Wishes Under a Starlit Sky

by Lucy Knott

  ‘And, I’m not really looking for just a thrill or a moment of pleasure. I think I have a better understanding of what I’m looking for now and when it happens it happens.’ I’m not exactly keeping secrets when I don’t bring up Dean. I’ve told Madi all about him and Sophie, but as far as my mind drifting to Dean at Zac’s touch, I keep that to myself. I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I have no intention of rushing the universe’s plans, which brings so much peace to my mind, and besides, with Madi’s words there are other things I want to discuss.

  ‘Have you told your parents about Em?’ I ask. Madi lets out a soft chuckle at my swift change of subject. It’s been years since I spoke to Madi’s parents. Madi’s resilience and persistence with them is commendable. Though I’m not a hateful person, I’ve never been quite as forgiving of them in their treatment of my best friend.

  ‘I’m working my way up to that. There’s no point in freaking them out just yet. It’s still early days,’ she says, swinging our hands back and forth. The road is quiet and we’re coming up to Madi’s house.

  ‘Are you doing OK?’ I ask.

  ‘Of course, Harp. I’d tell you otherwise. You know I love them, they’re my parents, but loving people and missing people doesn’t have to mean you need them in your life. It’s better this way. Keeping my distance right now is what I need to focus on my happiness,’ she explains. I understand. ‘Now!’ she starts, stepping up to her front door and putting her hands on her hips like she’s about to make a big announcement.

  ‘All this talk of moving to Colorado that has been flitting about over the past few months has me thinking we need to sit down and have a good chat. What do you think?’ She leans forward wiggling her eyebrows. My heart skips a beat.

  Chapter 20

  ‘I’m officially Harper Hayes again,’ I say brightly to Bella, whose beautiful face is staring at me from my laptop screen. ‘It feels good.’ Though I’ve been using my maiden name regularly since Christmas, seeing it change on legal documents has been liberating.

  ‘It has a nice ring to it. I like it.’ Bella nods enthusiastically. She’s holding up her phone and walking around her house in a unicorn onesie that matches Poppy’s. I can see her stepping over bits of Lego and crayons as she steps out of the playroom and into her gorgeous yellow kitchen. There are sunflowers, real and fake, decorating the wooden kitchen table and window ledge and in between the log-cabin-style beams is a pale yellow paint that makes me smile. It’s just a happy colour and suits Bella perfectly. It’s exactly how I would picture Bella’s house to be. ‘I saw the movie trailer yesterday. I love it, Harp, and oh if it didn’t make me want to come and visit you there in England. The scenery was breath-taking.’

  I laugh thinking about the views Bella gets to witness daily outside her kitchen window – the wintry wonderland of pine trees, magnificent mountains, peaks and valleys of adventurous paths, not to mention magical hidden springs – but I guess it’s different when you live in a place and see it every day. It can do you good to step away from it so you can then appreciate it on a whole other level when you get back. There is no doubting our countryside’s green beauty, but I long to witness the snow-covered mountains again soon. It’s actually the purpose of today’s phone call with Bella.

  ‘Thank you,’ I say referring to her comment about the movie teaser. It officially aired on the Pegasus channel over the summer during Pegasus’s Christmas in July – just a short clip as the movie is still in the editing stages. The movie will be released 25th December; yes, I got the Christmas Day premiere slot. I’m still pinching myself. I’m pleased that Bella liked the teaser. Madi can’t stop raving about it to anyone and everyone. I’ve had messages from all the girls back in Colorado. Mum and Dad rang to tell me how thrilled they were for me and how they have already set it to record. I even got a message from Dean congratulating me.

  ‘So, I’ve been attending “The Skills to Foster” course here and I wondered if that would help me should I come to Colorado for a bit?’ I ask Bella, doing my best to sound nonchalant. I bite my lip waiting for her reaction. She scrunches up her nose and looks at me through squinting eyes. Her words come out slow and suspicious, not like her usual fast-paced, enthusiastic tone.

  ‘Erm, I will have to look into it for you.’ She pauses, then continues. ‘I will speak with my social worker later if you’d like and get some information. You do know that you need a house though, Harp, or an apartment – your parents’ house is awesome, but the kids need a structure. Wait, of course you know that, you’re not stupid, so why are you asking about fostering here?’ As the question leaves her lips, I watch Bella’s eyes go wide and her hand flies over her mouth. No doubt she doesn’t want Poppy and Evan to overhear. Every time we have Skyped, they have asked about my return. It’s incredibly heart-warming and all the more reason why I want to do this. My eyes crease with a smile.

  ‘You know I’ve been telling you Madi and I have been looking to visit again soon, just for a holiday; well, that’s not entirely true. We’ve sort of been house-hunting and contemplating moving.’ I pause as Bella full-on squeals. ‘Don’t tell anyone yet. It’s not confirmed but I was looking at houses today, just for fun, and I kind of fell in love with one. Madi’s out at the offices today so I was going to show her tonight. With the money I got for the sale of mine and Scott’s house, it feels like it’s meant to be.’ Bella is now jumping up and down in her kitchen. I’m nervously twisting my hair around my fingers, knowing I’ll regret it later when I come to brush it. It is well past my butt now and a nightmare to untangle, but I love it.

  ‘Oh, Harper, this is amazing news. Poppy and Evan are going to be stoked and does Em know? Oh, Em is going to freak out,’ Bella sings with glee. The thought of spending more time with Poppy and Evan lets lose a flurry of butterflies in my stomach and the idea that Em and Madi can be together makes my heart skip a beat.

  ‘I think Madi might have mentioned it, but it’s super early days. But gosh, they are so loved up it’s beautiful. You should hear Madi on the phone every night, and sometimes you don’t want to hear Madi on the phone at night. My best friend is head over heels and has one hell of a dirty mind.’ I chuckle and Bella rolls her eyes and laughs.

  ‘They are truly the perfect match then.’ She guffaws.

  I nod and walk past the kettle, flicking it on to make a mug of tea.

  ‘Bella. Bella,’ I hear Poppy shouting and then come into view on the screen. She’s tugging on Bella’s arm and when she spots me on the camera her doe eyes widen, and she gives me a sweet, toothless grin. ‘Harper, are you coming back soon?’ she asks innocently.

  ‘Soon, sweetheart,’ I say before Poppy turns her attention back to Bella.

  ‘Can we go outside, Bella? It’s sunny,’ the little girl whispers politely.

  ‘Of course, we can, Pop. Why don’t you and Evan go and get your jackets and I’ll meet you at the door to get our boots on,’ Bella replies, her voice kind.

  ‘Bye, Harper. See you tomorrow,’ Poppy says, pulling the camera right up to her face so all I can see are a few eyelashes and her pupils. She pulls at my heartstrings.

  ‘I like her idea of soon.’ Bella smiles at me. ‘OK, Harp, I’ve got to go, but keep me posted won’t you and I’ll message later with what I find out about fostering.’ Bella blows a kiss through the screen.

  ‘Me too. I will, Bell, have fun.’ I blow a kiss in return and hang up.

  *

  We’re tucking into a veggie burger of halloumi and portobello mushrooms, which is all I have wanted to eat lately thanks to my mother’s recipe sheets and her spoiling me when we were in Colorado. Just thinking about being around the corner from her again and being able to eat her cooking has me feeling like this is the right decision more and more. I was going to wait until we had finished dinner and my hands weren’t greasy to show Madi but I’m too excited. I take a sip of tea to calm my nerves, praying that she falls in love with the house I’m about to show her. I haven’t planned for wh
at happens if she doesn’t get the same vibes from it as I do.

  ‘OK, Mads, I have something to show you. Put your burger down and pay attention.’

  Madi eyes me curiously over her burger, which she is holding with both hands. She pauses, her lips parted, then quickly takes a giant bite before putting it down and wiping her hands on her napkin. I smirk as I watch her trying to chew the enormous bite without choking. I should probably give her time to swallow it but instead I thrust my laptop in her face holding it aloft with the picture of the house enlarged on the screen.

  I sense Madi is gobsmacked but doing her best not to drop her jaw and spray cheese all over my laptop. Her eyes are bulging, and she is flapping her hands in the air. I quickly move the laptop away and click ‘next’ to bring up another picture of the inside of the house. Madi takes a glug of tea and swallows down hard before gasping for air.

  ‘I love it,’ she yells. ‘Oh my God, I love it. That’s our house. Harper, that’s our house.’

  ‘You think?’ I ask, feeling the floodgates about to open but I rein them in as I place the laptop on the coffee table and wipe off my sweaty palms on my own napkin.

  ‘We’re really doing this, Madi. I was speaking to Bella today, just putting feelers out there for how the foster care would work and I should be able to transfer over my training, but of course they would need to interview me again once we have the house set up, do further background checks, and there will be more courses and I’ll need to sort a visa through Mum and Dad or work. I’m still going to write. Did you speak to Lara and find out more about their Colorado office?’

  ‘We’re really doing it, Harp. And yes, yes. Lara said the office out there is a much smaller scale, a tiny one in fact that simply oversees talent and the network there. She can transfer us quite easily, which would sort out our visas. They have been looking into building up the brand out there for some time. She thinks now might be the right time to do that with us on board. They’re looking for a creative director,’ Madi explains. It’s my turn for my jaw to hit the floor. I move to the edge of the couch; I don’t know what to do with my hands. Madi helps me with that by handing me my mug of tea.

  ‘That’s unbelievable,’ I manage feeling a touch overwhelmed by all this information. It feels like our casual planning and pipe dream to move to Colorado just went from zero to real in nought point one seconds. ‘So, I’m going to get to look after kids, write and spend time with my parents and you’re going to have Em and possibly run an office?’ I’m still gawping in between words. I’ve forgotten how to close my mouth.

  ‘It seems that way.’ Madi shrugs with a sly smile curving up at the corner of her mouth. She clinks her mug against mine. ‘Cheers.’ I cheer back and take a refreshing and welcome sip of lemon tea. ‘Here’s to working hard, making it happen and facing our fears,’ Madi announces to the room, holding her mug in the air like she’s royalty. ‘Now show me more of our new home. Actually, let’s send it to Em and she can go and check it out for us and get the ball rolling with an offer. Eek, fingers crossed.’

  Madi sits down and starts tapping away at the keyboard, bringing up her email account, more pictures of the house and the estate agents we need to contact. She’s super-efficient and organized, which is just one of the many things I love about her. As I sit back and watch her, I wonder for a moment what her parents will make of all this; what will they think of their only child moving across the world? Will they miss her? It’s hard for me to comprehend someone not missing Madi. I can’t go an hour without her, but it saddens me knowing that her parents have never felt the same way about her that I do.

  Madi speaks to them to check in maybe a few times a year. Her enthusiastic conversation is always met with loveless tones and uninterested tuts from her parents, who have never approved of Madi’s lifestyle choices and have never held back on letting their disappointment in their only daughter be known. I don’t believe they ever truly wanted kids and if they did it’s clear that they had their heart set on a prim and proper young lady, but even at four years old it was clear Madi was eccentric, colourful and meant to stand out. She often turned up to nursery with frayed dresses and knots in her hair, after trying to spruce up her ordinary outfits and putting plaits in her hair, much to the frustration and annoyance of her mother and father, whose faces permanently resembled someone who had smelt something awful. Looking at the incredible woman before me, I’m in awe of how fabulous she turned out and count my lucky stars that it was my nursery class she waltzed into in her cut-up pinafores and felt-tip-dyed hair.

  I catch a glimpse of our (fingers crossed) soon to be home on the laptop as Madi flicks through the pictures to send Em. I feel like I’m dreaming. The past six months feel like they have blown by in a mad whirlwind. My first original script has been made into a movie, I’m divorced from Scott, have sold my home and instead of fearing about the future and not having kids I’ve made the decision to go into fostering. It’s been a mixture, an obscure concoction of good and bad. I’m no longer a ball of anxiety but a content and happy woman.

  I’m ready to get back to Colorado; to the fresh mountain air. I want to snowboard and do yoga under the stars and have snowball fights with Poppy and Evan and enjoy crazy outdoor log chopping with my parents. I want this fresh start; this change.

  ‘Right, I sent the estate agent an email and Em is going to check it out tomorrow. This is so exciting. I’m proud of us,’ Madi proclaims. ‘And I’m so bloody proud of you, Harp. What Scott did to you was despicable, all this time after he just continues to show his true colours. I can’t say I miss him, but I know that’s much more difficult for you, having been his wife, but you have handled this with such grace and love, and I admire you for that. Em was ready to get on a plane and start a bonfire with his belongings and put up posters around town warning every one of the cheat he is. But you’ve stayed true to your kind heart and that’s commendable. It really is, Harp. I hope you know that.’

  I shrug, uncomfortable with the praise. I cringe at the thought of blasting what Scott did to the world and burning his stuff. I didn’t abstain from doing it to be kind, it came out of my weakness in not wanting to hurt the man I’d loved. I don’t exactly feel like a role model for women, but I don’t want to dwell on those moments of weakness. Tonight, I feel strong. I’ve moved past those thoughts now.

  ‘Thank you, Madi, but let’s move on now. I appreciate Em having my back but I’m not a saint. I’ve been angry, I just couldn’t bear doing anything to him that would hurt him the way he hurt me. I wasn’t exactly being graceful and empowered.’ I pause as Madi’s words and the words I am speaking spark a light bulb above my head. ‘You know what? No, I wasn’t being weak and actually it did feel empowering to react without malice or spite. Still, I’m not a saint, Madi; bad thoughts crossed my mind, but I’m going to stop looking at myself as weak now. Loving others is an empowering feeling,’ I finish with a confident nod of my head and a glug of tea. Emotions do not make you weak. They mean you care, that you leave pieces of you in each moment and that is a powerful thing. When I glance at Madi, who’s swilling the tea in her mug like it’s wine around with small wrist movements as she gazes at me, she has a loving expression on her beautifully contoured face.

  ‘I love you, Harper Hayes,’ she says sweetly. Between the tea and her words, I feel warm and fuzzy inside. ‘Now, we’re going to need some new outfits to brave the Colorado weather, I wonder if they do a leopard-print snowsuit.’

  I burst out laughing picturing Madi on the mountains resembling a wild cat and lean back into the red and white polka dot cushions to enjoy this moment with my best friend. I’m not thinking about the past. I’m not worried about the unknown. I’m living in this moment, a moment that I have been gifted with one of the truest and complete loves of my life, Madi. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

  Chapter 21

  It’s the middle of August, my top lip is sweating with the heat from the blazing sun burning my bare back. I shou
ld have worn flat shoes because my high heels are making me walk painfully slowly and with a slight limp in fear hitting the ground running and I mean that literally not figuratively. I’m late to the annual company summer party, for very good reason, but still I’m nervous about making a scene. That and my movie’s teaser trailer has had more than a million views, with its release being highly anticipated. Lara gave me a list of people to introduce myself to. I try and shake off my anxiety and simultaneously trip up over the golden trim where the stone steps meet the carpeted entrance of the London building.

  I’m almost to the white double doors when Madi bursts through them looking as pale as a sheet.

  ‘Madi, Madi, what’s wrong?’ I say hurriedly, sick rising at the back of my throat. I’m a million miles away from the fragile person I have been in recent months. I know Scott will be in there but I’m not afraid of seeing him. Madi doesn’t have to protect me this evening. But the look on her face does nothing to ease my rising sickness. What’s going on?

  She’s grabbing my arms and pulling me to a secluded spot where it’s just the two of us before I can demand she speak.

  ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I promise it’s OK, please don’t panic. I’m sorry. Your dad is in hospital,’ Madi says softly. It’s a good job she still has hold of my arms as my knees give way. ‘Sorry, Harp. I’m supposed to be calm. Your Mum said she couldn’t get hold of you. I only just got off the phone with her. He’s OK. He’s stable, but they are at the hospital.’ The words are not computing in my brain: my dad, hospital, stable? My dad is tough. He’s the strongest man I know. Why is he in hospital?

  The blood has drained from my face. I can feel it as it tingles all the way down to my toes, ignoring the vital organs on its way down, making me feel weak. ‘What’s going on, Madi? Why?’ I manage calmly, trying to understand the situation.