by Lola StVil
Why ruin it for him or me?
“Sooner or later . . .
This guy will want to see you”
Boots warns
Yet They’re Right
More and more, Godot
Pushes for us to meet
Please. Please.
Just a little while longer . . .
Godotwait4me: Rain?
notall2gether: Yeah
Godotwait4me: What’s up?
notall2gether: My blood pressure
Godotwait4me: Why?
notall2gether: Step Satan on war path
Godotwait4me: Why
notall2gether: Wants me to go to therapy
Godotwait4me: Bc of your Dad?
notall2gether: No bc therapy is cool now
Godotwait4me: Sucks. But it may be easier to just go
notall2gether: I don’t need it
Godotwait4me: Did you tell her that?
notall2gether: It’s like when I talk she just hears duck sounds. She never listens
Godotwait4me: Not her fault. It’s a condition that comes with age
notall2gether: Like wrinkles
Godotwait4me: Like lying
notall2gether: What’s up with you?
Godotwait4me: Mom bought me and sis new ipads
notall2gether: Hating you rn
Godotwait4me: She only did it to make up for Dad leaving
notall2gether: She wants to buy your love. Aww . . .
Godotwait4me: She’s just started paying for what she did
notall2gether: You gonna bleed her dry?
Godotwait4me: No access to firing squad so yes
notall2gether: Hey, can I put a few people in the line of fire too?
Godotwait4me: Step Satan?
notall2gether: And a girl at school. Kelly
Godotwait4me: Why
notall2gether: It’s just the right thing to do
Godotwait4me: Let me guess, she is like 2% cuter than you. And you hate that
notall2gether: I’m not that shallow. She is 2.5% cuter and that is why she must die!
Godotwait4me: My mistake
notall2gether: How’s the ipad?
Godotwait4me: Can’t lie; it’s awesome. Lot of apps and the resolution is amazing
notall2gether: Yeah, gonna have to send a little more hate your way
Godotwait4me: How about sending a pic my way? Why are you hiding?
notall2gether: Why are you? You never sent me a pic.
Godotwait4me: Ok, I send you one and you send me one, right?
notall2gether: Um . . . it’s more fun this way. Guessing what the other looks like.
Godotwait4me: You don’t want to leave it up to my imagination. I can be . . . R rated
notall2gether: I can be X rated at times
Godotwait4me: Flirt
notall2gether: What do you think I look like?
Godotwait4me: 10 eyeballs, 8 arms and 4 fingers
notall2gether: Close but I only have 7 eyeballs
Godotwait4me: Damn
notall2gether: You lose
Godotwait4me: Is there a consolation prize?
notall2gether: Washer/dryer and lifetime supply of Thai noodles in a can
Godotwait4me: Variety pack?
notall2gether: Of course
Godotwait4me: Then it was all worth it. I’ve been thinking about you all day
notall2gether: Good things?
Godotwait4me: Naughty things
notall2gether: Even better
Godotwait4me: I bet you have soft lips
notall2gether: I ordered the 7 arms/soft lip package so yes
Godotwait4me: I dreamed about kissing you last night
notall2gether: And . . .
Godotwait4me: It was spectacular
notall2gether: You didn’t get farther than that did you?
Godotwait4me: No. I was respectful
notall2gether: Liar
Godotwait4me: I’d love to do it in person
notall2gether: Do it?
Godotwait4me: I mean kiss, not sex. Not that I wouldn’t want to . . . I just mean . . . would bashing my
Godotwait4me: Head on the wall make better words come out my mouth?
notall2gether: No but it’s cool. I get it
Godotwait4me: Do you?
notall2gether: Yeah, you want to kiss a girl you never met bc you like the words she puts on the screen before you
Godotwait4me: No. I want to kiss the girl who’s been killing me with her humor and stories. The girl who makes me feel . . . not so out there
notall2gether: What if she doesn’t live up to what you think? What if she is . . . not pretty
Godotwait4me: Doubt it
notall2gether: I gotta go
Godotwait4me: Why do you do that?
notall2gether: What?
Godotwait4me: Run
notall2gether: Maybe I want you to chase me
Godotwait4me: Do you?
notall2gether: Sometimes
Godotwait4me: Am I supposed to woo you?
notall2gether: Woo? Maybe you are old
Godotwait4me: No, just corny
notall2gether: Yes, woo me.
Godotwait4me: Okay, but don’t be surprised if you fall for me
notall2gether: Why would I do that?
Godotwait4me: Common courtesy: fall for guy who woos you
notall2gether: Haha
Godotwait4me: Not joking
notall2gether: Really?
Godotwait4me: Really.
Everything in My World Has Been
Paused.
Nothing moves except my heart
It leaps out of my room into the sky
Hangs just above the earth’s orbit
It is not alone
He is out there too
He is out there too . . .
It’s Official
Blake Harrison and I are over
(We were together in my head)
But I don’t need a pretend guy
Have real
Guy
Well
“Real”
Guy
Godot.
My guy.
Looking at Blake Harrison
Standing in the middle of
A group of friends laughing loud
Putting on a brave, strong face
Knowing all the while his
Imaginary girl
Has left him
Poor guy—he’s heartbroken . . .
Meanwhile Kelly Canyon
Keeps making pig sounds anytime I’m near
Her other friends snicker and laugh when I walk past
I did the wrong assignment
Left lunch money at home
Failed. Pop. Quiz. In two classes.
Boots gave me a hug to make up for the day I was having
Dash’s Days
Are going fairly well too
His dad has been acting like a dad
They watch movies, play games, and crack jokes.
Dash high with pride
Shows off Dad like giddy girl with rock engagement ring
When he tells his dad the truth
Rock will be appraised and found to have
No real value
It’s a Drug
Dash explains that Dad’s acceptance is a true high
Boots and I look down below
We worry about the fall
Yet we can’t deny
The change in him
It’s in the spring of his step. The certainty in his stride.
Dash Montgomery is
Loved
By the one person who never gave it to him before and he feels
G O O D
Boots Flinches
Slightly
Her head hurts again
Before I launch
Into how stubbo
rn she is and how she refuses to admit she’s unwell
I guess I should let her speak for herself
But whatever she says, I did have an alibi
For here is my favorite Trekkie
Lisa Thomas (AKA Boots)
Payment
When I was four I wanted a new bike for my birthday
I was told to pray
God would give it to me
For weeks I was faithfully praying
Birthday came and went
No bike
I tried Santa. Left him a plate of Double Stuff Oreos
Xmas morning got new bike
Guess God needed an offering
After news of illness, Mom went to church and prayed
I went online
Googled What to get the guy who has everything
The Clocks
I made my parents get rid of all the clocks in the house
Now Dad is always late for work
Mom is always early
Didn’t tell them about the small stopwatch under my pillow
Or the tick and the tock between the silence of everyday living
Live Long and Prosper
I became a Trekkie after I was diagnosed
No one in outer space ever gets tumors
But We Laugh Too
Parents had to give up lots of things
Sleep, stillness, sanity
All for my condition
We replaced it with
Board games. Road trips. Campfires.
That means we spend hours in the car headed to campsite
Arguing over last night’s Scrabble game
And woot is not a word!
BOOTS
My body turned against me
Waged war
Now I am dressed and suited accordingly
Mr. North
And I don’t get along
His homework is too hard
Takes too long to figure out
He gives homework no matter what
When I was in hospital people sent
Cards. Flowers. Prayers.
Mr. North sent
Homework
He is now my favorite teacher
Solid Foundation
Dash and I have nothing in common
Except our love of
B O Y S
And, well, that’s . . .
Everything
Punishment
I don’t wash dishes when my mom tells me to
I never turn in homework on the day that it is due
I leave the TV on when I go to bed
Mean to turn lights off; leave them on instead
I’ve let a few secrets out. Maybe two or three.
Can that be the reason this has happened to me?
Forever
Actually I like being bald
Enter a room everyone turns
They’ll always remember me
My Shay
Gonna get that girl to try turkey bacon
Someday
Someday . . .
There
I couldn’t look
What did she say about me?
Just tell me this
Were the words turkey and bacon used?
I knew it!
Luckily
None of that matters
’Cause flashing light on cell indicates text awaits
Teacher talks
Forever. Clock laughs.
S l o w s d o w n . . . then . . . stops.
C’mon!
Flashing light on cell indicates: he thinks of me.
Checked cell—battery dead.
C’mon!
Flashing light indicates: he needs me
Run home. Rain begins. Cat jumps, startled.
I fall flat on face
C’mon!
Flashing light indicates: he wants me.
Home. Finally. In front of screen.
I am not alone.
Godotwait4me: Is it sad being around your friend all the time knowing that she’s . . . ?
notall2gether: At first but now we just have fun and don’t think about it
Godotwait4me: I would think about it all the time
notall2gether: I think about it mostly when we say goodbye. Sometimes I will hug her so tight, she says she’s being “loved to death.” She says it’s torture. She has filed several complaints with Amnesty International.
Godotwait4me: And you still do it? You are a cruel girl
notall2gether: If I knew I was seeing my Dad for the last time the day before he died I would have held on to him tighter. And for much longer. I would have done things different ya know?
Godotwait4me: Like what?
notall2gether: Like not said I hate you
Godotwait4me: That’s the last thing you said to him?
notall2gether: He was planning another get to love your stepmom weekend and I freaked. Great daughter huh?
Godotwait4me: You were just venting. He knows you loved him
notall2gether: For the past year all we did was fight.
Godotwait4me: I didn’t talk to my Mom for weeks after Dad left
notall2gether: And now?
Godotwait4me: Oh we have in-depth convos (When’s dinner? What’s for dinner? Why did you make that for dinner?)
notall2gether: Deep Oprah-type stuff, I see
Godotwait4me: There’s no need to say more ya know? She can see the truth in my face
notall2gether: Which is?
Godotwait4me: That it’s all her fault. She messed up our fam just to get boned
notall2gether: Maybe she couldn’t help it
Godotwait4me: Adults are supposed to have control
notall2gether: Then I say it’s a myth. Like Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster, and decent fat-free ice cream . . .
Godotwait4me: Too bad. I liked thinking when I get old, everything would be all right
notall2gether: Maybe your dad will come back
Godotwait4me: He can’t look her in the eye. He’s gone forever.
notall2gether: You want to be with him and not her?
Godotwait4me: Yeah but he doesn’t want me
notall2gether: How do you know?
Godotwait4me: I asked to go live with him and he said no
notall2gether: Why?
Godotwait4me: Said he can’t cook and clean. He can’t afford a housekeeper blah, blah, bull !$$%. He just didn’t want me
notall2gether: He thinks your mom would be better at taking care of things
Godotwait4me: She doesn’t take care of things; she destroy things. I will never forgive her
notall2gether: Maybe if you learn to cook, your Dad would take you in. lol
Godotwait4me: Who says I can’t cook?
notall2gether: What? You suck. How could you hold out on me like that. What can you cook?
Godotwait4me: K, I can’t cook. But I microwave real good. I mean top of the line
notall2gether: I’m impressed
Godotwait4me: Are you?
notall2gether: Very
Godotwait4me: With the micro thing or with me?
notall2gether: Both
Godotwait4me: Rain?
notall2gether: Yeah?
Godotwait4me: Why doesn’t he want me?
notall2gether: idk
Godotwait4me: . . .
notall2gether: I want you. Does that make it a little better?
Godotwait4me: No
notall2gether: Oh
Godotwait4me: It makes it a lot better . . .
I’m Sure
I woke up, dressed, ate
Attended some type of class where lessons were taught
But I can’t remember any of it
My Life
A series of delicious texts and sinfully decadent exchanges
Godotwait4me: Rain?
notall2gether:
Hey, I thought you were gonna be camping all weekend
Godotwait4me: I was, but my friend got grounded. His rents called off the trip
notall2gether: Sucks. Why?
Godotwait4me: They caught him doing it
notall2gether: With who?
Godotwait4me: Himself
notall2gether: He was . . .
Godotwait4me: Yeah
notall2gether: By himself?
Godotwait4me: Um . . . yeah
notall2gether: Wow, I know his fam freaked but why is he grounded?
Godotwait4me: Catholics
notall2gether: Oh
Godotwait4me: They are making him go back to bible class
notall2gether: Guess the first time didn’t take
Godotwait4me: He thought he locked the door . . . His mom came in . . . now she won’t get out of bed
Godotwait4me: She thinks she raised him wrong
notall2gether: Is it that serious?
Godotwait4me: They are devout
notall2gether: Guess it’s good I don’t believe in anything huh?
Godotwait4me: Why, you please yourself a lot?
notall2gether: Maybe
Godotwait4me: Too late for shyness. How often do you do it?
notall2gether: You can’t ask me that
Godotwait4me: Why
notall2gether: Bc I’m a girl
Godotwait4me: Girls do it, that I know. I just want to know how often
notall2gether: Like 2x a month
Godotwait4me: That’s hot
notall2gether: You?
Godotwait4me: Never. I only allow pure thoughts into my head.
Godotwait4me: I am not sure we should remain friends as you may corrupt me
notall2gether: C’mon
Godotwait4me: Seriously. Last week I got the new Jay Z joint. Now this.
Godotwait4me: I’m being corrupted from inside out. I can feel it. How is a boy
Godotwait4me: supposed to protect his innocence?
notall2gether: Fine don’t tell me
Godotwait4me: Ok, ok, I do it 2x
notall2gether: A month?
Godotwait4me: A day
notall2gether: WTF?
Godotwait4me: It’s on my “to-do list” so . . . I do it!
notall2gether: What do you think about?
Godotwait4me: Snow cones, opera and springtime
notall2gether: Seriously
Godotwait4me: T&A, sex scenes and certain people
notall2gether: Like who?
Godotwait4me: Beyoncé
notall2gether: After buying her husband’s music? Traitor. Anyone else?
Godotwait4me: Scarlett Johansson
notall2gether: Oh. She’s nice . . . anyone else?
Godotwait4me: Besides you, no
notall2gether: Really!!!
Godotwait4me: All the time
notall2gether: But you don’t know what I look like
Godotwait4me: I kind of have your voice in my head. When I’m doing it
