Jean Grainger Box Set: So Much Owed, Shadow of a Century, Under Heaven's Shining Stars

by Jean Grainger

  ‘Well,’ he began, ‘the people of Sangha are grateful that we have brought the word of God to them, and they see the error of the pagan beliefs of the past. As well as building a church, we have set up a school, a well, and a medical clinic, so they know that our intentions are honourable and good. They did, at first, cling to the old ways, the worship of animals and the movements of the sun and the moon, and other ignorant beliefs, but we have brought them into the light of Christ’s love, and for that, they are eternally grateful. Any other questions?’

  Several boys raised their hands, and the brother patiently answered their questions about how they got around the village, if he ever saw a lion, and why they wore such unusual clothing.

  Liam glanced at Patrick, who had lost interest in the talk and was more interested in the hurling match outside by now. They were playing a Munster colleges final at the weekend so it was all he could think about. There had been some problem with Patrick’s selection for the team a few weeks ago. To everyone’s amazement, Patrick seemed to have been dropped even though he was the best player the school had.

  When Liam read the team from the school notice board the week before, he went to find his friend.

  ‘What’s going on? Are you injured?’ he asked Patrick when he eventually found him in the library.

  ‘Nope. It’s Xavier. I knew he’d wait for the exact moment it would hurt me most, and so he has,’ Patrick said bitterly

  ‘What? Why? I don’t understand. Why would he drop you, sure you’re the best we have, we won’t stand a chance against Midleton without you. Sure, everyone knows that.’ Liam was perplexed.

  Patrick led Liam outside to the handball alley behind the library, where he lit a cigarette.

  ‘Remember when we were in First Year?’

  Liam nodded, ‘Yeah, what about it?’

  ‘Well, remember Hugo used to come in with bruises and some days we knew he had been crying?’ Patrick looked into the distance and exhaled the cigarette smoke slowly.

  ‘Yeah, we thought the Clancy twins were bullying him, but he’d never say…’

  ‘It wasn’t just the Clancy twins,’ Patrick said. ‘And it wasn’t just bullying.’

  ‘What are you on about? How do you know?’ Liam was confused.

  ‘One of the fellas on the team, he left since, remember Colm Kelleher? Well, he left because Xavier was interfering with him; he used to come into the dorm at night. Anyway, Colm, he told his old man, and they took him out of the school. Well, before he left, he told me that Xavier was doing the same to Hugo.’

  The silence hung between them, heavy and loaded. Liam felt sick, how could this be true? Poor Hugo.

  ‘Are you sure? Like, I heard before, and Daddy kind of warned me about anyone doing that to me years ago, but Xavier…the principal of the school…I can’t believe it.’ Liam was shocked and horrified.

  ‘Well, believe it. I didn’t know what to do. I knew Hugo would deny everything if I asked him, so I waited for evening study and I stayed behind afterwards. I was going to tell Father Aquinas, but he’s a priest too and I didn’t know him all that well back then. I know he helped us when you battered my auld fella with the hurley, but that was different. Xavier was just packing up to go, and I went up to him and said that I knew what he was doing and that if he didn’t stop, I’d tell.’

  Liam was speechless. The bravery of his friend astounded him. Xavier was terrifying and, to add to it, Patrick was a scholarship boy. Xavier didn’t think he even had a right to attend St Bart’s.

  ‘I’d never have had the guts to do that,’ he said quietly.

  ‘Well, I was bricking it, I thought he might throw me out but it was a gamble. The business with Colm Kelleher had only just happened so maybe he was on a warning from the bishop or something. Anyway, I couldn’t bear to think of poor Hugo having to put up with that.’

  ‘Did it stop?’ Liam whispered, horrible images crowding his mind.

  ‘Yeah, I think so, he gave up doing the night duty in the school the next day. I never said it to Hugo, and you mustn’t either. He’d hate it if we knew. Sometimes, I think I should have told on him, gone to Father Aquinas about it, but no one would believe me.’

  Liam considered the revelation Hugo made that first summer they went to Greyrock. They never discussed the issue again, but Liam wondered if the experiences he had in St Bart’s made him think he was a homosexual. He shuddered with revulsion at the thought of poor Hugo being interfered with by Xavier. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard of it, but he couldn’t believe that someone in such an important position as a school principal and a priest of God would behave in such a debased way.

  ‘So, he bided his time, waited till he could get his revenge, and now he has. He knows I really want to win the cup, on my last year, he knows how hard I’ve worked and kept up with my studies, as well, and this is how he’s going to hurt me.’ Patrick sounded heartbroken.

  ‘But why isn’t he still afraid you’ll tell?’

  Patrick shrugged, ‘I suppose he thinks it’s all over and done with, it was years ago, and anyway, as I said, who’s going to believe me? Hugo would probably deny it, and Colm Kelleher is long gone. If I said anything now, he’d just make out I was bitter at being dropped from the team, and I was making it up.’

  Liam felt sorry for his friend. He’d worked so hard. Even though he had natural talent, he was always the first to training and the last to leave. He was captain, so he made sure that every lad played to his best ability. Even the latest in his long line of girlfriends had to take a back seat. The past few weeks had been very hard on Patrick, his mother was in the hospital—she was saying she slipped down the stairs, but he confided in Liam and Hugo that his father had come in drunk and assaulted her. Patrick was at training at the time, he would never do it if his son was at home, and the girls had been terrified. They slept in Liam’s house while Mrs Lynch was in hospital. Liam talked Patrick out of finding his father and giving him such a hiding he’d never recover. While he could understand his friend’s frustration and rage, he convinced him that the only person to be hurt would be Patrick himself. And now, to be denied his chance to win, all because he was brave enough to stand up for Hugo seemed so unfair.

  ‘Maybe it is Xavier you should be threatening to batter, not your father.’ Liam smiled ruefully. ‘Though you’d only hurt yourself in the end.’

  ‘Oh no, Liam, you’re wrong there, he’d be hurt. If I was left at him now, either of them, in fact, they’d definitely be hurt,’ Patrick said darkly.

  Liam watched his friend gaze out the window at the team putting the finishing touches to their training for the big match at the weekend. Nothing would convince Xavier to let Patrick play. He was the main selector and the principal, the decision as the talk of the school, and nobody would dare challenge Xavier.

  The brother finished his talk and the boys packed up their bags to go to afternoon study. Normally, Liam was studious, definitely the most diligent of the three of them, but today he couldn’t concentrate. He looked at Hugo, who was doodling on his page, lost in a world of his own. He wondered if they would ever discuss what had happened, it seemed unlikely, but Liam understood so much more about his friend now.

  It was, as Hugo pointed out regularly to Liam when he admonished him for poor grades, irrelevant what he got in the Leaving, his future was marked out anyway. He had no choices, he couldn’t decide to go out and help the poor people of Mali, or to study medicine and save lives, or do engineering and build bridges, or whatever, his future was Greyrock and marriage, and that was all there was to it. Hugo loved his home and felt proud to be the next in line to take care of it, but the fear that he would be the last Earl of Drummond weighed very heavily on him. Whenever they had the conversation, Liam could see the despair hidden behind his friend’s devil-may-care attitude. He wished there was something he could do, some way of easing the huge weight Hugo felt was on his shoulders, but it seemed he was right, that was
going to be his future, like it or not.

  Father Xavier was supervising study, and the attitude he had towards Liam and Patrick hadn’t shown any signs of improvement over the years. Liam never knew the reason he kept the worst of his wrath for Patrick until last week. He never lost an opportunity to make Patrick feel small and constantly referred to his scholarship status, frequently explaining to him in front of the whole class that it was only due to the kindness of the order that he was allowed into the school at all. Despite the constant needling, Patrick never rose to the bait and accepted all the jibes, though Liam knew inside he was seething. Knowing what he knew now, he admired Patrick’s forbearance even more.

  The constant singling out of Patrick had made Liam feel worse because he was a scholarship boy as well, but Xavier didn’t seem to have such a set against Liam as much as poor Patrick. He knew his friend could come across as cocky and a bit of a messer sometimes, but he wasn’t like that really. He was loyal and honest, and he and Hugo were the best friends anyone could wish for. He wondered if Patrick suspected anything about Hugo believing he was a homosexual, but if he did, he never said. However, he had stopped teasing him about the ‘lord and lady’ stuff he used to go on with. In so many ways, Liam hated the idea of leaving St Bart’s, not seeing Hugo and Patrick every day, not having lessons. He would miss them so much. He knew he’d see Patrick around the place, he was hoping to get a start in an accountant’s office in town, maybe do exams at night and train as a bookkeeper. There was no question of higher education for him, the money wasn’t there.

  Liam prayed fervently that he would be accepted as a scholarship student to the seminary in Maynooth. It took seven years to train for the priesthood, and there was no way Mammy would have the money to pay for that. She just had the widow’s pension, and Con and the girls gave her what they could as well. Over the years, things had improved with his siblings. They no longer blamed her for Daddy’s death, though they rarely came home to visit. That time when they were a united, happy family died with their father, and it would never again be the same. The twins were both going out with fellas in Dublin, and they seemed all right when they brought them home one time to meet Mammy, but a bit brash and loud. Then, Liam thought, so were Molly and Annie. All makeup and short skirts, Mammy nearly choked when she saw the cut of them, but she daren’t say anything in case all the bad feeling flared up again. Liam knew she was mortified at the state of them though as they got done up to go dancing with the boys, hating the thought of the neighbours seeing how they turned out. Kate was still in England and she wrote once a week, telling them about her job in the county council over there and the girls she shared a flat with. She was still doing a line with the same English fella, but they’d never met him. Mammy loved receiving her letters and when one arrived, she’d make a pot of tea and a plate of whatever she’d baked and they’d sit down and read it together.

  It was all going to be different, living away from home if he got in. Mammy would really miss him, he knew that, but the idea of a son training for the priesthood would take the edge off her loneliness. He hadn’t told her yet that he applied, in case he didn’t get in. She’d had enough sadness and disappointment in her life, he thought. There was a scholarship exam straight after the Leaving, and he had to have several interviews with different members of the hierarchy to see if he was a suitable candidate. Most importantly, he had to be recommended by the seminary. Father Aquinas would try his best to put in a good word for him, he knew that, but Father Xavier was the principal of the seminary and he’d have the final say.

  His reverie was interrupted by the arrival of Father Aquinas into the study hall. He rarely entered the secondary school, so his arrival caused a stir of interest among the gathered boys. Father Aquinas spoke to Father Xavier for a moment.

  ‘Liam Tobin, get your bags and things please,’ Father Xavier said. All eyes turned to Liam. What had he done? There was only one reason a priest came to get a boy out of class or study and that was if they were in trouble. Reddening under sixty pairs of curious eyes, he threw his Irish book and copy into his bag and followed Father Aquinas out the door.

  A thought struck him, maybe something bad had happened at home. Since Daddy’s death, Liam was acutely aware of how life can be sailing along and then destroyed unexpectedly. If something bad had happened, they would send Father Aquinas. He was a constant presence in their lives, checking in to see how they were doing and calling to their mothers as well. He took a personal interest in Liam and Patrick. The night of Joe Lynch and the whiskey was never mentioned again but since then, Liam trusted him implicitly. He really saved their bacon that night. Liam didn’t want to criticise Patrick’s actions regarding Hugo, but he would have gone to Father Aquinas. Walking behind him out of the hall, he wondered how much Father Aquinas knew.

  His heart was thumping loudly in his chest as he followed the priest to the entrance of the monastery. He’d not been in there since the day he and Patrick were told to choose their books for first year and had lemonade and apple tart. That was nearly six years ago.

  The priest opened the door and held it open, ‘After you,’ he said.

  Liam stepped inside and the same aroma assailed his nostrils, instantly transporting him back in time. He stood in the hallway, with its statues in alcoves and fine, polished furniture standing on the dark parquet floor.

  ‘I think the study is free, let’s sit in there.’ Father Aquinas seemed distant, angry even. Not his usual chatty self at all.

  Liam followed him once more, racking his brain thinking why the priest had summoned him, dread filling him.

  The study was sumptuously decorated with bookshelves on every wall, wing backed chairs around the fireplace as well as two Chesterfield couches either side of a coffee table. Several vases of fresh flowers were dotted on side tables, and a large oil painting of the founder of the order loomed down at him from over the fireplace. If he wasn’t so worried, Liam would have smiled at the sight of the television in the corner, remembering when he told his family about it when he was small. Father Aquinas indicated that he should sit.

  ‘I’m sorry for tearing you away from your studies, especially with the exams so close,’ he began, his sonorous tones filling the small room. ‘I wanted to discuss something with you.’

  Liam wasn’t sure if he should speak or not, so he remained silent. Unperturbed, the priest went on, standing with his back to the room, looking out over the grounds. The huge width of his back almost filled the window and his soutane was a little short. It was the longest one available, Liam supposed, not many priests were over six foot four or five. He wondered at the sheer bulk of the man, some adults seemed to shrink as Liam got older and taller, but not so with Father Aquinas, he was huge when they were kids and he was huge now. No wonder he struck the fear of God into the small lads.

  ‘What are your plans?’ he asked, turning to face Liam.

  ‘Well…I...em…I was thinking, well hoping really, t-to go for the priesthood.’ He stuttered and stammered out of nervousness. Relief slowly seeped through him; it wasn’t about something bad happening to Mammy or the family.

  ‘I thought so. We got a letter last week from the admitting office of Maynooth, from a Canon Sheehan, asking if we thought you would be a suitable candidate having received your letter of application. How is it that you never expressed an interest in the clerical life up to this?’

  Liam thought for a moment, knowing whatever he said next was going to have a serious influence on his future plans. Honesty was the only option.

  ‘I didn’t want to get my mother’s hopes up, Father. I’d have to be accepted first, and then I’d have to get another scholarship as well as a nomination from here, so I’m not sure that I’ll be able to go. I didn’t want her getting all excited about it and then for it not to happen,’ he finished in a rush.

  ‘So you want to join the priesthood to please your mother?’ Father Aquinas asked imperiously.

  ‘No
, Father. I want to be a priest. I pray every night for Jesus to strengthen my vocation, to let the people who need to see it see the potential in me. I want to serve God and his church. I want it more than anything, but I’m afraid I’m not good enough.’

  ‘Why do you want to be a priest? Really, why? You’d have to give up so much that young men nowadays seem to enjoy, socialising, working a job and having a wage, going to dances, meeting girls. Why would you turn your back on all that?’ Though the questioning was serious, Liam thought he heard softness in his tone.

  ‘I don’t care for any of that, Father. I don’t go to dances now and I could if I wanted to. As for a job, well isn’t serving God and the people of his church a job? I never had much growing up, so the poverty bit won’t be a problem. I’ve known since I was in first year, but I was afraid to say it…’

  ‘In case those other two buckos you knock about with laughed at you?’ The priest was hiding a hint of a grin.

  ‘No, Father, honestly they wouldn’t. Neither Hugo nor Patrick wants the religious life, and I suppose they don’t understand why I do, really, but they would never mock me over it, they’d support me. I know they would,’ Liam spoke with conviction.

  ‘Ye’er an odd partnership that’s for sure, but ye seem to be thick as thieves all the same. I wasn’t sure young FitzHenry would fit in here at all but he did, and young Lynch is going to make a go of himself as well by all accounts despite the father he has. But you, Mr Tobin, what are we to do with you?’

  Liam was unsure what the priest was asking.

  ‘You know there are only academic scholarships available for Maynooth, don’t you? And well, Liam, I might as well be honest with you, your teachers aren’t confident that you’ll make the grade to qualify. I know you’ve been working very hard and really doing your best, but whether you’d get a scholarship or not, well, I don’t know. Father Xavier asked me to talk to you ahead of the interview in Maynooth. I suppose there’s no point in putting a young man forward for selection if he hasn’t the wherewithal to pay the fees, do you understand?’