Charming: A Modern Day Sexy Cinderella Story

by Jennifer Miller

  The fact that I’ve got no one to walk me down the aisle today is blaringly obvious. I’d give anything for my daddy right now. A pain in my heart at the thought takes my breath away and makes the back of my eyes sting. He would be livid right now. He’d walk down the aisle and rip Jeremy apart with his bare hands. He’d whisk me away, do anything to try to make me feel better, but all I’d want is one of his bear hugs that I miss so much it hurts. I wish I could cry on his shoulder, and hear him tell me that everything will be okay. But he’s not here, so all I can do is think of him and hold him in my heart knowing that doing so will give me the strength to get through the next few minutes.

  “Ready?” Brenda asks with a smile. I clear my throat, throw my shoulders back, and give her a nod that she returns before opening the doors. Immediately the string quartet we hired to play the wedding march sounds in my ears. Taking another deep breath, I do my best to put a small smile on my lips, lift my head, and confidently walk down the aisle toward Jeremy. My eyes immediately find him standing at the end of the aisle sporting the stupid grin I used to think was cute upon his face. My steps falter, and I consider turning around and bolting right there, but then I catch sight of Jackie in the crowd. The look she’s wearing of surprise that I’m walking down the aisle, keeps me moving forward. Looking back to Jeremy, I see a frown upon his brow as he looks to where my gaze had gone and looks back and forth between Jackie and me a few times. I quickly think that he looks like one of those dog bobble heads one might see in the back of an automobile and I momentarily feel the corners of my lips turn up in a grin. Simultaneously, I catch a last look from Jackie and can feel her anger as I pass, her gaze burning into me.

  When I arrive at the large arch we are to be married under, Jeremy reaches for my hand and I give it to him, trying to push back the nausea that twists at my tummy and moves up my throat at his touch. When the music stops, the officiate begins to speak and my mind spins making me feel momentarily that I’m outside of my body watching this train wreck. I force myself to calm, and wait for the right moment.

  I can feel more than hear Katie shifting behind me no doubt wondering what the hell I’m doing, the tension between us palpable. I mentally implore her to hold tight. When the time finally comes for our vows, we had planned on reciting traditional phrases of love, honor, and obeying. When Pastor Ben asks me to repeat after him, I look at him briefly, “Actually, I have my own vows I’d like to speak if that’s okay?” Jeremy looks surprised and squeezes my hands while raising a brow. I force a smile, “I know I’m throwing you for a loop here, but I find that I have more to say and would like everyone to hear how I really feel.”

  He smiles a little and nods encouragingly. I can almost see cockiness in his expression, anxious for me to praise him to the crowd. It makes me angrier and something must flash in my eyes because suddenly, his eyes show apprehension and I can’t help it – I smile wickedly.

  Laughing without humor I begin, “Oh, Jeremy, I know I’ve taken you by surprise with my change in plans and believe me, I don’t expect you to come up with your own vows too at the spur of the moment, don’t worry. Besides, I’m sure I’ll leave you speechless.” The crowd gives a chuckle and Jeremy fakes wiping sweat from his brow playing up to the guests. Asshole.

  “As I stand here today, looking into your eyes, seeing the smile upon your face, flashes of the last three years pour through my mind.” I pause, “I’ve learned that love is so many things. It’s putting your partner before yourself. It’s giving your words meaning by making sure your actions back them up. It’s showing the person you love in big and small ways alike how and why they matter to you. It’s wanting them by your side always, and finding yourself missing them when they aren’t. It’s making dreams together and doing everything you can as one to achieve them. It’s thanking god every night that he gave you someone that shows you what it means to love, honor and cherish them. It’s having a lover that takes you to the moon and back with a word, a suggestion, a touch, and a stroke. It’s not always easy. In fact, it can be hard, and sometimes brutal, but there’s always beauty to be found in the pain. There’s beauty in the simple joy of being lucky enough to have and love each other.” Jeremy smiles at me, and squeezes my hands in encouragement nodding to my words like he’s thought the same things too. Yeah right.

  My fingers and toes have gone numb. My heart is frozen. Tears clog my throat, but I push past them to get through this. “And today, as we stand here before family and friends, I want them to know, that those are things that I’ve never had or found in you.” The room gasps and I hold tighter to his hands when he tries to pull away from me in surprise.

  “Maybe we tried to force something that was never there. Maybe all you ever really cared about was getting control of my father’s company like Jackie told me today.” I force myself not to look in her direction. Not yet. “Maybe it’s because you were too busy fucking my stepsister to really give us a chance, I really don’t know. I do know that I’m not blameless. I should have listened to myself when I was concerned about the lack of spark, or how sometimes I was more relieved when I was alone and you were away than sad because I missed you.” Then I smile nastily, “Or maybe all the orgasms I’ve had to fake over the years and your selfish tendencies in the bedroom should have been a huge clue that we were doomed.” I swear I hear some snickers in the crowd. Jeremy’s face flushes with embarrassment and anger. Part of me can’t believe that he’s still standing here, but perhaps he’s frozen in place. Shocked at what’s happening. I can only hope. He deserves it and so much more.

  “All I know is that I certainly wish that it didn’t take my stepsister Jackie telling me moments ago that you’ve been cheating on me, and that she’s pregnant with your baby to come to this realization. I guess though if nothing else, I can thank you because through loving me so horribly, I was able to learn what true love really is.”

  Turning to the crowd, my gaze meets Jackie’s horrified one, “Jackie, go ahead and stand up. Let everyone get a good look at Jeremy’s whore.” She remains seated and looks to Jeremy for help, “It’s okay, don’t be shy. I want everyone to see the woman that is carrying the baby of the man that I was supposed to be marrying here today.” I almost laugh hysterically as she actually stands. Jeremy’s parent’s faces are painted in dismay and it’s the only thing that gives me pause. But I push it away, emotions to deal with another time. My very own wicked stepmother from hell looks embarrassed and yanks on Jackie’s hand trying to get her to sit down.

  Turning back to Jeremy, I realize I am ready to end this. “The worst mistake I ever made was agreeing to marry you. I’ve had doubts from the beginning, and I should have listened to my heart. Really, Jackie,” I say turning to her again, seeing she’s once again seated, “I owe you. I owe you from keeping me from making a huge mistake.”

  Turning back to Jeremy, I vehemently say, “Don’t call me. Don’t come near me ever again. If all of this didn’t make it clear enough, allow me to say it succinctly, we are done.” I spit emphasizing each word.

  I take a step back and he immediately lunges for me, grabs my arm and says desperately, “Wait. Please listen.”

  Jerking away, I spit each word, “Don’t. Touch. Me.”

  Walking over to Jackie, Katie at my back, I toss her my bouquet. “Have at it. I mean, everyone is already here and dinner’s paid for. Have a great life. I hope you two are very happy together. Hopefully the sex is better for you than it was for me,” I fake a disgusted shudder, “Good luck with that.” I turn to face him one more time and say “Oh, and I would be prepared for the Board to decide that your performance is lacking and fire you. So you might want to start working on your resume during the weeks you had requested off.”

  I walk away, Katie at my side hearing Jeremy behind me bellow, “Ella, no! Don’t do this. It isn’t true. I don’t know why, but she’s lying. I’ve never even touched her!”

  Jackie starts screaming at him and the guests becomes louder and louder
with their disbelief over what they’ve witnessed. A few of the company’s board of directors are here and staff I work with – the shame and embarrassment is almost stifling, but I force myself to raise my chin anyway and keep moving.

  Suddenly, I’m whipped around, Jeremy’s fingers digging into my arm and I know I’m going to be bruised. “You are not leaving until we talk about this.” I bare my teeth at him, rear my fist back and let it fly straight into Jeremy’s face. His nose explodes with blood and some of it splatters onto my dress - fitting really. Shaking my hand from the pain, I open my mouth to say something nasty, but close it again. There are so many things I could say, so many things part of me wants to say, but sometimes quiet speaks louder than any words of hate could. And Jeremy, he doesn’t deserve any more words from me.

  Turning to Katie, I don’t have to say anything. She comes to me, puts her arm through mine, and we walk out, side by side.

  I’m suffocating. My dress feels like it’s five sizes too small and all I can think about is getting the damn thing off. I’m clawing at it, trying to free myself. I need it off my body.

  Now.

  Every second it remains on I feel like it gets tighter and tighter. It’s a reminder of the mistake I almost made today and part of me feels like the faster I get this off, the quicker I can erase it from my mind, from my life. It’s a mistake I almost willingly walked into, even though I knew better. Even though I had doubts, fears and worries. Even though I had uncertainties and reservations for quite some time, I kept ignoring them and pushing myself anyway. Why did I do this to myself? Why?

  My dress is strapless and tight to my body. Lace covers me head to toe, and like a sick mockery of my dark and twisted emotions, my veil shimmers in the light. It shimmers with promise and hope and beauty. I’m a vision that’s supposed to represent love, happiness, new beginnings, commitments and promises. I almost laugh hysterically at the sight. It’s all an illusion because when I look deeper, past the façade, all I see is hate, ugliness, lies, cheating, and brokenness.

  I can’t get it off fast enough. “Please,” I implore of Katie, “help me get it off.”

  “It’s okay. I’m here,” Katie murmurs over and over again as I continue to paw at myself trying to get at the buttons. She never tells me to stop. Never tells me to hold on. She just rushes to help me as quickly as possible. When the first few come undone, I whimper at the feeling of being released from my prison. My whimper quickly turns to a cry of relief when it finally slides down my body. Katie takes it and shoves it into the corner and returns to stand before me, her eyes looking into mine briefly before she wraps her arms around me. The love and concern I see in her eyes, makes my own fill with tears. Looking over her shoulder, I find my reflection staring back at me. There’s so much sadness there, and it finally makes me break. A sob I’m unable to stifle makes my chest ache, and Katie holds on tight as I sink to the floor, and curl over myself and just…let…go.

  I’m angry at myself, angry that I didn’t allow myself to see what was clearly in front of me. I’m devastated that I didn’t love myself enough to know that I deserve more. That I was willing to settle for a love that was mediocre at best. Part of me held onto hope that time would change things, and that the missing elements from our relationship would take root and grow in time. On top of those emotions are feelings of embarrassment, but more than that, it’s the overwhelming fear that I’m not enough. That Jeremy clearly didn’t find happiness with me either. While I know in my heart that this is for the best, and I feel thankful that I didn’t just make a huge mistake, I struggle with inadequacy and pain. The pain feels unbearable. And Katie? She just holds me through it all while whispering words of love and support in my ear.

  After a time, I finally get control of my emotions and am able to stop the tears. My sobs have long since turned to sniffles. Katie pulls away from me, wiping the wetness from my face, paying no heed to the fact I’ve left a teary mess on her own dress. “What do you need? What can I do? Do you need to punch something? Eat something?”

  Katie takes hold of my hand and gives me a tug helping me to my feet. Shaking my head in confusion, “Why am I so upset? I don’t understand.” I look into her eyes and confess, “I was about to walk out anyway,” I whisper. “I was standing there looking at myself in the mirror and waiting to feel…something. Anything. I wasn’t going to go through with it, so why am I even crying? I feel so stupid.”

  Taking my upper arms in her hands, she turns me to face her, and waits for me to look into her eyes instead of at my feet. “Because what he did hurts. Because the decision you made isn’t an easy one. It’s hard, and brave, and strong. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t have a right to grieve over the end of something you had wished to be different. Accepting the loss of a dream is hard. So, regardless of how right the decision is, it doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be hurt and angry by his and Jackie’s betrayal.”

  “I don’t think I’ve been in love with Jeremy for a long time – if ever really. I think I was simply going through the motions and kept thinking everything else would come eventually. That love isn’t some fairytale where everything is happy all the time. Love is hard, and it can hurt, and it can be both a poison and a balm to your heart and soul. And I thought that this type of love was all that I deserved, even if greater love is available for others.”

  “No. Love, the right kind of love, should never be a poison. And you’re right, it isn’t always a fairytale, but that doesn’t mean it can’t also be wonderful even when it isn’t. And you deserve the best of loves – never something less than optimal,” she says.

  That manages to get a small smile from me, “And how would you know miss single and loving it?”

  “I had wonderful examples.”

  “Yes, your parents,” I nod.

  “Yes,” she agrees. “And yours.”

  Her words encourage a small trickle of tears to escape their prison and move down my cheeks, but I nod, “Yes. I want a love that’s passionate, fun, honest, safe, and happy. I want to fall in love with a man that encompasses all of those things – not just the idea. I want the real deal, not merely a hope or wish of what it might become. I want a love like my parents had.”

  Katie smiles, “And don’t forget great sex.”

  This time I laugh, “God yes. And great sex. I deserve that. Jeremy…well, let’s just say it could have been better.”

  “Oh god, if we are going to talk about shitty sex, let’s break out the alcohol.”

  With a laugh we head to the kitchen to do just that. Looking around, I take in all the moving boxes I packed over the last few weeks in anticipation of moving to Jeremy’s place. All boxes I need to unpack now. Sighing at the thought of all the wasted work, I can’t help but feel grateful that I insisted we wait until after the wedding to move in together. It certainly wasn’t for his lack of asking me over and over, but because I didn’t want to leave Katie high and dry before I had to. Plus, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with moving into Jeremy’s place. Sterile décor, monochrome color and in desperate need of a woman’s touch, it wasn’t my ideal place to visit, let alone live, but we hadn’t yet found another home to move into. That wasn’t because we hadn’t looked at everything and anything listed for sale, but because we could never agree on a place. Or a price. Anything I liked he had a problem with and anything he liked, I found lacking something. And he wanted to spend more and buy larger than me. It was a nightmare; neither ever willing to compromise. I’m thankful now. And why I didn’t take that as a huge clue that there was a problem I’ll never know.

  Katie rummages through the cupboard and takes out a couple shot glasses and the bottle of tequila we keep hidden in the back – just for emergencies. She pours until there’s no more room at the brim and we have to be careful as we lift them to our mouths so we don’t spill. Downing mine and slamming the glass back on the counter as a wordless request for a refill, I revel in the burn. She obliges and after a few more times I’m feeling nic
e and tipsy. When a smile graces my lips she nods like she’s completed a mission.

  Thinking of her holding me while I lost my shit, being there for me today, offering to help me get the hell out of dodge, and everything after that, my heart warms. “Thank you for being my best friend,” I blurt.

  Her brows lower into a frown, “You never have to thank me for that.”

  “Of course I do. I don’t ever want you to think I take our friendship for granted.”

  “I don’t think that. Ever.”

  “I’m lucky that you were there for me today.”

  “I’ll always be here for you. Always. Never doubt that.”

  “Until we’re old and gray?” I ask her. An old promise we always ask one another.

  “Until we are old and gray,” she confirms.

  Looking around at my apartment again, replaying the day’s events in my mind, I feel at a loss. “What the hell do I do now?” I ask Katie, not really expecting her to have an answer any more than I have one for myself.

  “Well. You could start by getting some actual clothes on.”

  At her reply I look down at my white lacy strapless bra and thong. I was so desperate to get my dress off, it didn’t occur to me that I’m practically naked now. Suddenly, the fact I’m sitting at the kitchen table bare assed well on my way to getting drunk strikes me as funny and I start to giggle. “Not exactly what I expected to be doing right now in this get up,” I confess.

  Katie’s laugh joins mine, “I’d imagine not. But hey, at least you don’t have to worry about faking an orgasm on your wedding night.” And then we begin to laugh at her comment. The ridiculousness of the situation combined with the alcohol coursing through our systems makes tears fall from our eyes.

  Our laughs are immediately cut off when we hear banging at the front door. Our eyes cut to each other in surprise. Our looks clearly asking the other if they heard that too. We remain frozen our heads slightly cocked to the side and I almost laugh at how we must look. When it remains quiet, our bodies visibly relax until there’s another pounding on the front door, and this time there’s a voice to go along with it. “Ella! Ella, open up the door! Let’s talk about this.”