Interior Designs

by Pamela Browning

  He would have liked to be gentler with her after so long a time. This was a time for cherishing her and savoring the delight. But the need was strong within him, and he could wait no longer. He clasped her to him, pressing his mouth to hers. She returned his ardor measure for measure, turning on her back, pulling him along with her.

  Lowering himself over her, face to face, her long body pressed tightly beneath his, he clutched her to him as they melded together for moments before exploding in a starburst of bright light.

  The power behind the act was enough to make her gasp and then moan with her own explosion, a white-hot fusion that melted the ice within her.

  They lay locked in each other's arms, shaken by the release of so much feeling. Joyful tears stung Cathryn's eyes. Their intimacy had been revived, their relationship revitalized. Again they felt the encompassing closeness that had made the two of them together so very special from the beginning.

  Drew held her close, wondering how he could have been so wrong. He'd tried to exorcise the lingering pain of his past life by clinging to his child as though she were the last life preserver from a ship that had sunk. But she wasn't enough to keep him afloat. He needed this woman, Cathryn. She was part of the life he could live from now on, and that was what really counted, not the life he had left behind.

  When he could speak, he said, "I never want to be without you again. Never. Marry me, Cathryn." And as he kissed her eyes, still bright and damp with tears, her heart stilled and grew solemn with the thought of it.

  Marriage, she thought, awestruck by the idea. Marriage. Although she loved Drew with all her heart, was marriage what she truly wanted?

  Chapter 12

  "Hold still—that's right. Just let me dab on a bit more highlighter," said Cathryn, scrutinizing Selby's face through narrowed eyes. Selby stood gazing at herself in Cathryn's mirror with unconcealed delight.

  The idea of a complete makeup job just for fun had been Selby's idea, and Cathryn had been pleased to oblige. Together they'd rummaged through Cathryn's makeup drawer searching for the perfect eyeliner to emphasize Selby's blue eyes and exactly the right shade of lipstick to complement her fair skin.

  "How's it going?" Drew asked as he poked his head around the edge of the bathroom door. Selby closed her eyes to show off the elaborate layers of eyeshadow.

  "What do you think?" said Cathryn critically, surveying her work.

  "I think I you're a pretty little girl who is going to grow up to be a beautiful big girl," he said, scarcely able to take his eyes off Selby. "And when do we eat dinner? It's ready."

  "Right now, if you like," said Cathryn.

  "I like. Anyway, what kind of a deal is this? You invite us over for dinner, and you snatch my daughter out from under my very eyes and disappear so that I have to put the finishing touches on the meal. Some hostess you are."

  "You have to learn to be a little impulsive once in a while," she informed him.

  Selby, who was turning this way and that as she examined her reflection, grinned up at her. "Thank you, Cathryn," she said, hugging Cathryn around the waist. "Is it okay if I leave all this makeup on?"

  "If your father doesn't mind," she said.

  "Daddy?"

  "Okay, Button. I've learned to be impulsive." He kissed Cathryn surreptitiously as Selby preceded them to the balcony where Cathryn had set the table for dinner.

  This is what it would be like if Drew and I were married, Cathryn thought as she deftly poured the Chablis. She had told him she'd have to think about it and that she didn't want either of them to rush into something as serious as marriage.

  Now, the three of them gathered around the table together gave Cathryn a cozy, belonging feeling and an impression of family life that she'd never shared with anyone before. Selby sat across from her, looking grown-up in her adult makeup. Cathryn felt a tug at her heartstrings over this child who was not her child yet had grown so dear to her. It was a fondness that surpassed her obligation to be nice to Selby because she was Drew's daughter. She had grown to care for Selby in a very special way.

  True to his word, Drew had made time for her in his life and Selby's since that night on the beach. Drew had made time for them to be alone together, too. Even though they hadn't discussed it further, marriage weighed heavily on their minds. So many factors were involved that didn't come to bear on decisions of ordinary people. Drew had his work with Sedgwick Department Stores, and Cathryn had the demands of her career. And, of course, there was Selby.

  Cathryn knew, because he'd said so, that Drew was pleased that she and Selby had grown so close. Cathryn had learned Selby's weaknesses and strengths and limits. She'd become open and receptive to Selby's needs. Drew had watched and encouraged the bond between them to strengthen and grow.

  "Let's all go on a picnic together," he'd suggest, or he'd say, "Cathryn, do you think Selby needs another swimsuit, or does she have enough?" Involving Cathryn in decisions concerning his daughter was his way of including her ever more deeply in his life.

  Cathryn longed to be close to Drew and part of Drew in every way. But marriage? She thought about it all the time, when she was with him and as she worked. Eventually she'd have to deal with the question, she knew, but for now she was putting off the decision while she played for time.

  Cathryn had finally finished work on the architect's office, and he'd been so pleased that he had thrown a grand reception to show off the results of her work. Mrs. Brattigan's green house was now redecorated in shades of yellow, and she happily pronounced the new color scheme delightful before flying off to Newport.

  But Cathryn was busy now with other projects, and so, knowing how preoccupied she was, Drew had refrained from bringing up the subject of marriage again. He wanted to approach the idea gently, carefully, to avoid scaring her away.

  She'd looked so stunned when he'd asked her to marry him, although he knew she'd probably thought about it. Marriage had certainly entered his mind often enough. He looked forward to the pleasure of waking up beside her every morning and her beatific smile as she snuggled into his arms for a moment of closeness before they began their separate days.

  He'd daydreamed about marriage, fantasized, and pulled himself back from the precipice of actually asking her hundreds of times before he'd finally proposed. His hesitation didn't signify reluctance. He simply knew that he couldn't think about marriage to her until he knew how she got along with Selby.

  Custody of Selby seemed more important all the time. He had seen, since she had been living with him, that Selby was an emotionally stable child and could probably handle a custody battle between her parents. Cathryn would be a wonderful stepmother, if only she knew it.

  Drew hadn't believed how easily the relationship between Selby and Cathryn had flourished. He should have realized that Cathryn had a way with children when he'd seen her with Amanda. But he hadn't known how well she would get along with his daughter until he'd actually observed it. And it was then that he'd known he wanted to marry Cathryn more than anything in the world.

  After dinner, when they were sitting on the balcony watching a half moon rise over the darkening sea, Cathryn said suddenly, "Have you heard from Talma lately?" Selby had gone to thumb through a stack of Cathryn's magazines, leaving them in privacy.

  Drew sent her a surprised glance. "Selby's had a postcard from her mother. Talma is in Rome, and she doesn't know when she's coming back. Why do you ask?"

  Cathryn shrugged. "Just interested. Selby doesn't mention her mother very often."

  Drew was silent for a long time. "She's beginning to open up about life with her mother. Frankly, Cathryn, it disturbs me. Talma's a nervous, anxious woman—she has wild temper tantrums, and I'm sure Selby often feels frightened. Selby seemed tense the first few days we were together in New York, but she's relaxed and adjusted now. The other day she said she wished she could live with me instead of Talma. I'm beginning to think more and more about pursuing sole custody of her. What do you think?"

 
"I've only seen Selby here, of course, but there's no doubt in my mind that she's a happy child when she's with you."

  "Talma isn't easy to deal with. We're barely on speaking terms. If I go for custody and fail to get it, Talma could create chaos every time I want to see Selby. The important thing is to do what's best for Selby." A line furrowed its way across Drew's forehead.

  "What about counseling? It might help Talma."

  Drew shook his head. "She's been seeing a psychiatrist for years. We saw a marriage counselor before we split. No, I'm sure that's not the answer."

  "Then," Cathryn said quietly, "you must do what you think best."

  What Drew thought best was to marry Cathryn. The three of them would be a family. There was nothing he wanted more.

  Did she want that, too? Sometimes he saw the warm light in her eyes when she looked at Selby, or when she laughed with her, and there was a lot of laughter between Cathryn and his daughter. Tonight during dinner he could have sworn she was thinking about how it would be if the three of them gathered around a dinner table at the end of each and every day. Why wouldn't she say she'd marry him? She loved him. He was sure of that.

  She also loved her work. He understood how dedicated she was. And he was proud of what she'd done. Being married to him would preclude such a busy working schedule, he knew, and that would be good for Cathryn. He wanted to persuade her to slow down, to take it easy for a while, just as Judy had been after her to do for so long.

  His own work schedule had been drastically altered since Selby arrived, and he felt much better as a result, both mentally and physically. He'd hoped that Selby's presence would promote a slacking off in Cathryn's own determination to work so hard. And now, the perfect opportunity had presented itself, a chance for Cathryn to find out for herself how good it would be to have Selby around for longer than an hour or two at one time.

  He cleared his throat. "I have a favor to ask of you, sweetheart," he said. He watched her carefully. Behind his casual manner, he was alert for danger signals.

  She absently stroked his fingers. "Anything," she said, with a look that was mellow and full of contentment.

  Drew relaxed, relieved at her easy response. This, he thought, is what it would be like if we were married. Every night, knowing each other, being best friends, contented.

  "The construction outfit that's building our new Daytona Beach store is having problems. Yesterday part of the roof collapsed, and now there's some question about how it's to be repaired. I have to go to Daytona tomorrow morning, and I need someone to look after Selby. A construction site is no place for a small girl. Can she stay with you for a night or two?"

  With a sinking feeling, Cathryn thought of her new projects. Zohra had been out sick for the past week, and Cathryn had taken over handling the details for Zohra's clients. It wasn't a good time to take on a babysitting job, even with as sweet a child as Selby.

  But in her eagerness to please Drew, Cathryn didn't hesitate. Somehow she'd manage. She smiled and said, "Of course. I'd like having Selby stay with me."

  "I could ask Judy, but we've accepted so much of her hospitality already," he said, giving Cathryn an out if she chose to take it.

  "No," Cathryn said firmly. "I want Selby here." She entwined her fingers in his.

  He squeezed her hand, thinking how pretty her hair looked at night with the light from the room behind them shining on it. He felt a glow of pleasure at her willingness to accommodate his needs.

  "I'll bring Selby over early tomorrow morning so that I can get on the road," he told her.

  Cathryn lowered her head just in time to hide her look of sudden apprehension.

  * * *

  It would have been easier if Drew had been gone only a short time as he originally planned. But on the second day he called to tell Cathryn and Selby with some exasperation that nothing was going as expected and that he'd have to spend the whole week in Daytona.

  Selby was delighted. Cathryn, much as she tried not to be, was dismayed.

  What a lot of fun the two of them had had for the first two days! Cathryn had called her studio and asked Natalie to take on Zohra's work, and Natalie politely agreed. Cathryn didn't go to the studio at all. Instead, she took Selby to the pet store and bought her not just one parakeet but two. Selby named them Romeo and Juliet after two other famous lovebirds, and they watched entranced as the birds billed and cooed at each other and at the mirror hanging in their cage.

  On the second day they curled Selby's hair with Cathryn's curling iron and then, dissatisfied with the look of it, combed all the curls out. They read Peter Pan to each other. And they cooked a batch of fudge that never hardened, so that they'd had to scoop it out of the pan with a spoon. Cathryn pulled out her old watercolors and taught Selby a bit about painting. She even started a painting of her own, done from memory, of the spreading oak tree overlooking the dunes at the beach house. She was amazed at how much she enjoyed working with watercolors again.

  "I really need to go into the studio today," Cathryn told Selby firmly on the third day after Drew had called and said that he wasn't coming home as scheduled. She planned to ask Judy if Selby could go over and visit Amanda.

  "Can I come along to the studio?" asked Selby unexpectedly.

  "Well," said Cathryn, but then she thought, Why not? It would be interesting for Selby. And so she took her to the studio and handed her a pencil and some paper. Selby sat patiently beside Rita for the first several hours, asking questions, playing with the stapler and drawing pictures. Then she became restless, fidgeting until Rita responded by taking her to a nearby ice-cream parlor. When Rita went home at five, Selby wanted Cathryn to leave, too.

  "I can't, Selby," insisted Cathryn, running her hand nervously through her hair while answering yet another phone call.

  Selby retreated to Rita's desk, where she managed to amuse herself with the copier for the better part of an hour, and Selby's reproachful look when Cathryn managed to wind things up made Cathryn feel rotten.

  Cathryn described one of the interiors she was designing to Selby that night over grilled-cheese-and-bacon sandwiches, and rather desperately asked her for suggestions. But Selby's suggestions weren't usable, and afterward Cathryn sat at her drafting table staring glumly at a set of house plans, wondering how she was going to manage if Drew didn't show up soon.

  He texted often, usually when he was rushing from one place to another. "I love you," Drew said when he called every night, but suddenly and inexplicably that wasn't enough anymore. She decided that she wouldn't feel comfortable telling him that she couldn't work, especially since the reason she couldn't work was the presence of his daughter. Each time she hung up the phone after speaking with him, she felt more depressed than before.

  One night out of pure exasperation she convinced Selby to go to bed early, hoping to work on a reception-area color scheme for a new high-rise office building in West Palm Beach. But she was so tired from the day's activities, which had included chasing the two escaped parakeets around the apartment and then cleaning up their droppings, that she couldn't think, much less create.

  "Are you getting tired of having me here?" Selby asked the next day when Cathryn was distractedly folding one of the many towels that had proliferated alarmingly since the child had arrived in the apartment.

  Her eyes met Selby's, which were full of a need for reassurance. She dropped the towels and gathered Selby into her arms, wondering how she could love a child so much yet long so desperately for some time of her own.

  She called Judy for relief, and Judy immediately offered to take Selby home to play with Amanda for an afternoon.

  "Wonderful," breathed Cathryn. That day she sat down, and feeling uninhibited for the first time since Selby's arrival, she zipped through three of her assistants' design plans and with a sigh of relief marked them with her approval.

  * * *

  When Drew returned from Daytona at the end of the week, he found a harried and exhausted Cathryn.

 
; His heart sank. He hadn't expected this. He'd been so sure that everything would go well and that both Cathryn and Selby would thrive on full-time togetherness. It hadn't been his fault that he'd had to stay in Daytona longer than planned, and he'd come home as soon as he could.

  "Tell me what's wrong," he insisted, expecting Cathryn to pour out her feelings so that he could soothe away her insecurities.

  She couldn't tell him that having Selby around had made it difficult for her to work. "It's the new office building," she lied, remembering when she'd found it so difficult to lie to him. When you loved someone, was it always difficult to lie? Did it get easier, or did the act of lying imply a loss of love? She tried to forget these concerns in their lovemaking after Selby had gone to bed.

  But this time her passion was muted, and she drew no peace from Drew's body. Her own body was left tense.

  Afterward Drew said quietly, holding her close, listening to her even breathing, "It wasn't good for you, was it?"

  When she didn't reply, pretending to be asleep, he knew that it hadn't been, and he felt a sharp stab of despair and remorse. He'd made a mistake in leaving Selby with her so long. He should have acquainted Cathryn with full-time caretaking duties more slowly, as he had planned to do in the first place. But he had thought it would be all right. And it wasn't.

  * * *

  He called Cathryn the next night, wanting to see her.

  "I can't tonight," she said, her voice sounding curiously remote, almost as it had the first time he'd met her, when she'd withdrawn completely.

  "You're still planning on that banquet with me tomorrow night, aren't you?" It was the biggest event of the year for the sales leaders and managers in the Sedgwick Department Stores empire. Every summer Drew hosted a dinner dance for them at the Whitecaps, and he'd been looking forward to attending this one with Cathryn on his arm.