’s nice to work without limits.”

  She picked up the gauntlets and handed them to Kit.

  “He’s your boy, you dress him. I’m leaving before I have to see anything I don’t want to.” Felicia trundled out of the room, Ioana following her with her eyes.

  “Go, Ioana. I already have enough people watching me.”

  Ioana nodded at Felix’s statement and followed the Dwarf out.

  “They’re interested in each other, they just haven’t taken that first step yet,” Kit said, running a finger over one of the armguards. “It’s cute.”

  Felix grunted and inspected the armor.

  Smooth, sleek, and made with elegant lines, it had the appearance of modern tech. It clearly couldn’t be anything else but a suit of armor, though.

  Made of interlocking plates, it was bound and secured against the black padding that it was mounted on.

  “Guess I should put it on. We’re supposed to meet Dimitry in an hour.”

  Andrea clapped her hands together and Others started to leap out of her.

  When six Others were standing behind Andrea Prime, she lifted one hand above her head.

  “Get ‘im!”

  Felix was brought down under a flurry of hands trying to undress him so they could stuff him into his new armor.

  Kit stood on his right. Spread out in a semi-circle behind him were many, many, Others.

  Ioana, Miu, and Lily had to remain to keep the whole business running, but also defend it.

  To that end, those three, plus Kit and Andrea, were all boosted at three hundred percent of their power.

  “Remind me to go through the upgrades when we’re done here. I keep putting it off.”

  “Sure thing, dear!” Andrea Prime said happily from beside him. She was dressed in a jacket, blouse, and pencil skirt that she’d taken as her uniform.

  Tapping something into her tablet, she shifted her weight back and forth.

  In sharp contrast to that, every Andrea around in the area was on sharp-eyed vigilance. They were all decked out in pantsuits, ballistic vests, and SMGs under their jackets.

  He’d managed to convince her to buy a mass of the vests and hand them out to her Others.

  At long last, the door to the restaurant opened. Dimitry stood there, staring at Felix in his suit of armor.

  “Felix?” Dimitry asked slowly.

  “Yup. Sorry. Going out in public has been a problem as of late. Can we come in?”

  Dimitry nodded his head and then stepped aside, holding the door open for them.

  He’d kept them waiting for twenty-some odd minutes.

  “I apologize for the delay. There was some… dispute about people being excused from this test.”

  Felix waved a gauntleted hand at him. “No worries, no worries. Andrea, spread out and cordon off the building. Only bring a few in with you. We should be safe here,” Felix said, turning his head to Andrea Prime as he passed Dimitry.

  “Yes, dear.”

  Andrea stopped and looked towards her Others, who all looked to her. In an instant, they split up without any form of communication.

  Once again, Felix had to wonder how they managed that. Was it a psychic link, or something else?

  Two Others, Andrea, Kit, and himself were led into the basement. The last time they’d stepped foot here, they’d been on a mission of death and destruction.

  This time it was a favor.

  Hopefully there isn’t a body count this time.

  Dimitry opened a door that hadn’t been there the last time they had come through. Inside was a large number of men and women sitting in chairs, standing around, and generally just waiting.

  There was even a number of people hogtied and laid out along one wall.

  “It’s like that horror movie we watched the other day.

  “You’re not going to wear one of their faces like a mask, are you?” Andrea asked, looking at Dimitry.

  “Ah, no.

  “You can start with whoever.” Dimitry flipped a hand at the people in the room.

  Felix had expected it, to a degree. This wouldn’t do at all. It’d reveal far too much about Kit’s abilities.

  “Do you have a room we can work out of? One-on-one interviews will get us the best results,” Felix asked, turning his head to the crime boss.

  “Hmph. Yeah, we can do that. Over there, it’s an office that isn’t being used.”

  Andrea pointed at one of the Others, who took off at a jog to inspect the room. After half a minute, she waved them on.

  Felix took a chair in the corner and pulled
off his helmet. Then he gestured to the chair behind the desk. “All yours, madam interrogator.”

  “Thank you. Thank you for both getting us out of that room, and the seat. I didn’t really want to interview them in that room, with everyone watching.” Kit sat down, adjusting her dress and blouse with a few gentle tugs.

  “Stop, you look great.”

  “Really?” Kit asked, looking up at Felix.

  “Course. Now get ready, Dimitry will probably start sending people in.”

  “The room is clean, no one listening or watching,” one of the Others said.

  Only a second or two later, two men brought in a bound and struggling third man and dropped him in the chair in front of the desk. “Him first.”

  Without another word, the two men left, closing the door behind them.

  Kit smiled and flipped open a pad of paper and met the man’s eyes.

  “Let’s begin.”

  To Felix, it was interesting. He imagined she probably had all the answers she needed within seconds of meeting the man.

  Yet she spent time asking him questions, prodding at his answers, and generally conducting what felt like a police interview.

  After a while, though, he noticed that her questions weren’t linear. They tended to flow from the last question alright, but in a strange direction. Almost as if she was reading a thought and asked a question to clarify his answer, and read his mind at the same time.

  After five minutes, and most of his responses being one-word answers, Kit had the two Others drag him out.

  “Not a cop. Steals a lot, though. Has gone informant on a few people in the organization he didn’t like, but not on the organization itself,” Kit said, jotting something down.

  “Oh. Did you know that right up front, or…?” Felix asked as the door closed behind the Others.

  “I knew most of it up front. The questions help focus their mind on the thoughts I want.

  “I couldn’t read Smith very well the other day. He kept his thoughts close. I’d almost suspect him of having a minor-level telepath skill.

  “This interview was easy in comparison. Certainly a lot easier since you… upgraded me.

  “Still weird to say that.”

  Felix made a soft “hm” noise and settled into his chair.

  After a few minutes, the Others dragged in the next person.

  Twenty-some odd interviews later, Kit changed her approach.

  It was subtle; he almost missed it.

  She didn’t write anything as the Others escorted a young man to the chair. Every other time, she’d already been writing as they brought the subject in.

  The man looked scrappy, his face sporting a few scars, and angry eyes.

  He seemed much like everyone else they’d interviewed. Built in a physical manner and clearly well suited to being part of a crime syndicate.

  When the door shut, Kit laid her pen down on the paper.

  “Pretty impressive. Pulling off a deep cover that long without being caught.” Kit said in a complimentary fashion.

  The two Others in the corners pulled out their weapons and drew a bead on the man in the chair.

  Looking from one gun to the other, the man deflated in his chair, his hands resting on his knees.

  “That easy, huh?” he said softly.

  “That easy. Six years is a long time to be a deep cover cop.”

  “Huh. Yeah. Doesn’t matter, though, when mind readers are playing merc, does it.”

  “Not really. Don’t blame her, though, she’s here because of me. So watch your tongue or I’ll have one of the Others pull it out.

  “That or we take you back home and put you in the sausage machine. Right after Mab gets a shot at you,” Felix said, leaning forward, suddenly eager.

  “Sausage machine?”

  “Yeah. First we give you to Mab, she eats your soul, then we put your living body in this machine. It turns you into sausage that empowers people who eat it.

  “Haven’t tried it myself, but quite a few of my people swear it’s tasty.”

  “It’s gamey,” Andrea said from beside him. “Didn’t like it.”

  The cop looked from Felix to Kit.

  “Tell you what. I figured this might happen, expected it, really, so I brought something,” Felix said. Holding out his hand to Andrea, she set a sheaf of papers into his open hand.

  “You can work for me, become an indentured servant, and continue on as a policeman. You get to keep your job, and get paid for both, while being in Dimitry’s organization. Or I tell Dimitry you’re a cop, and I get your soul anyways, and turn you into sausage. Your call.”

  “Why not make him a slave?” Andrea asked.

  “That’d require a lot more effort and taking him down to a government-sanctioned slave officer. Can’t just force anyone to be a slave, after all.”

  Silence took over. For ten seconds, no one said anything.

  “What would you have me do?” asked the cop in a soft voice.

  “Dunno. Probably have you feed bad information to your cop pals. Make you swear to say nothing about me, or my organization, to anyone. Honestly, I’d probably just have you feed me info.”

  Felix shrugged his shoulders and then dropped the contract in front of the policeman.

  “Read it over if you like, but time’s ticking. If we run out, or you say no, then we go on to the sausage option.”

  “No need to wait. I already have an answer. I’ll be your damned servant. You leave me little choice. They’d go after my family if they found out.”

  “Two children and a wife,” Kit said. “They live about an hour from here. We’ll be able to protect them once you sign on.”

  The man blinked, staring at Kit.

  Felix tapped the papers in front of the cop. “Read, sign, and then take this.” Felix set down a pushpin next to the paper. “Poke a finger, smear some blood in that circle in the corner. Voila, you’ll be done after that. Contract signed and magically binding. As easy as that. Then we move right along as if nothing happened.”

  The cop picked up the top few papers and started to scan through them. “Could you give me the abbreviated version?”

  “Sure. Too long, didn’t read, coming up.

  “You work for me. You discuss nothing of me, or the organization, with anyone outside of it.

  “You’ll be paid for your work according to market value.

  “You’ll receive health and dental benefits.

  “You’ll be enrolled in a 401k.

  “Your family will receive a life insurance payout if you die in the line of duty.

  “Your life cannot be spent recklessly.

  “Contract is valid for one year.

  “That’s the gist of it, really.”

  The cop frowned and squinted at Felix. “That sounds very… corporate.”

  “I guess? We’re a company. We are Legion. Money is our goal.”

  The cop frowned, picked up the pen, and signed. Taking up the pushpin, he pricked his thumb. A bead of blood welled up. The cop pressed the blood droplet into the corner.

  With a hiss, the blood boiled away, only to leave a nasty red stain.

  “I feel like Faust.”

  “Hardly. If you were Faust, you’d be stuck for all eternity. This is only a year,” Felix said. Picking up the contract, he signed it, then handed it over to Kit.

  Taking the pen from him, she signed her own name at the bottom where it listed, “HR representative.”

  “I’ll arrange your onboarding and orientation. It’ll probably be sometime next week, when we have a new class starting,” Kit said, tucking the paper away.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yup. Whatever, time for you to go… what’s your name again? Never mind, doesn’t matter. I’ll probably not see you again. Your supervisor will work with you.” Felix gestured to the man while making eye contact with the Others.

  Picking the man up under the arms, they escorted him out.

  Dimitry sat down in the interv
iewee chair and looked to Kit. “Well?”

  “One thief who moonlights as an informant on occasion when he finds someone he doesn’t like.

  “That’s it, though.” Kit tore out the page she had taken her notes on. Giving it a final glance, she set it down in front of Dimitry. “There’s all the notes you’ll need.”

  “Huh,” Dimitry said, reading over paper. “Handy.”

  “She’s irreplaceable. Now, if that’s taken care of, I think we’ll be leaving,” Felix said, standing up.

  “Yeah, yeah. Thanks,” Dimitry murmured, waving a lazy hand at them.

  The Others left the room, leading the way.

  Kit, Andrea, and Felix fell in behind them, moving to the exit without another word for anyone.

  Hitting the street in under a minute, they started off for their convoy of cars parked nearby.

  Halfway to the car, something crashed into the pavement nearby.

  All around him, gunfire opened up as a man-shaped monster stood up. Dressed all in red, it roared and lifted its arms.

  In its hand was a mangled Other, the head of the poor Andrea twisted all the way around and her chest flattened as if she’d been hit by a steamroller and dragged under.

  Bullets sank into the hulking mound of muscle with no apparent effect.

  Pulling the head off the dead woman, the man hurled it at a different Other. The gory projectile smashed into her leg and bent it backwards with a crack.

  Kit, Andrea, and Felix took several steps back as the Others went to work. They moved in a wolf pack formation, the one behind firing to keep the monster busy, as the ones in front kept its attention moving.

  “Kit, can you drop him?” Felix asked.

  “No. I never could get into his head when he was on my team, and I can’t now.”

  “What?” Felix’s question was cut off as a bloody arm zipped by his head. It’d only missed because Andrea shoved him to one side, keeping him safe.

  “His name’s Tanker, he worked with—”

  A lightning bolt tore free from the top of a building and hit Felix in the chest. The armor seemingly was built to take such a hit, and the lightning vanished.