by Maegan Abel
I started down fast, focusing solely on the rungs and my grip. When we reached the bottom, I released the rung, grabbing her legs to hold her steady as I dropped to the concrete of the landing. I grunted as pain radiated from my ankle but I carefully released her, allowing her to climb off. Looking around, I noticed we were even with the canopy running over most of the original entrances to the casinos here in downtown.
"We need to go down again. Can you do that?" I asked, guiding her toward the next ladder as she nodded. "Okay, I'll go first again. Carefully."
We weren't even halfway down the next ladder when the crashing started. The sound was unimaginably loud and the ladder shook violently as I realized we were too late.
It was only then that I allowed myself to think of Lili.
Chapter Forty-Two
Life and Death and Life
Lili and Zane
Lili
"You need to calm down," the doctor said, adjusting the monitor on my stomach until the whooshing sound of my daughter's heartbeat filled the room again. I took a deep breath, only just keeping myself from snapping at her for a third time.
"Turn the TV back on," I said as evenly as I could through clenched teeth.
"No," she said simply, raising an eyebrow in challenge. "Your blood pressure is dangerously high and if we can't get these contractions stopped, we'll have no choice but to deliver your baby today. We need her to stay in there as long as possible and in order for that to happen, you have to calm down."
Just as I started to speak, the door to the room opened and Tish walked back in. I sat up, practically shoving the doctor aside as I tried to see his face. "Anything?"
"Not yet," Tish said, moving to the other side of the bed and gently pushing my shoulder to get me to lay back down. I gave in, closing my eyes to hold the tears at bay. The doctor messed with a few more machines, giving the nurses more orders for medicine of some kind and though I knew I should care, I didn't.
When the room cleared, leaving me with Tish again, I pointed at the TV. He started to protest. "If you don't turn it on, I'm going to rip all of this shit off again to do it myself." As I spoke, the baby moved, shifting away from the monitor yet again, plunging the room into silence. I rolled my eyes. "She's as stubborn as her father."
I gasped a little as the realization reverberated inside me. She was so much like her father. And she needed him. I needed him.
"I can't believe this is happening," Tish whispered, watching the footage of the building collapsing for what had to be the hundredth time today.
"Why not? It's utterly predictable if you ask me," I said, giving in as I watched a perfectly poised reporter standing on a rooftop some distance away from the flooded area, pointing behind her toward the missing building as she spoke. "I mean, we were happy. We were finally both happy. So, of course I'm going to lose him in the worst possible way."
"You're no—"
"Yes, Tish. I am." I sat up a little, looking away from the TV and not bothering to wipe the tears as they dropped to my cheeks. "He's dead." I forced it out, trying not to choke on it. "He's dead and I'm the one who has to figure out what to do now without him and I wish…" I trailed off, unable to admit aloud a part of me wished I hadn't made it home. The idea of facing life, any of it, without him now, was crushing. All his talk of no fear meant nothing now. I was fucking terrified.
"Stop it. He's fine," Tish said, clearly struggling with his own emotions. I felt bad, I did. For Tish, losing Zane would be hard. He and Paige had lost so much of their family already.
"Two hours. It's been two hours and no word. He would've found a way to contact us by now if—" I cut off with a hiss, pressing my fingers against the side of my stomach where the baby was kicking. She was really unhappy. A monitor beside me somewhere started beeping rapidly again and a few seconds later, the nurses and doctor reappeared. There was talk around me, something from a needle injected into the IV in my hand.
"Listen to me, Lili. If your blood pressure doesn't come down and stay down, we're going to have to deliver the baby. It's dangerous." I was shaking my head. It was too soon. They couldn't take her yet. It was too early. "If your blood pressure stays elevated for much longer, you run the risk of stroke or heart attack, or the baby could go into distress."
"I'll calm down. Just don't. I'll…" I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and resting my head against the pillow as I forced myself to shove everything else aside.
There was nothing but my baby now.
And she needed me.
Zane
"We're going to die down here! They can't hear us! Help!" April screamed and the sound of the debris around us shifting again had me pulling her closer, covering her body with mine.
"Stop. Hey. It's going to be okay," I said, staring up at the large piece of concrete suspended above us by two overlapping metal pipes. They weren't going to hold forever, but for now, they were the only thing keeping the concrete from crushing us.
When the building collapsed, we'd been lucky enough to fall through the roof at just the right point. I wasn't questioning it. It was a rough fall, my body ached, and April had dislocated her shoulder. We'd both definitely have bumps and bruises, but we survived.
The first hour hadn't been so bad, but now that the water was near knee-deep on me, I was starting to worry, though I was trying hard not to let it show.
"What if they don't know where we are? What if—"
"They know how many responders were in the building. They're looking for survivors," I said, trying to keep her calm. She didn't reply, focusing on the crack where the water was now coming in from the top instead.
It wasn't even a full minute later when I heard the voices. April immediately rushed to the side where they were coming from, screaming for help again as I followed. I watched the concrete, keeping her against the edge near me as much as possible, knowing the way it had fallen, there was a good possibility it would cave in during the rescue. The only thing I could do now was convey what was going on to the rescuers on the other side and hope for the best.
The problem came when the water started rising faster. The larger the section of debris they moved, the faster the small space filled. When it was waist high on me, it was almost chest high on April.
"Stay close. Come here," I said as the current got stronger. The debris shifted as the pressure from the water began pushing, searching for an escape on the other side. "Arms and legs around me again." I lifted her, keeping her to my front so I could use my grip as well.
It took at least another fifteen minutes before hands became visible. Then a hole forged large enough for me to lift April as they carefully pulled her free of the debris. Just as she disappeared from view, the rumbling began. I heard April's scream and I jumped, lunging for the reaching hands as the concrete began to fall around me.
Lili
"Her blood pressure is still a little high, but she's stable. The major concern now is the contractions." I heard the voice as if through a fog, trying to force my heavy eyes to open. I must've fallen asleep at some point. I was so tired.
There were other voices, murmurs so soft I couldn't hear. Or maybe I was falling asleep again.
"No. She's been asleep since you called." That was Tish's voice. I tried to open my eyes again and a hand squeezed mine. I felt it. I felt the pull. And I forced myself to blink, trying to focus.
His face came into view but only through a blur of tears. "Am I dreaming?" My voice sounded hoarse. I felt like I couldn't breathe.
"No, Pix. I'm here." Zane leaned down, pressing his lips to my forehead. My skull was pounding, but I reached up, weakly throwing my arms around him.
"Your hair is wet," I said, still trying to wake up fully.
He chuckled. "Yeah, I had to get cleaned up before I could come see you."
It all rushed back, the flood and the collapse. I widened my eyes, trying again to blink them clear. He had a few cuts on his cheek and his jaw looked a little swollen, but I couldn't seem to c
heck him any further than his face for injuries. If I looked away from his eyes, he might disappear.
"Are you okay?" I croaked out, shifting as the pressure inside my stomach increased again.
"I'm fine. Banged up, but good," he promised, his eyes on the monitors now. He squeezed my hand, his brow furrowing as he stared.
"Have you seen Conner?" I asked when it felt like I could breathe a little more. "Conner needs to see you."
He frowned. "Not yet. I cleaned up and came straight up here when Paige met me downstairs." I took in the scrub top and realized he was serious. He'd rushed straight up here.
"Well, I'm good. Just tired. Much better now that I know you're here. You need to let him know you're okay," I said, stifling a yawn and squinting as it shot pain through my skull again.
"What's wrong?" Zane asked, suddenly sounding worried again.
"Nothing, just a little headache," I said, hearing how sluggish I sounded.
I felt lips against my hair and realized my eyes were closed again. "Rest, baby."
Zane
I hadn't considered the media showing the building collapse or Lili seeing it happen until Paige met me in the ER. She was there as April and I were brought in and despite being soaked, bloody, and exhausted, I'd rushed upstairs to be near Lili. I hadn't gone in the room, knowing I'd needed to clean up before going near her, but I watched her through the small window in the door for several minutes as I spoke to a few of the nurses. They showed me into an empty room and let me clean up so I could be with her.
I also hadn't even thought about Conner seeing what happened. According to Tish, Conner and Lili had come to the shop for something and that's where she was when she saw the collapse. She'd fainted again, her blood pressure spiking. Luckily, they hadn't been alone at home. Conner ran and pulled Tish to her, getting her help in time to save her from a possible stroke or heart attack. I shuddered as I thought about what might've happened had they been home alone together.
"This is the first time I've seen him this comfortable in a while," Kas said quietly, sitting across from me in the main lobby of the hospital as I held Conner in my lap. I'd taken Lili's word and called Kas, asking her to bring him up so he could see Lili and I were both okay. He hadn't been allowed in the room, but I held him and let him look in the window so he could watch her sleep. He seemed calmer after that.
"He has good days and bad, just like anyone else," I answered, smiling down as he tipped his chin up to look at me. It actually hurt, having him in my lap. I knew I'd probably cracked a rib, but I wasn't in any hurry to let him go.
Brittany bolted out of the doors from the back, moving with purpose toward the elevators. She froze when she spotted me.
"I just found out you were here," she said, rushing over. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Lili had some complications, but she's doing better now," I answered, hoping she would let it go. I could see her anger and knew that wasn't happening.
"You took off without me. You put yourself in danger and went back when protocol says—"
"Protocol would've gotten those people killed. And that's not what this is about," I said, sighing as I carefully stood and let Conner go back over to Kas so I could talk with Brittany privately.
"You went back in without me," she hissed, her face still furious.
"I know. And I shouldn't have. But there's no telling what would've happened otherwise. We all made it out alive, only minor injuries. Let's call it a success and not fight about it, okay?" I reached out and she stepped forward, giving me a quick hug.
"You need to be cleared," she said when I released her. I rolled my eyes. "I'm serious, Zane. You've broken enough rules today. Go get checked out."
"Fine," I answered, going over to say bye to Conner and allowing Kas to take him back to their house.
I waited through what felt like hours of tests, only to find out I had, in fact, cracked a rib and a small bone in my foot. I also had a slight concussion, but it was all as expected and I finally broke away to head back upstairs. It was quiet, after two in the morning, and I crept into the room.
I glanced over at Lili, happy to see her still sleeping, before heading over to the small couch in the room.
"Hey," I whispered when Tish stirred as I dropped my papers beside him. "Has she woken up at all?"
He glanced at the clock. "She was up for a while but she went out again around midnight."
I looked over again and froze. From this angle, with the light from the bathroom, she looked pale. I glanced at the monitor, noticing the blood pressure reading first. It was low. Not low enough to set off the alarm, but low for her in this pregnancy. I moved closer, turning on the overhead light. She was really pale.
"Lili? Lili, wake up," I said, running my thumbs on her cheeks.
"What's wrong?" Tish asked, moving beside me.
I pressed the call button for the nurse, ignoring Tish's question as my mind started spinning through my training. I grabbed the blankets covering Lili and tugged them back, hearing Tish's sharp breath at the sight of blood.
"Go get the doctor. Now," I said, trying to keep calm. I checked the baby's monitor, noting her heart rate was low, but she wasn't in distress just yet. That was a good sign.
There wasn't a lot of blood, but it was enough for me to realize what might've happened. The signs pointed to the possibility of the placenta having partially detached. I pressed the call button repeatedly, but they didn't bother responding through the speaker. Seconds after Tish left the room, several nurses along with a doctor rushed in, shoving me aside. I locked my hands behind my head, repeating the same words, over and over.
Please, God, let them be all right.
Lili
There was the oddest sensation. I felt like I was moving and I fought to find my eyes again. What the hell was happening to me? Why couldn't I find my eyes?
"Prep OR 2 for an emergency C-Section. Have NICU on standby. Baby will be premature," a male voice said and I let his words roll slowly through my mind before they registered.
They were going to take her. Something was wrong.
I groaned and used every ounce of strength I had to force my eyes open. A hallway. I was being taken down a hospital hallway. It was just flashes of blinding light as we moved. A hand squeezed mine and I looked up at Zane's face. He looked pale, concern and fear making him seem vulnerable and younger than usual.
"It's going to be okay," he promised as we slowed to turn a corner.
"You have to wait here," someone beside me said, removing his hand from mine.
"Stay with her, Zane. Don't let her be alone," I croaked, tipping my head to see him.
His eyes looked tortured as the doors closed between us. My head hurt, my whole body hurt, and I was just so tired.
"We're going to take good care of you both," the same voice from earlier said, slipping a mask over my face. My arms were pulled out to my sides, and now it felt like I was disconnected, floating.
Zane
Time is constant. There is always sixty seconds in one minute. Sixty minutes in an hour. It never changes. But somehow, when your heart hangs in the balance, every second feels like an eternity.
Pacing seemed like the only thing I could do, so it's what I did. I paced. And I prayed, begging the universe to let them both make it.
I slumped against the wall, realizing I'd been up for twenty-four hours straight as my body tried desperately to find a way to relax. I stayed on my feet, though, just using the wall for support, needing something.
Because the hospital staff knew me, I was luckier than most fathers. I wasn't supposed to be back here, and they wouldn't let me in the room—there wasn't enough time for me to prep and too much could go wrong—but they were letting me stay close to my girls.
Movement caught my eye and I glanced over, seeing Tish standing at the doors leading back to the OR area where I was, pacing while he talked on the phone. Good. He was making the calls, letting everyone know my daughter was being born today.<
br />
My daughter was being born today.
My heart ached with the knowledge of what her birth would entail. It wasn't what I wanted for her. I should've been in there with both of them and I felt completely helpless standing here waiting to hear word on them.
It could've been minutes or days later when the door across from me flung open. The incubator came into view, but so did the operating room. The monitors were screaming in a way I knew all too well.
This was my very own hell.
The doors seemed suspended, another moment where time seemed completely caught up in its own little web. I watched them get the crash cart ready. They had to stop the bleeding. That was the risk to Lili now. They had to get the bleeding stopped.
The door swung closed and the small group of people pushing the incubator moved down the hallway. My heart physically ripped in two. Did I leave Lili and stay with our daughter like she asked me to, or did I wait to hear word that she was stable?
I remembered her voice, sounding stronger than it had since I'd gotten to the hospital, telling me to stay with our daughter. I closed my eyes, how was I supposed to walk away?
Stay strong, Lili. You hear me?
I swallowed hard and jogged as quickly as I could on numb legs to catch up to my daughter.
Lili
There is such beauty in silence. Chaos and Panic might make you feel alive, but in the end, it's the silence that allows you to see the world as the beautiful place it is. And I saw the beauty. I saw it all.
