RAWN

by Burrows, Bonnie

  The night and the ball got under way. Joanna distracted herself as best she could from Rawn and Evette—and from her conflict over what she had let him do and was still looking

  forward to letting him do again tonight—by interviewing other guests at the gala. But every time she looked at Rawn and Evette and caught them on camera, the pang of guilt returned, and with it, the pang of something else: the dread of how she would feel tomorrow, when she had to force herself to leave their bed and his arms and board another space liner back to Earth.

  The pain of having to leave Rawn, even temporarily, would be equal to the pleasure of lying

  under him tonight and tomorrow morning. These would be the last times he would kiss her, the last times he would hold her and be inside her, for how long she did not know. The joy that he gave her tonight would likely have to last her a good while. Joanna maintained her professional demeanor even as she wanted to cry inside at the idea of saying goodbye.

  So she focused on her job. She stood and recorded the Knight and the Princess as they wheeled around the dance floor with artificial stars swirling in the air around them and the most prominent people on hundreds of planets looking on and admiring them, and she envied the

  magical moment they were having. It should be her moment. It should be her dancing with Rawn. And every time his eyes turned in Joanna’s direction, she could sense that Rawn felt and thought the same thing.

  Resigning herself to this being the way she would spend her evening, Joanna milled about the party, talking to the other guests and stealing glances at Rawn, and sometimes catching him stealing glances at her. And as the evening wore on, she spied him from across the room as he and Evette strolled from the Arboretum through glass doors into the outer gardens on the grounds of the Ruling Aerie. Outwardly, she still kept her professional comportment, but inside, she could feel herself scowling. Damnit, they’re going out there by themselves. She’s got him alone now! Damn, damn, damn!

  Outside, Rawn and Evette walked for a bit, Evette still clinging to Rawn’s arm, until they stopped by a garden of roses imported from Earth to take in the perfectly cool night air and the spread of stars in the night overhead. Evette let his arm go, but kept her close as they leaned on the brass rail between them and the roses, and she looked up into his handsome features, showing him her admiration.

  “This has all been a bit much for you, hasn’t it?” Evette asked.

  Rawn was a bit started at the question. “I beg your pardon?”

  “All the celebration, all the commotion over you. It’s all been a bit much, am I correct?”

  He was quietly impressed at how perceptive she was. “How do you know that?”

  “It isn’t hard to guess,” Evette said. “You were away and by yourself in space for so long. You’ve gone rather directly from all that isolation, all that time alone, to all of this. Media attention, ceremonies, parades, now a fancy-dress ball. You’re a Knight, after all. You appreciate being honored, even loved by the people you protect. But you don’t do what you do to be celebrated. You can’t wait for everything to calm down and people to start buzzing about something else—can you?”

  “It’s very bright of you to know that,” said Rawn. “You’re right. I do look forward to everything calming down again—and to getting back to being just a Knight.”

  “You’re not ‘just a Knight,’ Rawn,” Evette said sincerely. “You’ll never be ‘just a Knight.’ You hold a place in the Knighthood and in this world unlike anyone else. There will always be a special love that people have, a love that’s just for you.”

  Rawn could not help but look off wistfully at that. He raised his eyes to the stars for a moment, then gazed over at the Arboretum where the gala was still going on—and where there was someone else with whom he wished he could be “calming down” right now. Though, truth to tell, there would be nothing calm about what would happen when he got the two of them

  naked and lying down again. And in his ears rang the words, a special love…that’s just for you.

  With a blink and a start, he faced her again when he heard her say, “Still with me?”

  “Hmm? Oh, yes, of course,” he replied apologetically. “I was…a bit distracted for a moment. I seem to be easily distracted lately.”

  “I suppose anyone would be in your place. I’ve been distracted too, the last few days, attending all kinds of other official functions, counting down the days ’til the function I was

  really interested in. Tomorrow, this ball will be over, and you’ll be able to start getting back to something like the life you used to know. You must be looking forward to that.”

  “That,” said Rawn, still a bit wistfully, “will still take a bit of time. Physically, I’m

  recovering very well, but the Knighthood will not assign me official duties until I’ve finished a period of counseling. My…rehabilitation will be going on for a while. It’s making me…restless.”

  “There must be all kinds of things you’re anxious to get back to,” said Evette, very deliberately placing her hand on his hand which rested on the rail.

  Rawn felt the warmth of Evette’s touch and looked down at her eyes which seemed to twinkle along with the starlight, with a twinkle in her smile to match. And that was when Evette did it. Startling him again, she reached up, took him by the neck, pulled him down and forward to her—and kissed him full on the lips. It was not merely a peck, this kiss. It was the kiss of a woman who knew what she wanted and knew how to tell him.

  His feelings jumbled and tumbled inside him. His every instinct and sensation told him he should be responding. She was beautiful, she was female, she was his own kind. She

  belonged to the most prominent and important family on Lacerta. He was the most honored of all Knights. They could turn to dragons together, fly together, lock talons and plummet through the air together like mating eagles. And in bed, the sex would surely be the stuff of legends.

  Rawn and Evette were, in every way, the perfect couple. As much as people were celebrating Rawn now, they would be twice as jubilant about the pairing of Rawn and Evette. His every

  instinct told him to take her in his arms, return the kiss with everything but his literal fire, whisk her away to someplace more private, and show her that he meant business every bit as much as she. There was only one problem.

  The one with whom Rawn really meant business was back in the Arboretum.

  With hands gently but firmly on her shoulders, Rawn pulled back and out of the kiss that should have been the beginning of the rest of his life. He held Evette at arm’s length and faced her curious expression. The moment hung there with neither of them knowing what to say.

  Fumbling, Rawn gave her a feeble, “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry? For what?” Evette asked, mildly confused.

  Leaning back, taking his hands from her, Rawn said, “For…this. For that. For… I wasn’t prepared…”

  “Not prepared? Rawn, a Knight is always prepared—especially for this. What is it? Is it the party? Don’t worry about that…”

  “But there are people who will be wondering, people who will still want to see us, speak to us. I’m surprised no one has come looking for us.”

  “Everyone who’d be wondering has been talking about the two of us attending this ball together since it was announced,” said Evette. “No one will be surprised about the two of us wanting a little time alone. It’s what people expect. They won’t mind if we discreetly disappear for a little while.”

  A distracted look came over Rawn again. There was one person who might mind very much, he knew. He looked back in the direction of the Arboretum, saying nothing. A little jolt ran through him at Evette’s touch on his hand again.

  “Don’t worry, Rawn,” she said as he spun his back around to her again. “My word, look at you. You’d think this was some battle situation. You’re too tense for a party. We should step away someplace for a while.”

  Feeling desperate but not wanting her to kno
w it, Rawn said, “Evette, your

  parents…they’ll be wondering…”

  “My parents know I’m not a little girl any more, Rawn,” she replied. “And they also know I’m in the company of a very strong and very honorable Knight, and nothing can happen to me.” She squeezed his hand lightly. “Nothing that I don’t want.”

  Rawn’s pulse quickened at the squeeze. There was no doubt in his mind that there was another part of him that Evette wanted to be squeezing with another part of her. And he had no doubt that it would be glorious. By rights, he should even now be taking her somewhere—a

  secluded spot in the gardens, a private room, perhaps her own room—and doing to her what she so clearly wanted, and what, at any other time, he would eagerly do to her or dozens of other

  females at a moment’s notice.

  But Evette and dozens of other females were not one particular female. This was a

  moment of truth for him, this realization that as much, as he would like to take Evette

  somewhere, hike up her gown, strip down the bottom of his armor, and plunge his shaft deep into her, and as wonderful as it would be…there was one he wanted more than any other. For the first time in his life, Rawn, who could be between the thighs of so many, wanted only one.

  His feelings were not lost on Evette, who felt him grow stiff, and not in the way she wanted. She gave him a perplexed look. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “It’s nothing,” he replied with a shake of his head.

  “Are you feeling well? We could have someone take a look at you—discreetly, so no one would be upset.”

  “No…no, I’m not ill. It’s not that.”

  “What, then?” She was growing more concerned and more perplexed.

  With a reassuring touch on her shoulder, Rawn answered, “Evette, I think we should just return to the party.”

  “It isn’t anything I said, is it? Or…anything I did?” She touched the hand he put on her shoulder, as if to feel what was wrong.

  “Of course not. You’re wonderful, Evette. I’m happy to be with you.”

  “Then come with me somewhere and be just with me,” she said. Searching his face for the answer to his strange mood, she wondered aloud, “Unless…you don’t want to.” His

  expression remained troublingly unreadable, and her own concern deepened. “Is that it? Do you…not want to?”

  Truly saddened at the possibility of hurting her feelings, Rawn replied, “Evette…I always want to. Always.”

  “Then why…?” she asked, uncomprehending.

  “I don’t think I can,” he replied. “Or…I don’t think I should.” He looked down, not wanting her to see a regret that he had never felt until now.

  They were quiet for a moment. The only sound was that of muted music wafting out from inside the Arboretum. It gave Evette the chance to think—and realize.

  “Really?” she asked, not saying what she had guessed. “Is it someone at the ball? Is it someone else here now?”

  Meeting her eyes again, Rawn said, “There has been…something else happening this week. There has just been…”

  “And she’s here, isn’t she?” Evette said, growing ever more certain from seeing his

  expression. His silence was her answer.

  Rawn took her by the hand and said, “Let me just take you back inside. We’ll dance, we’ll show ourselves enjoying the evening and enjoying each other’s company. I promise I’ll give you my undivided attention.”

  Now, Evette smiled, touched by his concern for the way she felt. “You won’t be able to help yourself. You’ll try to keep your attention only on me. You’ll put on a show for the rest of the ball and for the press. You’ll put a good face on it, because you’re good and you’re kind and you’re noble. But you’re not that noble that you can forget whoever it is you really want.”

  Rawn was stung to hear her say it aloud. “Evette, I am so truly sorry.”

  She squeezed his hand again, and it felt different than the last time. “Yes, Rawn, I know you are. And so am I. I’m sorry that we won’t get to share what I wanted tonight—and past

  tonight. I would have loved it. And, if things were different…so would you.”

  He nodded, knowing the truth of that, at least. “Yes, I definitely would.”

  Evette sighed. “We might as well go back inside, then.”

  “In a while,” Rawn said. “We should take a moment, compose ourselves. Let them think we’re having a different time than we’re actually having; it will do no harm. We’ll go back in a while. For now, we can just listen to the music from out here and look at the stars.”

  “You really are good and kind, Sir Rawn Ullery,” she said with a little smile.

  “And you are very beautiful and understanding,” he said back.

  Smiling softly, they leaned on the rail and took in the muted music of the ball and the scent of the roses, looking up into the face of the galaxy above them.

  _______________

  Since watching Rawn and Evette stroll out to the gardens together, Joanna had succeeded in smiling her way through the evening like the professional she was, but it had taken a toll that she could feel, regardless of whether anyone could see it. In the midst of talking with guests and dignitaries, she had kept looking across the Arboretum to the glass doors through which they had gone, looking for any sign of them coming back in or any sign that they had come in while she was occupied. They had not reappeared.

  She reasoned they would have to rejoin the party soon, as the whole evening was about Rawn. They would have to dance another dance together for the cameras and, in fact, a number of the other female guests, including the First Dragon herself, had expressed an interest in having a turn on the floor with him. Rawn’s dance card should be very full this evening—as soon as he showed himself again.

  Perhaps, thought Joanna, it was better that Rawn had stepped out with Evette. That would at least spare Joanna the sight of him dancing with any number of other females besides the Prime Couple’s daughter. The prospect of seeing a half dozen other women on Rawn’s arm, and seeing him lead them in dances, did nothing to help her smile. But then, her mind went someplace she wanted it to go even less: to the idea of what Rawn might be doing with Evette while they were out of sight.

  The moment the thought came into her mind, she dismissed it. No, that could not happen. After the hours and nights they had spent together, and the way they had spent them, Rawn could not do that to her. More to the point, he could not do that to her by doing anything to Evette. It could not be. She had known him only a short time and been sleeping with him for a shorter time, but she felt as though she knew him well enough.

  Though he had a dragon’s libido, he was good and he was honorable and he would not hurt her that way. It was more likely that Evette would try something with him than that he would start something with Evette, and if the Prime Daughter did make an advance on him, he would not allow anything to happen. Joanna was sure of it.

  But an evening spent working the room while reassuring herself soon became taxing, and Joanna welcomed a break when the opportunity arose. Presently, she had Epaulette perching itself on her shoulder ribbon, and she excused herself from the ball, not in the direction where Rawn and Evette went but in the opposite direction, to a place where she could hear the babbling and tinkling of running water.

  It was one of the rooms off the main Arboretum that were reserved for individual quiet contemplation. It had shrubs and dwarf trees and tall windows, tiled pave stones and an interior lawn, arranged around a stone fountain where water sparkled and softly splashed.

  Joanna entered the contemplation room and, at once, found that the place soothed her nerves. The music of the ball filtered through at a lower volume, mingling with the gentle babble of the water, and Joanna’s breath and heartbeat slowed and she began to settle down.

  Beside the fountain was a marble bench like the one of which she and Rawn had sat outside when he’d first asked h
er to bed and she’d turned him down on principle. It would do her good to sit for a little while and remember and reflect before going back into the main Arboretum and going back to work. By then, Rawn was likely to have returned.

  Joanna sat down and closed her eyes, focusing her mind on the relaxing sound of the water beside her. She thought of herself sinking into a warm bath with Rawn, his hands and lips all over her above and below the water—and what else he had for her down there. She breathed in and breathed out, and smiled at the thought of his manly scent…

  …and that was when she heard someone say, “Excuse me…Joanna? Could you spare me a moment?”

  She knew the voice and was thoroughly startled to hear it. Opening her eyes and looking to her left, Joanna saw Evette standing there—without Rawn.

  Joanna almost leapt from the bench, suddenly nervous and confused. Suppressing a stammer, she said, “Ms. Veles…I was just…” Looking behind and beyond Evette, Joanna was more perplexed by the second. “Where’s Rawn?” she asked.