Girls Like Me

by Lola StVil

  Why ruin it for him or me?

  “Sooner or later . . .

  This guy will want to see you”

  Boots warns

  Yet They’re Right

  More and more, Godot

  Pushes for us to meet

  Please. Please.

  Just a little while longer . . .

  Godotwait4me: Rain?

  notall2gether: Yeah

  Godotwait4me: What’s up?

  notall2gether: My blood pressure

  Godotwait4me: Why?

  notall2gether: Step Satan on war path

  Godotwait4me: Why

  notall2gether: Wants me to go to therapy

  Godotwait4me: Bc of your Dad?

  notall2gether: No bc therapy is cool now

  Godotwait4me: Sucks. But it may be easier to just go

  notall2gether: I don’t need it

  Godotwait4me: Did you tell her that?

  notall2gether: It’s like when I talk she just hears duck sounds. She never listens

  Godotwait4me: Not her fault. It’s a condition that comes with age

  notall2gether: Like wrinkles

  Godotwait4me: Like lying

  notall2gether: What’s up with you?

  Godotwait4me: Mom bought me and sis new ipads

  notall2gether: Hating you rn

  Godotwait4me: She only did it to make up for Dad leaving

  notall2gether: She wants to buy your love. Aww . . .

  Godotwait4me: She’s just started paying for what she did

  notall2gether: You gonna bleed her dry?

  Godotwait4me: No access to firing squad so yes

  notall2gether: Hey, can I put a few people in the line of fire too?

  Godotwait4me: Step Satan?

  notall2gether: And a girl at school. Kelly

  Godotwait4me: Why

  notall2gether: It’s just the right thing to do

  Godotwait4me: Let me guess, she is like 2% cuter than you. And you hate that

  notall2gether: I’m not that shallow. She is 2.5% cuter and that is why she must die!

  Godotwait4me: My mistake

  notall2gether: How’s the ipad?

  Godotwait4me: Can’t lie; it’s awesome. Lot of apps and the resolution is amazing

  notall2gether: Yeah, gonna have to send a little more hate your way

  Godotwait4me: How about sending a pic my way? Why are you hiding?

  notall2gether: Why are you? You never sent me a pic.

  Godotwait4me: Ok, I send you one and you send me one, right?

  notall2gether: Um . . . it’s more fun this way. Guessing what the other looks like.

  Godotwait4me: You don’t want to leave it up to my imagination. I can be . . . R rated

  notall2gether: I can be X rated at times

  Godotwait4me: Flirt

  notall2gether: What do you think I look like?

  Godotwait4me: 10 eyeballs, 8 arms and 4 fingers

  notall2gether: Close but I only have 7 eyeballs

  Godotwait4me: Damn

  notall2gether: You lose

  Godotwait4me: Is there a consolation prize?

  notall2gether: Washer/dryer and lifetime supply of Thai noodles in a can

  Godotwait4me: Variety pack?

  notall2gether: Of course

  Godotwait4me: Then it was all worth it. I’ve been thinking about you all day

  notall2gether: Good things?

  Godotwait4me: Naughty things

  notall2gether: Even better

  Godotwait4me: I bet you have soft lips

  notall2gether: I ordered the 7 arms/soft lip package so yes

  Godotwait4me: I dreamed about kissing you last night

  notall2gether: And . . .

  Godotwait4me: It was spectacular

  notall2gether: You didn’t get farther than that did you?

  Godotwait4me: No. I was respectful

  notall2gether: Liar

  Godotwait4me: I’d love to do it in person

  notall2gether: Do it?

  Godotwait4me: I mean kiss, not sex. Not that I wouldn’t want to . . . I just mean . . . would bashing my

  Godotwait4me: Head on the wall make better words come out my mouth?

  notall2gether: No but it’s cool. I get it

  Godotwait4me: Do you?

  notall2gether: Yeah, you want to kiss a girl you never met bc you like the words she puts on the screen before you

  Godotwait4me: No. I want to kiss the girl who’s been killing me with her humor and stories. The girl who makes me feel . . . not so out there

  notall2gether: What if she doesn’t live up to what you think? What if she is . . . not pretty

  Godotwait4me: Doubt it

  notall2gether: I gotta go

  Godotwait4me: Why do you do that?

  notall2gether: What?

  Godotwait4me: Run

  notall2gether: Maybe I want you to chase me

  Godotwait4me: Do you?

  notall2gether: Sometimes

  Godotwait4me: Am I supposed to woo you?

  notall2gether: Woo? Maybe you are old

  Godotwait4me: No, just corny

  notall2gether: Yes, woo me.

  Godotwait4me: Okay, but don’t be surprised if you fall for me

  notall2gether: Why would I do that?

  Godotwait4me: Common courtesy: fall for guy who woos you

  notall2gether: Haha

  Godotwait4me: Not joking

  notall2gether: Really?

  Godotwait4me: Really.

  Everything in My World Has Been

  Paused.

  Nothing moves except my heart

  It leaps out of my room into the sky

  Hangs just above the earth’s orbit

  It is not alone

  He is out there too

  He is out there too . . .

  It’s Official

  Blake Harrison and I are over

  (We were together in my head)

  But I don’t need a pretend guy

  Have real

  Guy

  Well

  “Real”

  Guy

  Godot.

  My guy.

  Looking at Blake Harrison

  Standing in the middle of

  A group of friends laughing loud

  Putting on a brave, strong face

  Knowing all the while his

  Imaginary girl

  Has left him

  Poor guy—he’s heartbroken . . .

  Meanwhile Kelly Canyon

  Keeps making pig sounds anytime I’m near

  Her other friends snicker and laugh when I walk past

  I did the wrong assignment

  Left lunch money at home

  Failed. Pop. Quiz. In two classes.

  Boots gave me a hug to make up for the day I was having

  Dash’s Days

  Are going fairly well too

  His dad has been acting like a dad

  They watch movies, play games, and crack jokes.

  Dash high with pride

  Shows off Dad like giddy girl with rock engagement ring

  When he tells his dad the truth

  Rock will be appraised and found to have

  No real value

  It’s a Drug

  Dash explains that Dad’s acceptance is a true high

  Boots and I look down below

  We worry about the fall

  Yet we can’t deny

  The change in him

  It’s in the spring of his step. The certainty in his stride.

  Dash Montgomery is

  Loved

  By the one person who never gave it to him before and he feels

  G O O D

  Boots Flinches

  Slightly

  Her head hurts again

  Before I launch

  Into how stubbo
rn she is and how she refuses to admit she’s unwell

  I guess I should let her speak for herself

  But whatever she says, I did have an alibi

  For here is my favorite Trekkie

  Lisa Thomas (AKA Boots)

  Payment

  When I was four I wanted a new bike for my birthday

  I was told to pray

  God would give it to me

  For weeks I was faithfully praying

  Birthday came and went

  No bike

  I tried Santa. Left him a plate of Double Stuff Oreos

  Xmas morning got new bike

  Guess God needed an offering

  After news of illness, Mom went to church and prayed

  I went online

  Googled What to get the guy who has everything

  The Clocks

  I made my parents get rid of all the clocks in the house

  Now Dad is always late for work

  Mom is always early

  Didn’t tell them about the small stopwatch under my pillow

  Or the tick and the tock between the silence of everyday living

  Live Long and Prosper

  I became a Trekkie after I was diagnosed

  No one in outer space ever gets tumors

  But We Laugh Too

  Parents had to give up lots of things

  Sleep, stillness, sanity

  All for my condition

  We replaced it with

  Board games. Road trips. Campfires.

  That means we spend hours in the car headed to campsite

  Arguing over last night’s Scrabble game

  And woot is not a word!

  BOOTS

  My body turned against me

  Waged war

  Now I am dressed and suited accordingly

  Mr. North

  And I don’t get along

  His homework is too hard

  Takes too long to figure out

  He gives homework no matter what

  When I was in hospital people sent

  Cards. Flowers. Prayers.

  Mr. North sent

  Homework

  He is now my favorite teacher

  Solid Foundation

  Dash and I have nothing in common

  Except our love of

  B O Y S

  And, well, that’s . . .

  Everything

  Punishment

  I don’t wash dishes when my mom tells me to

  I never turn in homework on the day that it is due

  I leave the TV on when I go to bed

  Mean to turn lights off; leave them on instead

  I’ve let a few secrets out. Maybe two or three.

  Can that be the reason this has happened to me?

  Forever

  Actually I like being bald

  Enter a room everyone turns

  They’ll always remember me

  My Shay

  Gonna get that girl to try turkey bacon

  Someday

  Someday . . .

  There

  I couldn’t look

  What did she say about me?

  Just tell me this

  Were the words turkey and bacon used?

  I knew it!

  Luckily

  None of that matters

  ’Cause flashing light on cell indicates text awaits

  Teacher talks

  Forever. Clock laughs.

  S l o w s d o w n . . . then . . . stops.

  C’mon!

  Flashing light on cell indicates: he thinks of me.

  Checked cell—battery dead.

  C’mon!

  Flashing light indicates: he needs me

  Run home. Rain begins. Cat jumps, startled.

  I fall flat on face

  C’mon!

  Flashing light indicates: he wants me.

  Home. Finally. In front of screen.

  I am not alone.

  Godotwait4me: Is it sad being around your friend all the time knowing that she’s . . . ?

  notall2gether: At first but now we just have fun and don’t think about it

  Godotwait4me: I would think about it all the time

  notall2gether: I think about it mostly when we say goodbye. Sometimes I will hug her so tight, she says she’s being “loved to death.” She says it’s torture. She has filed several complaints with Amnesty International.

  Godotwait4me: And you still do it? You are a cruel girl

  notall2gether: If I knew I was seeing my Dad for the last time the day before he died I would have held on to him tighter. And for much longer. I would have done things different ya know?

  Godotwait4me: Like what?

  notall2gether: Like not said I hate you

  Godotwait4me: That’s the last thing you said to him?

  notall2gether: He was planning another get to love your stepmom weekend and I freaked. Great daughter huh?

  Godotwait4me: You were just venting. He knows you loved him

  notall2gether: For the past year all we did was fight.

  Godotwait4me: I didn’t talk to my Mom for weeks after Dad left

  notall2gether: And now?

  Godotwait4me: Oh we have in-depth convos (When’s dinner? What’s for dinner? Why did you make that for dinner?)

  notall2gether: Deep Oprah-type stuff, I see

  Godotwait4me: There’s no need to say more ya know? She can see the truth in my face

  notall2gether: Which is?

  Godotwait4me: That it’s all her fault. She messed up our fam just to get boned

  notall2gether: Maybe she couldn’t help it

  Godotwait4me: Adults are supposed to have control

  notall2gether: Then I say it’s a myth. Like Bigfoot, Loch Ness Monster, and decent fat-free ice cream . . .

  Godotwait4me: Too bad. I liked thinking when I get old, everything would be all right

  notall2gether: Maybe your dad will come back

  Godotwait4me: He can’t look her in the eye. He’s gone forever.

  notall2gether: You want to be with him and not her?

  Godotwait4me: Yeah but he doesn’t want me

  notall2gether: How do you know?

  Godotwait4me: I asked to go live with him and he said no

  notall2gether: Why?

  Godotwait4me: Said he can’t cook and clean. He can’t afford a housekeeper blah, blah, bull !$$%. He just didn’t want me

  notall2gether: He thinks your mom would be better at taking care of things

  Godotwait4me: She doesn’t take care of things; she destroy things. I will never forgive her

  notall2gether: Maybe if you learn to cook, your Dad would take you in. lol

  Godotwait4me: Who says I can’t cook?

  notall2gether: What? You suck. How could you hold out on me like that. What can you cook?

  Godotwait4me: K, I can’t cook. But I microwave real good. I mean top of the line

  notall2gether: I’m impressed

  Godotwait4me: Are you?

  notall2gether: Very

  Godotwait4me: With the micro thing or with me?

  notall2gether: Both

  Godotwait4me: Rain?

  notall2gether: Yeah?

  Godotwait4me: Why doesn’t he want me?

  notall2gether: idk

  Godotwait4me: . . .

  notall2gether: I want you. Does that make it a little better?

  Godotwait4me: No

  notall2gether: Oh

  Godotwait4me: It makes it a lot better . . .

  I’m Sure

  I woke up, dressed, ate

  Attended some type of class where lessons were taught

  But I can’t remember any of it

  My Life

  A series of delicious texts and sinfully decadent exchanges

  Godotwait4me: Rain?

  notall2gether:
Hey, I thought you were gonna be camping all weekend

  Godotwait4me: I was, but my friend got grounded. His rents called off the trip

  notall2gether: Sucks. Why?

  Godotwait4me: They caught him doing it

  notall2gether: With who?

  Godotwait4me: Himself

  notall2gether: He was . . .

  Godotwait4me: Yeah

  notall2gether: By himself?

  Godotwait4me: Um . . . yeah

  notall2gether: Wow, I know his fam freaked but why is he grounded?

  Godotwait4me: Catholics

  notall2gether: Oh

  Godotwait4me: They are making him go back to bible class

  notall2gether: Guess the first time didn’t take

  Godotwait4me: He thought he locked the door . . . His mom came in . . . now she won’t get out of bed

  Godotwait4me: She thinks she raised him wrong

  notall2gether: Is it that serious?

  Godotwait4me: They are devout

  notall2gether: Guess it’s good I don’t believe in anything huh?

  Godotwait4me: Why, you please yourself a lot?

  notall2gether: Maybe

  Godotwait4me: Too late for shyness. How often do you do it?

  notall2gether: You can’t ask me that

  Godotwait4me: Why

  notall2gether: Bc I’m a girl

  Godotwait4me: Girls do it, that I know. I just want to know how often

  notall2gether: Like 2x a month

  Godotwait4me: That’s hot

  notall2gether: You?

  Godotwait4me: Never. I only allow pure thoughts into my head.

  Godotwait4me: I am not sure we should remain friends as you may corrupt me

  notall2gether: C’mon

  Godotwait4me: Seriously. Last week I got the new Jay Z joint. Now this.

  Godotwait4me: I’m being corrupted from inside out. I can feel it. How is a boy

  Godotwait4me: supposed to protect his innocence?

  notall2gether: Fine don’t tell me

  Godotwait4me: Ok, ok, I do it 2x

  notall2gether: A month?

  Godotwait4me: A day

  notall2gether: WTF?

  Godotwait4me: It’s on my “to-do list” so . . . I do it!

  notall2gether: What do you think about?

  Godotwait4me: Snow cones, opera and springtime

  notall2gether: Seriously

  Godotwait4me: T&A, sex scenes and certain people

  notall2gether: Like who?

  Godotwait4me: Beyoncé

  notall2gether: After buying her husband’s music? Traitor. Anyone else?

  Godotwait4me: Scarlett Johansson

  notall2gether: Oh. She’s nice . . . anyone else?

  Godotwait4me: Besides you, no

  notall2gether: Really!!!

  Godotwait4me: All the time

  notall2gether: But you don’t know what I look like

  Godotwait4me: I kind of have your voice in my head. When I’m doing it