Our Mutual Friend

by Charles Dickens

  Chapter 4

  A RUNAWAY MATCH

  Cherubic Pa arose with as little noise as possible from beside majesticMa, one morning early, having a holiday before him. Pa and the lovelywoman had a rather particular appointment to keep.

  Yet Pa and the lovely woman were not going out together. Bella was upbefore four, but had no bonnet on. She was waiting at the foot of thestairs--was sitting on the bottom stair, in fact--to receive Pa when hecame down, but her only object seemed to be to get Pa well out of thehouse.

  'Your breakfast is ready, sir,' whispered Bella, after greeting him witha hug, 'and all you have to do, is, to eat it up and drink it up, andescape. How do you feel, Pa?'

  'To the best of my judgement, like a housebreaker new to the business,my dear, who can't make himself quite comfortable till he is off thepremises.'

  Bella tucked her arm in his with a merry noiseless laugh, and they wentdown to the kitchen on tiptoe; she stopping on every separate stair toput the tip of her forefinger on her rosy lips, and then lay it on hislips, according to her favourite petting way of kissing Pa.

  'How do YOU feel, my love?' asked R. W., as she gave him his breakfast.

  'I feel as if the Fortune-teller was coming true, dear Pa, and the fairlittle man was turning out as was predicted.'

  'Ho! Only the fair little man?' said her father.

  Bella put another of those finger-seals upon his lips, and then said,kneeling down by him as he sat at table: 'Now, look here, sir. If youkeep well up to the mark this day, what do you think you deserve?What did I promise you should have, if you were good, upon a certainoccasion?'

  'Upon my word I don't remember, Precious. Yes, I do, though. Wasn'tit one of these beau--tiful tresses?' with his caressing hand upon herhair.

  'Wasn't it, too!' returned Bella, pretending to pout. 'Upon my word! Doyou know, sir, that the Fortune-teller would give five thousand guineas(if it was quite convenient to him, which it isn't) for the lovely pieceI have cut off for you? You can form no idea, sir, of the number oftimes he kissed quite a scrubby little piece--in comparison--that I cutoff for HIM. And he wears it, too, round his neck, I can tell you! Nearhis heart!' said Bella, nodding. 'Ah! very near his heart! However, youhave been a good, good boy, and you are the best of all the dearest boysthat ever were, this morning, and here's the chain I have made ofit, Pa, and you must let me put it round your neck with my own lovinghands.'

  As Pa bent his head, she cried over him a little, and then said (afterhaving stopped to dry her eyes on his white waistcoat, the discovery ofwhich incongruous circumstance made her laugh): 'Now, darling Pa,give me your hands that I may fold them together, and do you say afterme:--My little Bella.'

  'My little Bella,' repeated Pa.

  'I am very fond of you.'

  'I am very fond of you, my darling,' said Pa.

  'You mustn't say anything not dictated to you, sir. You daren't do it inyour responses at Church, and you mustn't do it in your responses out ofChurch.'

  'I withdraw the darling,' said Pa.

  'That's a pious boy! Now again:--You were always--'

  'You were always,' repeated Pa.

  'A vexatious--'

  'No you weren't,' said Pa.

  'A vexatious (do you hear, sir?), a vexatious, capricious, thankless,troublesome, Animal; but I hope you'll do better in the time to come,and I bless you and forgive you!' Here, she quite forgot that it wasPa's turn to make the responses, and clung to his neck. 'Dear Pa, if youknew how much I think this morning of what you told me once, about thefirst time of our seeing old Mr Harmon, when I stamped and screamedand beat you with my detestable little bonnet! I feel as if I had beenstamping and screaming and beating you with my hateful little bonnet,ever since I was born, darling!'

  'Nonsense, my love. And as to your bonnets, they have always been nicebonnets, for they have always become you--or you have become them;perhaps it was that--at every age.'

  'Did I hurt you much, poor little Pa?' asked Bella, laughing(notwithstanding her repentance), with fantastic pleasure in thepicture, 'when I beat you with my bonnet?'

  'No, my child. Wouldn't have hurt a fly!'

  'Ay, but I am afraid I shouldn't have beat you at all, unless I hadmeant to hurt you,' said Bella. 'Did I pinch your legs, Pa?'

  'Not much, my dear; but I think it's almost time I--'

  'Oh, yes!' cried Bella. 'If I go on chattering, you'll be taken alive.Fly, Pa, fly!'

  So, they went softly up the kitchen stairs on tiptoe, and Bella withher light hand softly removed the fastenings of the house door, and Pa,having received a parting hug, made off. When he had gone a little way,he looked back. Upon which, Bella set another of those finger seals uponthe air, and thrust out her little foot expressive of the mark. Pa, inappropriate action, expressed fidelity to the mark, and made off as fastas he could go.

  Bella walked thoughtfully in the garden for an hour and more, and then,returning to the bedroom where Lavvy the Irrepressible still slumbered,put on a little bonnet of quiet, but on the whole of sly appearance,which she had yesterday made. 'I am going for a walk, Lavvy,' she said,as she stooped down and kissed her. The Irrepressible, with a bounce inthe bed, and a remark that it wasn't time to get up yet, relapsed intounconsciousness, if she had come out of it.

  Behold Bella tripping along the streets, the dearest girl afoot underthe summer sun! Behold Pa waiting for Bella behind a pump, at leastthree miles from the parental roof-tree. Behold Bella and Pa aboard anearly steamboat for Greenwich.

  Were they expected at Greenwich? Probably. At least, Mr John Rokesmithwas on the pier looking out, about a couple of hours before the coaly(but to him gold-dusty) little steamboat got her steam up in London.Probably. At least, Mr John Rokesmith seemed perfectly satisfied whenhe descried them on board. Probably. At least, Bella no sooner steppedashore than she took Mr John Rokesmith's arm, without evincing surprise,and the two walked away together with an ethereal air of happinesswhich, as it were, wafted up from the earth and drew after them a gruffand glum old pensioner to see it out. Two wooden legs had this gruff andglum old pensioner, and, a minute before Bella stepped out of the boat,and drew that confiding little arm of hers through Rokesmith's, he hadhad no object in life but tobacco, and not enough of that. Stranded wasGruff and Glum in a harbour of everlasting mud, when all in an instantBella floated him, and away he went.

  Say, cherubic parent taking the lead, in what direction do we steerfirst? With some such inquiry in his thoughts, Gruff and Glum, strickenby so sudden an interest that he perked his neck and looked over theintervening people, as if he were trying to stand on tiptoe with his twowooden legs, took an observation of R. W. There was no 'first' in thecase, Gruff and Glum made out; the cherubic parent was bearing down andcrowding on direct for Greenwich church, to see his relations.

  For, Gruff and Glum, though most events acted on him simply astobacco-stoppers, pressing down and condensing the quids within him,might be imagined to trace a family resemblance between the cherubs inthe church architecture, and the cherub in the white waistcoat. Someremembrance of old Valentines, wherein a cherub, less appropriatelyattired for a proverbially uncertain climate, had been seen conductinglovers to the altar, might have been fancied to inflame the ardour ofhis timber toes. Be it as it might, he gave his moorings the slip, andfollowed in chase.

  The cherub went before, all beaming smiles; Bella and John Rokesmithfollowed; Gruff and Glum stuck to them like wax. For years, the wingsof his mind had gone to look after the legs of his body; but Bella hadbrought them back for him per steamer, and they were spread again.

  He was a slow sailer on a wind of happiness, but he took a cross cutfor the rendezvous, and pegged away as if he were scoring furiouslyat cribbage. When the shadow of the church-porch swallowed them up,victorious Gruff and Glum likewise presented himself to be swallowed up.And by this time the cherubic parent was so fearful of surprise, that,but for the two wooden legs on which Gruff and Glum was reassuringlymounted, his conscience might have introdu
ced, in the person of thatpensioner, his own stately lady disguised, arrived at Greenwich in acar and griffins, like the spiteful Fairy at the christenings of thePrincesses, to do something dreadful to the marriage service. And trulyhe had a momentary reason to be pale of face, and to whisper to Bella,'You don't think that can be your Ma; do you, my dear?' on account ofa mysterious rustling and a stealthy movement somewhere in the remoteneighbourhood of the organ, though it was gone directly and was heard nomore. Albeit it was heard of afterwards, as will afterwards be read inthis veracious register of marriage.

  Who taketh? I, John, and so do I, Bella. Who giveth? I, R. W. Forasmuch,Gruff and Glum, as John and Bella have consented together in holywedlock, you may (in short) consider it done, and withdraw your twowooden legs from this temple. To the foregoing purport, the Ministerspeaking, as directed by the Rubric, to the People, selectly representedin the present instance by G. and G. above mentioned.

  And now, the church-porch having swallowed up Bella Wilfer for ever andever, had it not in its power to relinquish that young woman, but slidinto the happy sunlight, Mrs John Rokesmith instead. And long on thebright steps stood Gruff and Glum, looking after the pretty bride, witha narcotic consciousness of having dreamed a dream.

  After which, Bella took out from her pocket a little letter, and read italoud to Pa and John; this being a true copy of the same.

  'DEAREST MA,

  I hope you won't be angry, but I am most happily married to Mr JohnRokesmith, who loves me better than I can ever deserve, except by lovinghim with all my heart. I thought it best not to mention it beforehand,in case it should cause any little difference at home. Please telldarling Pa. With love to Lavvy,

  Ever dearest Ma, Your affectionate daughter, BELLA (P.S.--Rokesmith).'

  Then, John Rokesmith put the queen's countenance on the letter--when hadHer Gracious Majesty looked so benign as on that blessed morning!--andthen Bella popped it into the post-office, and said merrily, 'Now,dearest Pa, you are safe, and will never be taken alive!'

  Pa was, at first, in the stirred depths of his conscience, so far fromsure of being safe yet, that he made out majestic matrons lurking inambush among the harmless trees of Greenwich Park, and seemed to see astately countenance tied up in a well-known pocket-handkerchief gloomingdown at him from a window of the Observatory, where the Familiars of theAstronomer Royal nightly outwatch the winking stars. But, the minutespassing on and no Mrs Wilfer in the flesh appearing, he became moreconfident, and so repaired with good heart and appetite to Mr and MrsJohn Rokesmith's cottage on Blackheath, where breakfast was ready.

  A modest little cottage but a bright and a fresh, and on the snowytablecloth the prettiest of little breakfasts. In waiting, too, likean attendant summer breeze, a fluttering young damsel, all pink andribbons, blushing as if she had been married instead of Bella, and yetasserting the triumph of her sex over both John and Pa, in an exultingand exalted flurry: as who should say, 'This is what you must all cometo, gentlemen, when we choose to bring you to book.' This same youngdamsel was Bella's serving-maid, and unto her did deliver a bunch ofkeys, commanding treasures in the way of dry-saltery, groceries, jamsand pickles, the investigation of which made pastime after breakfast,when Bella declared that 'Pa must taste everything, John dear, or itwill never be lucky,' and when Pa had all sorts of things poked intohis mouth, and didn't quite know what to do with them when they were putthere.

  Then they, all three, out for a charming ride, and for a charming strollamong heath in bloom, and there behold the identical Gruff and Glum withhis wooden legs horizontally disposed before him, apparently sittingmeditating on the vicissitudes of life! To whom said Bella, in herlight-hearted surprise: 'Oh! How do you do again? What a dear oldpensioner you are!' To which Gruff and Glum responded that he see hermarried this morning, my Beauty, and that if it warn't a liberty hewished her ji and the fairest of fair wind and weather; further, in ageneral way requesting to know what cheer? and scrambling up on his twowooden legs to salute, hat in hand, ship-shape, with the gallantry of aman-of-warsman and a heart of oak.

  It was a pleasant sight, in the midst of the golden bloom, to see thissalt old Gruff and Glum, waving his shovel hat at Bella, while his thinwhite hair flowed free, as if she had once more launched him into bluewater again. 'You are a charming old pensioner,' said Bella, 'and I amso happy that I wish I could make you happy, too.' Answered Gruff andGlum, 'Give me leave to kiss your hand, my Lovely, and it's done!' So itwas done to the general contentment; and if Gruff and Glum didn't in thecourse of the afternoon splice the main brace, it was not for want ofthe means of inflicting that outrage on the feelings of the Infant Bandsof Hope.

  But, the marriage dinner was the crowning success, for what had brideand bridegroom plotted to do, but to have and to hold that dinner in thevery room of the very hotel where Pa and the lovely woman had once dinedtogether! Bella sat between Pa and John, and divided her attentionspretty equally, but felt it necessary (in the waiter's absence beforedinner) to remind Pa that she was HIS lovely woman no longer.

  'I am well aware of it, my dear,' returned the cherub, 'and I resign youwillingly.'

  'Willingly, sir? You ought to be brokenhearted.'

  'So I should be, my dear, if I thought that I was going to lose you.'

  'But you know you are not; don't you, poor dear Pa? You know that youhave only made a new relation who will be as fond of you and as thankfulto you--for my sake and your own sake both--as I am; don't you, dearlittle Pa? Look here, Pa!' Bella put her finger on her own lip, and thenon Pa's, and then on her own lip again, and then on her husband's. 'Now,we are a partnership of three, dear Pa.'

  The appearance of dinner here cut Bella short in one of herdisappearances: the more effectually, because it was put on under theauspices of a solemn gentleman in black clothes and a white cravat, wholooked much more like a clergyman than THE clergyman, and seemed tohave mounted a great deal higher in the church: not to say, scaled thesteeple. This dignitary, conferring in secrecy with John Rokesmith onthe subject of punch and wines, bent his head as though stooping tothe Papistical practice of receiving auricular confession. Likewise,on John's offering a suggestion which didn't meet his views, his facebecame overcast and reproachful, as enjoining penance.

  What a dinner! Specimens of all the fishes that swim in the sea, surelyhad swum their way to it, and if samples of the fishes of diverscolours that made a speech in the Arabian Nights (quite a ministerialexplanation in respect of cloudiness), and then jumped out of thefrying-pan, were not to be recognized, it was only because they had allbecome of one hue by being cooked in batter among the whitebait. And thedishes being seasoned with Bliss--an article which they are sometimesout of, at Greenwich--were of perfect flavour, and the golden drinkshad been bottled in the golden age and hoarding up their sparkles eversince.

  The best of it was, that Bella and John and the cherub had made acovenant that they would not reveal to mortal eyes any appearancewhatever of being a wedding party. Now, the supervising dignitary, theArchbishop of Greenwich, knew this as well as if he had performed thenuptial ceremony. And the loftiness with which his Grace entered intotheir confidence without being invited, and insisted on a showof keeping the waiters out of it, was the crowning glory of theentertainment.

  There was an innocent young waiter of a slender form and with weakishlegs, as yet unversed in the wiles of waiterhood, and but too evidentlyof a romantic temperament, and deeply (it were not too much to addhopelessly) in love with some young female not aware of his merit.This guileless youth, descrying the position of affairs, which evenhis innocence could not mistake, limited his waiting to languishingadmiringly against the sideboard when Bella didn't want anything, andswooping at her when she did. Him, his Grace the Archbishop perpetuallyobstructed, cutting him out with his elbow in the moment of success,despatching him in degrading quest of melted butter, and, when by anychance he got hold of any dish worth having, bereaving him of it, andordering him to stand back.

  'Pray excuse hi
m, madam,' said the Archbishop in a low stately voice;'he is a very young man on liking, and we DON'T like him.'

  This induced John Rokesmith to observe--by way of making the thing morenatural--'Bella, my love, this is so much more successful than anyof our past anniversaries, that I think we must keep our futureanniversaries here.'

  Whereunto Bella replied, with probably the least successful attempt atlooking matronly that ever was seen: 'Indeed, I think so, John, dear.'

  Here the Archbishop of Greenwich coughed a stately cough to attract theattention of three of his ministers present, and staring at them, seemedto say: 'I call upon you by your fealty to believe this!'

  With his own hands he afterwards put on the dessert, as remarking to thethree guests, 'The period has now arrived at which we can dispense withthe assistance of those fellows who are not in our confidence,' andwould have retired with complete dignity but for a daring action issuingfrom the misguided brain of the young man on liking. He finding, byill-fortune, a piece of orange flower somewhere in the lobbies nowapproached undetected with the same in a finger-glass, and placed it onBella's right hand. The Archbishop instantly ejected and excommunicatedhim; but the thing was done.

  'I trust, madam,' said his Grace, returning alone, 'that you will havethe kindness to overlook it, in consideration of its being the act of avery young man who is merely here on liking, and who will never answer.'

  With that, he solemnly bowed and retired, and they all burst intolaughter, long and merry. 'Disguise is of no use,' said Bella; 'theyall find me out; I think it must be, Pa and John dear, because I look sohappy!'

  Her husband feeling it necessary at this point to demand one of thosemysterious disappearances on Bella's part, she dutifully obeyed; sayingin a softened voice from her place of concealment:

  'You remember how we talked about the ships that day, Pa?'

  'Yes, my dear.'

  'Isn't it strange, now, to think that there was no John in all theships, Pa?'

  'Not at all, my dear.'

  'Oh, Pa! Not at all?'

  'No, my dear. How can we tell what coming people are aboard the shipsthat may be sailing to us now from the unknown seas!'

  Bella remaining invisible and silent, her father remained at hisdessert and wine, until he remembered it was time for him to get home toHolloway. 'Though I positively cannot tear myself away,' he cherubicallyadded, '--it would be a sin--without drinking to many, many happyreturns of this most happy day.'

  'Here! ten thousand times!' cried John. 'I fill my glass and my preciouswife's.'

  'Gentlemen,' said the cherub, inaudibly addressing, in his Anglo-Saxontendency to throw his feelings into the form of a speech, the boys downbelow, who were bidding against each other to put their heads in the mudfor sixpence: 'Gentlemen--and Bella and John--you will readily supposethat it is not my intention to trouble you with many observations on thepresent occasion. You will also at once infer the nature and eventhe terms of the toast I am about to propose on the present occasion.Gentlemen--and Bella and John--the present occasion is an occasionfraught with feelings that I cannot trust myself to express. Butgentlemen--and Bella and John--for the part I have had in it, for theconfidence you have placed in me, and for the affectionate good-natureand kindness with which you have determined not to find me in the way,when I am well aware that I cannot be otherwise than in it more or less,I do most heartily thank you. Gentlemen--and Bella and John--my loveto you, and may we meet, as on the present occasion, on many futureoccasions; that is to say, gentlemen--and Bella and John--on many happyreturns of the present happy occasion.'

  Having thus concluded his address, the amiable cherub embraced hisdaughter, and took his flight to the steamboat which was to convey himto London, and was then lying at the floating pier, doing its best tobump the same to bits. But, the happy couple were not going to part withhim in that way, and before he had been on board two minutes, there theywere, looking down at him from the wharf above.

  'Pa, dear!' cried Bella, beckoning him with her parasol to approach theside, and bending gracefully to whisper.

  'Yes, my darling.'

  'Did I beat you much with that horrid little bonnet, Pa?'

  'Nothing to speak of; my dear.'

  'Did I pinch your legs, Pa?'

  'Only nicely, my pet.'

  'You are sure you quite forgive me, Pa? Please, Pa, please, forgive mequite!' Half laughing at him and half crying to him, Bella besought himin the prettiest manner; in a manner so engaging and so playful andso natural, that her cherubic parent made a coaxing face as if she hadnever grown up, and said, 'What a silly little Mouse it is!'

  'But you do forgive me that, and everything else; don't you, Pa?'

  'Yes, my dearest.'

  'And you don't feel solitary or neglected, going away by yourself; doyou, Pa?'

  'Lord bless you! No, my Life!'

  'Good-bye, dearest Pa. Good-bye!'

  'Good-bye, my darling! Take her away, my dear John. Take her home!'

  So, she leaning on her husband's arm, they turned homeward by a rosypath which the gracious sun struck out for them in its setting. And Othere are days in this life, worth life and worth death. And O what abright old song it is, that O 'tis love, 'tis love, 'tis love that makesthe world go round!