Girls Like Me
Page 7
How not to make your kid feel like #%#$
Second period:
Gay sons and daughters
Third period:
Stepmom and why your kid will never like her
Sweetie, You Have to Tell Him
Boots and I find honeyed words to coat the cold reality pill
Dash has to swallow
Dash Speaks Softly
Years guessing
How to win his love
Finally
I found a way
All I have to do is
Be someone else
Dash Insists
Maybe I’m not even gay
Could have been a phase
A moment in time
And time
Passes . . .
Boots Cries Out
We rush over.
Her breath
Labored. Slow. Shallow.
We start to call for help
She won’t let us
Puts on brave face so often
We hardly remember what she really looks like
We Take Her
Home
Where she makes us swear not to tell her
Mom
Chocolate Would Rescue Me
From feeling so defeated
But I’m hoping Godot gets there first
notall2gether: G, you still mad at me?
Godotwait4me: I’m not mad. I just don’t get it
notall2gether: We are having such a good time here, why go out there?
Godotwait4me: So I can touch you and know that my girl is real. Not some letters on a screen
notall2gether: I am real
Godotwait4me: How would I know that?
notall2gether: I just need some time
Godotwait4me: Is there another guy?
notall2gether: No
Godotwait4me: A girl?
notall2gether: No
Godotwait4me: You old?
notall2gether: No. please stop
Godotwait4me: Then tell me why you don’t want to see me?
notall2gether: I do.
Godotwait4me: So . . .
notall2gether: So I have had a #%$^#$ day. Dash is lying to his dad and he’s gonna get hurt in the end.
notall2gether: Boots isn’t doing well and she won’t admit it
Godotwait4me: I’m sorry about your friend. What can I do?
notall2gether: idk
Godotwait4me: If Dash is gay, he has to get to a point where he can tell his dad on his own.
Godotwait4me: You can’t push him. And Boots
Godotwait4me: is the same thing. She has to face that she’s not well
notall2gether: I just want them to be okay. They are all I have
Godotwait4me: That’s not true. You have me
notall2gether: Thx. It means a lot
Godotwait4me: I wish I could hold you. Make it better
notall2gether: I wish that too
Godotwait4me: This is crazy! Why wish? Let’s just meet up.
notall2gether: Let’s talk about something else
Godotwait4me: See that’s the thing. There is nothing else. You are all
Godotwait4me: I think about. Getting a text from you makes everything ok
notall2gether: It does the same for me
Godotwait4me: But how many times can we act like it’s enough?
notall2gether: Why isn’t it enough?
Godotwait4me: Bc it isn’t
notall2gether: Let’s not do this. Talk about something else, please
Godotwait4me: Why do you have to control everything?
notall2gether: I don’t
Godotwait4me: It’s like you are too scared
Godotwait4me: to let go
notall2gether: What if we meet and you hate me?
Godotwait4me: Why would I do that?
notall2gether: I don’t look like . . .
Godotwait4me: You don’t look like what?
notall2gether: Never mind.
Godotwait4me: Help me Rain, please help me understand
notall2gether: This thing . . . you and me . . . it’s so good. I don’t want to mess it up
Godotwait4me: Meeting can only make it better. Please do this for me
notall2gether: I want to but . . .
Godotwait4me: But you don’t want it enough. K. No prob
notall2gether: Godot? . . . Hello?
[Godotwait4me has logged off]
One Day I Saw
A clown on a bus
A nun on a bike
A stripper at the Laundromat
I don’t know what forces allowed
All these people to be there at the same time
But there they were
That day was very much like today
Where Do I Start?
Kara signed me up for yoga!
How much would it cost to hire an assassin?
Seriously. I have two hundred dollars saved up.
Where does one go to buy one?
Is there a union?
A payment plan?
Can I get a school discount?
Does it cost extra if they make it messy and painful?
Is there a website?
A blog?
Dash Is Taking Golf Lessons!
And missing like THREE Project Runway episodes
BACK TO BACK!
Oh, how dark the days!
And Boots
Well, she is almost nowhere to be found
Too busy trying to dodge us
She is so crafty
She hides behind basketball team members
Navigates through crowds like DiCaprio
Catch Me If You Can
And Then There’s Godot
We haven’t traveled in my head in days
I don’t mean to upset him
I’m just trying to hold on to the best thing
That’s happened to me
How Much
Can I fight this?
He’s like sand through my fingers
It’s only for the moment . . .
When I Get Home
Kara informs me
She was well-meaning
In the yoga thing
I inform her
I have long since
Tuned her out
I Try to Stay Away
Give Godot some space
But I miss him more than I thought I could
Texts should come with warnings:
CAUTION: You may get addicted to the guy you chat with and then have to give it all up cold turkey
Keeping Busy
Is my rehab
Clean room. Empty trash. Do homework.
Don’t look at screen
He’s not there
Do homework. Have dinner. Read book.
Don’t wait for text
It’s not coming
Do crossword. Text friends. Surf web.
Don’t email
There’ll be no reply
Screw It!
My will has failed me
notall2gether: Godot, you there?
Godotwait4me: Yes
notall2gether: So . . . how are you?
Godotwait4me: Fine
notall2gether: Me too
Godotwait4me: K
notall2gether: How’s things at home?
Godotwait4me: It’s whatever
notall2gether: Yeah, I know what you mean. I heard Rod Stewart today.
notall2gether: Some lady was blasting it in her car and singing along like crazy
Godotwait4me: K
notall2gether: Godot
Godotwait4me: Yes
notall2gether: Let’s dance
Godotwait4me: Can’t. Homework
notall2gether: Maybe later?
Godotwait4me: Gotta go
notall2gether: Wait!
&nb
sp; Godotwait4me: Yeah?
notall2gether: Good night . . .
Godotwait4me: K
I Walk Around the House
Like the world has ended
Because it has
If Dad Were Here
He’d tell me I was overreacting
I’d argue
Tell him Godot means the world to me
He’d smile and say
Give it a week
So I Do
I leave my room
And join the world
And All the World
Is getting ready for the dance
Girls fill the shops
Guys huddle in corners to review
Who has dates with whom
And Blake Harrison
Sits alone in the stairwell
What do you do when you catch Zeus alone?
Just a god and his thoughts
His Eyes
Sparks of green and gold
His hair dark like the ocean at night
Gracefully cascading down his face
Radiance of his smile
Lethal, impossible to escape
I should say hello
Mention that before Godot
I loved him
Planned two-kids-and-dog scenario
But I don’t
In case Zeus scares easily
I Guess This Is Progress
Thinking of a different guy
There’s no chance with Zeus
Still
Better to gaze at gods
Than blank screens
Godotwait4me: Rain, I wrote you a poem. I’m not good at that kind of stuff
Godotwait4me: But I thought you would like it or hate it. Idk
notall2gether: Wow, yeah, I’d love to read it
Godotwait4me: K, here goes. Don’t laugh
notall2gether: Promise
[You have (1) unread message]
The moment
When he sees her
Pieces assemble
That he didn’t know were missing
He fears living in a world
she’s not in
He seeks to reassure
Her
She is queen of all
in his world
and if
this world
casts her out
she would
still
have
his
world
to call
home
When he sees her
Pieces assemble
That he didn’t know were missing
Godotwait4me: It sucks right?
notall2gether: No, G. It’s . . . thank you
Godotwait4me: You really like it?
notall2gether: So much . . .
Godotwait4me: I just wanted you to know that it’s cool if you’re . . . different or whatever.
notall2gether: Me too. All I want is to be with you
notall2gether: So . . . how about we talk on the phone?
Godotwait4me: It’s already hard not to think about you. Hearing your voice would just make it
Godotwait4me: worse if you don’t plan on seeing me. So, yeah we can talk on the phone
Godotwait4me: but only if you promise we will meet up sometime after
notall2gether: I can’t promise that. I’m sorry
Godotwait4me: No, you’re not. You don’t care what this is doing to me
notall2gether: I do. I care about you so much
Godotwait4me: Yeah, whatever ttyl
Dash’s Love Life
Isn’t going much better
The dance is only a few weeks away
The only thing he’s worked on is his swing, his excuses,
And his straight-guy walk
Reason #314:
I can’t ask Sam to the dance because my ancestors are from
That town in the movie Footloose where dance is forbidden
I have to honor their memory
The Word Pig
Is spray-painted on my locker
I didn’t see her do it but I’m sure it was
Kelly Canyon
I’m not upset; I’m rather impressed
Didn’t think she could spell
Yay public education!
Dash and Boots Offer to Retaliate
Mastermind
Intricate plot involving
Ecstasy. Whip cream. Mexican police.
There Is No Need for Revenge
I have plans to jump inside a
Triple-thick chocolate-
Chocolate-
Chip milkshake
My Brain Freezes Over
Due to the speed I’m inhaling
The chocolate-chip winter
Okay, I Will Agree to Meet Him
For once I will leap!
Leap!
Into the dream that good things happen
Even to girls like
Me
I Hear Pigs
Coming out of my backpack
Take a look
My cell makes pig sounds
Kelly Canyon laughs
She got hold of my cell
Changed: my ringtone
I change: my mind
No one is meeting anyone
Godotwait4me: Rain, I smoked for the first time last night
notall2gether: What?
Godotwait4me: Friends got some weed. Went to park near my house
notall2gether: How was it?
Godotwait4me: Tastes like burnt wood
notall2gether: Feels like?
Godotwait4me: Nothing mattered
notall2gether: Is that good?
Godotwait4me: Kind of
notall2gether: So, you gonna do it again?
Godotwait4me: Maybe
notall2gether: Are you planning on becoming a weed head?
Godotwait4me: I’m gonna pee first then become a weed head
notall2gether: Seriously. I think one time is enough
Godotwait4me: Why, Mom?
notall2gether: It’s stupid
Godotwait4me: I’m stupid?
notall2gether: No but smoking is . . . lame
Godotwait4me: You never tried it and you are knocking it. No fair
notall2gether: I don’t have to try drinking bleach to know I won’t like it
notall2gether: It felt good?
Godotwait4me: Not at first. I coughed and stuff but after a few puffs, I was like floating
notall2gether: So you gonna get high all the time now?
Godotwait4me: Not if you are here to stop me. So . . . come over
notall2gether: The only way you will behave is if you get to see me?
Godotwait4me: Yes
notall2gether: Why
Godotwait4me: Bc I freaking like you. Why is that so hard for you to understand? I like you. Deal
notall2gether: Why are you so weird today. You high now?
Godotwait4me: Yeah, so what?
notall2gether: Text me when you are back to normal
Godotwait4me: You ok waiting 10 or 20 years
notall2gether: Godot . . .
Godotwait4me: That’s not my damn name. Why don’t you ask me my real name?
notall2gether: I like just the people we are online. It’s fun
Godotwait4me: It’s pathetic. We can’t live here forever.
notall2gether: You want to stop talking?
Godotwait4me: I want to see you
notall2gether: No
Godotwait4me: Screw you then
notall2gether: What?
Godotwait4me: S-C-R-E-W you
notall2gether: What’s wrong with you?
Godotwait4me: You girls are full of *%&$#. Just like my mom. She told Dad she was gonna be faithful then
Godotwait4me: he finds her at a skanky motel with another guy.
All of you suck
notall2gether: Bye Godot
Godotwait4me: THAT IS NOT MY NAME!!!!
notall2gether: Whatever
Godotwait4me: You are a lying tease
notall2gether: Did u just call me that? Really?
Godotwait4me: Yeah, really
I Am
Weaker
Than I’d like
Softer
Than I let on
Smaller
Than I’ll admit
But I will
NOT
Be disrespected
I’m Not Agonizing
Over him
No really
I am pissed off and don’t care
If he never texts again
Sometimes
You can’t cry anymore
Ache anymore
Try anymore
Shay Summers
Shut down for the day
Godotwait4me: Thought I would say hi . . . Rain? . . . Rain?
Godotwait4me: Say something . . . K . . . good night . . .
Godotwait4me: Hello again . . . Look I know you’re mad at me.
Godotwait4me: You can yell at me and curse me out but
Godotwait4me: First you have to text me back . . . . Hello? . . . Rain? . . .
Godotwait4me: I know you are not talking to me. I just wanted to say
Godotwait4me: I’m sorry . . . I miss you
notall2gether: G, stop texting. I’m no longer talking to you.
Godotwait4me: What can I do to make it up to you?
notall2gether: Nothing
Days Go By
The blacks and grays of his absence
Make it hard to be happy
I Miss Him
notall2gether: Hey, Smokey . . .
Godotwait4me: Rain?
notall2gether: Yeah
Godotwait4me: Hi :)
notall2gether: Hello
Godotwait4me: Didn’t think I would hear from you again
notall2gether: You were such a jerk to me. And for no reason
Godotwait4me: I had just seen my mom and she told us about the actual day Dad caught her and I freaked.
Godotwait4me: Sorry
notall2gether: You were also high
Godotwait4me: Yeah
notall2gether: Is that an everyday thing now?
Godotwait4me: No, it was something I needed to try
notall2gether: You called me a lying tease and I didn’t do anything to you.
Godotwait4me: I’m sorry
notall2gether: You think every girl is like your mom?
Godotwait4me: No, not every girl . . .
notall2gether: Next time you call me that, I’m gone. Got it?
Godotwait4me: Yeah
notall2gether: How’s your dad?
Godotwait4me: He cries a lot
notall2gether: I didn’t think guys do that
Godotwait4me: Same here. How’s Step Satan?
notall2gether: She made me see a therapist
Godotwait4me: Wow, sucks
notall2gether: Her name is Dr. Dementia.
Godotwait4me: Seriously?
notall2gether: Yeah, it’s pronounced differently but still . . .