Undertow

by Jen Greyson

  His gaze roamed over every line of my face and counted every single damp strand clinging to my skin. “Identical to the first time I saw you.”

  I swallowed, tasting the fresh crispness of the rain. “Oh.” Thank goodness I hadn’t said anything foolish about wanting him to kiss me or that I wasn’t sure I could keep being just friends.

  His other hand slipped along the side of my jaw until he cradled my face. The stark heat from his hands infused my chilled cheeks and as badly as I wanted to remain unaffected, the tenderness in his touch crumbled my last bit of resistance like a sandcastle in this storm. I no longer cared that he hadn’t changed how he thought of me, that he still wanted to have a companion on board, that he still only wanted me as a buddy. But I couldn’t help my thundering heart or arousal to how his hard body fit against my softness.

  My fingers found the damp folds of his shirt and I grasped them tightly until my knuckles brushed the hardness of his stomach. I sucked my lower lip between my teeth and he inhaled sharply.

  “I’ve lied to you,” he said it quietly like the admission pained him. Fear squeezed my heart and I pushed against him trying one last futile attempt at escape, but he didn’t budge. “Not only to you. I lied to myself.”

  I stared up at him, paralyzed by what was coming next. I’d warned him that his lies would come back to bite him, I just didn’t think they’d get me too. I fought the lust thrumming through me, tried to wrestle it under control so I could handle the pending blow to my pride, but I also wanted to remind him that we’d been here before. “You’ve lied to everyone,” I whispered.

  “Not anymore.” He tipped my face and brushed his lips across mine, back and forth like he was slowly erasing every mistake that had left its mark on me. I tightened my grip on his shirt and his lips parted, the heat of his tongue exploring gently. Reality existed somewhere else. Not here. Nothing lived here beyond the rush of water and the pounding of our hearts. I couldn’t explain it and I finally stopped trying. My lips parted for him and he moaned, probing deeper. My head swirled and I pulled him closer. His fingers moved through the damp strands of my hair, across my wet shoulders, down my slick back until he palmed my ass. OH! Every fingerprint seared through my wet shorts.

  I forgot about breathing, forgot about cameras and mics and contracts. I cared about feeling the silk of his skin on mine and I couldn’t get close enough. My hands dove beneath the hem of his shirt and I filled my damp palms against the molten curves of his abs. Air rushed into my mouth and I swallowed his breath as my own. Dammit he felt better than he looked and—ohmydearloveliness—he was hard and pressed closer, shifting our bodies so he fit intimately against me. I gasped and he rocked his hips forward, lifting my ass until my toe left the sand. His lips traveled across my jaw, lingered at my ear, then down my neck. I slid my hands higher to his chest. Thoughts and letters collided in freakish words that made no sense. I was nothing but a pile of jibberish inside and out.

  His thumbs slid down the sides of my biceps, leaving a dry trail along my skin that steamed up and overheated again instantly. Down, down my arms until he found my fingers and threaded his delicately through them. Then he lifted my hands high over my head and I mewled at no longer being able to touch him.

  He carved sluices down my arms, sending showers of rain onto my face and hair. I arched my back, grinding my hips against his.

  “You are my only weakness,” he whispered.

  I had no answer for that.

  He made quick work of my shirt, slipping the wet fabric over my head, then his was gone too and my eyes widened and I licked my lips, so very ready to taste.

  He chuckled and cupped my breasts, dipping his tongue into the hollow above my collarbone. Good night I’d be lucky to survive this unscathed.

  I may be his weakness, but he was my strength, my stronghold, the only man solid enough to trust. I sucked in air and my hands lowered to his head, gliding through the slick locks. My short nails scraped the prickles of his beard and he turned it into my bare skin, raking it across my shoulder, then back. I squirmed and the feeling was fire and ice mixed together where volcanic lava met the ocean in an atmospheric explosion.

  I tugged his lips back to mine and he devoured me hungrily. I was starved for this too, never knowing it in my life, only once, only violence and anger and horror, but what he was doing to me, making me feel, didn’t belong in the same classification. It was heat and desire and need, so so much need. Need beyond everything I’d ever experienced.

  My thighs rubbed against his and his hands were on my ass again, shifting me and moving me until he nestled so tightly against me I forgot we had clothes on. My fingers tightened on his hair, lifting his face away. His lids hooded over dark eyes and he blinked them clear until he focused. I drew his lower lip deep into my mouth and suckled it while he watched, then I curled my hands forward across his raspy cheeks. “The rain stopped.”

  His gentle fingertips brushed damp clumps of hair off my forehead and he kissed the tip of my nose. “Do we care?”

  I searched his face for the cheeseball guy he’d been for the cameras, but he was the same version he’d always been with me—honest, open, raw, real. I owed him the same, but in this suspended reality with no cameras, no mics, not a single soul save us, I wasn’t sure I knew how to be those things.

  But for him, I’d be willing to learn.

  CHAPTER

  “NO. I MEAN, we should... The boat’s going to leave us.” My thumbs tracked across his full lower lip, pausing at the scar. I leaned forward and tasted it, kissing it softly. “But I don’t want this to end.”

  His fingers curled around my nape and he drew my head to his chest, holding me. His other arm rested against the tree above my shoulder. I shivered as a quick breeze blew through, drenching us from overhead pockets of raindrops. I arched into him as a load of rainwater hit me.

  He rotated so he was the one leaning against the tree, and spread his legs, pulling me between them. His hands rested heavy on my hips and now I was uncomfortably aware of my puckered nipples straining through my matching purple bra. He dragged one hand up the front of my stomach, over my belly button, and through my cleavage. “I need to get you into dry clothes.”

  But then we’d be back under the scrutiny of the entire boat and the viewers and I wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. “They’ll dry.” I ran my hands through his hair again. We’d had so little time off-camera together, and Stuart wouldn’t allow that to continue. We’d lost the two secret places we’d had; no more underground parking garage, and I was pretty sure my state-of-the-art office wouldn’t be following me to the next ship.

  He laughed and licked a raindrop off the upper curve of my breast. His fingers drew lines across my exposed skin and I was having trouble concentrating. I could endure a few shivers... And keeping me warm would be a mighty fine excuse for more of this sexplay.

  “They’ll dry faster if you take them off.” His thumb edged beneath the waistband of my shorts and I redirected it back to my stomach. I was almost willing to let him strip me and let him have his way with me... Almost.

  I didn’t know how I’d let this happen. He’d found his way beyond my armor and now that he was on the inside, I wasn’t sure if I could get him out. If that didn’t make a massive mess of things... I still wasn’t a real contestant, which meant this couldn’t happen anywhere other than here. As soon as the cameras found us, I’d have to be back to uninterested Intern, along with the other roles Stuart wanted for me. That was going to suck on astronomical levels.

  But not yet.

  I scratched my nails softly down his jaw and over his broad tanned shoulders. He was so gloriously perfect. I got lost in watching him, mesmerized by his concentration and adoration as his thumb rubbed across my nipple. A moan escaped and I pressed my lips tighter so I didn’t sound like such a freaking newbie at this. Good-night, the smallest caress and he has my knees buckling and trembling. Another surge of need curled my toes and my cheeks heated. “I feel so s
illy for liking this so much,” I admitted breathlessly.

  He lifted his face and I saw my desire mirrored in his eyes.

  Suddenly, I didn’t feel silly at all, sobering instantly. A hand slid from my hip to the center of my back, pulling me closer as his mouth lowered to my breast, suckling me through the lace while his thumb freed the other.

  My belly clenched and a rush of warmth shot lower. I’d never been this steamy and aroused. His hand at my back popped my bra clasp and he lowered the straps without ever moving his mouth off my skin, then it fell away with our other clothes. Another moment hung suspended as his tongue rolled around my tight nipple and I moaned and shifted my hips closer.

  He lowered us and pulled my thighs over his so I straddled him.

  His thick hard-on nudged my slickness and I gasped, grinding against him. My fingers curled into his back and I pushed tighter against him, shocked at the rapidly expanding desire shooting through me.

  He thrust against me, and I clawed at him, squeezing my thighs tight against his hips. I had no idea, no idea... The sand and dripping water swirled around us but I couldn’t open my eyes, couldn’t see if we were upside down or right-side-up anymore. I only wanted this now, him, here, me. Oh! My eyes flew open and I gasped as his fingers found me. I stilled instantly and he murmured against my ear, heating my skin with his breath. Then he slid inside and I bucked forward, gripping the back of his neck so tight as I buried my face against his shoulder. I clenched and tried to find air, but the more he moved the more the explosions rippled across my skin. I couldn’t hold on to anything, couldn’t... Couldn’t...

  I moaned his name as I came and his mouth found mine, kissing me deeply as the aftershocks wracked my body. As the trembling eased, I breathed deep and he cradled my face, lifting it away from where I’d embarrassedly tucked it.

  “You are so damn sexy.”

  I blushed furiously then and tried to avert my gaze, but he kissed me softly. “Sangria?” I was so very naked, in nothing but my barely-there running shorts that he’d already had his hands in. I had never, in my entire life, done anything like this, let alone where anyone out walking their dog could see.

  While my mind found letters to combine into anxious thoughts, his lips coaxed my embarrassment away and I shifted on his lap. He pulled both of my legs to one side and curled me tenderly into his naked chest. Patches of his skin scalded me while others were like ice and I loved the feel of both. His fingers traced every indentation of my ribs along my back and I settled deeper against him. He groaned and shifted making me well-aware of his erection beneath my bottom.

  My eyes flew to his. “Sorry.”

  He stroked my cheeks. “I’m not.”

  “Yeah, but...” Heat stole my words and he kissed them away.

  After another maddeningly hot make out session, he lifted his head. “We should probably go back before they come looking for us.”

  That got me scrambling off his lap and picking up my random assortment of clothes off our hidden bit of forested beach. I was dressed and panting within seconds. He chuckled and stood. “Hoping that was only because you didn’t want anyone seeing you naked, not that you didn’t want them to see you with me?” He bent and hooked a finger beneath the crumpled pile of his shirt, glancing up at me.

  I busily brushed some sand from the edge of my shirt. “About that...”

  He stuck his arms through the sleeves and walked over, slipping his hands around my waist. “I meant what I said earlier, I’m done lying.”

  I forced myself to look at him and shook my head. “You can’t do that. I know. I wrote the contracts. You’ve got to stay the course and this didn’t happen.” If anyone found out, we’d both be screwed... And not the good kind. The contracts were very clear about the financial repercussions for him, and McComb had added a lovely fraternization clause in mine about what would happen if I got frisky with anyone on the set, especially if it negatively impacted the taping of the show. My cheeks warmed at the memory of just how impactful we’d been.

  “Is that what you want?” His voice was as soft as the fall of the residual drops tumbling down around us.

  No, it wasn’t what I wanted at all. I laid my cheek against his chest and linked my hands around his waist. I might be no closer to knowing what I wanted now than when I’d shown up for that launch party, but I did know that I didn’t want to erase what we’d just shared. I was someone different when I was around him. He made me want to be brave and courageous, and not so freaking afraid the time. But making him break a contract so I could feel like that was terribly selfish. “Maybe we should just go back to being friends.”

  His fingers played through my tangle of curls, slowly unraveling the knots and wet clumps. He didn’t say anything for a while and I tried to fight away the pressing sadness that wanted to steal the honesty of the moment. If I could have stopped time, I would have. That was such a stupidly cliché thing to think, but I finally understood it.

  Once we walked out of here, everything had to change. We either dismissed the whole of it, or shoved it in everyone’s faces—from Stuart’s to the girls... Ugh... To the million or so viewers. I couldn’t let Mateo do that. Not only would it cost him a ton of money, but he’d lose his integrity too, and positive exposure for his business should have been kind of a plus of jumping through the hoops of television.

  We pulled apart at the same time and I opened my mouth to tell him, but he quickly pressed his warm fingers against my lips and shook his head. “Sangria, this is what I’ve wanted from the moment I met you. When you showed up at the taping, I—I just wanted this. And so much more beyond what you do to me physically. I wanted you here to fix the mistake I’d committed to by agreeing to be on the show. Until you stepped into that lineup, I thought I’d be fine marrying whatever girl made it to the end. Any one of them would have filled the hole.” He winced. “Sorry, that sounded bad, but I think you understand what I’m saying. Those girls,” he pointed in a general direction of the girls, “They’re interchangeable—Damn, sorry, that sounds worse.” He swallowed and searched my face. “To me they’re interchangeable because they’re nice, and beautiful, and smart.” His fingers slid from my mouth and cupped my face. “They’re interchangeable because they’re not you.”

  My heart swelled at what I thought he was trying to say. A lifetime of regrets fumbled over the tops of one another so I could find the right answer for a situation I’d never known existed. I had no reference for any of this, only fear. Logic and reason and sensibility fled as his mouth met mine. I clung to him, desperate to make this moment linger and terrified that it would be our last.

  CHAPTER

  WE WALKED QUIETLY back hand in hand, me limping and leaning on him for support while he carried my crutches. He caught me looking down at our hands and tugged me gently closer. “What’s up?”

  I shrugged, too embarrassed to tell him that I’d never experienced these simple pleasures. He lifted his arm and draped it across my shoulders. “I’ve just never done anything like this before.”

  He pressed his lips tomy hair. “Which part?”

  I laughed softly. “Any of it... All of it. But the holding hands part was what I’d been thinking about.”

  He paused and pulled me to him. “You’ve never held someone’s hand?” I shook my head and looked away but he nuzzled my ear. “Want to know a secret?”

  I nodded and let my eyes drift shut as the heat from his breath tickled my hair. “I haven’t either.”

  I laughed and playfully shoved his chest. “Whatever.”

  He bit the side of my neck and we started walking again, fingers still threaded. “No, it’s true.” He lifted our linked hands and kissed the back of mine. “This is for dating and romance. I’ve escorted women to fancy dinners and done... Other,” he cleared his throat. “Other things. But now that you’re making me thinking about it, I’ve never held a woman’s hand.” He pulled me tight against his side. “And never while we were out for a leisurely stroll.�
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  The boat loomed nearer and I couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t going to blow over as easily as he thought. There were rules to these reality shows. That was how they stayed on the air, it was nothing but one guy traded between a bunch of women, making out and... My head jerked up and my feet stuttered. I narrowed my eyes. “How many of the girls have you...” I quickly realized how accusational that sounded and cleared my throat. It was none of my business.

  He pulled me to him and kissed me hard, his tongue dipping inside me and swirling against my teeth. His fingers curled tightly in my hair and he tipped my head, deepening the kiss. I clung to him and he softened the kiss, then pressed his forehead against mine and we stood there, both of us breathing heavy.

  “You.” His eyelashes fluttered, tickling my brows. “I’ve kissed you.”

  “W-Why?”

  He grinned widely and kissed my nose. “Other than Kat, they don’t seem very interested in me. And they were puking, or diving, or scavenger hunting.” He kissed me thoroughly. “I just never found the right moment, I guess.”

  Well that sucked. So if he would have found the right moment he’d have been making out over? I pulled away from him.

  “But I wasn’t trying very hard either.” He snagged my fingers and drew me back to him. “The only woman I wanted to kiss wasn’t playing the game.”

  I pecked him lightly. “She still isn’t.” It was a loud stage whisper and he laughed.

  We boarded and wandered around looking for everyone, with him stealing kisses every chance he got. I loved the way every stolen, frantic moment made me feel and I wasn’t in a hurry to be back in the group. But we finally found them in the big dining room as waiters picked up empty dinner plates.

  Kat jumped up first to greet Mateo with a rush of emotion of how worried she’d been, then faltered when she caught sight of our entwined fingers.