Undertow

by Jen Greyson

  His gaze traveled slowly over my entire face, a kiss to my brow, the corner of my mouth, my cheek. I hated him for that too.

  CHAPTER

  LAND WAS STILL six hours away. I swung around in my chair in the office. After I threw Mateo out, I’d rushed in here and bought a plane ticket out of our next destination. I’d called the office travel agent and charged it to the show, figuring I’d eventually find a way to pay it off. I’d lied and said it was a medical emergency, but no one had bothered to check. Besides, Stuart owed me.

  But that left me with a yawing black expanse of time to fill. Sleep would have been the obvious choice but my mind was too rattled and frazzled. I’d managed to change into one of the stupid silky nightgowns that was still scattered around on the floor, but that was as close as I’d gotten to sleeping.

  I had no idea where anyone else was and I’d assumed that Mateo had gone back. I shouldn’t care. Once I got off this boat it would be a lot easier to stop thinking about them.

  I stood and walked to the wall of windows making up the back of the office. The inky sea boiled thirty feet below, and I wished the dark oblivion would engulf my thoughts. There was no moon to guide sailors or the heartbroken tonight. Only blackness on black. I pressed against the window and the silk of my nightgown slithered across the glass.

  The ocean called to me, begged me to feel it, breathe it, be it. This might be my last chance for a long long time to be at sea, let alone on a ship like this.

  I glanced at my clock again. Two. The music had stopped hours ago and I’d heard each of the girls wander past my room on the way to theirs. They’d stopped and knocked next door, but I’d pressed my hands over my ears and had tried to concentrate on work until they’d given up.

  Odds were good that the ship was deserted and I doubted anyone one would see me if I made one last escape topside.

  I floated through deserted halls to the prow, feeling like a shipwrecked ghost. I reached the top stair and paused to double-check, but it was empty.

  Emerging from the stairway, my path illuminated by small white lights embedded in the stairs, I let the ambiance of the setting envelop me. The prow was my favorite spot and I’d miss it. Teak wood polished to a near perfect mirror finish reflected my image as I made my way toward the front of the boat.

  Built with stunning precision, one wide bench stretched around the entire edge of the prow below an ornate railing and thick glass panels that kept the colorful pillows of every size and shape from tumbling overboard. It might as well have been one giant bed and was about as wide, with furs that ran like streams over the ends of the bench, trickling on to the floor in puddles. Low marble tables complimented the teak, their rich hues bringing out the lighter tones of the wood. Soft lights—and probably cameras—glowed from hidden crevices.

  A damp breeze pressed the cool fabric of my nightgown tight against my body, but for once, I didn’t care that I was wandering around half-naked. Let the cameras gorge on me if they wanted, no one was watching. Undaunted, I made my way to the railing and wrapped my toes around the bottom rail, then pressed my body toward the darkness.

  In the weightlessness between sky and sea, my fears and anger receded. I’d been through worse things than being pursued by a billionaire on an expensive yacht. I fingered the fabric of the nightgown. And definitely in worse clothes.

  Like everything else, the nightgown was nothing that I ever would have purchased for myself, yet I loved it. I fingered the tiny straps that held the bits of fabric barely covering my boobs, plunging in both the front and the back to ridiculous depths. The straps attached to the skirt with dainty round clasps, encrusted with jade and rhinestones. I fingered the same jewels on the front, and if anyone were around to notice them, they’d say they hovered dangerously above my breasts. I let my own fingers travel across the smooth curve to the small trim of cream that exposed the graceful curve of my cleavage. The satin gathered at the center, raising my breasts high, cupping them as effectively as a man’s hands. His hands. I shouldn’t have stopped us earlier. I should have let him take me all the way so I’d have it as a memory.

  Yeah, today couldn’t have gone any more wrong, but in that one slice of time, we’d been perfection.

  My hands slid lower, over the crisscross pattern on my belly, across my hip to another gathering of the satin cream decorating one hip where more jade and rhinestones entwined before exposing my thigh. This outfit was perfection come alive and I wanted to pretend for just one moment that maybe he and I could have been on a boat like this somewhere else, alone. My nipples puckered and I ran my palms over them, pressing into them until they ached. I hated him for awakening me to this feeling too. Before now I’d thought sex was bad and ugly and horrible, but he’d made it something beautiful.

  He was the one person that I’d been able to feel safe around, the one person that I’d been able to let go for. I wanted to believe that if we’d met some other way, if he’d have asked me out after the auction, explained that day why he’d done what he’d done with the Mustang that we could have had a nice date over dinner. I sighed.

  Wishing was for fools.

  A giant shooting star streaked across the night sky. I watched its trajectory but didn’t attach my foolish hope. We hadn’t met that way. He hadn’t asked me to dinner, we hadn’t been able to explore this relationship any other way. My hands heated my breasts and I set them on the cool railing.

  I wouldn’t have let him take me to dinner. I’d have rebuffed him then like I’d done every other time we’d met. Nothing about us worked. I pushed away from the railing and turned, then froze in place.

  Mateo stood at the far end, staring at me. He was still in the 50s costume he’d worn to the party, white T-shirt rolled up over his biceps and stretched taught across his chest. He had one arm propped against the wall and he’d shoved his hands deep in his loose jeans rolled at the ankles exposing his bare ankles and feet. He wet his lips and my nipples puckered instantly. The wind swirled my hair and I lifted a hand to rake it off my forehead, opening the front of the nightgown more.

  He swallowed. A dozen feet separated us but it could have been miles. How long had he been there? A blush warmed me from my cleavage to my ears. Had he seen me touch myself?

  I tipped my chin up and forced my wobbling knees to work as I strode past him. He didn’t move, but watched my every move, his gaze never leaving my face.

  “Stay.”

  I’d almost made it past him, but he’d tossed the request like a last-minute trap. I should have kept walking, but something in his voice made me falter.

  Damn. I hung my head and my hair whipped across my face. His arm eased toward me and spread across my stomach then he pulled me to him, curling me around so I was in front of him and my back pressed against his entire length. I exhaled loudly and his hand flattened and pulled me tighter. His lips pressed against my scalp and his other hand cupped my shoulder. “Not yet,” he whispered. I heard him swallow and a burst of warm air feathered my hair. “I can’t let you go just yet.”

  I closed my eyes and inhaled the salty night air, expanding my ribs until his fingers grazed the underside of my breasts. I rested my hand over the top of his, then reached behind me with my other and found his cheek. He turned and kissed my palm, then I slid my hand higher through his hair, cupping the back of his head. His lips caressed my ear and I tightened my hold on his arm as his tongue explored the rim and his hot needy breaths flowed across my skin.

  I dug my fingers into his forearm, clinging to him like a life raft. I couldn’t let go, couldn’t turn around, couldn’t admit to what I was doing, or how badly I wanted to steal these last moments. His hand moved inside my nightgown and cupped my breast, flicking my nipple instantly hard. I whimpered and he rolled it slowly between his fingers. His tongue traced the line of my neck, then pushed a strap off, exposing my skin to the night air.

  He bent and scooped me up then carried me to the bench, shoving aside piles of pillows as he lowered me. I cou
ldn’t believe I was letting this happen—wanted this to happen. He was so sexy and focused and I didn’t have a single rebuttal. He grabbed a handful of silk and shoved it up over my hips, dragging his hand across my thigh and squeezing gently. A jolt of desire lanced through me and I scrambled to find the bottom of his T-shirt. He grabbed the back of his collar and yanked it off. He moved between my thighs and pulled one of my knees up, bending it and slipping his fingers beneath and I got lost in the way his muscles worked, dipping and curving and rippling in the darkness. I committed every movement to memory, the way he held his tongue at the corner of his mouth, the way his hair slid loose and fell across his forehead. If tonight was my one and only, then I wanted to make it last and remember every detail.

  He rose, balancing his weight on his knees so I could feast on his entire body. His eyes roamed across my nightgown, bunched at my hips and exposing one breast. I probably should have been ashamed but I didn’t care when I was with him. I didn’t want this much clothing between us. We were outside in the darkness of sea and sky, concealed from the world by shadows and the new moon.

  My fingers traced his abs and his slid over mine, swishing across the fabric as the waves crashed against the hull dozens of feet below us. His hands moved higher, spanning my entire waist and then cupping my full breasts. He licked his lips again and a smile tugged at mine. He always seemed so fascinated by my body, like he’d snuck into the private area of a museum and was touching a work of art. It warmed my heart and smothered every single embarrassing thought that wandered along.

  His skin was warm beneath my palms and I cupped his pecs, loving the way they leaped and flexed at my touch. His hard nipples grazed my lifeline and sucked my lower lip. This entire experience had carved an entirely new lifeline for me. There was no going back to normal now that he’d raised my soul over his head and shook it wildly until everything had fallen out for the world to see.

  Any other time, any other place and this could have turned into something so different. Tears stung my eyes. “I wish it was different,” I whispered, but he set his finger against my lips, cutting off my regret. I was glad, this wasn’t time for regrets. Not yet. Not now. His finger pressed gently past my lips and grazed my teeth. I touched it with my tongue and his eyelids fluttered. I cupped the underside and sucked it deeper, closing my eyes and concentrating on what he was doing to my body. Everything about this was so amazing, so surreal.

  His fingers teased my nipples again, drawing the fabric down. Then he traced a line across my cheek, his finger still damp from where I’d had my naughty way with it. That sent a thrill through me. If this was my one and only then I needed to push every boundary I had and let myself go.

  He kissed my forehead then pulled back so I could see him. “As badly as I want this, I’m not about to share you with a million viewers.”

  I bit my lower lip. If we didn’t do it now, we’d never get the chance. He still didn’t know that I was leaving in the morning... and I wasn’t about to tell him. But I wasn’t sure I could convince him to take me right here, beneath the stars and cameras. Surely no one was up at this hour watching, besides, Stuart said he’d cut it after the last disaster Mateo and I had created. We were safe. Stuart would edit this out to save his ratings.

  I’d always been safe with Mateo, maybe not with my heart, but my body was so so safe with him.

  “No one’s watching.”

  He laughed and shook his head. “I’m not taking the chance.”

  My heart plummeted. I wanted this so badly. “Please.”

  He pushed the puddle of fabric higher, exposing me.

  A deep rumbling laugh from him lifted my gaze. “You’re naughtier than I’d expected.”

  I blushed. “Well, who wears underwear to bed?” It hadn’t been a big deal before now that I’d put the nightgown on with nothing else, but now it probably looked like I’d been expecting this. And maybe in the deepest recess of my heart, I had hoped that he’d ignore everything we’d said, every penalty we faced, and he would come for me.

  He sobered instantly, then his head lowered as he slid the nightgown off, offering my nakedness up to the stars as he drew his tongue through my wet curls. I gasped and lifted my hips, my hands fisted in his hair and he rocked his mouth against me like the waves below. My hands were manic, moving across his head, tracing his ears, down his neck, back up, like I was blind and trying to understand what was happening as explosions of color and light consumed my brain and body. His tongue traced letters and words and thoughts across my body and the pressure built until I begged for the release, tightening my hold on his hair and pulling him upward. He stayed and devoured me, lifting my hips and ... Oh, deeper!

  My entire world shattered into a million fragments and I opened my arms as I fell back to earth. Then he tracked kisses across my stomach and was above me again. He lowered himself to his elbows and feathered his fingers through the hair at my temples. “I don’t know why this worked out like this, Sangria. But I’m not willing to let you walk out of my life. I don’t care what the penalty is.”

  I wrapped my arms around his back, sliding them over his spine, then kissed his chin. I wanted to stay in this bubble for a while longer. “Can we not talk right now?”

  He stared into me for a long time, contented to stroke his fingers from the corners of my eyes and into my hair. I wasn’t sure what he wanted to find, but I was willing to let him look until he did.

  His nostrils flared and he kissed me hungrily, then moved off the bed and stood, cradling my nakedness against his chest. “Will you let me take you to my room?”

  “Yes!” I blushed, not meaning to sound so eager.

  But he didn’t care, just kissed me again and hurried down the steps opposite of where our rooms were. I hadn’t thought about where he stayed... and now I didn’t care. I kissed him back, my fingers playing in the hair at his nape. I scratched him lightly and he sped up, kicking the door open and shoving inside.

  He settled me on the bed and stepped back, then bent down and took his sweet time unrolling the cuffs of his jeans and easing them down over his hips. My mouth watered at the sight of him standing in his boxer briefs. He moved deliberately to the bookshelf in the far corner of the room and set the pants over a frame on a lower shelf that I’m assuming held a camera. Then he propped pillows in front of vases and smashed a nice potted plant beneath a heavy stack of books.

  “You really aren’t taking any chances.” I laughed but was glad that this part would stay private between us.

  He came back to the bed and stripped, then crawled up beside me. I had a hard time not thinking about my upcoming departure, but I shoved it aside and wrapped my arms around his back. He kissed me sweetly and moved between my legs. I gasped at the first touch of his naked skin as it whispered against mine. My kisses turned frantic and there was a desperation in my touch like we were aboard the titanic and these were our last moments to live.

  But he slowed me down and eased my anxiety with gentle kisses across my face and collarbone. “We have all night.” He rocked his hips forward and I moaned at the heat and thickness of him as he settled against me. “And then a lifetime of them,” he whispered.

  I lifted my hips and cried out as he filled me. His shoulders tensed and we moved together, his lips coming down to mine and tugging my lower lip into his mouth as his hips pushed deeper and harder. I couldn’t get enough of him and I pulled him tighter against me, clawing at his back and rubbing my nipples against his chest with every thrust.

  He rose above me and his eyes squeezed shut. I could feel every breath, taste every layer of salt and sea around us and I wanted to record every second, as his hips met mine, my eyes closed and I met him thrust for thrust until the night exploded into fragments and I knew that I’d never find them all.

  CHAPTER

  I SLIPPED FROM under his arm, then hesitated at the edge of his bed, stealing one last look. I wanted to kiss him but I was afraid to wake him. If I stayed much longer, I’d lose m
y resolve.

  We’d be sliding into the marina any minute and I needed to be standing at the rail ready to leap off the second I could. No one could know or they’d try to stop me.

  I tugged a shirt from the arm of a nearby chair where he’d tossed it and quickly buttoned what I could and eased the door open. I didn’t see anyone in the hallway, so I watched Mateo’s sleeping form a final time, then crept from his room.

  I hurried to my room but no one saw... Well, the cameras did, but I was past caring about those. Clearly the viewers didn’t either.

  In my room, I hurriedly dressed in the tan pair of shorts and matching tank that I’d laid out last night. Suitcase in hand, I hurried topside, careful to make as little noise as possible. They must have partied hard last night because not a single noise came from behind any of their doors.

  Thank goodness!

  The boat slowed and I sped up, ignoring the pangs in my chest that I was really leaving him. I was a coward for not saying goodbye, but he was too good at swaying me. My cheeks heated. Look at what had happened last night. I’d had the best intentions of not being anywhere near him and I’d wound up giving him everything I had left to give.

  Two deck hands stood topside against the port rail and I stopped beside them. “I need to get off the moment we dock.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” No argument from either of them. Good.

  The only thing moving on the boat this early was the staff and I was so grateful. I gripped the suitcase handle so tight that I lost feeling in my fingers. The dock inched closer and I glanced over my shoulder again. Mandy stood at the top of the stairs, extreme disappointment on her face. We stared at each other and I wanted to tell at least tell her why.

  “Miss?” The plank was down and one of the deck boys held his hand out to me. I glanced back at Mandy, but her expression hadn’t changed.