Lost and Found

by B C Yancey

  Pushing her covers aside, she sat up and readjusted her sling, looking forward to the day when she wouldn't have to wear it any longer.

  When the sound of Sawyer waking and getting dressed reached her ears, she stood, stretched, and made her way into the kitchen. Lillian hummed a tune while she started making hotcakes when a large hand settled on her shoulder and warm lips brushed her cheek.

  "Mornin’," Sawyer murmured sleepily, covering a yawn.

  "Oh! Gracious," She gasped, spinning around. She pressed one trembling hand over her rapidly beating heart and the other over her cheek burning with delicious heat where his lips had touched. Her heart in her throat, she gave a shaky laugh, "You startled me."

  "Smells good, Lily." He winked, grabbing his coat off the hook by the door and placing his hat firmly on his head, "Just gonna go milk Patsy, then I'll be back to eat."

  She nodded, turning back to her hotcakes, trying to pretend that receiving a kiss from him was completely normal. Frantically, she decided to ignore the tingling that remained where his lips had been.

  By the time she heard him stomping the snow from his boots on the porch, she was setting the crispy bacon on the table. He opened the door and stepped inside, taking off his coat.

  "Breakfast is ready," she smiled in greeting.

  Breathing deeply of the fragrant aroma filling the room, Sawyer pulled out his chair sat down with a sigh and placed two hotcakes on his plate. "I figure, the break in the weather means we're bound to have a visit from Abigail and Doc today."

  Was that disappointment she heard in his voice? Their eyes briefly met before she focused on spooning eggs onto her plate.

  Her hands trembled so badly she was lucky they didn't spill on the table. Would it make her a terrible person if she didn't want Abigail or Doc Brennan to arrive?

  "Charlie should be arriving any day as well, I imagine," he said as he cut his food and loaded his fork.

  "Oh?" She took a bite and sighed from the pleasant taste that filled her mouth.

  "I think you'll like her. She's like me, but prettier," Sawyer teased.

  Lillian giggled, nearly choking on her mouthful of eggs. Sawyer winked and grinned at her and ate another healthy mouthful of his food.

  Breakfast passed in pleasant conversation until they had both finished eating and Sawyer stood to leave, pressing a kiss to her forehead before hurrying to the door. "Thank you for breakfast. I'll see you later, honey."

  He walked to the barn, glancing back at the house to find Lillian watching him through the kitchen window. His steps slowed, wanting to spend more time with her now that the barrier had been broken down between them. But if he and the men didn't get the work done quickly, he ran the chance of losing part of his herd.

  Yesterday, they'd found two calves had died in the storm and knew there would likely be a few more he and the men would find when they went out today.

  With the snowstorm no longer making their work twice as hard, they'd be able to take care of several issues they hadn't been able to see to yet, which hopefully would mean he would be able to spend time with Lillian, he just needed to be patient.

  He had awoken with clarity of mind this morning. The past two days he'd noticed a change--a lightness about Lily, and he believed their discussion to be the reason things had changed between them.

  Once the bruises and swelling had dissipated and he'd finally been able to see her, he'd readily admitted she was beautiful in her own right.

  However, this morning, when he'd seen her humming and standing in the kitchen in nothing but a nightgown and her pretty brown hair swaying down her back; he couldn't stop himself from kissing her.

  After what she said about her marriage and from the ordeal with the outlaws, he'd decided she needed to be shown some affection. More than that, though, he admitted he wanted to be the one to show her she was deserving of it.

  It was obvious the children cared for her, and he believed that she, in turn, cared for them. But he was surprised at how strongly he wanted her to know he cared for her.

  He'd been struggling, fighting the desire to wrap his arms around her and kiss her till their knees buckled—and he pretty sure that they would. The problem was, in the event he was reading her wrong, he didn't want to act a fool.

  What if she wasn't drawn to him the way he was to her? Even more unsettling, what if she had no desire of being kissed by him at all--let alone till their knees buckled?

  Shaking his head, he tried to push his worries aside and focus on the work ahead of him.

  ~~~~~~~~

  Lillian dressed for the day and prepared breakfast for the children as she heard them make their way down to the kitchen.

  "Stop yer chatterin’, Kitty! It's makin' my ears hurt," Paul grumbled, rubbing his tired, hazel eyes. His dark blonde hair was still messy from sleeping, and his shirt tucked awkwardly into his britches.

  Kitty growled in imitation of him, "My name's Paulie, and I'm a grumpy goose in the mornin'!"

  Lillian chuckled as the sweet little girl lumbered over to the table, continuing to tease her beloved older brother, "Paulie, since yer a grump, you can't eat any bacon."

  "Why's that, huh?" he scowled. He loved bacon, and she knew it!

  "B’cause bacon makes people happy," she stated with a smile, munching on a morsel.

  Paul narrowed his eyes, "Then I guess I better eat your bacon too, huh?" He snatched a piece of bacon off her plate, stuffing it into his mouth with a grin.

  Kitty smiled in triumph and continued eating, practically bouncing in her chair as she ate. "Oh, I just love breakfast, Lily, 'specially the way you make it!"

  After cleaning up and sending them to tidy their room, Lillian stoked the fire in the parlor, plumped cushions, and straightened things around the room; knowing any minute Abigail and Doc could show.

  How she wished they wouldn't. She wanted to have more time with Sawyer and the children without any interruption for just a little while longer.

  The storm had made this home feel protected, undisturbed by the outside world, a haven of sorts. She wasn't ready to allow anyone else in to disrupt them just yet.

  Walking to her room, she removed the sling and rubbed her neck where the material had begun to chafe. One-handed, she twisted her hair up and around itself tucking the ends into the bun, knowing it wouldn't last all day, but tired of it hanging down her back.

  Glancing out her window, she saw Sawyer riding back toward the house on his favorite buckskin, Jethro. A sigh escaped her lips as she drank in the sight of him.

  He rode as though he and the horse were one being, completely in tune with one another. When he came closer, Lillian noticed a grimace of pain creasing his face and searched to find the cause.

  A gasp escaped her when she realized he was cradling his right hand in his lap as he reined Jethro to a halt in front of the barn.

  Without a second thought, she rushed from the house, slamming the kitchen door shut behind her, "SAWYER."

  Startled, he looked up and dismounted. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" He hurried over to her.

  "What happened to your hand?" She exclaimed, pointing to his blue bandana soaked with blood wrapped around it. She ran down the steps and promptly slipped on the ice-covered ground below. Her arms flailed out in a vain effort to regain her balance.

  Sawyer bolted forward in a drastic attempt to catch her before she fell, but slipped himself as he grabbed her. Twisting his body, he took the brunt of the fall, locking his arms tightly around her waist, and ignoring the pain it caused in his damaged hand.

  Her weight on his chest forced the air from his lungs and left him dazed and gasping for breath.

  "Oh, heavens!" Lillian gasped, pushing herself up to look at him from where she sprawled across his chest. "What on earth were you thinking?" She giggled breathlessly.

  Grimacing in pain, he looked up at her and groaned, "I wanted to save you from falling." He smiled sheepishly as his eyes twinkled with restrained mirth. Slowly the smil
e slipped away.

  She looked beautiful; her hair had come undone and fell like a curtain around her face as she gazed down at him with honey brown eyes. His gut clenched as he fought against the overwhelming desire that flooded through him. His heart raced, and he knew with unwavering certainty what he had to do.

  "By running on ice and snow? You're lucky you-" Her words were silenced abruptly as his mouth branded hers in a heated kiss.

  She lay briefly stunned in his arms while his mouth claimed hers with a boldness and passion she'd never experienced before. With a soft moan, Lillian cautiously began to respond to his unrelenting assault.

  No one had ever kissed her in such a way her entire life. Her toes curled in her boots, her heart hammered madly in her chest, and her lungs refused to draw breath as his mouth moved against hers.

  He smelled of winter and leather and spicy male, and his lips were wonderfully soft as they all but devoured her.

  The stubble around his mouth rasped against her sensitive skin, creating a pleasant burn. He nibbled her bottom lip before cradling her face, angling her mouth to fit more perfectly to his so he could drink deeply again of her lips. It was completely magical.

  Greedily, she gave in to the powerful emotions coursing through her. She never wanted this moment to end. With a muffled groan, Sawyer hungrily captured her mouth, feeling like he'd suddenly been offered a feast of delicacies after being starved.

  He should have known that he would never be satisfied with a simple kiss, not where Lillian was concerned. He pulled back a little, wondering if it would have been better to start with a gentler kiss, but he cast the brief worry aside when Lillian tugged his mouth closer once more.

  Her lips melded perfectly with his, matching the passion that flared to life. He tried to gentle their exchange. But, he willingly conceded defeat when she wouldn't allow it and her arms locked around his neck, demanding more.

  Chapter Twelve

  The jingling of harness and rasp of an approaching sleigh slowly intruded on their passion. Blinking in confusion, Sawyer and Lillian broke the kiss and turned to see the arrival of Mrs. Richardson and Doc Brennan on his property.

  Fanning her cheeks as she took in the scene, Abigail exclaimed, "Goodness gracious!"

  Sawyer groaned a curse and let his head fall softly back against the frozen earth as he closed his eyes. Of all the times they could have shown up, it had to be now. Keeping his arms banded about Lillian's waist, he prevented her from rising, reluctant to have her leave him just yet.

  Her lips were swollen and moist. The skin around her mouth was slightly red from where his whiskers had rubbed against her. It was a good look on her.

  "Sawyer?" She whispered in mounting panic, her body wriggling in his hold, "What will they think?"

  She knew what they'd think. They'd brand her a hussy; trash, spoiled, unfit for the company of children. Her stomach dropped to her toes because she knew that was precisely what she'd be labeled if anyone ever found out about what Walker had done to her.

  Seeing the distress in her eyes, but needing one last taste, he pulled her mouth down to his again for a firm kiss before helping her off his chest. "Let them think what they want, it's feeble minds that find offense in seeing two grown adults sharing a kiss," he grumbled.

  Dusting the snow off the seat of his trousers, he turned and brushed the back of Lillian's skirt, smirking when she turned to him in surprise, "Don't want your fanny to freeze, darlin'."

  Mortification battled inside her troubled heart, waging war against the delicious feelings and exhilaration that stubbornly lingered. She turned to find a disapproving Abigail being helped down from the sleigh by a glowering Doc.

  "Good morning," Lillian croaked past a throat thick with emotion as she watched the two newcomers.

  Sawyer wrapped an arm around her waist and hugged her close to his side, "Thought we might be seeing you two this mornin'."

  Abigail clucked her tongue and scowled. "It would seem you weren't expecting us for quite some time! What will people think?" Her mouth opened and closed several times like a fish out of water as she struggled to express her displeasure. Finally, she huffed, "I'll tell you what they'll-"

  "And just how," Sawyer said, interrupting her, "would 'people' hear about this, Abigail?" He planted a fist on his hip and quirked a brow at both of the intruders.

  Abigail frowned, "It isn't right! How do we know you two haven't been carrying on this past week with no one here to supervise you? What about the children? Have you two no shame?"

  Lillian gasped as a humiliated blush stained her cheeks. Unable to bear their disapproving presence a second longer, she fought against Sawyer's hold and ran into the house. Tears left scorching trails down her cheeks as she ran to her room, but even then, she could still hear the angry words spewing forth outside.

  Why did they have to ruin such a beautiful moment? If only they had known what Sawyer's kisses had meant to her; had healed within her broken soul. For the first time in her life, she knew what it felt like to be kissed out of desire, and it was glorious.

  A rush of all-consuming anger flowed through her veins, fortifying her as she grabbed up her shawl and marched outside to confront them. How dare they try to tarnish and cheapen something so beautiful! She had lived through many experiences in her life that brought her shame.

  Dishonor and pain so intense it nearly drowned her at times, but she'd be damned if she allowed anyone to try to take away the joy she'd experienced as Sawyer had plied her mouth with such masterful kisses.

  Turning an icy stare to Abigail, Sawyer advanced on the small woman. "You will apologize to Lillian. She has done nothing to warrant such remarks from you! How you even dared utter them, I'll never know."

  "Now, Sawyer," Doc placated, his hands raised in supplication, "let's not make this any more uncomfortable than it already is. Mrs. Richardson is merely stating the obvious after what we saw happen between the two of you."

  Glaring at Doc, Sawyer ground his teeth, "Shut your mouth before I shut it for you."

  "Why I never!" Abigail gasped as her chest puffed out like an enraged chicken. "How dare you speak to the good doctor that way!"

  Turning furious eyes on the grey-haired woman, Sawyer fumed. "If you were a man, I would have leveled you flat for what has come out of your mouth this morning, so you'd best hold your peace!"

  "Now, I've had just about enough of you!" Doc thundered, "Apologize to Abigail this instant!"

  The two men stood toe to toe, neither one willing to back down, chests rising with angry breaths.

  "ENOUGH!" Lillian shouted, wrapping her shawl firmly around her. She stomped down the stairs until she stood on the last step, "We are all adults here, and therefore we will act like it!"

  She frowned at each of them then continued, "I am sorry if witnessing Sawyer kiss me was distressing to the two of you. But I refuse to feel embarrassed for it." She turned and stared at Abigail, "As for what people will think once they find out about us, I would assume that would only become public knowledge, were either of you two to share it. Which leads me to question as to what purpose that would serve? All it would do is damage the reputation of an admirable man and allow fingers to point and lay disgrace upon something that is truly none of your business, let alone the rest of the towns!"

  Sawyer stood transfixed as he gazed at the enraged beauty before him. She was magnificent. His mouth flooded with moisture as he watched her lips move and remembered the heaven he had found in her kiss. The desire to haul her into his arms fought against reason. They still had these two idiots to deal with.

  "The very fact," Abigail chirped in outrage, "that we stumbled upon you two making love in the snow, knowing full well we could arrive at any moment, is proof that marriage is the only way to save either of your reputations from being ruined!"

  He'd never wanted to strike a woman as much as he wanted to at that moment. "Good grief, woman!" Sawyer said in bewilderment, "Did you not hear a thing that Lillian just
said?"

  "We weren't making love!" Lillian choked, "It was a kiss, damn it!"

  Doc ignored Lillian's outburst and admitted, "She's right, Sawyer." His shoulders lifted in a sad shrug, "You'll have to marry her. Even if we both were to promise never to speak of what we saw, people always have a way of finding things out."

  Without speaking another word, fists clenched tightly at his sides, Sawyer turned and walked to the barn; the wound on his hand forgotten when he slammed it into the sturdy wooden door.

  Lillian stood on the stairs in shock, her hands covering her mouth to stifle her gasp of alarm.

  After several furious swings at the wood, his chest heaving with angered breaths, he turned to face Lillian.

  He ignored the two people that had just ruined one of the happiest mornings he'd had in a long while and refused to take his eyes off Lillian as he walked forward. "I don't care what these two say, Lillian. I won't marry you because we were caught sparkin' in the snow." He shook his head and continued toward her, declaring, "I will not allow them to bully me into marryin' you."

  Did he think she expected him to marry her, just as Doc and Abigail did? The blood drained from her face as her heart thudded dully in her chest, and her skin suddenly became clammy. She couldn't breathe, her throat was too tight, but even if it killed her, she wouldn't cry in front of them.

  When she tried to speak, the words had to fight their way out of her mouth. "I-I wouldn't want you to; I don't want you to."

  His dimples made a brilliant appearance as he smiled at her, "But I will marry you, if it's something you want..." his hand gently cupped her cheek as he whispered, "Say the word, and I'll get the preacher and marry you today if that's what you want. Not because we got caught kissing, not because tongues will wag from jealousy, but because you want to marry me."

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sawyer never once said he loved her, and Lillian didn't pretend that he did. She wouldn't put that pressure on him. Her first marriage had taught her it wasn't worth it, pretending to have feelings that just weren't there.