Jackson's Girl: Being His Duology

by Charlie R. Love

  “Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to hold me?” I asked, my voice breaking a little at the end.

  Jackson wasted no time. In three big steps, he was in front of me and had me wrapped securely in his arms. He buried his face in my neck, inhaling in my scent.

  I did the same when I buried my face in his chest.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I do trust you, I want you to know that. I was just… I couldn’t think straight when it comes to you. But I do trust you. And I trust Aiden. I shouldn’t have jumped to the kind of conclusion I did, and I don’t have a good enough excuse to offer you…”

  “Jackson.”

  He pulled back a little and watched me with eyes filled with regret. I cupped his cheek and said, “I forgive you. Just don’t do it again.”

  “I won’t,” he vowed, holding me a little tighter to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and let him comfort me.

  Just for a while. I was too early to be heading to school anyway, and I wanted to be with Jackson before we have to go to school, where the rumors were at, where the girls who wanted him and hated me were at, where the boys who would look at me like some sort of conquest were at.

  I knew we had to go back, but staying in his arms seemed more important.

  “Do you want to go back to your house so you can change?” I asked him.

  He nodded, but made no move away from me.

  “And will you… will you tell me about you and Beth?” I asked after a second or two.

  He hesitated, but once again, he nodded. This time, he did let me go, but he kept me close, directing me to his car, where he opened the car door for me and did what he didn’t do yesterday.

  He bent down and buckled me in.

  My lips trembled, preventing me from saying anything.

  When he was satisfied I was secure, he looked up and met my eyes, removing a few strands of hair from my face, then cupped my cheek in his big hand.

  Leaning forward, he covered my lips with his, and he kissed me softly, gently, reverently.

  It was exactly what I needed from him at the moment. I kissed him back, opening my mouth to let him in as I wrapped my arms around his neck, keeping him pinned to me, while his kiss grew bolder, and he completely devoured me.

  “Jackson,” I whispered against his lips when he broke free and rested his forehead against mine. He breathed in and out heavily, trying to catch his breath. I did that. I made him lose his breath. “I love you.”

  He stilled, before pulling back slightly and met my eyes. “Say it again.”

  “I love you.”

  He pulled me to him, burying his face in my neck as his whole body shook.

  “Jackson?”

  When he didn’t respond, I wrapped my arms around his broad back, resting my cheek on his shoulder and I held him, letting him deal with whatever emotion that had rendered him incapable of speech.

  “I love you,” I repeated just so he could never question it. “I love the way you are with me. I love the kind of man you are. And I even love you when you hurt me. I still love you.”

  “Thank you,” he whispered, his hot breath hitting my neck and something wet. I wasn’t sure if it were sweat or tears. But thinking that someone as strong as Jackson would react like this because I told him I loved him seemed impossible to me. Even if the proof was right there in front of my eyes.

  “I love you so much, Emily.”

  He quickly let go of me, and avoiding my eyes, walked around his car and into the driver’s seat. I didn’t know why he was acting so evasive until I realized he didn’t want me to see him so emotional.

  So I left him alone during the drive over to his house, letting him hold onto my hand over the console, all the while, I ran my fingers up and down the back of his hand.

  By the time we got to his house, the sun was shining brightly, the morning air comfortably cool.

  We were late for school, but neither of us seemed to be in a hurry. In all honesty, school was the last thing on my mind, and I wouldn’t mind if we ditch.

  It wasn’t as if Jackson was going to fall behind missing one day with his perfect 4.0 GPA.

  That was another thing I’d learned about him in the short time that we knew each other. He was brilliant.

  In fact, he had been accepted to a few Ivy League colleges. I found most of the letters in the back seat of his car the week before, thrown carelessly on the floor. I knew he wouldn’t have said anything.

  He was terrible when it came to sharing anything personal. I was the same way. I supposed that why there was still this space between us filled with nothing but memories and secrets we’d much rather forget.

  I waited in the car while he walked out to my side and opened the door for me. I smiled and moved in closer to him, somehow, telling him I loved him made me feel especially vulnerable.

  I needed reassurance from him, even when he had already given it to me. I needed it a second time, and a third, and perhaps a fourth.

  I wrapped my arms around his waist as we walked across his driveway and found him looking at me, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

  His house was empty when we walked in. I had only been in it a total of three times, and like each time, I couldn’t help but noticed how thoughtfully placed everything was. How perfect it all seemed.

  Such a wonderful illusion.

  It could have fooled me.

  Jackson led me to his bedroom and deposited me on his bed. He wasn’t trying to hide his smile anymore.

  “You like seeing me in your bed,” I pointed out.

  “Ah, sweetheart. Just the very sight could tempt the devil. How can I resist you?” Jackson gently pushed me down until I was on my back and him on top of me. I spread my legs without waiting for him to tell me to do so, the sensation he caused the last time we laid in similar position still present in my mind.

  We hadn’t done more than kiss since that day at his grandparent’s house when we took it further than we had.

  I thought about that day more times than I dare to admit out loud, and judging by the way he was looking at me, he was probably reliving the memory as well.

  I wanted to tell him we could make more memories, but he was determined we not do anything until he knew for sure I was ready.

  And unless I can really let go of all those other memories of when Ethan was with me, I didn’t think I would ever be ready.

  What a terrible thing it was. To crave something that much, and yet have it terrify you so.

  “Kiss me, Jackson,” I whispered against his lips. “I want you.”

  He leaned down, and he kissed me slowly. Restrained. Controlled.

  He should know mine had already slipped away.

  I wasn’t as careful with him. I encouraged his mouth opened with the frantic exploration of my tongue, until he opened them for me and, for a little while, he let me control the kiss.

  And I kissed him like I wanted to, without fear of holding back. I kissed him as if he wouldn’t stop me when we both knew he would. He had been doing that whenever things started to get out of hand.

  He would gently take over the kiss like he was doing at the moment, so not to hurt me when he pulled away.

  Still, I felt rejected.

  “Soon,” he promised, when he saw the look on my face.

  “How would you know I’m not ready if we don’t try?”

  “I can feel it in your kiss. We would kiss, and things will get heated pretty quick, but then I can feel your hesitation. You’re not ready, and I’m okay with that. I’ll wait until you are.”

  “What if I’ll never be ready?”

  “Then I’ll wait forever.”

  “You say it as if it’s that simple.”

  Jackson frowned. “It is that simple. Emily, you never have to worry about me leaving. I can’t leave you. I’m already too in love with you. How can I leave you, when you already become such a huge part of me? Like an extension to me.”

  I didn
’t say anything, but I hoped to God that was true.

  Giving me one last lingering kiss, he stood up and stared down at me. “Let me go change. Then we’ll talk, okay?”

  I sighed and sat up on the bed. I supposed it was time we talked about Beth.

  I watched as he walked into his closet and came out moments later with clothes in his hand.

  When he started taking off his shirt, I stared, riveted by the exposed skin.

  Jackson had a nice body. Nicer than any high school boys should have. Tone and leaned, with just enough hard places to make me feel small and feminine when standing next to him.

  He looked over to me and smirked. I blushed but couldn’t look away. My eyes roamed all over his body, the desire I felt became that much more obvious the longer I stared at him. Could he see my thoughts in my eyes?

  He pulled on a dark blue shirt that did wonders to his skin tone, before focusing his attention back on me.

  Jackson wasn’t modest. I knew he was comfortable in his own skin, so I wasn’t surprised when, without hesitation, he removed his jeans, his eyes never wavering And I usually would have looked away had this been someone else, but I already claim Jackson as mine, why would it matter if I look away or not when he obviously enjoyed having my eyes on him?

  He slowly dressed then walked over to me and held out his hand. “Come on.”

  I took it and let him help me up. “Where are we going?”

  “Back to my grandparent’s house. If we’re going to talk, I’d much rather we do it in a place where all of my good memories are at.”

  “We’re not going to school?”

  He looked back at me. “Do you want to go to school today? Do you have a test?” I shook my head no to both questions. “Perfect. Let’s be rebels and ditch.”

  My lips twitch. “Okay.” I followed behind him. When he decided I was moving too slow, he pulled me up into his arms and carried me out.

  I laughed when he walked faster and faster until he was practically running. “Jackson! I don’t want to fall.”

  He slowed down at the front door and looked at me. Then he kissed me. Quick and rough. “I won’t drop you.”

  I ran my palm up and down his jaw, feeling his one-day old stubbles against my skin. “I know.”

  Jackson stopped briefly to buy me breakfast, otherwise the drive was uneventful.

  The house was cold when we first walked in. Obviously, Jackson hadn’t been here in a while. I didn’t think he comes here anymore unless I was with him.

  The thought made me happy.

  “Why are you secretly smiling to yourself?” Jackson teased when he caught me.

  My smile broadened. “Nothing,” I answered. I turned to him. “You make me happy, Jackson.”

  He walked over to me, playing with the long strands of my hair. Eyes on it, he said quietly, “I want to always make you happy.”

  “You do.”

  He shook his head. “No, Emily. You don’t get it. I want to make you happy for the rest of my life. And I know you’re not ready now, but I want you to know, I’m going to ask you to marry me someday.”

  My breath caught as I stared at him.

  He looked up and met my eyes. “And you’ll say yes.”

  I would probably say yes if he asked me now. Did that make us both naïve in some way?

  Perhaps.

  I didn’t care.

  I nodded and grabbed onto his hand leading him up to the master bedroom.

  I let him remove my jeans before he undressed down to his boxers. Then he climbed into bed and pulled me down along with him, until I was in his arms, my cheek resting on his chest. I laid there for a while and counted his heartbeat.

  “Beth was a distraction,” he said. I stayed silent and focused on his chest hair. “I didn’t care that she was with Jude, and she didn’t either. I wasn’t with her to get even with Jude, no matter what he thinks. She made herself available. She was easy and always there. But I guess she interprets what we did into something more. She told me she broke up with Jude so we could be together and I told her no. She must have gone back to him and told him about how I used her and then discarded her like trash.”

  Jackson gently nudged my face up so I could look at him. “I wanted you to know, yes, what I had with Beth was purely physical, but I was never once cruel to her.”

  I traced my index finger around his lips. “I believe you.” He was probably indifferent toward the girl he’d been with in the past, but he couldn’t be unnecessarily heartless to them. That wasn’t in his nature.

  And as much as it pains me to hear about him and Beth, it did clarify how different I was to Jackson.

  He laid my head back on his chest. I supposed it was easier for him to tell me when I wasn’t looking at him. “That day I met you? It was the day Jude found out about Beth and me. I guess his pride was wounded and he wanted to prove he was better than me. I don’t much care about either of them, but because of what happened that day brought you into my life. I count that to be my luckiest day.”

  I smiled and kissed his chest. Jackson ran his fingers through my hair, soothing me.

  “And you’re so different than anyone I’ve ever been with. You’re pure and innocent and good. Someone like you shouldn’t even be with someone like me. I’m always so afraid I’ll taint you, and there would be no way to go back from that.”

  “That’s just silly. How can someone treat me with so much care taint me? Jackson, you’re the best thing to have ever happened to me.” I looked up and met his eyes so he could see all the soft parts of me, the vulnerable parts. I wanted him to have it all because only he would treat it with care.

  “Before you, I was just living my life day in day out, counting toward the day when I would finally graduate high school and get out of this place. Besides Grant, I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I just wanted to leave, because I was just so damn miserable. But you took that away, Jackson. I wasn’t lying when I said you make me happy. And I don’t know how to explain it so you’d understand just how much you make me happy.”

  I pressed my palms flat on his chest. The muscle there tightened from my touch. “You take care of me. No one had ever taken care of me the way you do before.”

  He pulled me in until my upper body was plastered against his. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I’ll always make you happy,” he promised.

  I shook my head. “You can’t make that kind of promise. Just keep loving me the way you do, and everything will fall into place for us.”

  He smiled. “Do you want to know what I want to do for the rest of the day?”

  “Homework?” I joked.

  He squeezed my side and I jumped from contact. “Oh, sweetheart, I didn’t know were ticklish.”

  I frowned, not liking where he was going with the statement. Before I could say anything, he flipped us around until I was laying on the bed and him somewhat on top of me. There was a warning in my eyes, which he ignored when with a devilish smile, he began the torment of tickling me.

  I half laughed, half scream, trying to shove him off, but Jackson gently pushed my hands away as if I wasn’t even a threat.

  “No, stop it,” I pleaded, tears running down my face.

  He was laughing too, and suddenly the hands stopped, and then he was entirely on top of me, his lips on mine, moving gently before he entered his tongue in my mouth.

  I moaned against him, letting him kiss me until all I could focus on was that kiss. Jackson pulled away after a while, resting most of his weight on his forearms as he stared down at me.

  “Kiss me,” I answered.

  “What was that?”

  “The answer to your question. That’s what you want to do for the rest of the day.”

  He smiled. “Correct. I want to kiss you all day.”

  And then he leaned back down and once more took my lips in his, and he kissed me.

  18

  Past: Emily

  We spent the majority of the day in bed.


  Jackson made lunch, and we ate in bed while watching some old movie together. And we would have stayed there until the next morning had it not been for the fact that I was scheduled to work that night.

  So at four o’clock, we left the house and made the long drive home, and like each and every time we left, I felt unreasonably sad.

  “We can go back tonight when you're done with work,” Jackson promised, bringing my hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it.

  “But then we would have to drive back to school tomorrow. It wouldn’t make sense for you to drive us back here and then head back to school the next morning.”

  “Why wouldn’t it make sense?”

  “It’s a thirty-minute drive each way.”

  He squeezed my hand, the one he had placed on his lap. “I don’t mind. If we come back here, I get to spend the night with you in my arms.”

  I smiled. “You know you can do that at my house.”

  He grimaced. “I don’t think I’ll fit in your bed.”

  I laughed. “Okay.”

  Jackson smiled. “Perfect. I’ll pick you up as soon as you’re done.” I nodded, my hand tightening around his.

  Work was slow.

  And it dragged.

  And dragged.

  By the last hour of my shift, I was brimming with impatience. Jackson hadn’t shown yet, but I counted toward the minutes that I would see him again. I wondered what he does when I’m at work. Probably hung out with Aiden.

  I envied their free time. They seemed to have it in abundance, while I was struggling to maintain my decent GPA.

  School had never come easy for me. I usually did fairly well, but it took a lot of discipline to get to where I was, whereas Jackson seemed to be getting everything done effortlessly. Which left him a lot of time on his hand. Time that he decided would be put to good use training to fight and fighting.

  And he trained with as much discipline as I put toward my school work. He trained with as much passion I put toward leaving.

  He enjoyed the fight. In a way, he probably needed it, too.