Break My Fall (No Limits)

by Cameron, J. T.

  “Hey, I was just about to spray the boat off. Can you catch?” He held the coiled hose out as if he were about to toss it to me.

  After the way our trip ended, and after being missing in action for nine days, he was acting like nothing had happened.

  “Are you serious?” I said.

  He looked at the hose, then back at me. “Well, yeah, I don’t want to throw it to you if you’re not good at catching. I can just throw it down to the dock.” It figured that he’d try to make a joke and deliver it with a deadpan expression and tone.

  I resisted the urge to sound annoyed when I responded. “That’s not what I’m talking about.”

  He tossed the hose right at me. Fortunately, I did possess a little strength and athletic skill—mostly from my surfing—and I caught it. It was all I could do not to throw it back up there to him. Or maybe in the water. Something to piss him off. I was seeing his stand-offish side and I didn’t like it.

  I dropped the hose on the dock. “Do you think your cleaning could wait for maybe five or ten minutes?”

  “Sure, what’s up?” He crossed his arms over his tan chest. I tried not to care that he looked amazing in the soft early morning sunlight.

  I was about to ask if I could come aboard, but decided not to. I just went right for the latter, got up on the deck of the boat, and faced him. “What’s up? I should be asking that of you. But I’m not going to. It’s none of my business where you were for the last nine days, but ignoring my texts was a pretty shitty thing to do.”

  Standing closer to him now, I could smell soap, and I noticed that the curls sticking out from his hat were wet.

  He took a deep breath and exhaled. “It was a trip I had planned a while back.”

  I let several seconds tick by before I responded. “So…what does that have to do with you not even having the courtesy to text me back?”

  He shrugged. “Nothing, I guess.”

  “Okay, look. You don’t owe me an explanation of where you were or what you were doing. But I think you do about the texts, and it doesn’t sound like you’re going to tell me, so just let me say what I came here to say.”

  His gaze was fixed on me, a serious look on his face, like he’d never been talked to by a girl like that before.

  I stepped closer to him. “I’m sorry about what happened the night we got back from Vegas. I took what you said all wrong. And, yes, I’m still angry about what happened to me. When you said something that sounded like you didn’t get my pain, all that anger I have pent up came flying out of me, at you. And I’m sorry. Okay? I said it. I mean it. And I’ll let you get back to hosing down the boat.”

  I turned away from him to walk back to the ladder.

  He grabbed my arm. I didn’t try to pull away. I stopped.

  Drew turned me around to face him. We were a couple of inches apart. I looked up at his face. He said, “You’re so afraid.”

  My eyes widened and I felt my face grow hot, and not from the rising morning sun. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  He reached for my face. “And you’re being weak.”

  I pulled away. “I’m afraid and I’m weak?” My eyes rapidly shifted from one of his, to the other, and back. I shook my head, stunned at what I was hearing.

  He nodded slowly and inched even closer to me. Drew grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the boat’s cabin door.

  “What are you doing?” I demanded.

  He didn’t answer me. He slid the door open. Cliff bounded out onto the deck, Drew tugged me inside, and closed the door behind him, leaving Cliff outside.

  He pulled me close to him and before I could do anything to stop it, he kissed me. It was unlike any kiss we’d shared, and I wanted to pull away or push him away or pound my fists on his chest…but I didn’t have to.

  He ended the kiss, then repeated his insult. “You’re scared of life.” He pressed his lips to mine again.

  Now I tried to pull away, and he let me, just a little. “What the f—”

  He kissed me again, then said, “You’re being weak because you think you’re weak. But you have no idea how strong you are.” His hand came up to my face. A strand of my hair had fallen over one eye, and Drew pushed it aside with his finger.

  This is when I expected the tears to flow, but I resisted. I’d become pretty good at that over the summer, but it was becoming difficult again as I listened to Drew continue.

  “You walked out of the restaurant that day when I said you were a risk taker who wasn’t taking risks,” he continued. “And I was right about the walls you put up around you. You trusted me enough let me over the wall after Vegas.”

  He stepped forward, making me take a step backward. I felt the backs of my legs touch his bed. Drew wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me tightly as he slowly lowered me onto my back.

  His other arm supported his weight as he hovered over me. “I’m sorry I broke your trust in me.” He kissed me again, this time with an urgency even more intense than the one a few moments ago.

  I reached up to his head, grabbing his baseball cap and throwing it on the floor.

  I ran my fingers through his damp hair as several emotions went to war in my mind. Drew hadn’t responded to what I came here to tell him. Did he owe that to me? Should I expect an explanation of why he disappeared for nine days?

  Did any of that matter at the moment, as my body craved his touch, trying to shut down the rational side of me that was screaming for me to slow down?

  I knew Drew wouldn’t cross a line he shouldn’t, but this wasn’t about him, specifically. It was about me, and whether I could be physically intimate with a guy again.

  So soon.

  So…now.

  I opened my eyes when I felt his lips separate from mine.

  His voice was a low whisper. “Ready to take a risk?”

  “Yes.” I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears. I had made my choice. He was going to see all of me.

  He maintained eye contact with me as I felt his hand slip beneath the hem of my shirt, pulling it up. I arched my back so he could pull it up farther, over my bra.

  His hand cupped my breast, his fingers spreading over the fabric of my bra, his thumb sweeping across and making my nipple tighten.

  Drew’s hand slid down my side and beneath my back. He steadied himself on his knees as his other hand reached behind me. I arched my back again, felt the bra clasp release and then the straps went slack.

  He held himself above me with one hand while the other glided down my side, beneath the waist of my shorts, then my underwear, finally resting on my bottom. He pulled me against him and I felt how much he wanted this.

  I was glad I had resisted his advances the last time on the boat, and then again in Vegas. Now, after having gone through a little turmoil together, and after hearing him say what he’s just said, I was ready, and all because it was about to happen with Drew.

  I knew we were both thinking the same thing when he said, “It’s not just about this, Leah.” The look on his face proved he meant it.

  “I know.”

  We looked into each other’s eyes, until he lowered his head and sealed his lips around mine. His mouth parted my lips and Drew’s kissing became intense and unrestrained as our tongues swirled together.

  I couldn’t see what he was doing, but I knew. Without leaving my mouth, his hand left my shorts, and I felt him sliding his own shorts down, then kicking them off.

  I put my hand on his chest and felt his skin, taut over the muscles that twitched as I touched him.

  As my hand explored more of his chest, and lower to his abs, Drew’s fingers worked the button and zipper on my shorts, and a few seconds later they joined his on the floor.

  We rolled together, Drew pulling me on top, then flipping me over onto my side. His body was warm, tight, strong. As we moved, I felt his excitement against one thigh, then the other, and on my lower stomach.

  I took it in my hand as Drew slipped a finger inside me.
r />   “God, Leah…”

  I moaned into his mouth as he kissed me deeply.

  I could have spent all day lying there with him, doing only that, until neither of us could go any longer, but neither of us could have waited much longer, and it wasn’t long before Drew took the lead.

  Once on my back again, Drew knelt between my legs, reached to the bedside table, flung the drawer open, and got a condom.

  As he rolled it on, he said, “Any time, say the word and we’ll stop.”

  “Don’t stop.” The words came out quickly with a heavy exhale.

  And seconds later, my breath hitched as he entered me.

  . . . . .

  When it was over, Drew fell onto his side and we faced each other. His left arm was still under me and I rested my head on it, curling up next to him. His other arm was pulled up between us, and I traced the outline of his Celtic knot tattoo with my fingertip.

  This moment of closeness was interrupted by a scratching noise. It took me a second to realize it was coming from the door.

  Drew sighed. “At least he waited until after.” He got up, put his shorts on, and let Cliff into the cabin.

  I wrapped myself in Drew’s blanket and brought it up to my face. It smelled of fabric softener, some kind of cologne and, yes, a little like dog.

  I smiled, feeling content and safe.

  I had done it.

  A moment of weakness? No.

  A moment of strength.

  . . . . .

  After lying on his bed for a few minutes, with Cliff joining us, Drew said he was hungry and I agreed.

  “I know exactly what we’re going to do,” he said, pulling on his shirt. “Get dressed. You’ll like this.”

  “I have to be at work by noon.”

  “This won’t take long, and I’ll tell you about my trip.”

  He refused to tell me what we were doing, just saying I needed to do something wild and risky. I reminded him that what we’d just done was pretty wild and risky. He challenged me to go, though, so I did.

  As I sat in the passenger seat of his truck, I glanced at the glove compartment, wondering if it still contained the six thousand dollars from Vegas. Drew hadn’t seen me put it in there when we got back from the trip, and he hadn’t said anything about it today, so maybe he hadn’t opened it lately.

  Fifteen minutes later, as we walked into the lobby of the Hampton Inn, Drew explained: “Free breakfast. They just put the stuff out there. Nobody checks to see whether you’re a guest at the hotel. The people working the front desk in the morning weren’t working the night before, so they have no idea—you could have checked in late last night. Plus, who would think someone would be gutsy enough to show up at a hotel and eat the continental breakfast? Nobody’s expecting it, so it’s safe. But it’s kind of like the casinos—you can’t go to the same one a lot.”

  I knew he played blackjack for money, but this sounded more like he did it for kicks. Maybe he got a rush from it. But it seemed risky. “That’s stealing.”

  Drew stopped just before we entered the restaurant just off the lobby. “You’re taking some of the fun out of this, but if it makes you feel better, I always leave money on the table. I doubt it goes to the hotel, though. Maybe a busboy pockets it. I don’t know, but at least it clears my conscience.”

  “You’re odd.”

  I looked around, saw that the restaurant was pretty full, and that the front desk clerk was busy looking at her phone.

  Drew put his arm around my lower back and leaned in toward me, his mouth close to my ear. “This is nothing compared to the risk you took a little while ago with me.”

  I started walking toward the entrance to the restaurant, leaving him a step behind. “Let’s eat.”

  We filled our plates, Drew grabbed a couple of containers of orange juice, and we found a table.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t text you back,” he said at one point.

  “Yeah, what’s up with that, anyway?”

  He opened his OJ. “I went to see some friends in Virginia Beach. Some guys I went to college with. I hadn’t seen any of them in over a year and one of them is getting married. So we had a bachelor party for him.”

  “A nine day bachelor party…” I tried not to sound like I was prying too much.

  “No, just over the weekend. We went deep-sea fishing for a couple of days. Stayed in one of the guy’s parents’ beach house. The wedding is in two weeks.”

  “Are you going?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe. I haven’t decided. So that was three days, and the other five and a half or so I spent taking my time on the way back. Ever been to the Outer Banks in North Carolina?”

  “Nope. Sure haven’t.” I’d never heard of that, and didn’t care at the moment. “Why didn’t you just tell me? Then I wouldn’t have bothered—”

  He cut me off. “You weren’t bothering me.”

  “That’s not what I meant and you know it. Can you be serious for a minute?”

  He put his fork down, wiped his hands with the napkin, then leaned his head over the table as he lowered his voice. “I’ll be serious. Sure. I can’t say I’m sorry enough for giving you the wrong impression when you told me what happened to you. I felt like shit. What I wanted, truthfully, was to find your ex and beat the shit out of him until he couldn’t remember his own name. I can’t relate to what happened to you and I’m not going to pretend to. But as much as it’s possible…I get it. I couldn’t have told you all of that after seeing how hurt you were by my first reaction. But now you know.”

  I caught myself holding my breath, stunned by what he had just said. I let out a sigh, breathed in, and said, “Thank you. I appreciate that. I really do.” As I looked at him and processed his words, it occurred to me that I had nothing to lose by asking the question that was banging around in my mind. “Do you always run away when there’s trouble?”

  He had just jabbed a fork into a piece of watermelon and it was halfway to his mouth, but he froze and his eyes rose to meet mine. “Yes. But only when trouble involves something I can’t do anything about. Or someone…”

  “Gee, who could you be talking about?”

  He put the chunk of watermelon in his mouth and didn’t answer. Not that my question needed one.

  “You know,” I said, “you could have texted me back and told me something, anything, Mr. Risk Taker.”

  Drew smiled. “You’re feisty.”

  I nodded. “I can be.”

  “Good, I like that.”

  I liked pushing him and I liked the way he pushed back. I could tell the fondness for our banter was mutual.

  “So,” I said, “would you kick my ex’s ass for me?”

  Drew made an exaggerated facial expression as if he were considering it. Then his face turned serious. “No.”

  “You wouldn’t?”

  He shook his head. “Not just for the hell of it. I like my freedom too much. I’m not going to commit a crime like that and risk going to jail. But if he came after you, yeah, I’d do it without thinking twice. Or if I ever saw him and he threw the first punch or even touched me—or you—in any way? Yeah, no question. I’d do it.”

  One of the most interesting things to me about Drew was his free-spirit philosophy on life. He valued it above almost everything else, with the probable exception of his grandparents. What he just said made perfect sense to me. Kevin wasn’t worth the risk of getting in trouble with the law.

  While I was intrigued by his sense of adventure, I wasn’t so sure about this free continental breakfast scheme. I found myself nervously looking around while we were there. I wondered what would happen if someone got caught doing this. Surely Drew had calculated the risk.

  I whispered, “You’ve never been caught doing this?”

  He leaned over his plate and mocked me in a similar whisper, only louder. “No.”

  I left it at that, figuring he knew what he was doing, and we got to know each other a little more.

  Drew said he was a
die-hard Chicago Bears fan, and when I asked if that was baseball or basketball, he told me it was football and we agreed that because I didn’t know the difference, there was probably no good reason to explore that subject any further. I was an only child; Drew had two older brothers, both of whom had gone to college—one was an architect, the other a software designer. He theorized that maybe that’s why his parents were content to wait for him to come out of the phase. “Two out of three isn’t bad, right?” He smiled, but I could tell it was just a mask.

  We were both from average middle-class backgrounds who had lived pretty normal lives, never deprived of anything we needed and very little of what we wanted. Satisfying lives, up until we both had our life-changing experiences.

  When we talked about past relationships, he treaded carefully. Drew already knew the whole story about Kevin and me, so when I told him that was the only relationship I’d ever been in, there wasn’t much more to say.

  He didn’t volunteer anything about his relationships, forcing me to ask. “So tell me about your girlfriends.”

  He finished chewing, wiped his mouth and reached for the OJ. “Past ones or current ones?” He kept a straight face when he said it.

  I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me shocked. “Past, current, either one.”

  “There’s not much to tell either way.”

  I rolled my eyes, and decided to give him a hard time back. “Please. You probably have, what…two girlfriends right now? I mean, you’re handsome, charming, rich—”

  “I told you I wasn’t rich.”

  “I saw how much you made in one night. I’d say that’s pretty rich.”

  He shook his head. “Is that the only reason you’re hanging out with me? You thought I was rich?”

  “Pretty much.” I managed to keep a straight face that rivaled the one he’d given me a few moments ago.

  “Well, then you’re out of luck. Between paying alimony to two ex-wives and child support for five kids, there’s not much left over.”

  It was fun playing along with him, but if I kept it up I might not get him to answer my question.

  “Okay, you win. But seriously, tell me about your ex-girlfriends.”