by Maegan Abel
“Hello?” I asked, walking over to start the shower. I knew my voice would echo and Conner was in the house. He didn’t need to hear what I was talking about.
“Hey,” her voice was soft. She’d been more subdued than normal when I’d taken Conner by after we returned from New Mexico. Actually, she’d been different since the miscarriage. I sighed, the pain of that and the guilt of what I needed to ask her compounding with the thought of that loss.
“What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you were busy today? I mean, I know you said Conner didn’t feel like going Trick-or-Treating last night, but I was hoping maybe we could all go to lunch or something?” Her voice was hopeful, tearing at my resolve.
“He had a really bad night. I’m actually taking him to see a therapist at lunchtime today.”
There was a pause before she said. “Isn’t that something we should do together?”
“That depends. Do you have something to add to the story he told me about his kidnapping?” Though it didn’t come out as planned, her sharp intake of breath told me I’d caught her off-guard. Maybe that was a good thing.
“What…what would I have to add?” There was something in the hesitation. Or was there? Was I reading more into this?
“There’s talk going around in some old circles,” I said, not specifying whose old circles. “Rumors. Or, at least, I hope to god they’re rumors. Something about you owing money to the wrong people?”
I counted my heavy heartbeats in the expanding silence. When I got to ten, I sighed.
“Tell me they’re wrong. Tell me you didn’t have anything to do with this.”
“Zane, listen to me. I didn’t mean for it—” she started, pleading clear in her tone. It was everything I feared and the rage I felt last night at Tish’s words bubbled back to the surface like poison.
“No, you listen to me. We’re done. Do you hear me? Finished. This was beyond anything I could ever…I can’t even believe you would be that callous. Our son was kidnapped, Elizabeth. Kidnapped. He witnessed horrible things being done to someone he loved right in front of him. And do you know what he feels? Guilt. He blames himself for not being able to protect her when it’s you he should be blaming.” I could hear her sobbing, but I continued, unable to stop now that the truth was out. “You will never see him again. Do you understand me? Never. I didn’t push for the finalized papers after you broke the court order by using again, but you can bet your ass I’ll be going to the courthouse today. Don’t try to contact him. Don’t try to contact me.” I hit the end button, fighting the urge to fling my phone into the wall.
Staring at myself in the mirror, the haunted man I’d been was gone. The man looking back at me now—he wanted revenge.
Chapter Eight
Thankful
I checked my phone, ignoring yet another call from Lizzie as my annoyance reached a boiling point. I wished changing my number was an option, but I couldn’t do that. What if Lili tried to call me? I couldn’t even turn my phone off for any period of time for the same reason.
After my call with her this morning, I’d gone to find Tish and apologize, but Kas told me he was already at the shop. She was short with me, not that I could blame her. I’d fought with Tish, physically attacked him in his own house, and for what? For telling me the truth. For warning me. For doing everything he could to find Lili.
And I had no doubt he was doing everything he possibly could.
I groaned when my phone rang again. Glancing down to ignore the call, I saw Jackson’s name on the screen.
“What’s up?” I asked when I answered, trying to keep my voice low.
“I need to ask you a favor,” he said quickly, cutting right to the point.
“I’m at a therapist appointment for Conner. Can I call you back?”
“I only need a minute and it’s important.” The tone of his voice told me something was wrong. I stood, taking a few steps from Conner to put myself in the corner of the room so I could at least have the illusion of privacy.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” he sighed. “Look, I took a job offer in Ohio. Sydney has family there and she’s been wanting to go back for a while, but I was happier here. Anyway, this job may not work out so I need to make sure everything’s in place before Syd and the girls come.”
I stood for a minute, stunned. “Wow. How long will you be gone?”
“I don’t know. A few months, maybe? Hopefully it won’t be that long. I’m hoping it won’t work out and I can talk her out of this,” he answered, sounding distracted. His voice muffled as he spoke away from the phone.
“How can I help?” I asked, remembering he called for a favor.
“Can you check in on Syd and the girls while I’m gone? I know you’ve got a lot on your plate right now, but I just want someone helping to keep an eye on them, you know?”
“Of course. Let her know we’re here for her and I’ll check in on her.” I shook my head. “Take care, man.”
“Yeah. Talk soon,” he said and ended the call. Something about the abruptness of it bothered me, but I couldn’t put my finger on what.
“Mr. Tishler?” I glanced up, spotting Dr. Willis as she held open a door to a hallway on our right.
“Come on, buddy,” I said, reaching for Conner’s hand as he slid from the chair. He didn’t take it, walking beside me toward the doctor instead.
“Hello, Conner,” she greeted and he looked up at her. “This way.” She led us down the hall a short ways. When she opened the door, I was shocked by what I saw. There was a small table and chairs, large windows looking out to a courtyard area, an art easel in one corner, and toys lining the walls. It wasn’t at all what I’d expected from a therapist. “I’d like to do a little preliminary talk with you first, get a bit of background before we move forward. Is that okay?”
“Sure,” I said, a little uneasy at the thought of leaving Conner somewhere unfamiliar. He’d been more distant than normal today.
“We can go in the next room,” she gestured toward a mirror on one wall and I realized it must be one-way glass.
I nodded, leaning down to Conner. “Hey, I’m going to go talk to Dr. Willis for a few minutes, okay?” I asked, trying to get him to respond. Other than stepping out from under my hand, he didn’t acknowledge me.
“Conner, you can play with anything in here. Have fun and we’ll be back in a few minutes,” Dr. Willis said, gesturing toward the door for me to go. I sighed when Conner stood in the same spot, not looking back, as we left the room.
I followed her into the next room, immediately moving to the glass to watch Conner as she grabbed a tablet and pen and took a seat in the corner with a view of both rooms. “Normally, I would’ve gotten some background on the case before your appointment, but this is a special situation.”
“I’m just glad you were willing to fit us in,” I said, distracted. Conner took a few steps into the room, grabbing a box of crayons and a tablet of paper before heading to the table.
“Why don’t we start with what happened? You said on the plane he’d been kidnapped. How long ago was that?” Her voice was the soft, carefully practiced calm one would expect from a doctor.
“Thirteen days ago,” I answered automatically. I didn’t have to think about it, I knew exactly how long it had been.
“And how long was he missing?”
“He…uh…” I tried to count the hours in my head. “He was taken on a Saturday afternoon, escaped early Sunday morning, but it took them another full day to figure out who he was and contact me.”
“Was the kidnapper someone he knew? Trusted?” I understood the reason for the question, but it automatically brought Lizzie to my mind. No, she wasn’t the one who kidnapped him, but she was responsible. I scowled as I watch Conner’s back while he colored.
“No.”
“Was the person caught?”
“No. He escaped,” I repeated.
“Has he talked about how?”
/>
“Not really. The police have a video of his escape. It was caught by cameras at a gas station in New Mexico.”
“And his abduction was random?” she asked. I could hear her pen moving across the paper, but no other sound was present as I weighed my response.
“I don’t know if he was the intended target. My girlfriend was home with him and they were both taken. She got him out, used herself as a distraction.”
“And where is she now?” she pressed.
“Still missing.”
“I see.”
I took my time, explaining the details of what I’d witnessed on the tape and what Conner had confessed to me last night, making sure to cover his mood changes over the time since his return, including the massive changes in him I’d seen today.
She went in and sat with Conner for a few minutes, trying to coax him into talking to her or interacting at all, but he was just as silent as he had been all morning. By the time we left with another appointment scheduled in two days, I was fairly certain I’d waited too long.
Tish still wasn’t home when we got back to the house later that afternoon. I’d gone by my lawyer’s office, pushing for the finalized documents to show I had sole custody of Conner after Lizzie’s drug test when she miscarried. He promised to put them before the judge to have them signed as soon as he could.
It wasn’t soon enough for me.
I needed that loose end tied up and I couldn’t figure out exactly why. Maybe it was just the lack of control over anything happening that had me so on edge. Whatever it was, I hated having to wait for anything to be finalized.
I’d worried when I hadn’t been able to get Conner to eat lunch, but his appetite returned at dinner and that made me feel a little bit better. He still hadn’t spoken today, but he’d been quieter than normal since the kidnapping. I had hope that maybe today was just a bad day. It was definitely a shitty day for me.
By the time Conner finally fell asleep, he still hadn’t spoken. I sat in the living room, telling myself I needed to think, but I knew I was waiting for Tish. I felt like an ass for what happened and I needed to apologize to him.
It was late, well after two in the morning, before I heard his keys in the door. I flipped on the lamp beside me and leaned forward on the couch, resting my elbows on my knees. Guilt kept my eyes down as I waited for his footsteps.
“Can I talk to you?” I asked when he paused.
I heard his sigh before he moved into the room, dropping into his recliner. He sounded as exhausted as I felt and I realized that before last night, I hadn’t paid attention to how much he had been out of the house recently.
“You were right.” I swallowed, lifting my head so I could look him in the eye. He deserved that respect. He’d earned it after all he’d done for me. “I talked to Lizzie and you were right. But even if you hadn’t been, I would still be sorry.” I took in the swelling on his jaw, the black bruise from where my fist connected. “I won’t make excuses for my actions. It never should’ve happened.”
“You think I didn’t know what I was getting into when I made you drink? I knew you would react poorly, but I’d much rather you hit me than go out there and do something stupid,” he admitted, dropping his head back onto the cushion heavily.
“I need you to tell me where she is, Tish.” I’d been thinking about this all day. I couldn’t sit back and wait. I’d been doing that for two weeks already.
“I don’t know.” He didn’t even open his eyes when he answered.
“You know something.”
“I know enough to get myself into trouble and that’s about it right now.” He finally sat up, stretching his neck as he looked over at me. “Look, I’m doing everything I can and I’m going to find her, okay? But you…” he sighed before continuing, “you are dangerous. You can’t think about things rationally when it comes to her. I’m not blaming you for that, but this could be a disaster. You won’t do anyone any good if you rush in and get yourself, or her, killed.”
“But she’s still alive?” I asked, part of me wanting the confirmation and part of me convinced, as I had been from the start, I would know if it were any different.
“As far as I know, yes,” he answered honestly. “Look, I know you have questions, but I can’t answer them. I won’t. I’m sorry, but you have to trust me. You need to focus on what’s going on here and trust that I’m not going to stop until she’s home. Okay?”
I nodded, watching in silence as Tish dragged himself from the chair and headed toward his bedroom. I wasn’t sure how to just sit back quietly and wait. I wanted to know what Tish knew. If I did, maybe I could find the missing piece and put together a plan to save her. I had to keep trying to get him to talk. It was all I had at this point.
The month of November passed faster than any month had a right to—especially when someone who was so much a part of you, was absent.
Conner continued his therapy, but seemed to withdraw further and further with every day that passed. By his birthday in the middle of the month, he still hadn’t spoken a single word. We had a small party at the house, but only invited our grandparents, Sydney and the twins, as well as Denni and Kaitlyn. He played quietly with his gifts, watched television, ate occasionally, but he wouldn’t speak. He wouldn’t interact with any of us.
More than his voice or his laugh, my entire being missed his smile. He made eye contact sometimes, but it was almost like a blank stare. His anger was the only emotion that came to the surface and it was in small outbursts. Dr. Willis explained it was his frustration with being unable to communicate, but that felt like bullshit excuses to me. Conner knew how to communicate. There had to be something else, but, as usual, I had no idea how to help him.
Lizzie came to the house at one point and her sudden appearance, though he’d only heard her voice from the porch, hurled him into a fit. He threw things, growled and screamed, and eventually cried himself to sleep—all without a single word.
It was harder with every day that passed to see the happy child I’d raised turning into someone I didn’t even recognize.
I hadn’t been able to return to work after the two weeks I’d been given for a leave of absence, so I’d ended up having to quit my job. Conner couldn’t go back to school yet and I wasn’t willing to leave him with anyone, family or otherwise, until we had things under control. Taking him in public was exhausting and I did it as rarely as possible. Which also meant I was living off the money I’d had put back from my grandparents—the money I’d never wanted to spend.
By Thanksgiving, the entire mood of the house shifted into a dark place. Conner’s fits, Tish’s absences, and the lack of any news or leads, was wearing on all of us. Paige was spending less and less time at the house and finally admitted she was seeing someone. I was happy for her—at least, some part of me was. Honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what happy felt like anymore, but this was a positive step for her. She’d never really been the relationship type in the past, so maybe being home was finally starting to heal her.
At least it was healing someone.
Though I’d protested the idea, Kas decided to cook a huge Thanksgiving dinner. She’d invited everyone in our family, Kaitlyn and Denni who were still in town, even Lizzie’s parents, though Lizzie herself was not allowed, over to eat that afternoon. It was the last thing I wanted. A bunch of people coming here to celebrate a holiday I wasn’t even sure how to celebrate at this point in my life.
When the doorbell rang as I was coming out of the bathroom, I decided to answer it myself. I’d avoided doing that as much as possible since the occasional reporter would still show up trying to get a story. It seemed the media wanted to convict me without any proof. I’d managed to stay out of the limelight so far and I was doing my damnedest to keep it that way.
Looking through the peephole, I saw Nikki on the other side of the door. “What the hell?” I said, more to myself than to anyone else, before I opened the door. She was dressed up, looking nicer than I’d ever seen her
when she’d been working at the bar with Lili.
Just thinking her name sent that same piercing pain directly through my heart.
“What are you doing here?” The question probably came out sharper than it should have, but the shock of seeing her when I was already battling with a houseful of people won out.
Just as she opened her mouth to speak, a voice came from behind me. “She’s with me.”
I turned as Paige brushed past me, leaning in to kiss Nikki on the cheek before taking her hand and leading her through the door. I stepped back, blinking in shock as I stared at the two of them.
“Problem?” Paige asked, the edge in her voice daring me to say something about what I’d seen.
I laughed, a short, harsh sound and shut the door a little harder than necessary. “Nope. You have fun explaining that one to your grandparents.”
“They already know,” she said over her shoulder as she pulled Nikki farther into the house. At least Nikki had the decency to look embarrassed about how I’d found out.
I leaned against the wall, scrubbing my hands over my face. I didn’t have a problem with Nikki, or with Paige being gay—hell, I’d suspected as much a few years ago but hadn’t pushed her to tell me—it was just everything today.
Why did it all have to be today?
Conner was an anxious mess as more people continued to arrive. He was uncomfortable and out of sorts, worse than he had been in a while, so I turned on the TV in Paige’s room and put in a movie for him. As everyone else sat in the living room, I pulled Tish into the hallway to talk.
“This is a bad idea. Conner can’t handle it. I think I’ll just take him a plate in the bedroom.”
Tish sighed, shaking his head. “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe he needs this. Something a little normal for a change.”
“Since when have we ever celebrated holidays this way? How is this normal for us? And honestly, I’m having a little trouble finding anything to be thankful for.”
