by Beth Reekles
“You think?” I twisted in front of my mirror, examining my legs, butt, waist, and arms in the dress.
“Wear it with some cute flats and nice earrings and Noah will be practically drooling,” she assured me.
I grinned. “That’s exactly the look I’m going for.”
Chapter 20
I smoothed down my skirt, but really, it was an excuse to wipe the sweat off my clammy palms. I was breathing shallowly, like I’d been running. I’d been feeling really great this morning, while I was getting ready. I’d been feeling so good, in fact, that I’d almost managed to convince myself that I actually was over Noah, and it didn’t even bother me to think I’d be seeing him today.
I was in the bathroom at the Flynns’ for the hundredth time in the last hour, since Matthew had gone to get his son and his son’s probably-girlfriend from the airport. I lifted my arms to check I didn’t have pit stains. That was the last thing I needed today.
I checked my messages again, even though my phone hadn’t buzzed since Levi had texted me a few hours ago to wish me good luck seeing Noah and Amanda today.
I kept hoping that a text would appear on my phone from Noah. Nothing serious, no big apology to tell me that he wanted me back, no explanation that he and Amanda were just friends.
All I wanted was a message from him that said: Just to let you know, I’m bringing Amanda home for Thanksgiving. Thought you should know.
Because, really, that was only polite. Wasn’t it? He had to have known that I’d heard about it from Lee; I couldn’t help but be a little pissed that he didn’t even have the courtesy to text me and warn me about it himself.
There was a knock on the bathroom door, making me almost drop my cell. “Just a sec!”
I opened the door and forced a smile for Lee. His face was just full of pity. “Shelly, seriously, you need to stop worrying. It’s going to be fine. You’ll see him with Amanda and realize he was a dick to you and you deserve better, and you’ll be fine.”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Plus, you look hot,” Lee told me. “He’ll be wondering how he ever let you go for some boring, preppy Goody Two-shoes.”
I managed an actual smile at that and hugged Lee. “How do you always know what to say to make me feel better?”
“I guess our minds are just so in sync, I can’t help it. If I were a girl, too, I bet we’d even have our periods at the exact same time.” I pulled away from the hug to see Lee grinning at me, his blue eyes gleaming. His freckles weren’t so prominent anymore, I noticed. They’d faded away a bit. He’d built up more muscle lately, being part of the football team. (He’d also stopped going to their parties so much, which seemed to help him not act like such a jackass.)
I ruffled his hair, which he’d painstakingly artfully messed up with product this morning, and he yelped in protest, batting me away.
“Mercy, mercy!” he exclaimed, and I laughed, backing away.
“Are you seeing Rachel today?”
“I’m going over this evening, after dinner. But only if you’re okay. I told her I might not, if you want me to stick around here, if things are weird with you and Noah. And Amanda. She totally understood, though.”
I shrugged. “With any luck, it won’t be. And then you can go see Rachel.”
Lee smiled at me, but it wasn’t impish anymore; it was sad. “You know I’m always here when you need me, Elle.”
“I know.”
I hugged him again, and then we heard, “Oh, not interrupting anything, am I?”
It was one of Lee’s aunties, Maureen, who was raising her eyebrows at us like she’d just caught us making out or something instead of hugging. Lee crossed his eyes at me, and I bit back a giggle.
“Can I just get through to the bathroom, dear?”
“Sorry,” I said, stepping away from Lee and out of the way of the bathroom door. “All yours.”
Maureen smiled at us conspiratorially and shut the bathroom door behind her. Maureen had been convinced for years that Lee and I would end up married with a dozen kids. She told us so, every Christmas.
“I guess we should go downstairs, see if your mom needs any help,” I told Lee.
June always said she found making Thanksgiving dinner fun, but from the stressed-beyond-belief look on her face when we walked into the steamy kitchen, you’d never have guessed it. She snapped at us to make sure the table was laid properly, that there were enough knives and forks and plates and chairs, enough place mats and empty glasses and napkins. And was the wine in the fridge? Could someone please check?
The usual crowd was here. On Matthew’s side of the family: Lee’s grandparents; Aunty Maureen; Uncle Pete and his new wife, Linda (but not Pete’s kids because they were spending this Thanksgiving with their mom in Nevada). On June’s side of the family: Lee’s grandma and Aunty Rose and Uncle Colin, as well as their kids, Hilary (who was fifteen and going through what her mom called a “goth phase”) and Liam (who was Brad’s age and happy to spend all day with Brad talking about video games, but kept trying to persuade him that reading was just as much fun).
Thanksgiving was always totally chaotic.
There was no other way to describe it.
It was a bigger affair than Christmas at the Flynn household, because of all the extra family members. Christmas was usually just us, without the grandparents and aunties and uncles and cousins.
Uncle Pete and Aunty Rose were helping June in the kitchen, and Linda was standing off to the side, trying not to get in the way. This was only her second Thanksgiving with us, so I didn’t blame her for still feeling a little out of place. But she caught my eye as I scooted out to the dining room, and I smiled.
She drifted after me while I laid out the cutlery, swirling the wine around in her glass. Lee said something about getting more spoons and left. Linda was about ten years younger than Pete—closer to mine and Lee’s age than to Pete’s. “I heard you and Noah split up.”
“Yeah,” I said. I hadn’t really talked to Linda much. Not one-on-one, anyway. I mean, she was nice, sure, but I didn’t feel comfortable telling her all the ins and outs of the breakup.
“It’s probably for the best,” she told me, sipping her wine. She leaned down to straighten a knife. “When I went to college, I was about four hours away from the college my boyfriend at the time was going to. We’d been together since the tenth grade, but we just couldn’t hack it, not that far apart. I think you did the right thing to call it off. I tried to keep my relationship going. We tried to see each other every weekend, and my grades suffered for it, but after a while there wasn’t any relationship to keep going.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, because I didn’t know what else to say.
Linda shrugged and sipped more wine. “I got over it. I’m just saying, you will, too, even if it seems hard right now.”
“Thanks,” I said sincerely. “I appreciate it.”
“Kind of an asshole move for him to bring his bit on the side home, though,” Linda said, then grinned and winked at me. “But don’t tell June I said that.”
I laughed. “My lips are sealed.”
“What are you two gossiping about?” Pete asked, walking in and going straight to kiss his wife on the cheek.
“Oh, just girl stuff,” Linda said passively.
Pete nodded, like this was a very comprehensive answer. Then he looked at me. “You feeling okay about seeing Noah, kiddo?”
He was always calling us “kiddo.” He even called Noah “kiddo.”
“Uh, yeah, I guess so. I knew I’d have to see him if things didn’t work out right from the start.”
“Elle’s a tough girl,” Lee pitched in, coming back into the room. “She can handle anything.”
Pete laughed, and June yelled from the kitchen to ask where the hell he’d disappeared to—the carrots were burning.
“Better go,” he said, disappearing out of the room before any of us could say another word. Linda wandered out after him, our conversation apparently over.
Lee looked across at me as we set out the last of the cutlery and the basket of warm bread rolls he’d brought back from the kitchen. “Hey,” he said softly, “are you sure you’re okay?”
“Just dandy,” I told him, and, at least for a moment, I was.
* * *
• • •
We all heard the car pull up in the drive, and June shot out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on the gravy-spattered apron around her waist before opening the door. Lee and I moved to the doorway of the living room to look out into the hallway.
Matthew came in first, with a bulky purple duffel bag, and Noah came in with his plain gray one after. Followed by her.
The first thing that hit me was how good Noah looked. Like, he looked even more incredible than I was used to. I was used to seeing him with a bit of stubble, but now he had a full beard going on—and it really suited him, made him look older, more mature. He was wearing a white T-shirt under a red-and-gray flannel shirt, the sleeves on it rolled up to his elbows. And the big biker boots he normally wore had been changed for a simple pair of black Converse. His jeans must’ve been new, too—they didn’t even have any holes.
I’d never seen Noah dress so well, or so casually—with the exception of when he’d taken me to the Summer Dance. He usually dressed to intimidate, with the boots, and his T-shirts were mostly worn and old, his shirts usually faded and jeans ripped from wear.
“Hi, sweetie,” June said, kissing Noah on the cheek. She looked totally ecstatic to have him home, and I saw the expectant smile she gave Noah, glancing at Amanda.
“Hi, Mom. This is Amanda,” Noah introduced the girl by his side.
Amanda was a tall, leggy blonde, with an upturned nose and sweeping bangs across her forehead. Her lipstick was bubble-gum pink and her eyeliner immaculately flicked at the corners of her eyes.
And, just like in her photos, she looked like the catalog model for preppy college girls everywhere (at least, I thought so): a white blouse underneath a periwinkle-blue sweater that was probably cashmere, with black skinny jeans and delicate gray ballet pumps. She had this huge square beige purse with black handles and piping—the kind I half expected a small dog to pop its head out of.
She was so beautiful.
I hated her so much.
“Hello, dear,” June said affably, holding out a hand to Amanda and kissing her on the cheek. “It’s so lovely to finally meet you. Noah’s told us so much about you.”
He has?
I glanced at Lee, who pointedly didn’t meet my eye. Lee had told me that he didn’t really know anything about Amanda, that Noah hadn’t said much. Now I got the feeling he had just been saying that to make me feel better.
Amanda smiled, a big toothy smile that only made her look prettier. “Thank you so much for having me, Mrs. Flynn. Your home is absolutely lovely.”
Oh God.
She was British.
Just when I thought she couldn’t get any more perfect, she had a cute dang accent, too.
I was about to scrunch up my face in disgust when I caught Noah’s eye. His piercing blue eyes locked with mine, his expression incomprehensible.
Was he mad at me? Was he missing me? Was he totally over his little brother’s best friend and just didn’t care?
The longer we stared at each other, the less I wanted to find out.
I turned away and made a hasty escape through the living room to the kitchen, before I had to be introduced to Amanda properly, too. She could meet the rest of Noah’s family first. There were certainly enough of them to keep her busy for a while.
Lee followed me, catching my arm by the island in the kitchen and linking his fingers through mine. He squeezed my hand tight. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Look. I’m right here.”
I blinked a few times, just to make sure I wasn’t going to cry. Because I wasn’t; I’d promised myself last night that, no matter what, I wouldn’t shed a tear over Noah Flynn today.
I’d thought I could handle it. Convinced myself I totally could. But getting used to the idea of Noah being with another girl was a lot different to actually seeing him with her. This hurt a lot more than I’d been expecting.
“All you need to do is get through dinner,” Lee told me. “Show them you don’t care. Hell, she’ll probably be intimidated that my family loves you so much that you’re here for Thanksgiving.” I managed a snort of laughter at that. “And then we’ll get out of here for a while, later. Go for a drive somewhere, maybe.”
“But you were going to see Rachel later.”
“And I told you already, I’m here for you today, because I think you need me more.”
June popped into the kitchen before we could talk any more, so I just squeezed Lee’s hand by way of thanks that he was picking me over Rachel today. She said, “Lee, you should go and say hi to Amanda.”
He got the message and saluted his mom. “Yes, ma’am.”
Once he was gone, June came up to me and squeezed my shoulders gently. “You okay, honey?”
“I’ll live.”
“She’s very nice.”
“That’s the worst part,” I said, managing a nervous laugh. June had been very sympathetic to me about the breakup; she’d heard everything from Lee and had told me she understood completely and that she hoped I knew I was still very welcome anytime—that just because things were over with Noah didn’t mean I wasn’t still part of the family. But I’d totally avoided having to talk to her about Amanda, and the two of them coming home for today.
“He’s told me they’re just friends.”
“Lee said. I’m just having a hard time believing it, that’s all. But it’s okay. I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?”
I nodded. The last thing I needed was for her to tell Noah how badly I was taking this, and to be considerate of me and my stupid, broken heart. “I’ll even go say hi. In a minute. Unless you need any help with the, um, cooking, or, like, literally anything? I’ll take the trash out.”
June laughed. “I think you need to go and say hi. You don’t have to chat, just say hi. But I’ll hold you to that offer—you can take the trash out later.”
“Gee, thanks,” I mumbled, and she gave my shoulder a squeeze before letting me go.
I sucked in a deep breath and prepared myself to plaster on a big, warm, and totally fake smile to go and say hi to Amanda.
She was shaking hands with Colin when I neared her. Noah was across the room, squatting to talk to Brad and Liam.
Amanda looked at me, smiling.
“Hi,” I choked out. I cleared my throat. “I’m—”
“Elle!” she exclaimed, with her fancy damn accent, her smile stretching wider. I was so shocked my own forced smile faltered. The smile even reached her eyes. It didn’t look fake at all. “It’s so wonderful to finally meet you! I’ve heard so much about you!”
And then she hugged me.
She hugged me.
She hugged me.
I stood there for a second before deciding it was probably best to hug her back. Noah caught my eye again, and then he looked away, obviously uncomfortable.
Well, that made two of us.
Amanda pulled away, still beaming. “It really is just so lovely to meet you, Elle. How are you?”
“Um, I’m…I’m great, thanks.”
My whole “I’m super confident in myself and totally over everything that happened because of you, you utter bitch” persona had vanished into thin air and I couldn’t find it again. I was floundering without it. She beamed at me, and suddenly all I could do was smile back and say, “How are you? How was the flight?”
“I slept the whole way.” She
laughed. She even had the same laugh as I’d expected—all high and tinkly and musical. “I don’t really like flying much, to be honest.”
“Oh, really?”
“Noah will tell you. I was awful during takeoff! How about you? How are you? You’re in senior year now, aren’t you? How are college applications going? I swear, I’ve never been so stressed out in my entire life as I was when I was trying to pick a university. Ugh.”
“Um, yeah, well, I’ve just sent off some applications. I think I want to be a kindergarten teacher or something.” I listed the colleges I’d applied for—because I was too dumbstruck by her reaction to do anything else.
What was I doing?
Talking to her like we could be friends? Like she wasn’t part of the reason I’d broken up with Noah? Okay, the main reason.
Why was she so nice? Why did she sound like she actually cared? And why was I still giving her this bland smile, nodding along like I cared?
I wanted to think it was some ulterior motive on her part—to get all friendly with the ex-girlfriend so I wouldn’t try to get back together with Noah now that she was with him.
But she just seemed so genuine and so damn nice that it was getting harder to hate her. She asked me more about how I was finding senior year, and what my plans for college were, and she shared stories of how her roommate was a total nightmare but had left college because she couldn’t hack it so now Amanda had a room to herself.
I was pretty sure that I hated Amanda for the fact that I couldn’t possibly hate someone so nice as her.
I stood there talking to her, stunned and unable to do anything but laugh and smile and chatter like we were really getting on (and maybe we were?) until June called that dinner was ready.
Noah came over and touched Amanda’s elbow. My eyes flickered to the gesture and he dropped his hand. I didn’t know what that meant. I glanced back up to his face, but he’d turned to Amanda. “Come on, it’s just this way.”
I clenched my jaw as he led her away, and balled my hands into fists so tight that my nails dug into my palms.
He couldn’t even look at me? Couldn’t even say hello? Did he hate me that much?
