True Calling

by Siobhan Davis

  I go to my room to organize my new art supplies and Cal joins me a few minutes later. He is immediately drawn to my painting. “This is really good Ariana.”

  “You know you can call me Ari, everyone else does.”

  “And that’s exactly why I won’t. I like your full name—and the fact that I’m the only one to greet you like that. It makes it more special somehow,” he says.

  “Apart from my mother,” I deadpan.

  “Then that just goes to prove what good taste I have,” he says as he moves over to sit beside me on the bed. I thrill at the vision of him in my room, and my heart makes little somersaults. Steady on Ariana, I warn myself. “Your mom is wonderful, talking with her today makes me miss my own mother so much,” he says sadly. It’s so good to have my mother back in the real world again, and I’m amazed at how easily things have settled back into a normal pattern. I fervently hope it lasts.

  “What were you two talking about?” I ask although I can surmise.

  “What went on today, trying to figure it out. She told me about your uncle, your mother is very compassionate,” he says in genuine admiration.

  We listen to music, wrapped up together on my bed. We don’t talk, there is no need, we both seem to derive so much comfort and enjoyment just from being in each others company. I can’t recall at what stage we fell asleep, or who fell asleep first, only that I wake in the early hours of the morning to find a blanket draped over us both.

  If I thought for one second that sleeping in Cal’s arms would stop the dreams, then I was sorely mistaken. I must be trembling in my sleep as I’m vaguely aware of Cal holding me tightly and caressing my cheek to soothe me.

  Zane looks troubled, as if he has a lot on his mind. He is flipping through a large stack of paper files, reading intensely. Every so often he stares off into empty space, as if he’s searching for someone or something.

  Cal wakes me gently as the alarm rings out. I rub the sleep from my eyes before remembering that I never removed my make-up last night. I look at him through bleary eyes as he looks at me contemplatively.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Who is Zane?”

  CHAPTER 10

  I stare blankly at him, did he really just ask me that? “You called his name out in your sleep,” he says caustically. Oh no, how long have I been doing that! I’m overcome with immense fear for Zane. I have to remind myself that I don’t actually know if he’s real or not, and I try to bring my expression back in line. Cal is watching all these emotions play out on my face, and he looks upset. What do I say to him? How can I explain it to him, when I can’t even explain it to myself?

  “Fine, no need to say anything, I can see it written all over your face,” he says tightly.

  “Wait, let me try and explain,” I say frantically. I move my lips beside his ear as I whisper quickly, “I see him in my dreams, but I don’t know who he is. I’m still trying to figure it out, but I think he may be someone I knew from back home. I’ll tell you everything I know tomorrow.”

  He considers this for a few moments and then taking my hands in his, he says, “OK.” I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

  “When did we fall asleep?” he asks.

  “I don’t know, I woke around two and we were both asleep. My mom must have put a blanket over us.”

  “Will she be cross?”

  “My mom is pretty liberal so I don’t think so, but she won’t be overly pleased either. What about your father, will he wonder where you are?”

  “He probably hasn’t even noticed that I’m not there. Anyway I couldn’t care less about what he thinks,” he says sharply. I feel a severe pang of sorrow for Cal, in effect he has no parents, and I cannot imagine how devastating that must be. It goes some way towards explaining his personality. I had him pegged all wrong; I used to think of him as shallow, self-centered and vain. I’ve never been so wrong about a person and so glad of that fact. That he’s such a caring person is truly amazing, considering he grew up, mostly, without any guiding parental light.

  He moves in to kiss me, but I’m sure I have terrible morning breath. “Give me a few minutes to freshen up,” I say as I rush into the bathroom to brush my hair and clean my teeth.

  “That’s gotta be a world record,” he says as I jump on the bed mere seconds later.

  “I had a great incentive,” I say as I pull him to me. Our kiss lingers on, and I feel a surge of longing so intense that I grab him tightly to me, feeling the contours of his body with my hands, and I never want to stop. A knock on the door forces us to pull apart and we stare breathlessly at each other.

  “Yes.”

  My mom asks if she can come in. We quickly pull ourselves into a more respectable position, and I call out to her. It doesn’t take her long to figure out what’s been going on, as she takes in our forced innocent smiles, and flushed skin. She doesn’t mind that we spent the night together, given the circumstances, and how upset Cal was yesterday, but she makes it clear that she will not tolerate this as a regular occurrence in her house. Cal is genuinely apologetic and she accepts same graciously. She tells him to go and put the coffee on while she has a private word with me. Uh oh, what now?

  “Ariana, I think it’s time you started using contraception,” she says bluntly. I blush furiously. I’m embarrassed that she thinks we were having sex.

  “It’s not what you think it was! We were only kissing, I swear, and I didn’t intend for him to stay the night, we both just fell asleep.”

  “That’s all well and good now Ariana, but I remember my first love, and the feelings are pretty heady, it doesn’t take much for things to escalate. I think you should talk to Dr. Victus at your next check up,” she says.

  “OK,” I say, as I desperately wish to finish this conversation. If they televise the events of the last few minutes, I will never be able to show my face in public again.

  Breakfast is a little strained, but we eat hurriedly, and once I have pulled on some clean clothes we make our way down to the convention center. We garner plenty of stares as we make our way hand in hand down the road. “Everyone’s staring,” I say glumly and he can’t help laughing at my misery.

  “I guess our strategy wasn’t very successful,” he says.

  “It might have worked if we’d actually stuck to it.”

  “It’s not my fault I’m so desirable,” he says smugly, and I’m pleased to hear him sound like his old self.

  “And what about me, am I not desirable too?” I say as I bat my eyelashes at him.

  He roars laughing before whispering, “Completely” in my ear.

  ***

  I come crashing down to reality, with a bang, as soon as I open the door to my room. Zolt Rada is standing there waiting for me. I feel all the air leave my body at once, and I’m frozen to the spot. I don’t know what he wants, only that it can’t be good. “Ah Ariana, come and sit beside me. Have you seen the daily report today yet?” he asks and I shake my head. I don’t need to see it to know what it will say. He switches the commiboard on and opens the pageant portal. Cal and I are still at the top of the list, only now we have a massive seventy-three percent of the public vote. Wow, they must really be digging our love story. He then expertly logs into the back-office system and tons of recordings pop up in squared segments on the screen. He deftly opens up the recording of Cal and me from last night and makes me sit there while he skips forward to this morning. I am totally mortified and I know I’ve gone bright red. I will personally sign myself into the penitentiary if they broadcast that, I do my best to look mollified.

  “Now Ari, I can call you that, can’t I?” he asks rhetorically. I nod, even though I want to tell him to get stuffed. “Well Ari, it’s great that you’re providing such excellent entertainment for the people of Aqua, but I can’t help noticing that there’s some kind of game being played out here, to your own personal agenda. That won’t be tolerated,” he says menacingly.

  “ I, I ... don’t know what you mean,” I stutter.


  “You can’t just choose to keep the same boyfriend you’ve had all along. You’re intelligent, evidently—surely you had figured this out already? Clearly you see the dilemma,” he says, as he picks at a loose thread on his shirt. I don’t.

  “He wasn’t my boyfriend,” I say truthfully.

  “No matter the label, you two were already close before the pageant started, that much is obvious from the footage,” he says. I decide to cut to the chase.

  “What’s this really about?” I ask.

  “You know,” he says enunciating both words slowly and clearly. I really don’t have a clue what he’s on about, but I don’t think protesting my innocence further is going to help me.

  “What do you want me to do?” I ask instead.

  “Loosen your ties with that boy. Cooperate fully with the pageant,” he says before adding, “and no more of that” as he points to the frozen image of Cal and I locked in our embrace. “Make sure you appraise loverboy of our chat,” he says as he gets up and leaves.

  I rush to the bathroom and get to the toilet bowl in time to see my breakfast make an unwelcome reappearance. I slump on the ground and I can feel the tears slowly rolling down my face. I give into it and really sob; burying my head in a towel, so that Cal can’t hear me. The commiboard activates and I watch dejectedly as Zolt Rada announces some key changes to the pageant. When he announces that suitors who are active participants in ‘The Calling’ cannot engage in any form of intimate romantic activity, I know that this punishment has been inflicted on everyone because of Cal and me. The crying re-starts in earnest. When he states that one suitor will be replaced on each list, to help keep things fresh, I know which suitor will be taken off mine and that’s when I break down uncontrollably. That’s how he finds me, curled up in a ball, on the floor of my bathroom, sobbing my heart out.

  Cal lifts me up easily and carries me into the front room. He holds me in his lap while he tries to calm me down. “Ariana, we won’t overreact yet. The public love us and it wouldn’t make sense for them to split us up,” he says soothingly. Of course, he doesn’t know yet of my conversation with Zolt; I bring him up to date, amid sobs. “I still don’t think it would make sense to separate us. It was surely just a warning, to start playing by their rules. And we’ll have to do that now, to get them off our backs. We should have stuck with the agreed strategy,” he whispers.

  Just then our data-cuff's ping and we know we only have to log onto the portal to find out the decision. It takes a few minutes for either of us to react. “Let’s just get this over and done with,” he says. It’s the one occasion where I vehemently wish that I’m wrong, but I’m not. Cal has been replaced on my list as I have on his.

  He is pacing the room furiously, his brain ticking over, I can almost see the wheels turning in motion. I’m just numb. Eventually, he says, “Come on” and he grabs my coat and helps me into it. It feels like I’ve lost the ability to speak, as I can’t even respond to his questions when he asks me if I’m OK. None of this makes any sense and my father’s warning is resounding in my ears. I know we shouldn’t be leaving the convention center, I’m supposed to be organizing my first dates with Fenuka, and I have a new No. 8 to schedule. But I feel powerless to stop Cal when he’s so determined.

  When we exit the Velo in Strata, I know what his intentions are. I try to articulate my fears, but all the words get jammed in my throat. We could be putting the hiding place in jeopardy, as well as ourselves. However, I’m far too fragile to object, so I let him tow me along. The minute the screen is shut behind us I sink to the ground and start crying again. “Ariana, please, you’re really scaring me now, come on, let’s go sit down and talk this through.” I struggle to get up as if my whole body is under attack. He swoops down and lifts me up, before proceeding forward into the woods.

  Cal pulls a sandwich and a bottle of water from his bag and makes me eat and drink it all, at least it gives me something else to focus on besides crying. He hugs me tightly and strokes my hair as he tries to console me. I finally feel myself coming around, and I’m a little ashamed, it’s totally unlike me to be so emotional, to fall to pieces so easily. “Sorry,” I say.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. You were there for me yesterday, it’s my turn to repay the favour,” he says.

  “We’re a right pair, aren’t we?” I say with a tentative smile, as I pull away from his embrace. “What’s really going on here Cal? This just can’t be about us, can it?” I say.

  “I don’t know Ariana, your guess is as good as mine. They should be pleased with us, we’ve been very entertaining,” he says.

  “I think the point might be that it’s OK provided they have controlled it. They’re not happy that we have somehow manipulated the situation, at least, I think that’s the way they see it. Well, whatever is going on, it doesn’t change the situation, we’re no longer allowed to be together,” I say sadly.

  “And that makes you unhappy?” he asks unsurely. I look at him as if he has ten heads.

  “Of course it does,” I snap at him, “what did you think all the crying was about?”

  “Just making sure, it’s been a confusing day; what with you mentioning other boys names in your sleep,” he half teases. I don’t want to talk about Zane yet, it’s sure to inflame an already tense atmosphere.

  “And what about all that kissing on my bed, were you unsure of that?” I ask furiously. The rush of conflicting emotions I feel is starting to give me a headache.

  “No, look just forget I said anything. I don’t want to upset you more than you already are,” he tells me as he holds out his arms to me. I hesitate briefly before gratefully wrapping myself around him as I allow him to comfort me.

  When I have calmed down, we start discussing our options. Comply and not see each other again, that’s too painful for both of us to even contemplate, so we dismiss that outright. Comply outwardly and continue to meet in here as often as we can, tempting but there’s the constant risk of being discovered and punished. Openly defy the government and see what they do, I don’t like it as I can’t see how any good will come of that. I blush furiously at Cal’s next suggestion. He wants to get me pregnant, and see if that will force them to change their mind. Considering they’ve just outlawed intimacy between suitors I’m sure that would result in some form of punishment whether I’m with child or not. Besides I don’t want my first time to be overshadowed by the necessity of it.

  “We could run away,” I suggest.

  “Run to where?”

  “Find a way of getting back to Earth,” I say wistfully.

  “If I thought there was a way of making that happen then I would’ve been out of here a long time ago.”

  We decide that the only viable option is to outwardly comply and continue to see each other in here; it’s risky, but it’s the lesser of all evils.

  Cal then broaches the subject of Zane. I try my best to explain it in a logical fashion, how the dreams only appeared in the last few weeks, but I dream of him most every night. How the dreams are always different, although there’s a certain predictability, as if I’m witnessing his life as it unfolds. I tell him about the photo of me, and the one of my dad. He listens carefully without interrupting.

  “Does he look familiar to you?” he asks.

  “No, I have racked my brain for weeks to see if I can recall any memories, any visions of him, to no avail. If he is someone from my past then I have no recollection of him. Dr. Victus says it’s impossible anyway.” He frowns. “What?” I ask.

  “I didn’t realize you had told anyone else. Who else knows?” he asks.

  “My family and Eve. Why your concern?” I ask.

  “Let’s just call it intuition. Don’t mention this to anyone else, all right?” he says. I realize now that he’s concerned people will think I’m crazy.

  “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?” I ask.

  “No. I think you’ve tapped into something ... not quite sure what ... but we should keep this
between us for the foreseeable future, agreed?”

  “Agreed. I’m curious though, why do you think that?” I ask him.

  “You mentioned that in one of your dreams you saw Zane in some kind of an underground military command center. I wonder...,” he says before hesitating.

  “What?” I ask him encouragingly, hoping he will elaborate.

  But before he gets a chance to respond, I’m gripped by an intense fear, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. My sense of survival and self-preservation is heightened and without fully understanding why, I just know that we need to take cover. “We need to hide NOW,” I whisper insistently as I grab his hand and start running up through the trees towards the boundary wall. He stops suddenly and returns to retrieve our backpacks, before rejoining me as I race forwards. We both slump to the ground, our breathing ragged, with our backs flush to the internal circumference of the screen. Cal is looking at me curiously. “Quiet,” I mouth. Just then I hear muted voices and the sound of footfall on the forest floor. I see my alarm mirrored in Cal’s eyes as we look at each other. My heart is beating so fast that I worry the visitors may actually be able to hear it. We both instinctively hunker down as the shapes take form a few meters below us. I count six men, all dressed in NSAF uniforms, moving hastily through the woods. They don’t so much as glance in our direction as they continue forward. I am desperately trying to calm my beating heart when Cal rises rapidly and grabs my hand.

  “Come on, we need to see what’s going on,” he whispers.

  We move stealthily in their direction, taking extreme caution to keep a safe distance from them and walking carefully to avoid trampling on anything that would give us away. When we reach the edge of the forest, we cannot risk going any farther. The six men continue forward across the deserted, barren land. Where are they going? We watch as their forms become smaller and smaller until they are no more than distant dots on the landscape. Cal opens his backpack and delves inside, he pulls out a pair of binoculars and peers through them. “What the...!?” he exclaims.