by Arlo Arrow
“I kind of like the idea of the boys experiencing life in different places,” she mused. “I wish I could have seen more of the world at their age.”
“We can take them on vacation, then,” I pleaded. “If it’s life experiences you want for them, I’ll take them anywhere they please.”
“What’s gotten into you?” she asked, sensing my urgency.
“I don’t want you to take them away from me again. I’ve paid my dues. Three years was too much for me to handle. If you take them away from me again, they will never feel like they had a father figure. You can get remarried, but it still won’t replace me. I’m not a deadbeat dad, Grace. I want these kids in my life. It’s not fair to me, nor is it fair to them to do this all on your own. Don’t you ever get tired of all the responsibility?”
She nodded. “You have no idea. I work all day and then I need to make sure they’re fed and the have their homework done and have everything they need. I’ll hire a babysitter or nanny, but then I feel guilty for pawning them off on someone else. It’s expensive, too. You weren’t always the most attentive and helpful, but at least you could help. It’s been exhausting.”
“So, you’re really thinking about doing that all over again? You know that if you moved back to the city, the boys can spend half of their time here. You wouldn’t need to hire another babysitter because I would be here. Wouldn’t that be easier?”
She thought for a moment, digging her fork into her dinner. I held my breath, waiting for a response.
“Okay,” she said. “But, I need to know that if I move back, you’re actually going to be a father to them. I’d like for them to have a little consistency in their life again.”
“This is the right decision,” I said. “I want us to be able to get along for the sake of the boys.”
“Me too.”
With that settled, I felt like I finally had the appetite to eat. We talked about different options for housing in the city and we weighed the pros and cons of the city versus the suburbs.
“When do you think you’ll be ready to find a place?” I asked tentatively, not trying to seem like I had a secret agenda.
“As soon as you want me to,” she replied. “Do you want me to?”
I cringed. There was no easy way to tell her how I really felt. However, we did promise to work together, so it was only right that I was honest with her.
“I’ve put some things on hold when you arrived. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to help you out, but there are other people I need to take care of, too.”
“Susan?” she asked, point blank.
“Yes,” I replied. “I don’t want to make the same mistakes with her. I think of all people, you can understand that.”
“I understand,” she said. “I won’t lie, it’s not easy seeing you with her, but we’re not together anymore. I cannot tell you who you can and cannot see. I had an affair with a married man, for fuck’s sake,” she sighed. “If you want to date someone that young, don’t let me stop you. As much as I used to hope you suffered for the rest of your life, I think I’ve moved on. I want you to be able to move on, too.”
That was as close to a blessing than I would ever get from Grace.
“Do you think we could ever be friends again?” I asked.
She laughed. “I don’t know, Jeffrey. How about we compromise and promise not to be enemies?”
“That’s good enough for me.”
As we finished our dinner, we made rough plans for how our shared custody agreement would work. I requested that we make the agreement legally binding, just so we wouldn’t have to dispute it later. Grace was hesitant, but she agreed to it after seeing how adamant I was about it.
After I washed the dishes, Grace went to bed. She said she was going to look for homes early the next morning. I pulled my phone out of my pocket; ready to do something I had been waiting all week to do. I dialed Susan’s number, excited to hear her voice again.
No answer.
Assuming she must already be asleep, I sent her a text message:
I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to you right away. You have no idea how much I miss you. Come over tomorrow, anytime. I can’t wait to see you.
Too excited to sleep, I went into my soundproof room and played Susan’s tune. It sounded so sweet and I couldn’t wait for her to join me so we could harmonize together again.
Chapter 15
Jeffrey
I got up early the next morning to make a big breakfast for my boys. When I walked into the kitchen, Grace was already up, sipping a cup of coffee. She looked perfectly put together while I was still in my pajamas.
I quickly glanced at my phone to see if Susan had woken up early and replied to my message. Nothing yet.
“You’re up early,” she noted. She must have remembered how much I loved to sleep in on the weekends.
“I haven’t made a big breakfast in years,” I said. “It’s nice to have someone to share these things with. Are you heading out now?”
She nodded, wiping the blood colored lipstick off the white mug. “I know a good realtor in the area. I’m going to see what’s available to move into immediately. I’m also going to check into a hotel for a few days while we get things settled,” she added.
“You know you can stay here if you need to,” I offered.
“I know. I’ll let the boys decide what they want to do, but you’re right about what you said last night. You need to move on with your life and you can’t do that if I’m sleeping in the next room. I’ve already packed up my bag and put it in the car.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I just hope it’s not too late for me.”
“Honestly, Jeffrey,” she groaned. “If you really like her and she really likes you, don’t fuck this up.”
“How?” I asked, feeling nervous.
“You can’t put yourself ahead of her needs. You must be a father and a partner before you can even start to think about what you want as an individual. You need to listen to her. Ask her about how she feels before she breaks down and tells you. Be good to her, because I remember what it was like to be her age.”
She picked up her purse and walked to the front door before stopping and turning back toward me.
“If she gets you at your best, then she’s a very lucky girl,” she said softly, a small smile appearing on her face. “Good luck, and let me know if you want me to take the kids for a little while.”
“Thank you,” I said as she walked out the door.
I checked my phone again. No response yet.
As I made breakfast, I thought about everything I would tell her once I got her to come over. I would introduce her to my kids. I was certain that they would love her.
When the boys wandered sleepily into the kitchen, I greeted them with a big heaping portion of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. I even let them watch all the morning cartoons they wanted. I was going to be a more attentive father this time. I was ready to give them whatever they could want or need.
While they were watching TV, I sent another text to Susan. She was usually awake by eight, so I figured she would see it soon.
Grace is finally leaving today. If you hurry over, you might make it in time for breakfast.
I waited a moment, keeping myself busy with the dishes. Every minute that passed without a reply from Susan made me more and more nervous. I couldn’t imagine her ignoring my texts, but I supposed she had a right to ignore me. Maybe she was just giving me a taste of my own medicine, and after I had sweated it out, she would call me as if nothing had ever happened.
Eventually, the rest of the meal was beginning to go cold, so I scarfed it down, hoping she wouldn’t show up at the moment that I was making a pig of myself.
After breakfast, the boys got dressed and wanted to go kick a soccer ball around at the park. I walked with them but hung back once we got to the field. Sitting on the bench, I tried calling Susan but she didn’t pick up. Something was wrong.
I was silly for ever thinking that she wou
ld be overjoyed to see my name on her incoming call list after ignoring her for almost a week. Of course, she would be mad.
I quickly searched the web for a nearby flower shop that could send out an express delivery. I ordered a bouquet of hydrangeas and had them delivered to Rachel Harper’s house. I thought about adding some sort of meaningful note, but everything I thought of sounded too cheesy. In the end, I opted to leave it blank. She would know who they were from and what they meant. They promised to send them within the next couple of hours. With any luck, I would have my darling Susan back in my life for good.
My sons and I played soccer until I was completely worn out. Kalen brought one of his uneaten pancakes along in his pocket to feed the ducks, so we watched for a while as thirty quacking ducks fought over my breakfast. In the spare moments of thought, I imagined the surprised look on Susan’s face when she saw the pretty blue flowers like the ones on my kitchen table the first day she came over.
When I checked my phone at the café where I bought the boys sandwiches for lunch, three hours had passed since I ordered the flowers. Excusing myself to go to the bathroom, I dialed the last number in my call log.
“Hi, I placed an order for immediate delivery a few hours ago,” I said kindly to the friendly receptionist at the flower shop. “Do you know if they’ve been delivered yet?”
“Let me see,” he said, typing on his computer. I held my breath.
“Yes,” he said cheerily. “They were successfully delivered to Rachel Harper about an hour ago.”
“Thank you,” I said, my chest deflating. I hung up the phone before I had to fake any more politeness.
“Let’s go,” I said to the kids when I got back to the table. Luckily for me, they were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn’t notice that the smile on my face was quickly fading.
Back at home, Max and Kalen begged me to play video games and I quickly obliged. I knew that Grace wouldn’t be happy that I let them play games all afternoon, but I needed a little time to myself.
I looked up Rachel’s home phone number and called her. I didn’t know the woman well, so I felt incredibly awkward trying to reach her. But, she was the one who urged me to convince Susan to play again, so I knew she could help.
“Rachel?” I said desperately when she answered the phone. “This is Jeffrey Knight. I was wondering if—”
“It’s about time you called,” she interrupted. “How many days have you ignored her?”
“What?” I stammered.
“She’s my niece, Jeffrey. It took me about a day to realize what was going on. She can’t wait around forever.”
“Is that why she won’t answer my calls?”
“I think she got tired of waiting. She’s a strong girl. She’s not going to put her life on hold until you decide you want her.”
“I need to talk to her. What do I do? She won’t reply to any of my calls or texts. How can I convince her that I need her if she won’t talk to me?”
“You better hurry over here,” Rachel said. “I’ll try to talk to her, but you’re going to have to be quick before she’s settled with her decision to let you go.”
“Give me a bit,” I said. “I’ll be over soon.”
I called Grace and explained my whole situation to her. I could tell she was annoyed, but she understood. She told me to pack a bag for the kids and take them to her hotel in the city.
The boys weren’t pleased that I was handing them back to their mom, but they quickly changed their mind when I reminded them that this hotel had a nice pool. In fifteen minutes, I managed to get the kids in the car, with bags packed for the weekend.
I drove a lot faster than I should have, dropping them off within a half hour. When I took them to Grace, she nodded wordlessly at me, and then I was off.
I sped to Rachel’s house, more nervous than I had ever been in my life. I was desperately in love with Susan. If I let her walk out of my life, I would never forgive myself.
When I got to Rachel’s house I knocked once before bursting into the house.
“She’s in the guest room,” Rachel whispered, pointing down the hallway before retreating into the kitchen.
I walked silently down the hall and stood in front of the door. I quietly pulled my violin from its case and began to play.
I wasn’t sure if she was even listening, but I played the song that I listened to her compose. I played back the tapes every day since the last day I saw her until I had it memorized. As I played, I put all the emotions I was feeling into the tune. Fear, infatuation, and deep love flowed from my strings into the air.
The song was unfinished, so I stopped abruptly without any resolution to the song. Then, I waited.
I heard nothing but my own breath until I heard a violin playing on the other side of the door. It picked up from where I left off, playing a sorrowful melody. Tears formed in my eyes as I listened to the heartbreak in her song, heartbreak that I had caused her.
But just as I thought I was going to end that way, the melody turned. The tempo slowly began to speed up. This new melody was brighter, happier than any other movement in the entire song. It made a smile come to my face and a calm washed over me.
When it was finished, Susan opened the door with a grin on her face. “Do you like the ending?”
I picked her up in my arms and spun her around. “I loved it. And I love you. I’m sorry I was such an ass. If you give me a second chance, I’ll promise I’ll never put you through anything like that ever again.”
“Are you sure you don’t have feelings for Grace?” she asked apprehensively.
“I haven’t had feelings for Grace since the divorce,” I replied, smoothing a hand down her soft hair. “I had to help her so I could get my life back in order. I had to prove to her that I could take care of the kids.”
“Did it work?”
I grinned. “She’s looking for a place in the city. I’m getting joint custody of the boys.”
“Congratulations,” she said, squeezing me.
“I can’t wait for you to meet them,” I said. “That is if you want to.”
“Of course, I do,” she smiled.
She looked out the open door conspiratorially. “Where’s Rachel?” she asked.
“In the kitchen. Why?”
She grabbed me by the lapels and pushed me onto the bed, shutting the door behind us.
“What are you doing?” I grinned.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” she said, kissing my cheek. “But we must be quiet—I don’t want my aunt to hear us.”
“Oh, I think she can probably guess what we’re doing.”
Susan unbuttoned my shirt, brushing her soft lips along my chest as she went down.
“You’re not mad at me?” I asked as she unzipped my pants.
“Oh, I’m mad at you,” she said standing up to meet my eye. “But if you treat me right, I think I can forgive you.”
“Susan Harper,” I said, pulling her closer. I could smell her minty breath. “You haven’t begun to imagine how well I’m going to treat you.”
Epilogue
Susan
“Kalen,” Jeffrey called from the kitchen, “your shoes are in here. Hurry up. Susan’s going to be late and then we’ll all be in trouble.”
“It’s fine,” I said, applying my lipstick in the mirror of my compact. “Fix your tie.”
Jeffrey scowled playfully at me and pulled at his bowtie.
“You look nice,” I said, checking him out. I wished that he wore suits all the time. He looked like James Bond.
“And you look absolutely ravishing,” he said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. I was feeling confident in my midnight blue evening gown. The cut of the gown hugged every curve of my body. I watched Jeffrey’s eyes search up and down when he thought I wasn’t looking.
“Now we should be leaving,” I said, grabbing my violin case. He ushered his kids out the door and I got in the passenger seat.
Ever since I moved
in with Jeffrey, things had been moving quickly. I met his kids and I immediately fell in love with them. They were cute, funny, and just like their father. I wasn’t sure, but Jeffrey said they liked me too. I think they liked me because I was lax with them, a contrast from their somewhat strict mother. Still, I didn’t feel like there would ever be competition between Grace and me—she was a great mother and her kids loved her very much.
“Are you nervous?” he asked, as I jiggled my foot up and down.
“A little. The last time I performed for this large of an audience— “
My voice got stuck in my throat.
“Everything will be fine,” he said. “You’ve worked hard to get back in the orchestra on such short notice. I’m very proud of you.”
“Even if I mess up and make a fool of myself?”
“Of course. I just won’t claim you as my student,” he joked.
“But you’ll still claim me as your girlfriend?”
“In a dress like that,” he said, lowering his voice, “I want everyone to know that I’m hitting that.”
I playfully smacked him on the arm and he laughed uproariously.
“What so funny?” Max asked.
“Nothing,” I answered. “Your dad thinks he’s funny,” I said with a wink.
I was feeling a little better, but still nervous. I hadn’t been on stage in a while and I felt like people were paying special attention to me after everything that happened after the last performance.
“Break a leg,” Jeffrey said before we parted ways—me to the stage and him to the audience. He pulled me in close and kissed me on the forehead. “No matter what, I love and support you in anything you do.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I should go before warm-ups start.”
He nodded. “Just remember, if you start to get upset while you’re on stage, just close your eyes and picture yourself in my living room with no one in the audience but me.”
