Big Mouth
Page 29
“Aw, man. Look what your greasy chip fingers did. Max will think I did my term paper in a chip factory.” I tried to rub the smudges off with the edge of my T-shirt, but it didn’t help. Maybe I could get a white gel pen and label them as nebulas.
“What do you want me to do? They’re potato chips; you have to eat them with your fingers. Unless you’ve figured out a way to eat chips with a fork.”
“Very funny.” My eyes settled on the kung pao. A long, skinny paper sheath was taped to the top of the box, with two cream-colored sticks poking out one end. I pointed at them. “Use those.”
“My chopsticks?”
“Sure. Here, I’ll show you.” I picked them up and arranged them in my right hand, taking his bag of Lay’s in my left. “You stick them into the bag like so…and then you get a soft grip…a very soft grip…” I fished around a bit, using my triple-dipping wristwork to grip a chip without crushing it. “And then you carefully pull it out…slowly…slowly…Voilà!”
I yanked out my chopsticks with a flourish and held them up, a pristine potato chip nestled gently between them. I was a natural! “See? It’s like using long tweezers. And look, my hands are completely greaseless.”
“You’re a man of talent.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” I started to flip the chip to a pigeon, but then I stopped myself and examined the sticks and chip more closely. “You know, this isn’t such a stupid idea. Someone should seriously invent this, long tweezers for gripping chips. Plastic ones. With little grippers at the bottom. I would buy one.” I smiled, quite pleased with my clever brain. Maybe I could be an inventor. I was in tune with the needs of the people. “They have the Chip Clip for clipping bags closed. This could be the Chip Grip.”
Gardo slapped his palm on the metal bench. “Sherman T. Thuff, you are freakin’ brilliant! That’s our ticket!”
“What, the Chip Grip?”
“The Amazing Chip Grip. You’re a genius, I tell ya. We’re gonna invent this ourselves and make a fortune. Think about it. Everyone who eats chips gets stuck with greasy fingers. And since everyone eats chips, everyone will buy an Amazing Chip Grip.” He snapped his fingers. “Poof! Good-bye, greasy fingers; hello, fortune. Man, this’ll be bigger than the straw!”
Wow, that was big.
“I am a freakin’ genius!” I slapped the bench, too, as the cheers in my head turned to chants—Thuff, Thuff, Thuff, Thuff, Thuff!—and countless rows of imaginary people waved plastic chopsticks like candles at a rock concert, potato chips wedged gently in the middle. “I can already see it, me, Sherman ‘Thuff Enuff’ Thuff, the world’s youngest and richest inventor. Hey, I could even host my own infomercials.”
“Oh, we’re not stopping at crummy infomercials,” Gardo said. “We’ll do talk shows and the Home Shopping Network and radio jingles, too. Before you know it, that gadget shop at the mall, Sharper Image, it’ll be begging for the Amazing Chip Grip. Begging! And the money, it’ll pour in by the boatload. Shermie, my good man, I am going to make you a very wealthy man.”
“Wealthy is good. I like wealthy.”
“Wealthy is great.” He poured the last of the Lay’s into his mouth as I refolded the spotted map, careful not to smudge it more.
Talking through the half-chewed glob, Gardo said, “This invention is way more marketable than that other thing you tried. What was that again, competitive eating?” He socked me playfully in the thigh.
I covered my face with the folded map in mock shame. Well, mostly mock. “What was I thinking?” I peeked out and grinned, then grabbed my backpack and moved toward the steps. I didn’t want to keep Lucy waiting. “The Chip Grip, though, now, that’s a good idea.”
“That it is, my friend.” He stepped in behind me and we jogged up the stadium steps.
“I’ll tell ya, Shermie,” he called out halfway up, not the least out of breath. Neither was I, for that matter. Not yet, anyway. “You and me, we’re gonna go places with this one. It can’t miss. Trust me, I know these things.”
EPILOGUE
The Plum Times *Plus*
UNAUTHORIZED, UNCENSORED, UNDERGROUND
Revolution, The Next Generation
“What the [censored]? Aw, no! Not again!” That’s what Del Heiny Junior 13 staffers heard outside Principal Culwicki’s office this past Monday morning. Sources close to Culwicki report that the Proud Plum principal was reacting to finding his chair full of relish on his first day back from winter break.
In an investigative exclusive, The Plum Times *Plus* has obtained a photo of a calling card found at the scene of the incident. The message on the green cocktail napkin gives a fresh spin to last semester’s squelched Revolt Against Red by suggesting a sort of union between Red and Green. The napkin reads simply: “Because every condiment needs a complement. The Relish Rebellion.”
A leaked internal memo from Principal Culwicki to Del Heiny Ketchup Company acknowledges the emergence of a pro-Green movement and even hints at the principal’s openness to peace talks. The memo also officially denies “slanderous rumors” that Culwicki sat in relish. The Plum Times*Plus*, however, has located an eyewitness who places the principal in the hall near the staff restroom shortly before first period with “chunky green stuff on his butt.”
In a related development, The Plum Times *Plus* has learned that a Del Heiny Junior 13 janitor discovered several dozen green T-shirts imprinted with the red-lettered slogan Relish the Red on the school roof Monday morning. The shirts were in Christmas-wrapped boxes with green tags marked Merry Christmas, Plums! Rumors that the shirts will be made available at the free T-shirt booth in the quad are being confirmed.
No one has stepped forward to claim responsibility for either incident as of press time. So for now, the identity of the Relish Rebellion leader(s) remains a Christmas mystery.
A Note from the Author
I was in tenth grade when I met the new guy in school. He was sweet, smart, and cute. Very cute. He was on the wrestling team, and he was cutting weight for an upcoming meet. His goal: Drop from 115 pounds to 105 pounds…in just five days.
Being an athlete myself, I was no stranger to working hard off the field in order to perform well in a game. But my new friend’s announcement disturbed me. The hot media topic of the time was a frightening “new” disease called anorexia nervosa, which had just claimed the life of singer Karen Carpenter. Yet no one seemed fazed by a boy who was openly, proudly starving himself. In fact, his weight cutting was acceptable to his coach and applauded by his teammates and friends. No Pain, No Gain was stenciled across the wrestling gym’s walls, and the team lived it to the letter.
My discomfort with wrestling’s weight-cutting practice contributed to my lifelong interest in nutrition and exercise. Big Mouth is my way of finally confronting the issue head-on. Shermie Thuff’s story may revolve around the ups and downs of friendship, but it’s also about choosing balance over unhealthy extremes, about seeing the line between real-life body images and TV reality, and, perhaps most importantly, about recognizing the misguided reasonings that can lead to eating disorders in teenage boys. Seventy percent of high school boys are dieting, with peer pressure, media influences, and the weight demands of sports leading the list of reasons why. Yet people rarely mention guys and eating disorders in the same breath. They keep their mouths shut about it even though 10 to 20 percent of people diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia nervosa are male. And just as many guys suffer from binge eating disorder, or compulsive eating, as girls. Actually, these estimates may be low, as guys tend to see eating disorders as “girl” diseases, so they often go undiagnosed or untreated for much longer than female sufferers.
Not that girls are immune to sports-related dieting. In fact, more than one-third of female athletes report attitudes and symptoms that place them at risk for anorexia nervosa. Eating disorders do not discriminate.
Twenty years after high school, I’m still friends with the new boy. He’s still sweet, smart, and cute. Very cute. He doesn’t wres
tle anymore, though. Ironically, he’s now an amateur chef. Did his days of deprivation fuel his lifelong passion for food? I’ve certainly never shaken the impression his weight cutting made on me. And now I have the opportunity to spread the word about it. It’s my hope that Big Mouth gives guys and girls alike an entertaining, funny, and memorable opportunity to explore and talk about the pressures that lead to eating disorders. Isn’t it time we opened our big mouths about it?
For more information about eating disorders, please contact the National Eating Disorders Organization or one of its network members:
National Eating Disorders Organization (NEDA)
www.NationalEatingDisorders.org
toll-free helpline: 800-931-2237
About the Author
Before Deborah Halverson wrote books for teens, she edited books for children of all ages and taught writing at the University of California, San Diego. Armed with a master’s degree in American literature and a fascination with pop culture, she creates stories about extreme events and places—tattoo parlors, fast-food joints, and, most extreme of all, high schools. She lives with her husband and triplet sons in San Diego. Deborah’s first book, Honk If You Hate Me, is available from Delacorte Press. You can visit her at www.DeborahHalverson.com.
ALSO BY DEBORAH HALVERSON
Honk If You Hate Me
Published by Delacorte Press an imprint of Random House Children’s Books a division of Random House, Inc. New York
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Copyright © 2008 by Deborah Halverson
All rights reserved.
Delacorte Press and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
www.randomhouse.com/kids
Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools, visit us at www.randomhouse.com/teachers
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Halverson, Deborah.
Big mouth/Deborah Halverson.—1st ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Fourteen-year-old Sherman Thuff, a student at the tomato-obsessed Del Heiny Junior High, has his hopes set on being a competitive eater, but when his training regimen begins to seriously interfere with his enjoyment of life and he even starts losing his friends, he decides he should rearrange his priorities.
[1. Food habits—Fiction. 2. Weight control—Fiction. 3. Friendship—Fiction. 4. Junior high schools—Fiction. 5. Schools—Fiction. 6. Bullies—Fiction. 7. Humorous stories.] I. Title.
PZ7.H1678Bi 2008
[Fic]—dc22 2007034718
eISBN: 978-0-375-84904-6
v3.0