Girls Like Me
Page 3
I demolished
Cheesy. Double-decker. Goodness.
Then had the eleven herbs and spices from the colonel
In case you wondered
Loneliness resides at the bottom of a KFC bucket
Homework
Just won’t be done today
Good thing I don’t have my sights set on good schools
I’m thinking of going to a party school
That way my “half in” and “half out” approach to
Learning will be appreciated
There’s a Knock on the Door
It’s Kara
She says something about dinner
I say no.
She asks what I’ve had to eat
“Carrots and tofu,” I lie
She is not amused
She says she made veggies and skinless chicken
Seriously?
A Promise
To a friend can’t be taken lightly
I said I would go on Firetrash.com
And I will, but I never said how long
I would stay on there
So, one click, one glance
And I am done.
Firetrash.com
Is a site where hundreds of kids
From school feast on judgment and ridicule
A meal I refuse to take part in
I Am About To
Log off when I spot a chatroom with
Only one member
His profile says that he is male
The odd thing is he keeps typing as if
Talking to someone
The username is Godotwait4me
And he is in the middle of talking about his day:
Forced to mow lawn clean out garage
Pretend to care about sports
It’s all so . . .
Exhausting.
On a Whim
I answer back and agree to send him
A kit filled with fake smiles
Convincing head nods, and jelly beans
This Is Stupid
He won’t get the joke. See?
No reply. Whatever
Suddenly
Words appear . . .
Godotwait4me says:
Can I get Jolly Ranchers instead?
Sorry, no substitutions, I reply
Lol. I like you already
I bet you say that to all the fonts that appear on your screen
You caught me. You a girl?
I don’t giggle, braid hair, or own anything pink, but yes
And here I am, desperately in need of a giggling/hair braiding/girl with a pink tee
Why Godot?
It’s a play
I know. I read it. A play about a guy who never shows up
You read? Sexy
That’s what my teachers had in mind when they were teaching me—get her all sexed up!
And your user name—notall2gether
It’s not that deep
No. btw neither am I
You an old guy?
Why? Walkers turn you on?
Along with the old man smell
I’m 15. But 16 promises to come along soon
Same here but I’m growing doubtful
Why? 15 killing you?
Slowly . . .
OK, lets make a deal. Whichever one of us spots 16 first vows to beat it down and hold it hostage
Deal. Who were you talking to on here?
No one
Why?
“No one” always takes my side
Mine too
Gotta go. Sister needs to get online. See if the outfit she bought 5 seconds ago is still in style
K, bye
I’m hurt
Why?
No request for further contact? Was my sentence structure not romantic enough?
Um . . . no, you form sentences like a gentleman.
So . . . give me your address. I’ll email.
Um, no you won’t
I’m sorry madam but your crystal ball is in need of repair
Did you say madam?
Um . . . no? Typo. I am cool, hip guy who would never say such a thing
Here’s the info
Thx, ttyl
Really?
Really
What Was That?
He wanted my info
Um . . .
That’s cool
Whatever.
No big deal.
Oh no, how do I do that thing again?
Oh yeah: inhale, exhale (repeat)
She Says
Don’t read this email
That I’m sending only minutes after we talked.
He’s reading it!
Damn.
We need an opening
So . . . come here oft—
No, not that.
Nice weather we’re hav—
No!
How ’bout those Yankees?
You’re kidding, right?
Okay, move on.
Entice him with
Your
Eyes
iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
No!
I mean your e-y-e-s!
Oh, forget it.
He’s losing interest.
Quick!
Show some leg.
Not that much
Do you want him to think you’re
Easy?
Never mind; just flash him a smile
: -)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Now that’s just cheesy
Hurry!
He’s moving on
Say something
Sexy
That will
Linger
In his mind
Redrum
SEXY, NOT SCARY!
Oh, just forget it!
He Won’t Email Me Back
Should not have sent it
Let things fade to black
I Was Wrong
He replies:
Impress her
Use big words
Dromiceiomimus
Dinosaurs?
I said impress
Not bore.
Say something that would come out of one of those
Black-and-white chick flicks
Where everyone
Smokes
Hey, throat cancer, anyone?
What!
Who says that?
It’s the truth!
Tell her she is nice.
That seems kind of obvious.
Tell her she’s articulate
Again, kind of obvious.
Tell her she’s been on your mind
Since her first post.
She doesn’t really need to know th—
Hey! Who pressed send!!!
She Says
Everything you were told to run from, run to
I gave my last sexy smile to a homeless guy
Who hadn’t smiled in days
Now I’ve nothing to lure you with
Yesterday, I tripped
All my charm cracked open
Spilled out onto the sidewalk
Now I have no way to distract you from my shortcomings
I spent my last buck
On a sock full of holes
Cast out by the other socks
Now, I can’t afford Teen Mag
So I’ll never know
How to hook him with one look
Still . . .
I send this out
In hopes that you have a thing for smileless
Charmless, broke girls.
He Says
Reveal!
Who told you about my
Secret
Passion
For
Broke/charmless/smileless girls?
No one is supposed to know
&nb
sp; Is
Nothing
Sacred?
She Says
The night we didn’t spend
I’ll list everything I’m looking for
And, wait! It’s what you’re
Looking for too (wow)
We’ll send emails
About stupid things we don’t
Really care about (um . . . yeah, it was really cold today)
You’ll want a
Picture
Just in case I’m ugly
I’ll want a picture
Just in case I’m
Not as open-minded as I let on
(Man, look at his ears)
The emails will
Get shorter
You’ll forget why you wrote to me
I’ll forget why I
Responded
I’ll watch a movie by myself and pretend I’m
The girl in
The flick with the two-inch waistline and the newly shined
Happy ending
(Courtesy of MGM)
You’ll go to a concert and pretend
You’re one of those
Guys who got dragged there by friends
You’ll meet girls whose names you won’t remember
(Jessica, Jenny? Oh, yeah
Rachel)
I will turn off the TV just in time to hear the neighbors
Fight.
She forgot his birthday. He never holds her anymore.
I will think maybe it’s good
I’m alone.
Then he tells her the game is on.
She will say, So?
He will say, So . . . let’s go in the bedroom and turn it off
They
Turn it off
All night
And I will think maybe alone isn’t so good.
You will hear a couple fighting
She flirts too much. He
Never pays her any mind.
You will think maybe it’s better I’m alone.
He
Gets mad and walks off.
She
Runs after him and falls
He rushes to her side
Comforts and kisses her
You will think
Maybe alone is not so
Good.
I will think
Me too
You will walk home—alone
Me too
You will go online
Start all over again
Me too
’Cause neither one of us wants to spend a night
Like the night we didn’t spend
He Says
Can’t keep
Smile away from
Lips
You away from
Thoughts
She Says
New days of the week
She didn’t want to reply to him
But epic poems
Period dramas
Cell phone ads
All
Promised
Love
Just around the corner
She looked; it wasn’t
Maybe
She
Should
Change
The menu.
Add a hot item
Sex pie w/whip cream on the side
But then
He’d only
Come
For the food
Besides
She wasn’t ready to
“Cook”
She wanted to count
Days
Days not written
On calendars
He-convinces-me-I’m-not-a-dork Mondays
Our-sides-hurt-from-laughter-after-tasting Tuesdays
The-school’s-loose-interpretation-of-meatloaf Wednesdays
We’re-holding-hands-and-gravity-no-longer-works-on-me Fridays
I-
Called-
Just-
To-hear-
Your-
Voice
Sundays.
But she hasn’t found him
So weekdays are just
Weekdays
She didn’t want to reply
But epic poems
Period dramas
Cell phone ads
All
Promised
Love
Just around the corner . . .
He Says/She Says
This morning
Everything
Is still
It’s like they know
What today is
The washing machine
Churned
The toaster
Popped
The radio
Sang
All
Trying
To convince
Me
Things were
Normal
Normal was something Dad wasn’t
Always good at
As we say our goodbyes
Alarm sounds
Cell sends me
Daily reminder from
Dad
A quick “parent” text that held
No value
At the time
But now means
Everything
Honey, remember
No homework, no concert
Love, Dad
I saved his message
And reread it every night
As if that could
Keep him here with me . . .
Like When I Was Six
Dad forced a road trip on me
The thought of spending hours
In a metal box w/my dad
Made me want to die
How many hours of
News radio would I be
Subjected to?
I
Begged. Cried. Pleaded.
Threatened
To
Hold
My
Breath
Dad said
Blue looked
Good
On me
When he got in the car
My real dad stayed back at home
This new dad was
Someone else
Someone
Who
Sang along w/the radio
Tapped along with the beat on the steering wheel
And
Whistled
My dad
Whistled!
I had never heard the songs
That were playing
He said it was a crime not to know them
So he set out to teach me
Hours and hours of old-people tunes
He played them over
And over again
After a while
They didn’t
Suck
Every pit stop
That had an interesting
Window display
We’d pull over and
Explore
Pick up
Essential things:
Stuffed pink alligator
Glitter-laced yarn
Bejeweled box of
Pop-Tarts
And
Corn dogs
Lots of
Corn dogs
By the time we got back
I had
Tummy ache
Nausea
Body ache
In school
We were asked to
Get up and talk about what we did
That weekend
I didn’t talk
I sang
And according to my teacher
I was the only six-year-old in the world
Who knew all the lyrics to
“American Pie”
In other words
I
Rule!
Mom Would
Easily
Even
Microwave
Wait was
Too long
We would
Laugh
At what she left behind:
Frozen dinners. Cold coffee. Stale popcorn.
Then she started leaving
Bigger things:
Home. Dad. Me.
Searched My Memory
To find
Moment
Where
It became
Too much
Did I
Cry
Too much
Eat
Too much
Need
Too much?
Fifteen Years Ago
A woman was
Sentenced
To prison
With
No locks. No gates. No doors.
Yet she could not
Break free
Forced to
Care. Listen. Love.
Every day
Every Day
EVERY DAY
She would plan
Escape
Map out routes to
F R E E D O M
Then she ran
For
Her life
Because she
Wanted
Her life
Like it was
Before . . .
Angela Summers’s To-Do List:
Silence the mommy alarm with cereal
Go to balcony (hiding place)
Smoke one cigarette while surveying suburbia (prison)
Conceal tears with best smile
Turn on TV for the parasite (good way to shut her up)
Leave snacks on table (faster way to shut her up)
Return to bed (repeat until sweet death comes)
“Thank You for Calling the Universe!
This is Ron from Topeka, Kansas
How may I fix your life today?”
“Hi Ron! I ordered a mom
Serial number 4836-57-0047
But the one you sent me
Doesn’t work
She’s defective.”
“Would you like us to send you a new one?”
“No, please send someone to fix the one I have
I’d like to keep her.”
“Did you try shutting her down
And rebooting or hard reset?”
“My dad did. Sent her to spa
She came back the same:
Silent. Sad. Sorry.”
“She may have a broken motherboard.”
“What do I do, Ron?”
“We are all out of the model you have. And we have no upgrades.
However, we can send you a shipment of pie along with our apologies.”
“What can a pie do? Can pie fix this?”
“Pie can fix anything . . .”
I Didn’t Cry the First Day
She left
Dad did
A lot
I knew she would go
Because she let me have
Ice cream for dinner
(A little sweet before the bitter)
Mom was
Movie paused
Midway
Bird halted
Midflight
Waterfall frozen
Midstream
I Learned to Arm Myself
From Mom
Dad, though,
Had
No protection
No defense
Against
His wife’s absence
He looked for her