by Maegan Abel
Over five hours. I’d lost too much time and at the speed we were traveling, who knew how far we were from Las Vegas…from Zane. I glanced at Conner again, hoping he was just asleep, but terrified to move him for fear that he was injured.
Deep voices drew my attention back up to the men at the front. I already knew who was driving. I’d known the second he’d attacked me at the house. The deep ache in my shoulder and neck told me I’d been laying in this position for too long already. The second I started to move, Conner’s head jolted up and he looked back at me.
“Le—” he started, but my hand shot out to cover his mouth.
“Shh,” I whispered, watching his wide blue eyes fill with tears. He was scared and he had every right, but I needed to keep him calm. I rolled slightly and pulled him down beside me, wrapping both arms around him as I put my mouth beside his ear. “I’m sorry, Boog, but it’s gonna be okay. I’m here and I’m okay. I promise I’m going to get you out. I just need you to listen and do what I tell you, okay?”
He nodded and I stroked my fingers through his hair, wishing I could remove the soot along with the memories of what he’d been through. He didn’t deserve this. He shouldn’t have been home. It was my fault he was here. I should’ve never let him stay home with me.
“She’s awake,” one of the guys said, and I immediately tensed at his voice. He climbed out of the passenger seat, smacking the sleeping guy upside the head. “I told you to watch her, not snore, dumbass,” he said, making his way toward us.
My body ached but I shifted, pulling up to my knees, putting myself between him and Conner. I watched him carefully as he assessed me, feeling Conner scooting closer as he tried to push himself in front of me again. I reached behind me, barely getting a hand against him before the man grabbed a fistful of my hair, yanking me to the side. I cried out, surprised at how tender my head already was.
“No!” Conner cried, throwing himself at the man before I could catch ahold of him. I saw it for what it was then—Conner sitting against me when I woke, him trying to force his way in front of me. He was trying to protect me. At almost five years old, this little boy was more like Zane than anyone knew. The second Conner was close, the man backhanded him. Hard. His small body hit the opposite side of the van, making a loud thump against the hollow metal.
“Fuck, Andre, take it easy,” said the driver as the van swerved a bit from the force of the weight shift. We were going fast. Too fast. A small, high-pitched yelp drew my attention briefly to the back of the van where I noticed two girls sitting huddled together in the corner, clinging to anything they could as the van righted itself. It was only a split second distraction before I realized I couldn’t focus on them. I had to get Conner out.
I lunged forward as Andre started to move but he grabbed my neck, throwing his weight on me, knocking us both to the hard metal floor. My leg bent at an odd angle, but I didn’t dare move as his fingers wrapped around my throat. I wanted to struggle, to claw at his hand, but I could feel Conner’s eyes on me as he tried to sit up. He was hurt and I’d already witnessed Andre had no qualms over hitting a child. I wasn’t about to draw attention to my distress and take a chance of Conner being hurt again. I sucked in tiny bits of air, my heart hammering against my ribs in a disjointed rhythm as I discreetly lifted my hand, my palm toward Conner, hoping he understood.
I coughed, feeling a popping sensation around my eyes as my oxygen began depleting. I needed to get free but I couldn’t panic. I threw up an arm, putting all my strength into heaving my body to my left side. I cried out as spots appeared in my vision and a jolt of pain shot up my bent leg. I brushed it off, thankful I’d gotten free as I scooted toward where Conner was, keeping Andre in my line of sight while I checked him over. There was a gash on his forehead and blood spilled over my fingers as I tried applying pressure.
“I wasn’t done with you. Get back here,” Andre said, his voice deathly calm. He didn’t make a move.
“Fuck you,” I said, wishing I had something, anything, to stop the bleeding. Logically, I knew head wounds bled a lot and usually looked worse than they were, but my panic was starting to get the better of me when it came to Conner’s safety.
He grabbed my hair again, yanking me backwards hard enough that I felt a ripping sensation as a small section of my hair actually pulled away from my scalp. I screamed, the pain bringing tears to my eyes as he forced me back to the unforgiving floor of the van.
“We need her alive,” the driver growled.
Andre leaned over me, putting his face close to mine. “I don’t want to kill her, I just want to have a little fun.”
I turned my head toward Conner, who had taken over holding his hands to his forehead as he watched with a horror I’d never seen on his innocent face. Just as he started to move, one of the girls from the back darted forward, wrapping her arm around him and covering his hand with hers to help stop the bleeding. I could feel Andre’s hands on me, but I ignored him, staring at Conner and slowly closing my eyes tightly. After a second, I reopened them and did it again. Conner blinked and then closed his eyes, following my lead. I glanced at the girl, hoping she understood my unspoken appreciation.
“Please don’t do this in front of him,” I whispered without returning my eyes to Andre, hoping somewhat foolishly that he had at least a tiny bit of compassion.
He just grinned and glanced over his shoulder. “Get your ass over here and hold her down,” he said to the third man. I’d completely forgotten about his presence since he hadn’t spoken a word. He moved toward my head, grabbing my shoulders as Andre’s hands dropped to the lounge pants I’d been wearing when I was taken. I threw my weight from side to side, making it impossible for him to get a grip on them. He reached up, slamming the edge of his open hand across my throat. My air supply stopped immediately and I choked, panic seizing every part of me as I fought harder. I fought for air, for freedom, for everything, as black spots began dotting my vision.
“Enough!” The driver roared in the tone I was much more accustom to hearing from him. Both men immediately stopped. “Get the fuck away from her. Jesus Christ. You’re going to kill her and then she’s worthless to us.”
Andre grabbed the front of my shirt, making me flinch as he yanked me roughly upright and shoved me against the side of the van. Sitting up made catching my breath a little easier but I stared across at Conner, who was watching me with the same horrified expression. He may not have understood what they’d been attempting but he knew enough to know it wasn’t right.
“We have to stop for gas,” the driver said and I forced my eyes open, knowing I couldn’t have been out long. Conner was curled up on my lap, his face buried in my neck as he slept. I blinked into the darkness again, trying to focus as I thought of a plan.
The girl who had helped Conner, who I’d realized couldn’t have been more than fifteen, had scurried back to her spot with the older girl once I’d gotten close to them. I’d done my best to ignore their presence as I held Conner close, trying to calm him down.
Stretching to see what I could out the front windows, I spared a glance at the girls. The younger was watching me while the older slept.
As we pulled into the small, nearly abandoned gas station, I saw the massive Dumpsters behind the building, directly around the corner from the bathrooms. Perfect.
“I need to pee,” I whispered, and the driver groaned. “Please?” Conner stirred at my voice, bleary eyes peeking up at me as I squeezed him reassuringly.
The driver huffed and glanced back at me, his expression dark. “Andre, pump the gas. Dom, take them. I’m checking in with the boss to let him know we’re on schedule.”
I gave my head a slight shake when the older girl started to move, mouthing please and sliding my eyes to Conner and back. I was begging, putting the power in the hands of these two strangers. They could rat me out, tell the men I was planning something, or they could let me get Conner away. The younger girl nodded and settled back against the floor as the olde
r looked between the door and the other girl before scowling and following suit. I gave them both a nod and started toward the door.
As I passed the driver, he grabbed my arm, causing me to turn toward him. My heart hammered as I wondered if he’d seen the interaction. “If you try anything, I let them have their way with you in front of the kid and then I kill him slowly while you watch. Got it?”
His words were like lead in my stomach, cold and heavy, causing me to shiver involuntarily. “Why are you doing this, Jake?” He shook me roughly, causing me to wince as his fingers gripped me even tighter.
“Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I whispered, letting out a slow breath as he released me. The third man, Dom presumably, opened the sliding door and I stepped out, helping Conner down before heading around toward where I’d seen the bathrooms.
As we passed the pay phone, I looked it over discreetly. It seemed to be in working order—at least it had a handset, which was more than most I’d seen in my time on the streets. That was a good sign.
“Hurry up. Three minutes and then I’m coming in to drag you out,” Dom said as I opened the door and ushered Conner inside.
I grabbed him by the hand and hurried him over to the sinks. I lifted him onto the counter quickly so he was at eye level and leaned close so I could whisper. “I need to talk to you. Serious grown-up talk, okay?” He nodded quickly. “I need you to do exactly what I say.” I glanced over my shoulder to make sure the door was still closed. “I’m going to find something to hit him with. As soon as I hit him, I want you to run. There are some big trashcans behind the building. The metal kind. I want you to crawl behind them, get underneath if you can. Stay there until someone comes and says LeeLee sent them to help you. Can you do that for me?” He frowned but nodded. “I need to know you can do that, Conner.”
“What about you?” he asked, his voice raw. I realized he must have been as dehydrated as I was after the fire, but he hadn’t complained once.
“Don’t worry about me. I’m going to make sure your daddy can find you and then I’ll do my best to get home to you both, okay?” I promised, cupping his face in both my hands. I was happy to see that the bleeding seemed to have stopped sometime while we slept. When I glanced over my shoulder again, I saw the ink pen inside a plastic casing near the door. The casing held a bathroom check sheet with initials beside every hour of the day. It reminded me of the note stuffed in my pocket and I fished it out.
My Heart was written in Zane’s clear, clean handwriting and I stared at the two words that meant more to me than any other words ever would. I’d read this note, over and over, trying to remind myself that while Zane and I had hit a rough patch, we were both halves of the same whole.
“Just a second,” I said, knowing our time was running out. I needed to find a weapon, I didn’t really have time to waste, but I ran and grabbed the pen anyway, scribbling on the paper as quickly as I could before standing Conner up on the floor and tucking the note in his pocket. “Give that to your daddy when you see him, okay?” He nodded slowly.
I looked around the tiny bathroom and moved toward the single stall. My eyes landed on the lid to the toilet tank and I realized it was probably the best weapon I would find in a place this small. Quickly, I lifted it, knowing our time was probably almost up. It was heavy in my grip and Conner eyed it warily. “This is going to work. As soon as I go out there and hit him, run like I told you to, okay?”
He nodded but wrapped his arms around my waist. “I love you, LeeLee.”
Unable to release the lid with either hand, I used my arm to squeeze his head awkwardly. “I love you too, Conner. Let’s get you home to your daddy, okay?” He nodded again and followed me toward the door.
I took a deep breath, steadying myself as I lifted the weapon in my hands. As I released the air, I kicked open the door, catching Dom off guard as I’d hoped. I swung the lid as hard and high as I could and the porcelain connected to his skull with a sickening thud. The force of the blow knocked the lid from my hands and it hit the concrete, breaking into several pieces as Dom’s body landed beside it. He wasn’t moving to get up. I glanced beside me, expecting to see Conner’s back as he ran, but he was staring at Dom. “Go! Conner, go! Run!” I hissed, grabbing his shoulder and shoving him toward the back of the building. He broke into a sprint in the direction I pushed him and I didn’t wait to see him hide. I knew he would.
Running the opposite way, I glanced up, seeing the security camera. I stared into it as I grabbed the phone and immediately dialed nine-one-one. I knew I only had seconds before Andre or Jake would come looking for us.
As soon as the operator answered, I started speaking in a rush. “My son and I were kidnapped and we’re at a gas station. He’s hiding behind the Dumpsters. Tell the officers to say that ‘LeeLee sent them to help’ and he’ll come out.” I stopped as I watched Jake and Andre round the corner. The second Jake saw me, he immediately lifted his gun, aiming it at my head.
“Drop it,” he said through his teeth, nudging the gun away from the phone. I followed the request, releasing the handset but leaving it off the hook as I moved away from the phone and the wall. “What the fuck were you thinking? And where is the kid?”
“He’s gone. You can try to look for him but the police have already been contacted and they’re on their way. The longer we stay, the more likely it is you’ll get caught. Just take me and let’s go. I won’t even fight you.”
“He’s dead,” Andre said from behind me. A wave of pure dread washed through me. “She fucking killed him.”
I had a split second of confusion before I realized he meant Dom and not Conner. In the same breath, Jake brought the gun down against the side of my head. I staggered, losing my balance at the unexpected blow and falling to my knees. “Stupid bitch! I warned you!” He raised his foot and I reacted without a thought, dropping to my side and curling around my stomach protectively, leaving my back completely exposed to take the blow. Pain ricocheted through my body from the point of impact and I arched my back, feeling the sharp pain race up my spine, momentarily blinding me as it slammed into my skull and everything went black.
Chapter Twelve
Debilitating Fear
Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly. Carefully.
I couldn’t remember how long I’d been repeating the words in my head, but they were all I seemed to be able to think.
Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly. Carefully.
It hurt. I hurt. The jostling motion made me groan and the way the sound scraped at my throat made me sure I hadn’t spoken in a while. The last memories swam in my mind, everything feeling liquid as it moved in slow motion, repeating over and over.
Conner. I needed to open my eyes and make sure they hadn’t gone back for Conner. The moment I opened them, I snapped them shut again. The bright light in the van was too much. I groaned again as I peeked through slit eyes, trying to blink away the tears blurring my vision. When the world around me came into focus, I saw another person in the back of the van with me.
I gasped, attempting to scream as the hollow eyes registered in Dom’s face but my throat was too dry. I tried to scoot away, tried to put distance between myself and what I knew was a dead body, but the second I did, pain lanced through me.
Slowly, I bent my head, looking down at my legs. They were there. I could see them. I reached my hand out, feeling a momentary bit of relief that it moved on command. It was a good sign, even though it hurt every part of my body to move that one extremity. When my fingers touched the denim covering my thigh, I felt the material against my fingers. When I rested my hand, my elbow and shoulder relaxed from the weight now on my leg. But the screaming pain in my leg from the weight of my hand had me yanking it away.
Panic turned my stomach as I tried to make my leg move, even the tensing of my muscles to wiggle my toes causing sharp stabs up into my hips and spine.
I shoved myself to a sitting position and carefully pushed with my arms to lean against the
wall of the van. Hands grabbing ahold of me caused me to jerk before I realized it was the younger of the other two girls. She helped me readjust. The second my back rested against the metal wall, I gasped in pain. Leaning forward, I tentatively slipped my hand behind me, finding a knot the size of my fist around the center of my back.
“No,” I whispered on an exhale, telling myself it was only swollen, not broken. I glanced at the girl, whose expression was as helpless as I felt.
“Oh, look, she’s awake again.”
At the sound of Andre’s voice, I cringed. The move sent pain through my head and face. I slid my other hand up over my jaw and cheek, feeling the swollen, tender skin there as well. It explained why I couldn’t open my left eye completely. I didn’t look toward Andre, focusing my gaze on my feet instead, trying to will the pain to stop as I wiggled my toes slowly.
I knew, without a doubt, being unable to stand would be a death sentence now. I couldn’t get away if I couldn’t run and as Jake said yesterday, I might be worthless to them.
The frustration and fear bubbled over and I felt tears prick my eyes as I looked away from my legs. My eyes found Dom’s empty ones again and I leaned to the side, dry heaves wracking my body. There was nothing in my stomach to release but my body went through the motions anyway. It wasn’t the first dead body I’d seen in my life, especially not around Jake, but it was the first time I’d seen a dead body and knew I’d killed them.
I killed someone.
I sat up, my body aching and trembling from dehydration and pain to see Andre watching me with a dark expression. The other girl slipped away from me, leaving me on my own once I had Andre’s attention.
“Water?” I asked, barely able to force the sound past my scraping throat. He scowled but grabbed a partial bottle from the cup holder and tossed it toward me. In any other situation, any other, I wouldn’t drink it. But in that moment, I almost hoped he’d laced it with something. If I couldn’t use my legs, I wouldn’t be able to fight anyone off and that meant I was in way over my head. I was as good as dead.
