by Donna Alward
He was still chewing when Amber went back to her cookie-packing and said, matter-of-factly, “I asked Lacey if she’d marry you and be my mama. Is that okay, Daddy?”
Lacey knew she should not feel quite so gratified when crumbs caught in Quinn’s throat and he started coughing.
He looked over at her, eyes watering, crumbs on his lips and she struggled not to laugh. He would not find this funny. But he looked so comical, all red-faced and watery-eyed with the odd crumb flying out of his mouth when he coughed.
Amber, God love her, was waiting patiently for him to finish.
Lacey quietly handed him a glass of water which he took, drank, and finally breathed normally.
“So?” Amber persisted. “Can Lacey be my mama?”
Quinn’s face flattened as his expression turned serious. “Honey, it’s not that simple.”
Amber’s little eyebrows puckered in the middle. “It’s easy. You ask her to marry you and she says yes and then she’s my mama. Lacey said she would marry you.”
Lacey’s stomach clenched but she kept her voice soft and soothing. “Sweetie, that’s not what I said. I said that while I love you, I can’t be your mama because I’m not married to your daddy. We’d have to love each other for that to happen.”
Amber’s eyes filled with tears. “You don’t love my daddy?”
Oh, God. She went to the child and knelt down in front of her. “You have the best dad ever, Amber. But we are just friends. We’re not...like the princess and that ice guy in the movie you like so much, know what I mean?”
“But I want you to!” The tears in Amber’s eyes spilled over and Lacey’s heart broke. It was hard to be mad at Quinn for his stance the other day. This sort of thing was exactly what he was trying to avoid. She only wished he’d believe her when she said she wouldn’t hurt Amber for the world.
“I know,” Lacey answered softly. “And you can’t know how happy it makes me to know you would like for me to be your mom. It’s the biggest compliment ever. But like I said, I don’t have to be your mama to be here for you. Right?”
Amber nodded halfheartedly.
Quinn came over and said quietly, “Come here, chicken.” When Amber turned, he hefted her up into his arms and folded her into a quick hug. “So, are you okay now? Do you understand what Lacey said?”
She nodded, tucking her head into the curve of his neck. Quinn looked at Lacey over top of Amber’s head. Lacey was sure she’d never seen him look so bleak.
He reached into his jacket pocket. “Look what I picked up today. Do you want to watch it?”
Lacey saw the red cover of a DVD case and recognized it as the Charlie Brown Valentine special. “Oooh, a Valentine’s Day DVD!” she exclaimed, perhaps a bit too brightly but desperate to change the subject and mood. “Go put it in, sweetie. You can watch it before dinner.”
“Okay.” Amber took the case from her dad and made her way to the living room, where, like most kids her age, she was completely proficient in running the DVD player.
“What the hell was that?” he whispered, low enough for Amber not to hear but enough for Lacey to detect the ire in his voice.
“I had no idea, I swear. One moment we were baking cookies and the next she sprung it on me. I was trying to explain when you came in.”
“Where on earth would she get such an idea?”
It burned that he considered the idea so utterly implausible. Was she really that terrible? That unattractive and unappealing?
“I certainly didn’t put it there,” she responded, with a fair bit of acid in her voice. She turned away and went to the sink, flicking on the taps to run water for the dishes, hoping he couldn’t tell how much his words stung.
But the running water only served to camouflage their voices as Quinn followed her. “This was what I was afraid of. She’s too attached to you. And now she’s going to get hurt.”
“I would never hurt her! Wow, you must really think a lot of me.”
“Hey, I know you’re not staying around. You’re only here temporarily, and then you’ll be gone and where will Amber be? Hurt. She needs stability, not someone who is in her life and out of it again.”
Words sat on her lips, begging to be spoken. It was entirely possible she would be staying in Gibson or at least close by for the foreseeable future.
And then she looked at Quinn and the defensive expression tightening his face and she understood. He wasn’t just talking about Amber. It wasn’t Lacey who was in and out of their lives, it was Marie. And because Marie had left them both, he didn’t trust anyone to stay.
He didn’t want any disappointments, either. Which meant that maybe, just maybe, he cared for her more than he was letting on.
Her anger towards him dissipated.
“Yes, she needs stability,” she agreed softly. “Which is why she has you, and Duke, and Carrie and Kailey and everyone who has always been a support to you.”
“But none that she’s latched on to like you,” he answered, turning a bit so that his back blocked them from Amber’s view.
“Quinn, I don’t know what to say. Except even if we don’t live in the same house much longer, I’ll still care about her and want to see her and be there for her.”
“Until you leave.”
“What if I didn’t leave?”
His eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
She peered around his shoulder and saw Amber engrossed in the show. “I mean, even if I’m not right here, at Crooked Valley, I’ve decided to stay in the area.”
“When were you going to tell me?”
She met his gaze. “When I had figured out all the logistics.” In other words, without his input and opinions, which always seemed to cloud any sort of clarity she managed to achieve. There was something between them. The kiss had proved that. Whether or not it ever went any farther was up in the air. This was one decision she had to make on her own, for the right reasons.
She could see the wheels turning in his head. The two of them, in the same town, either snapping at each other or gazing into each other’s eyes like idiots, just like they were doing now. She’d thought of it, too, and didn’t have the answers.
“I care about your daughter, Quinn. I know what you said about getting too close, but I couldn’t say no when she asked for help with the cookies. Please don’t be angry at me for that.”
“I’m not, and I’m sorry I snapped at you. The truth is, I’m angry at myself for not being able to spare her disappointments. As a parent, the worst thing ever is seeing your child in pain.” He sighed. “You’ll understand that someday when you have your own.”
But she wouldn’t. And there was one little girl who’d like to have her for a mom and she couldn’t do that, either. What little composure she’d been hanging onto, crumbled.
“Lacey? Did I say something wrong?”
She shook her head quickly and turned back to the dishes so he wouldn’t see the distress on her face.
But he wouldn’t let it alone. Leave her alone. “Now you know why I said what I did the other day...”
“No,” she replied, starting to lose her cool. “No, I don’t. I’m not trying to be your sainted wife, Quinn. I wasn’t then, I’m not now. And the last thing I want is to be compared to her, okay?”
And then her heart stuttered a bit, because she was afraid if he did compare her to Marie, she’d come up sorely lacking. Her ego had taken a big enough beating when she wasn’t “woman enough” for Carter. If Quinn actually verbalized her inadequacies to her face, she’d fall apart a little. Or a lot.
She bit down on her lip and scrubbed at a mixing bowl, hating that after everything, his opinion still seemed to matter. It wasn’t fair.
“I’m just trying to protect my daughter,” he murmured, “from getting hurt more than she already has
.”
She turned glistening eyes to him. “And I resent that you think she needs protecting from me. That either of you do. Just go, please. Let me clean up this mess before her show finishes and she sees me upset.”
He left her alone and she nearly wiped the finish off the dishes, she scrubbed so hard with the dishcloth. By the time Amber’s show was finished, the kitchen was spick-and-span and Lacey had to get out. If Amber said anything more about motherhood, Lacey was pretty sure she’d lose it. And she definitely wasn’t up for another emotionally-charged conversation with Quinn.
She found him in his office and stuck her head in the door. “I have plans in town for supper. You and Amber can take something out of the freezer.”
“We’ll be fine,” he answered briefly. “We managed before. You don’t have to worry about us.”
She wasn’t sure if it was meant to be a reassurance or a brush-off, but she knew how it felt. We don’t need you. We’re fine without you.
You don’t matter.
“Bye,” she replied, and stepped away.
One of the hardest things she’d ever done was walk away from the house that evening, but she knew it was necessary. It was time to put some real distance between them all. One thing was for sure. As much as it hurt Lacey, she’d rather that than cause any more pain to the precious girl inside who’d lost enough already.
* * *
THE LAST THING Quinn wanted to do was go out for Valentine’s Day. How he’d been roped into attending some cockamamy dance at the Silver Dollar, he wasn’t sure, but it definitely seemed like the universe was conspiring against him. His mom had called and asked if Amber could come visit and sleep over today, because she had plans on the weekend and wanted to do something special for Valentine’s Day with her granddaughter. He couldn’t say no—Amber loved visiting her grandma. But that left him alone on the most romantic night of the year. Torture for singles. He’d planned on grabbing a frozen pizza for his supper and hiding out at the house. Hopefully without Lacey in his way.
Now he was patting on some aftershave and tucking his favorite blue-and-white-striped shirt into clean jeans, making sure the cuffs were buttoned over his forearms. The bandages were gone, but he was still a little self-conscious about the pink scars on his skin, which would fade more but never really go away completely.
He wished he was better at saying no. Kailey had called. She’d had plans to go to the dance at the saloon and her date had cancelled at the last minute. Her argument had been that it was less pathetic to go as friends, as they’d done before, than sit home alone. When she learned that Amber was already cared for, any argument he might have put up didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Even Lacey had plans. She’d gone straight from a job interview to dinner with friends. At least that was what her note said.
He turned off the bathroom light and sighed. Maybe it was better to get out tonight. He had to start doing that more, and at least with Kailey there were no expectations. What else was he going to do, sit home and wallow? That would only lead to thinking about a certain stubborn woman with coppery curls and snapping blue eyes. Why couldn’t he get her out of his mind?
Kailey wasn’t quite ready when he arrived at the Brandt spread, so he waited in the kitchen, talking to her mom and dad about their latest ideas on sires for their breeding mares. Quinn listened carefully; developing Crooked Valley’s bucking stock was part of his job and one he wished he was better at. When Kailey finally came out of her room, Quinn found himself wishing he had a dynamite stud in his stable. That would make all the difference in the world, but coming up with the capital to buy such an animal was a big sticking point. The ranch simply didn’t have the money right now.
“You ready?” Kailey asked, grinning widely.
Quinn shook his head. “Whooeee, girl. Ain’t I the lucky one.”
“If I thought you meant that, I’d go put on a pair of ratty jeans,” she replied while her parents laughed. She was wearing a cute denim miniskirt, cowboy boots and a red plaid fitted shirt, the whole thing highlighting her curves while still being cute and modest.
Too bad Kailey was like a sister and didn’t do a damned thing for him otherwise.
“I’ll be having to give a good number of boys the stink-eye tonight,” he said, frowning for effect.
She laughed. “Right back atcha. Is that a new shirt?”
He shook his head. “Nope. Anyway, let’s get going.” He said good-night to Mr. and Mrs. Brandt and they were off to town.
“The Dollar doesn’t usually have a real dance on Valentine’s Day. I wonder why they’re doing it this year?”
Kailey shrugged and looked out the window. “Maybe they thought it would bring in a better crowd to make it official,” she suggested.
Indeed, when they got to the saloon, the parking lot was packed. “Holy cow, are you sure you want to go in here? The floor will be crowded.” He’d been to the Dollar several times since Marie’s death, but tonight felt different. He was...nervous. And he didn’t quite know why.
“Drinks are half-price until ten. Come on, Quinn.” She winked at him. “We don’t have to stay that long.”
“Isn’t that Carrie and Duke’s truck?”
She squinted. “I believe it is. See? It’s going to be fun.” Instead of waiting for him to open her door, she hopped out of the cab. “Let’s go!” she called. “My legs are freezing here!”
He truly hadn’t suspected a thing. Not until the moment he stepped inside the bar and a cheer went up. Perplexed, his gaze was drawn to a banner above the bar: Have a Heart: Benefit for Quinn and Amber Solomon.
His throat hurt when he swallowed and heat rose to his cheeks. Jesus. Charity? That’s what tonight was about?
Duke appeared at his side. “Put away your pride for one night, Quinn,” he suggested, leaning close to be heard above the din. “Your friends and neighbors are all here to give you a helping hand.”
Quinn looked at his friend. “I don’t know what to say.”
Duke smiled at him and clapped him on the back. “You’d do the same for anyone else. Just enjoy the night, okay?”
Kailey was grinning at him broadly. Carrie came over carrying a bottle of his preferred beer.
He remembered how many people had rallied around him after Marie died, bringing food and offering to take Amber places to give her life a little joy. Gibson was like that and it was one of the reasons he loved it here. But damn, he hated that twice now he’d needed help.
His gaze shifted to the area where the pool tables were. Instead of the clack of cues and balls, the green felt held an assortment of items. He could see some sort of cellophane basket done up, a mannequin head wearing a sparkling necklace and one of Junior Ellerbee’s custom saddles that generally went for a big wad of cash. What the hell?
And there was Lacey. Not at dinner, but in a bottle-green dress that brought out the red tints in her hair, a pair of supple brown cowboy boots on her feet. Lord above, but she was pretty, and as she smiled at a young cowboy looking at the jewelry, Quinn caught his breath.
Damned inconvenient. He was starting to understand his unease. Somehow he’d started to move on, hadn’t he? He’d been holding on to Marie’s memory for dear life, just to get through. But now something else...someone else...occupied a good deal of his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but he knew for damned sure it was uncomfortable, and a little frightening.
“Don’t just stand there like an idiot,” Kailey urged, nudging his elbow. “Go mingle. Say hi. See what’s up for grabs at the silent auction.”
Silent auction. So that’s what Lacey was doing.
He took a long swig of beer and made his way through the crowd as the guest band started a rousing rendition of “Mud on the Tires” and couples formed up on the dance floor. It took quite a while for him
to reach the sheltered area of the pool tables, as he was stopped every few feet by neighbors and well-wishers. By the time he reached Lacey, he wasn’t sure if he was embarrassed and humbled or warmed by the generosity of the people of Gibson—or both.
“Dinner with friends, huh?” He had to speak loudly to be heard over top of the music and laughter.
“I did have dinner with friends. With Carrie and Duke and a few other people who chipped in to help set up. Roy made sure we had lots to eat.” She patted her stomach and smiled. It was no secret in town that the cook had an eye for pretty women and a penchant for big portions. It made the Dollar a popular place to grab a bite.
She looked up at him hopefully. “So? What do you think?”
He couldn’t deliberately douse the spark of hope in her eyes. Not without being a total jerk. “It’s a bit overwhelming,” he admitted. “Wonderful, but difficult, too, you know?”
“I do know. It can be hard to accept help. Almost as hard as asking for it.”
She knew something about that, didn’t she? His gaze clung to hers for a few more moments and he felt that strange sense of kinship with her that kept cropping up. That is, until someone jostled him from behind, pitching him forward. Lacey reached out and caught his arms, her fingers tightening around his biceps as his chest pressed against hers.
Color stained her cheeks and she bit down on her lip...he had the ungodly urge to pull her the rest of the way against his body and kiss her again. Which would solve absolutely nothing. Besides, they were in a crowded bar. Not exactly private.
And if they were in private? Would he act differently?
She let go of his arms and stepped back, but the shy blush was still on her face. Oh, he thought he might. Which was why it was good they were in a crowded, noisy room.
“Do you want to see what we’ve got for silent auction, Quinn? The items are open for bid until ten, and then we’re awarding the prizes.” Her eyes lit up again, and he realized that they were a different color blue than usual, darker, with a hint of green picked up from the hues of her dress.
