Book Read Free

Girls Like Me

Page 9

by Lola StVil


  Don’t blow this.

  Don’t blow this.

  “Oh, you’re not?”

  Don’t blow this.

  Don’t blow this.

  Don’t blow this.

  “If you don’t wanna be my—”

  Don’t blow this.

  Don’t blow this.

  Don’t blow this.

  “Yes! I do!”

  OMG, why did I just shout that?

  We Laugh

  He becomes

  Real . . .

  Feeling Happy

  Like in new soda ad

  Like in Disney ending

  Like in thin-girl body

  Did You Know

  Happy people

  STILL have

  To go to class?

  E N T I R E

  C l a s s

  Is

  Fixed

  On

  Me

  Must Have Discovered

  One of my

  Horrible secrets

  Fan letter to cast of

  Glee

  Squidward-themed desktop wallpaper

  Jennifer Love Hewitt playlist.

  OMG . . .

  The Whispers Begin

  When I take my seat

  Low humming sends words floating into air

  Slowly rising into

  Debate. Uproar. Laughter.

  Text “911” Godot

  Godotwait4me: What’s wrong?

  notall2gether: News of us hit the entire school

  Godotwait4me: Us sounds nice

  notall2gether: Focus

  Godotwait4me: What’s wrong if they know?

  notall2gether: They are forming an angry mob

  Godotwait4me: Torch wielding or bat swinging?

  notall2gether: Torch

  Godotwait4me: Great, means they’ll come at night. We’ll find a place to hide

  notall2gether: And regroup

  Godotwait4me: Or kiss. Whatever.

  notall2gether: Everyone acts so shocked

  Godotwait4me: That’s what they get for not reading our newsletter “BLA-SHAY” daily

  notall2gether: They think I’m not good for you bc . . .

  Godotwait4me: Bc?

  notall2gether: You know . . .

  Godotwait4me: Oh . . . bc you’re a lefty?

  notall2gether: No . . .

  Godotwait4me: Bc you bite your nails?

  notall2gether: No :)

  Godotwait4me: Bc you freak out when your food touches

  notall2gether: Only when it’s mash potatoes. And no!

  Godotwait4me: Then what?

  notall2gether: Bc I’m not . . . thin

  Godotwait4me: So what? I like the way you look. A lot.

  notall2gether: You’re not worried the entire school will laugh at you?

  Godotwait4me: No need to worry, if I text you any longer, I’ll get kicked out of school

  notall2gether: Oh, sorry

  Godotwait4me: Who needs education. I can pump gas

  notall2gether: I think you need a high school diploma for that too

  Godotwait4me: Seriously?

  notall2gether: Yup

  Godotwait4me: Then I better go :)

  Recap Night w/ Godot with BFFs

  Dash warns against a summer wedding

  “Sweaty bride is not hot”

  Boots pushes for Trekkie theme

  Her excitement

  Hides shades of blues and grays

  “What’s Wrong?” We Ask.

  “Can I tell you guys something?”

  “Anything,” Dash reassures.

  “I really don’t wanna die”

  “No one has to know”

  We Hold Her

  Tighter than a patient should be held

  Don’t care

  Never letting go

  notall2gether: What’s your most embarrassing moment ever?

  Godotwait4me: Heard rents having sex

  notall2gether: How did you know?

  Godotwait4me: Dirty talk and heavy breathing

  notall2gether: How does that go?

  Godotwait4me: Heavy breathing? Inhale . . . exhale . . .

  notall2gether: No! How do you talk dirty? What do you say?

  Godotwait4me: Things like grass stains, mud, grease spot . . .

  notall2gether: Haha. For real. Have you tried it?

  Godotwait4me: No but doesn’t seem hard. You just say “It feels good when you touch that”

  notall2gether: What’s “that”?

  Godotwait4me: Idk, fill in the blank

  notall2gether: Ok . . . feels good when you touch my toe

  Godotwait4me: Unless you have a thing about feet, that’s not really dirty. Pick something else

  notall2gether: You go

  Godotwait4me: I could say “your boobs feel good”

  notall2gether: Who said I would let you touch?

  Godotwait4me: You wouldn’t let me touch them?

  notall2gether: Maybe . . .

  Godotwait4me: Lol. Ok, what can I touch?

  notall2gether: My heart

  Godotwait4me: No fair! That’s the hardest part to reach

  notall2gether: Not true. You’re almost there

  Godotwait4me: Then call me Blake

  notall2gether: It just seems . . . unreal when I do

  Godotwait4me: Ok then, send me pic of your boobs

  notall2gether: No ;)

  Godotwait4me: Heart or boob.

  notall2gether: Hey, um . . . you know I’m not gonna have sex with you right?

  Godotwait4me: Wait . . . I’m the one who’s not having sex with you. You think a few sexting words and a great date is enough to get me in bed? No way! I need to be wooed . . .

  notall2gether: I heard you are easy. Giving it up to students, cashiers . . . the Avon lady

  Godotwait4me: That #%#%& promised she’d never tell!

  notall2gether: LMAO

  Godotwait4me: She offered lifetime supply of mint shampoo. And well, a man has needs.

  notall2gether: Was she gentle?

  Godotwait4me: Rough. Very rough.

  notall2gether: And you liked that?

  Godotwait4me: Loved it :)

  notall2gether: Lol.

  Godotwait4me: But I think it would be better with you

  notall2gether: Why?

  Godotwait4me: Bc her phone kept ringing.

  notall2gether: Avon ladies are in high demand

  Godotwait4me: Apparently. Promise you will turn phone off when we do it.

  notall2gether: If I’m giving it up, it means we are the last two people on earth. So, my cell won’t ring.

  Godotwait4me: So . . . no chance at all huh? Damn. After I made a playlist and everything

  notall2gether: Who’s on it?

  Godotwait4me: Stewie Griffin rendition of “I will always love you”

  notall2gether: You know the way to a girl’s heart

  Godotwait4me: Seriously though, I’m cool with your “no sex” thing. No biggie.

  notall2gether: You sure?

  Godotwait4me: Yeah, no biggie.

  notall2gether: K, it’s late. Should go to bed

  Godotwait4me: Stay

  notall2gether: Why?

  Godotwait4me: Not ready to let you go

  Next Day, Sam Meets Me by My Locker

  He looks misplaced

  “He’s gone,” he says

  “Who?”

  “Dash’s dad found out about us.

  He took Dash’s cell away and sent him

  To military school.”

  In Case of Emergency

  If your life starts F

  A

  L

  L

  I

  N

  G

  A  P  A  R  T

  Breaking from inside out

  Pull all BFFs close
and

  Brace for impact

  That Emergency Procedure

  Is where I place my faith

  GRAB HOLD OF BFFS BOOTS & DASH

  Ten seconds ago the system went

  d

  o

  w

  n

  Dash

  Hauled off to

  Military school!

  Oh No!

  Sense

  Any

  Makes

  Nothing !!!

  What???

  I mean nothing makes any—ARGH!!!!

  You know what I mean

  DASH

  Turns all my problems to

  Dazzling, sparkly jewels of

  “@$#$#@%#@ ’em

  If they don’t like you”

  Bedazzles my worries till they shine

  Like the star he says

  I am

  Pairs my fears with confidence and

  Skinny jeans

  As Soon As School Ends

  Head to Boots

  Like mine, all her calls to Dash

  Have gone unanswered

  Over Next Few Days

  Boots and I

  Try Dash’s mom

  She is from the

  “Husband knows best” era

  Will not help us

  Next Day, Find Note in Locker

  “GBPB”

  ??? ??? ???

  Wrong Locker I’m Guessing

  Sigh.

  Days are years

  Without Dash

  Only Bright Spot

  Is seeing

  Him

  Godotwait4me: I know you’re down about Dash but how do you feel about Halloween?

  notall2gether: As a religion?

  Godotwait4me: Lol. No, as a reason to dress crazy and party

  notall2gether: I’m for it

  Godotwait4me: Hudson’s throwing a party after the dance. Wanna go?

  notall2gether: Heard about it. Invite only.

  Godotwait4me: This invite is not formal enough? Should I send fancy font your way?

  notall2gether: Well certainly fancier than Times New Roman. What kind of girl do you think I am?

  Godotwait4me: Shay Summers you are invited to Hudson’s Bash with Blake Harrison. Please confirm with smiley face.

  notall2gether: :)))))))

  Godotwait4me: For a sec I thought you would turn me down

  notall2gether: You picked a good font so . . .

  Godotwait4me: Whatever it takes to get the girl

  notall2gether: Don’t know Hudson well. Is he . . . cool with you and me?

  Godotwait4me: Sure, we’ve been friends since 2nd grade.

  notall2gether: Did you guys wrestle and play hide n seek?

  Godotwait4me: No, we had pillow fights, did each other’s hair, and played spin the bottle.

  notall2gether: Heard he uses tongue . . .

  Godotwait4me: ARGH!!! Ok. Great. Now the nightmares begin. Seriously, he’s cool.

  notall2gether: Okay . . .

  Godotwait4me: You worry too much about what other people think

  notall2gether: I worry just enough

  Godotwait4me: What will you go as?

  notall2gether: If I don’t get math homework done, “failing student”

  Godotwait4me: I haven’t done my work either. Fail together?

  notall2gether: Deal.

  Godotwait4me: Last year I dressed up like a Red Bull can

  notall2gether: Dash and I went trick or treating last year bc he felt we were never too old for sugar high. He went as Madonna

  Godotwait4me: Cool

  notall2gether: Post Op.

  Godotwait4me: Argh!

  notall2gether: I know :)

  Godotwait4me: What about you?

  notall2gether: I never know what to go as

  Godotwait4me: Anyone topless

  notall2gether: Lol. My boobs may not be as nice to look at as you think

  Godotwait4me: I know your boobs are . . . hot

  notall2gether: How?

  Godotwait4me: Bc you’re hot.

  notall2gether: Thx. Hey I saw a few kids wearing buttons at school. Know anything about it?

  Godotwait4me: What kind of buttons?

  Godotwait4me: Idk

  notall2gether: Kelly pinned one to her handbag

  Godotwait4me: I don’t really notice Kelly

  notall2gether: Nicest.Thing.You.Said.To.Me.Ever.

  Godotwait4me: So now do I get to see them?

  notall2gether: No :)

  Godotwait4me: Worth a shot

  notall2gether: Step Satan went out on a date

  Godotwait4me: And you are happy and supportive. Lol

  notall2gether: Seriously. How could she?

  Godotwait4me: It doesn’t mean she didn’t love your dad

  notall2gether: If she did, she would wait before she dated again

  Godotwait4me: How long?

  notall2gether: 40 years

  Godotwait4me: Sounds reasonable.

  notall2gether: Dad loved her. And she just forgot about him

  Godotwait4me: I get it, Rain. My dad forgot us. But that is mainly Mom’s fault

  notall2gether: Is she seeing someone?

  Godotwait4me: No, said she will stay single wait for my dad to come around.

  notall2gether: That’s good

  Godotwait4me: Except Dad has not come around at all

  notall2gether: There’s still time

  Godotwait4me: I call Dad. Invite him to my ball games. He always says “Next time.” But I still ask

  notall2gether: So . . . it’s official: Hope=Bad.

  Godotwait4me: Yet I still carry some with me . . . for us.

  notall2gether: Me too . . .

  More and More

  G P B P

  Buttons are

  Popping up

  Everywhere

  It’s Scribbled

  On Desks. Notebooks.

  Walls. Lockers.

  On my locker

  Must Focus on Costume Party

  Invited by

  My boyfriend

  Later, Kara Knocks

  Places mail on bed

  Stack of letters

  From

  DASH!!!!

  Read Them Out Loud

  To Boots

  Per his request:

  The Days and

  Nights

  Of

  Inmate

  #253-74

  If He Doesn’t Kill Me

  The whole time I was telling Dad

  I am gay

  Thought

  I’d love to get him in a different tie

  One that matches the green of his eyes

  If he doesn’t kill me

  Before the Rage

  Of my news

  Before the fire

  From his words

  Before the fury

  Of his hand on my shoulders

  “Shaking me straight”

  There was

  Sadness . . .

  Dad Needed Me

  To be someone else

  Tried Failed

  Tried Failed

  Tried Failed

  When can I

  Stop?

  Dad Regrets Having Me

  It’s in his Breath

  It’s in his Sigh

  It’s in his Voice

  Regret . . .

  Gone

  Didn’t think he’d send me away

  Hate so deep wants me gone

  Surely he’ll miss

  My face

  My smile

  Me?

  Mom Hasn’t Been Sleeping

  She hugs tight

  Too tight

  Dizzy . . .

  She makes cookies for the road

  Sweet . . .

  Dad says

  It’
s for the best

  Really . . . ?

  Military School

  Is where Sameness lives

  Art hangs itself

  Expression drinks cyanide

  Love leaps off roofs

  Didn’t Plan to Tell Them About Me

  Then one slip

  About getting mani-pedi

  Seals my fate

  The Hands

  Jett Holden has hands

  Like football fields

  And like Dad

  He hates me

  Jett Looks for Me

  Like cats look for mice

  Bully looks for gay kid

  I’ve Been

  Pulled poked punched by Jett

  Says it’s my fault

  For being gay

  Don’t Bother to Count the Minutes

  There are

  No clocks

  In HELL

  Hurricane Jett

  Has been raging all day

  Knocking down everything in its path

  My head. My chest. My legs.

  Jett Runs a “Spa”

  He treats me

  To headfirst

  Whirlpool

  Commode bath

  Free of charge

  Not Allowed

  Outside contact

  Missing my girls

  Certain Shay is overreacting and causing drama

  Boots turned nurses into Trekkies

  Didn’t Know

  Anger would die

  Hate would soften

  And I’d miss Dad

  Most

  But Not Today

  Every day mice get eaten

  But not this mouse

  Not today

  Pissed

  Have not read one glam mag

  Have no access to Twitter

  And so no idea what Justin B. is wearing . . .

  Argh!!!

  As the Mouse Rants

  The cat comes over

  Sticks out claws

  This mouse has claws today too

  Well manicured and ready to

  ATTACK!

  We Hit the Floor

  Jett and I

  He is shocked

  I am not playing dead

  Shocked I am standing my ground

  We Roll on the Floor

  His fists make contact

  With my face

  Jett Calls Me

  Every name that

  Hurts

  I Will Not Back Down

  See Dad’s face

  On Jett

  Long to destroy them both

  Why? Why

  Hurt me?

  Jett Holds Down My Face

  With his hands

  He is irate

  Will kill me for sure

  Lowers His Face onto Mine

  He is going to bite me

  OMG

  My pretty, pretty face!!!

  His Bite

  Is not a bite

  It’s a kiss . . .

  Jett Takes Off like His Name

  When he hears the others come

  They help me up

  A Kiss???

  It was

  Wow . . .

  Jett Can’t

  Look me in the eye

  Maybe if he sees me

 

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