Flaws and All

by Shana Burton

  “We knew the same people. If you wanted to reach me, you would have.”

  “I left messages with your parents for you to call me.”

  “You never told them you were pregnant.”

  “How could I? I didn’t know them. I barely knew you.”

  “All of this time, I’ve had a son out there who needed me, and you kept him from me. Where does he think I’ve been all this time?”

  “I told him the truth, that you dumped me and never looked back.”

  Mark shook her head. “How could you do that to him? What kind of mother lets her child think that his father doesn’t give a—” He lowered his voice as two teachers strolled by them on the way to their cars. “How could you let him think I didn’t care?”

  “You didn’t! You dropped me quicker than a bad habit.”

  “Is that what this is about? You kept him from me because I didn’t call after we had sex?”

  “Don’t flatter yourself, Mark. The fact of the matter is that you knew we didn’t use a condom and that there was a good chance that I could get pregnant, but you were too caught up in being the big football star to ever look back.”

  “Things would have been different if I had known.”

  “Would they really? Admit it, Mark. You did not want to know what happened. You didn’t want to know whether or not I was pregnant, because if I was, then you would have to take on a responsibility that you had no intention of seeing through.”

  “I wouldn’t have hesitated to step up. We Vinsons take care of our own. I would’ve done whatever I had to do to make sure that my son had whatever he needed, including a father. Do you realize that he has grandparents that he’s never even met and a sister who he doesn’t know exists? What gave you the audacity to think that you could keep him away from us?”

  “I was sixteen, Mark. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be sixteen and pregnant? Do you know how it made me feel having to see the disappointment in my mother’s eyes when she found out that I was pregnant? Or the pain of having your body ripped apart during labor? I had my whole childhood taken away from me while you were somewhere carefree. And you have the nerve to stand here and judge? How dare you?”

  “You had choices, Lawson, and that’s what you chose to do.”

  “What kind of choices did I have? An abortion? Adoption? Leaving him in a trash can on the street?”

  “You could’ve told me. My family has money. My parents would’ve given their last to make sure that Namon was taken care of. Heck, they probably would’ve raised him while we finished school.”

  Lawson pointed at him. “That’s exactly what I was afraid of. I never wanted to give up my son, Mark. I wasn’t looking for a handout or someone to drop Namon off on.”

  Mark looked at her. His gaze was cold and unyielding. “I want to see him.”

  Lawson took a deep breath and calmed down. “Okay, when the time is right, we can arrange some sort of meeting or a phone conversation.”

  Mark chuckled. “A phone conversation? He’s my son, Lawson! You have dictated my relationship with him long enough.” His tone became as sinister as his stare. “Sorry, sweetheart, but you’re no longer calling all the shots where Namon is concerned.”

  “I’m his mother. Say what you want, but I’m the only parent he’s ever known. Now, I’m willing to work with you, but if you try to threaten or intimidate me, I’ll be the only parent he ever knows.”

  “Do you really think you’re in a position to take this kind of stance? You don’t want this thing to get ugly, Lawson. I’ll assemble a team of lawyers who won’t have any problem with taking you on with every resource, loophole, and outlet they’ve got.”

  “Don’t try to tangle with me, Mark,” she warned him.

  “Then don’t get in my way. I will have a relationship with him, and it won’t be on your terms. Those days are over.”

  “I never said you couldn’t have a relationship with him, but I’m not about to let you come out of left field, disrupting his life. Namon is a stable, well-adjusted young man, and I intend to keep him that way. Your relationship with him will have to be a process. Even then, it’ll only be if that’s what he wants.”

  “So, let me get this straight. You get to decide when, where, and how I meet my son, and Namon gets to decide whether or not he even wants to see me. At what point in this equation do I get any say?”

  Lawson stood firm and looked him up and down. “You don’t.”

  “Oh, yeah? My son will know me, Lawson. I’m prepared to go after custody if you force the issue.”

  “Your threats don’t scare me. No judge in his right mind is going to take a child from his mother to live with a stranger who happens to have the same DNA. Get real.”

  “It’s real, all right. You may be his mother, but I’ve got the law on my side. You can’t keep a child away from his father without just cause. I’m not afraid to have this thing go to court.”

  “And I will fight you every step of the way,” added Lawson, moving in closer.

  “Then get ready for the fight of your life,” he advised before storming off.

  Chapter 29

  “I just need to be patient and wait on you to move in my situation.”

  —Kina Battle

  Kina was still quivering. An argument with E’Bell over the past due light bill left her stripped of her pride and almost of her life after he ripped into her about not paying it on time. E’Bell then choked Kina to silence her when she reminded him that he was supposed to pay it, not her.

  As usual, E’Bell stormed out of the apartment following the argument, presumably to get drunk or smoke marijuana with his friends. His activities outside of their house no longer concerned Kina. It was his actions within their four walls that she had just about had enough of. Kina loved E’Bell—there was no doubt in her mind about that—but she also knew that staying with him could very well end up costing her sanity and her life. Real love, she believed, shouldn’t require her to sacrifice her body, her self-esteem, and her self-worth in exchange for affection. E’Bell never spoke life into her or put her needs ahead of his own. Living with him was becoming unbearable, and the last thing she wanted to do was leave a legacy of abuse for her son to repeat. She had to make a choice.

  “God, I don’t think I can take this anymore!” Kina cried out in prayer. “You said that we can cast all of our burdens on you. I need you to help me. You are my fortress and my protector. I need a way out for my son and me. I know that it is not your will for us to suffer like this. Give me your spirit of peace and the courage to do what I have to do. I need your guidance so I won’t act out of emotion. I need to feel your presence, Lord, because right now, I’m so lost. I just need you to help me. Please don’t abandon me. Not now, Lord!”

  While cowering in a corner crying, Kina’s first thought was to numb the pain with the box of doughnuts she had waiting for her on the counter. When she lifted her head to make sure they were still there, she spotted the telephone directory on top of the television. The Lord dropped it into her spirit to open the book. She turned to the yellow pages and discovered strength and resolve that she didn’t have before. She began frantically skimming through law firms, searching for a divorce attorney.

  Kina settled on family attorney Bette Walsh, whose full-page ad in the yellow pages guaranteed a free consultation. Kina picked up the telephone, took a deep breath, and dialed Bette Walsh’s number, praying that she was doing the right thing.

  “Good afternoon, this is the law office of Bette Walsh. Can I help you?” asked the receptionist on the other end of the phone.

  Kina cleared her throat. “I, um, I need to speak to Ms. Walsh please.”

  “She’s with a client at the moment, but I’d be happy to give her a message.”

  “Um, tell her Kina Battle called.” Kina gripped the couch, urging herself to utter the words that she’d never had the courage to say aloud before. “Tell her I need a lawyer because”—she took a deep breath—“I
want a divorce.”

  Kina left her phone number with the receptionist and hung up. She swelled with pride for taking that all-important first step. She lifted her eyes to the Lord and clasped her hands together and whispered, “Thank you for giving me strength and giving me a way out.” Then Kina lifted both arms in praise and shouted, “Praises be to God!”

  Kina fell back on the sofa laughing, intoxicated with joy. With one phone call, she had begun the process of setting herself free. Never again would she have to fear for her or her son’s safety. She could go to school if she wanted, she could cook what she wanted. “Shoot,” she said aloud, “I can even fall in love if I want to!” She started giggling to the point of hysteria, feeling something that she’d hadn’t in a long time: hope.

  Kina was brought back to reality after catching a glimpse of E’Bell’s tarnished MVP trophy on their display shelf. Leaving him would not be easy, and she needed a plan. Kina knew that E’Bell would lose his mind if she flat-out told him that she was filing for a divorce, and there was no telling what he’d do to her once he got home if she had divorce papers served to him at work. She needed to find a safe haven for herself and her son. In order to do that, she would have to ask for help, which would mean admitting that she was trapped in an abusive marriage.

  Kina’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She opened it and found her elderly next door neighbor. “Hi, Miss Janie, can I help you with something?”

  “I’m just looking for my grandbaby,” croaked Janie Carswell. “I need him to run down the corner to the store for me.”

  “Sheldon’s not here,” replied Kina. The woman nodded and dropped her head. “If you need something we have in here, I’d be happy to give it to you.”

  She squeezed Kina’s arm. “That’s mighty sweet of you, baby. You got some baking soda and some sugar?”

  “I’m sure I do. Come on in.” Kina invited the woman into her living room.

  “You all right, baby? You look like you’ve been crying,” Janie observed.

  “Oh, it’s nothing,” said Kina, pasting on a smile. “These are tears of joy.”

  “I thought I heard some yelling over here earlier. I ain’t nosey, but you know these walls are made out of paper.” She rapped on the paneling. “You can just about hear each other breathing.”

  “My husband and I had a little disagreement.” Kina went into her cupboard and pulled out a bag of sugar and a small box of baking soda.

  “It’s like that sometimes,” conceded Mrs. Carswell, retrieving the items from Kina. “But y’all are young. You got plenty of good years ahead of you.”

  “I don’t know about that,” admitted Kina.

  “Of course you do! You two are in love and you got that baby to raise together. Don’t let some little argument make you throw in the towel.”

  Kina sat down on the sofa shook her head. “It’s more than that. The marriage isn’t working for us. I just don’t think we need to be together.”

  “Hush all that!” ordered Mrs. Caswell. “That’s just the devil talking! You know he comes to kill, steal, and destroy. He hates marriage, but the Lord says, ‘I hate divorce.’ The Bible says that divorce is treacherous, so don’t even let that word come out your mouth! You just need to go somewhere and pray and trust God to make it all right.”

  “I have faith that He will make everything all right, but I don’t believe God expects me to live in misery while I’m here on earth.”

  “Baby, the devil will tell you anything he can in order to move you out of God’s will for your life. This ain’t just about what you want. You got to think about that baby and remember that God told married folks to stay together. Don’t give your family over to Satan. Don’t let him have that victory.”

  “Miss Janie, you don’t know the whole story or what I’ve been through.”

  Janie leaned against the arm of the sofa for support. “We all go through struggles, baby. My problems might not be same as yours, but when it comes down to it, problems are problems. There really ain’t too much difference.”

  “I think Satan has a stronghold on my husband. I’ll continue to pray for E’Bell’s deliverance, but the best thing for me and my son to do is to get out while we still can.”

  “If you believe that Satan has a hold on your husband, that’s even more reason for you to stay here and pray him through it. Your prayer could be the one thing that saves him. You can’t make this whole thing about you. You’ve got to do what’s best for your family and to do what God’s word tells us to do. He ordered us to live at peace with one another, not strife. Don’t let the devil use you or the people closest to you to further his plan to destroy your marriage. Do what God says.”

  With a heavy heart, Kina stammered, “I–I thought I was doing what God wanted me to do.”

  “That’s why you’ve got to spend time with the Lord so you can discern his voice from the enemy’s. All that talk about divorce and leaving your husband has got the devil written all over it. You need to get on your knees and repent for even thinking about it. Don’t you know that divorce grieves God’s heart?”

  “I would never want to do that, not even unintentionally.”

  Janie hobbled to the door. “See, that’s why the Lord sent me over here, to keep you from doing something foolish. Now, I thank you for my sugar and baking soda, and if you see that rascal of mine, send his behind home, you hear me?”

  Kina struggled to hold back the tears as she opened the door to let Janie out. “Yes, ma’am.”

  Janie lifted Kina’s chin. “Aw, don’t look so sad, child. Be joyful. The Lord will forgive you if you ask Him to, and everything is gon’ turn out just fine. You’ll see.”

  Kina nodded and closed the door. She had been certain that the Lord was speaking to her, but now wondered if it was only the devil trying to lead her into sin. Perhaps she’d acted in haste. After all, God wanted her to be willing to bear all things and to be true to the covenant she made with Him and the vows she made to E’Bell.

  “God, I know that you’ll be faithful if I continue to pray and be obedient,” prayed Kina. “You won’t put more on me than I can bear. You said having trouble tests our faith and builds character. I just need to be patient and wait on you to move in my situation.”

  Her cell phone rang, and Kina picked it up without thinking. “Hello?”

  “Hi, this is Attorney Bette Walsh calling for Kina Battle. Is she available?”

  It was the call that just fifteen minutes earlier Kina had been waiting for. She thought of Janie Carswell’s words and concluded that the call was just another attempt from the devil to move her away from God’s will for her marriage. Kina sighed and replied, “Sorry, you’ve got the wrong number,” and hung up the phone.

  Chapter 30

  “I’ve always known that this day would come.I should’ve been prepared.”

  —Lawson Kerry

  “Give me the name and the number of a good lawyer,” demanded Lawson.

  “Well, hello to you too,” Sullivan said and invited Lawson inside her home.

  Lawson took off her coat and flung it on the couch. “Mark knows.”

  “I thought you were going to hold off on telling him.”

  “That was the plan, but he figured it out. Now he’s talking all kind of foolishness about custody and his rights and going to court.”

  “Nobody’s taking your son away from you, Lawson. God will see to that, and if He doesn’t, I will!”

  “He acts like I’m just supposed to hand my son over to him, like the last fourteen years never happened,” she ranted. “He’s so angry with me right now. I have no idea what he’s gonna do.”

  “Well, I know what I’m going to do. I’m calling in the whole cavalry, including Garrett. If Mark wants a fight, we’ll give him one!”

  “Sully, what if he really goes after custody?”

  Sullivan folded Lawson into her arms. “He can try, but nothing is going to come of it. Lawson, you’re Namon’s mothe
r, and you’ve been an excellent one at that, even though you started taking care of him since you were a kid yourself. You’ve spent your whole life sacrificing all you had so that Namon could have a good life. You don’t have to prove that you’ve done your job as a mother, it’s Mark who has to prove that he’s a worthy father.”

  “How can we stop him?”

  “I don’t know . . . We’ll seek God. We’ll get a lawyer. We’ll do whatever it takes to protect you and Namon.”

  Within minutes, after being summoned by Sullivan, the troops descended on Sullivan’s lawn. First, Angel and Kina arrived, followed by Reginell and Garrett, all offering their prayers, pledging their support, and committing to move heaven and earth to keep Lawson and Namon together.

  Lawson wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. “You know, I’ve always known that this day would come. I should’ve been prepared.”

  Garrett held her. “Baby, there’s no point to playing the ‘shoulda, woulda, coulda game.’ We need to focus on our next move.”

  Reginell joined the two of them. “It doesn’t matter what he does. Mark can’t hurt us. You, Namon, Garrett, and me are a family, and nothing’s breaking that up.”

  “Thank you, sis. It means the world to me that you even came.”

  “Lawson, we might fight sometimes, but I’m your ride or die chick for life,” vowed Reginell.

  Kina spoke next. “Cuz, everything is going to be fine. Somebody reminded me just today how much the enemy wants to destroy families. While I believe that Mark has a right to have a relationship with his son, he doesn’t have the right to take Namon away from the only sense of family and stability that he’s ever known. We won’t let him.”

  “Thank you, Ki.” The tears kept flowing. Lawson was moved by the outpouring of love from her family.

  “I told you we had your back,” assured Sullivan.

  Garrett handed Lawson a tissue. “I think it’s time to tell Namon the truth.”

  Lawson blew her nose. “I don’t think we need to do that yet.”