Gracie

by Marie Maxwell

  ‘We really have to impress this group and then they might recommend us. We need the business so badly after the lull we’ve just had,’ Ruby said as they made yet another bed.

  ‘It was a brilliant idea to advertise, we’d got into the habit of relying on the old guests but they’re slowly dying off!’ Ruby pulled a face. ‘Thoughtless of them, eh?’

  ‘You are so bad …’ Gracie laughed.

  ‘Well, it’s true. We need to get some younger guests in. Did I tell you about the new idea we’re turning over?’

  ‘No, go on …’

  At that moment, Mrs Madison the cook came huffing and puffing up the stairs to the first floor where Gracie and Ruby were piling up the linen from the bed changes. The woman was well over sixty, overweight and struggling desperately with painful arthritis and swollen joints, but she was reliable and Ruby knew she needed the wages, so the workings of the kitchen were organised to make it easy for her.

  ‘There’s someone downstairs for you. A visitor … in the lobby,’ she said, leaning hard on the door handle as she tried to catch her breath.

  ‘Oh hell! I’m not expecting anyone, Mrs M. Can you deal with it? We’re running round like a couple of blue-arsed flies up here to get ready in time for the group,’ Ruby said, as she dragged a linen bag along the landing for Johnnie to collect and take downstairs.

  ‘Not for you, dear, for Gracie. He wants to see Gracie …’ she puffed the words out.

  Gracie frowned. ‘I’m not expecting anyone either.’

  ‘I’m sorry, dear, but it’s your so-called husband. He wants to speak to you urgently, he said. Not my place to tell him to sling his hook – unless you tell me to, that is?’ the woman said with a nod of her head in the direction of the stairs.

  ‘Sean? Downstairs?’ Gracie’s jaw dropped as she absorbed exactly what Mrs Madison was saying.

  ‘That’s what I said. Shall I send him packing? Just say the word, dearie. I’ll happily boot him up the arse for you, little toe-rag that he is …’

  ‘No, it’s okay,’ Gracie said quietly. ‘Tell him I’ll be down shortly. Thank you, Mrs Madison.’

  As Mrs Madison left the room so Gracie stared at her friend.

  ‘Well, that’s a bit of a bolt. Bugger it, Rubes, what am I going to do? I don’t want a scene anywhere but especially not here.’

  ‘It’s up to you. I think all of us would happily send him packing. Maybe he wants to see Fay? Maybe Jennifer’s been in touch with your Mum and Dad and she’s told him?’

  ‘Well, he’s not seeing her, not just like that after not a peep from him for all this time,’ Gracie said sharply, ‘and anyway, he said he wasn’t the father, so why would he want to?’

  ‘You don’t have to tell me!’ exclaimed Ruby. ‘If you want, I’ll send Johnnie to get shot of him, but if you want to see him then I’ll go up and tell Jeanette to stay put with Fay. Can’t have your baby sister ripping his head off his shoulders in the lobby, can we?’ Ruby grinned as she gave Gracie a reassuring hug.

  ‘I don’t know if he knows what happened. No one’s heard from Jennifer so maybe he doesn’t know. I’ll just have to see how it goes …’ Gracie said nervously.

  ‘Well, if you want me, just shout. I’ll be straight down once I’ve got the gun …’

  Gracie went down the stairs slowly, each step making her more nervous, but when she was nearly at the bottom she sped up and tried to look calm and business-like.

  So much had happened in the year since they had got married and especially since the day that Sean had thrown her out of the flat. Gracie had got herself back together with the help of both Ruby and Jeanette, and her prime focus now was Fay, her precious daughter who she loved more than she could ever have imagined. It was Fay who made up for everything that had gone before in her life. Everything.

  Her daughter was still tiny and needed extra care to avoid catching any chills and fevers or childhood illnesses but with three mothers around to help protect and care for her, she was thriving and happy. Gracie wasn’t going to let anyone jeopardise that – especially not Sean, the father who had denied her even before she was born.

  As she neared the bottom of the stairs she looked over the banister at Sean Donnelly, the man who she had thought would be part of her future forever. She watched him for a few moments until he looked up.

  ‘Well, well. The wanderer returns …’ she said calmly, but coldly.

  Sean Donnelly looked up at his wife and grinned sheepishly.

  ‘Hello, Gracie! You look nice, you’ve had your hair cut short, it suits you …’

  Gracie immediately felt her blood starting to boil as she recognised his trait of turning on the charm. She hated that he seemed to think she was stupid enough to fall for it.

  ‘I don’t want to hear rubbish like that from you, Sean. What do you want?’

  ‘I want to talk with you, can we go somewhere private? This isn’t the right place, in here with others around.’

  Gracie stopped on the bottom step, one hand gripping the polished round on the banister post and the other on her hip. She felt better having a conversation when she was standing taller than him.

  ‘I haven’t got anything to say to you. You told me what you thought of me the day you threw me out.’

  ‘I was wrong the way I behaved, and I’m sorry. Please Gracie, can we talk?’

  Gracie thought for a moment. She wanted to turn her back and walk away but at the same time she wondered what he had to say.

  ‘Wrong? You think you were wrong, do you? Well, fancy that, lover-boy!’ Her emphasis on the last two words was pure sarcasm but it seemed to pass him by.

  ‘Please?’

  ‘I’m working and we’re busy. We can go into the office but you have to make it quick, I have a living to earn.’

  Gracie kept her expression as neutral as she could as she spoke. She couldn’t believe that he could stand in front of her with his shoulders drooping and a hang-dog expression on his face and expect her to make small talk as if nothing had happened.

  ‘How have you been?’ he said to her back as she led him along to the office. ‘You look very thin …’

  ‘Unlike the fat lump of lard you chucked out, eh? No, don’t answer that, I’ve got no time for niceties. Just tell me what you want and then leave. I’ve not got time for you.’

  Sean sat down on one of the old dining chairs that had been demoted to the office and beckoned for her to do likewise, but instead she went around the desk and perched on the window ledge, with her arms folded tightly around her.

  ‘I’m okay here …’

  ‘I won’t beat about the bush, Gracie. I’m so sorry, I was a fool. You lied to me and it upset me but I can forgive you if you forgive me. I was an idiot …’

  ‘I lied to you?’ She stared at him before continuing. ‘Okay I did, but about something in the past, before I even knew you. In the present you were sleeping with my sister behind my back, and in our bed …’

  ‘I shouldn’t have, I know, but you pushed me into it …’ He shrugged his shoulders and frowned, as if he didn’t quite understand why she was upset with him.

  ‘I made you sleep with my sister? Tit for tat?’ she interrupted him sharply. ‘Come off it, you think I believe that? You’d started with her before you knew anything about my past, my secret; she was the one who told you. She’s a spiteful bitch and you’re stupid. Neither of you know what loyalty is.’

  Sean looked down at the floor. ‘You’re still my wife, it’s our anniversary …’ he mumbled.

  ‘No, I’m not your wife, and our anniversary is something I want to forget about. Well, legally I’m your wife but that’s all. You chucked all that away when you buggered off with my sister!’ Gracie’s self-control was slipping and her voice was getting louder. ‘Traitors, the pair of you, wrecking it for everyone! My mother’s not been out of the house, she’s so distraught. We could have had everything together …’

  As she’d walked slowly down the stairs to see S
ean, Gracie had promised herself she’d stay calm and not cry but it was hard. She wanted to scream and shout and beat him around the head with her fists, especially as she was aware of baby Fay upstairs. Her beautiful fragile daughter who, if life hadn’t been so cruel, would be sturdy and strong and still have her brother alongside her in her cot. Instead, he was in an tiny coffin in the local cemetery.

  All she had of her son was the smallest few threads of hair that one of the midwives had given her, tucked inside a small cellophane envelope and marked ‘Baby Donnelly’.

  As she blinked she wondered how much Sean knew, whether Jennifer had been in touch with her mother and father since he got back.

  ‘I see you’ve given birth …’ he asked.

  ‘Oh, top marks for bloody good observation, Sean! You’ve remembered that, have you? That I was expecting your baby?’ she clapped her hands slowly. ‘Of course I’ve given birth, I’d have thought even you could work that out …’

  ‘Was it a boy or a girl? Can I see it?’

  ‘So you don’t know? You haven’t seen anyone?’

  ‘I only got back to Southend yesterday. So? Boy or girl?’

  Gracie thought for a moment before answering. She knew she would hate herself for sinking to his level but she knew what her response would be. As she looked at him and took in his guilt-free smile she hated him more than she had ever hated anyone, and she wanted him to suffer at least some of the pain she had.

  ‘Yes, I had a boy. He was stillborn – he’d died in the womb, which was why I felt so ill …’ she paused. ‘Not that you cared.’

  She knew she was wrong to mislead him and she also knew he was bound to find out but she wanted to hurt him. Really hurt him. ‘Not that that’s relevant, of course, as you were sure he wasn’t yours anyway.’

  Sean Donnelly’s expression was one of genuine shock and for a moment she thought he might even cry.

  ‘I never said that. Gracie, I’m so sorry, I can’t believe this …’

  ‘You did say that! You listened to Jennifer’s poison and believed what you wanted to believe to justify putting your sexual wants above your unborn child, to justify sleeping with your own goddamned sister-in-law!’

  At that point she could feel all the grief of the past few weeks simmering away just waiting to erupt, but then as she looked into his eyes she saw his face crumple. For a moment she felt guilty, but only for a moment; then she remembered exactly what he’d done to her. She decided she would tell him about Fay but first she wanted him to feel the same pain that she had.

  ‘Now, I have to get back to work … Is there anything else?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Gracie. I really am.’ Sean stood up and walked towards her. ‘I don’t understand what happened to me; I had a mental blackout or something. The past few weeks have been hell and I was scared to come back but I want my life back to how it was before she came along. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Evil is as evil does …’ As Sean neared her she moved away from the ledge and stood upright.

  ‘Gracie, I don’t understand how all this happened, but surely we’re both as bad as each other?’

  ‘No, we’re not, so don’t try and tar me with the same brush. Now do me a turn; get out of this hotel and out of my life and never come back.’

  He looked stunned and stared for a few moments before answering.

  ‘No, I won’t. I’m going to be around and I’ll keep coming back until you forgive me. I love you, Gracie, I always have. We’re right together – Jennifer isn’t important.’

  He leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and Gracie felt herself softening. At that moment she nearly gave in. He was her husband and the father to Fay, the little girl he was entitled to get to know and vice versa.

  ‘Please, Gracie? I’m so, so sorry I did what I did. You have to take me back. I’ll forgive you if you forgive me …’

  ‘Is it all over with you and Jennifer then?’

  Sean’s eyes darted from his feet to Gracie’s face and back to his feet again before he smiled and held his hands out to her.

  ‘Look, you have to help me here. Me mam’s going to be spitting feathers. She’s coming over next month with Yolande. I want everything to be back to normal for when she gets here, else she’ll kill me for sure. And you as well …’

  As Gracie looked at his expression, the reason for his apology fell into place. He didn’t want his mother knowing exactly what he’d done. Gracie felt her resolve strengthen once again as she moved past him and walked over to the door.

  ‘So this is because you want to appease your mother? It’s not because of our marriage? Our baby?’

  ‘Be reasonable, Gracie.’ He put his palms together as if in prayer, a pleading gesture that made her feel quite ill. ‘Please? We all make mistakes. You let me think you were a virgin, you never even told me that you’d had an illegitimate baby. For God’s sake, are you surprised I went off the rails? Come on, darling …’

  ‘But you seduced my sister, that’s not the same as going out and getting drunk.’

  ‘It was the other way round, I promise you it was. It was Jen who came after me and my mistake was that I fell for it …’

  Sean’s easy use of her sister’s name told Gracie all she needed to know.

  ‘Oh, that’s enough. Goodbye, Sean,’ she said as calmly as she could before she turned to leave the office.

  ‘I’ll be back …’

  ‘Don’t, we’ve got nothing to say to each other. Just get out.’

  ‘Do our marriage vows not mean anything? It was a year ago, our first anniversary, how can you ignore that?’

  ‘GET OUT …’ she shouted at him.

  Gracie pulled the door open for him and then stood stock-still as he went through it. She watched as he walked through the lobby and then turned and ran out of the building without another word.

  As Sean left, Ruby came down the stairs.

  ‘How did it go with him?’ she asked.

  ‘I can’t talk about it, I’m so bloody furious. He’s little boy sadness and blackmail, but one thing I do know is that I have to keep a close eye on Fay, because once he knows about her, he’ll sure as hell be back.’

  ‘You need to have a nice strong brandy, but I suppose a cuppa will have to do while we’re working.’

  ‘I’d better go up and tell Jeanette what’s going on …’ Gracie said, but then she stopped and shook her head as the full impact of what she’d just done hit her. ‘My mother was right all along. I am a nasty piece of work.’

  ‘Oh Gracie, Grace, you know that’s not true! Come through to the kitchen, we’ll have a tea break and you can tell me what happened.’

  ‘I can’t talk about it, I have to think. I’ve just done something that makes me as bad as him. Or worse.’

  Gracie’s voice was filled with panic and as she looked at Ruby, she felt physically sick. She had denied her baby’s very existence to the child’s own father. The same as he had denied his daughter before she was born.

  ‘I’ll have to go after him …’

  Gracie ran out of the hotel as fast as she could and looked both ways, but there was no sign of Sean Donnelly and she had no idea where he was staying.

  At that moment she hated herself more than she hated him.

  TWENTY-ONE

  Ruby Blakeley was wearing unflattering dungarees and a headscarf knotted on top of her head in an attempt to keep the dust at bay as she mucked in to help with the refurbishment of the house next door to the Thamesview.

  ‘I feel like a Land Girl,’ she said to Johnnie. ‘They used to work in and around Melton during the war and I thought they looked so unkempt, and yet here I am, looking like something the cat’s dragged in …’ She stood in front of him in an exaggerated ballet pose, arms high and one leg gracefully pointing to the side.

  He reached out and touched the tip of her nose.

  ‘You look gorgeous in whatever you wear, but I’m not too sure about the dusty face powder. It’s a bit pale for you and it�
�s turned your lips white …’

  ‘Sheeesh … And have you looked in a mirror lately? You look as if you’ve suddenly aged fifty years, your hair is covered in dust and paint. But as Babs used to say, you can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Or nails …’ she held her hands out in front of her. ‘Look, every single one of them is done in.’

  ‘Tea break time, I think. You sit on this ‘ere comfy orange box and I’ll nip next door and fix us something,’ Johnnie said.

  ‘No, I’ll go – you finish that last bit of wall before Babs and George arrive. I really want them to be impressed with our efforts, both in here and next door. Anyway, I need to check they’re doing what they should be doing in the kitchen. That new daily doesn’t do much if I’m not waving the whip.’ Ruby flicked an imaginary whip.

  ‘Oh, they’ll be impressed alright, we’ve all worked like navvies and it’s coming on a treat in here! It’ll soon be habitable downstairs, and the rest will come in time. Probably another year before the whole building is fit for what you want it for!’ Johnnie replied.

  ‘We,’ emphasised Ruby. ‘Fit for what we want it for …’

  ‘No way is there a we in this business! I don’t want to be labelled a gold-digger. I’ve already overheard talk about me being after your inheritance, especially from Sean. I think he thought he should have been part of the business.’

  ‘Well, we both know that’s not true so whoever’s saying that can go and take a long walk down a short pier because they don’t matter – especially when it’s someone like Sean Donnelly saying it!’ Ruby shook her head angrily. It infuriated her that people who knew nothing about her relationship with Johnnie Riordan, the love of her life from the moment she met him on her return to London from her evacuation, felt that they could pass judgement.

  ‘Go and make the tea, woman – I’ve got men’s work to do …’ Johnnie laughed and pointed to the doorway that was missing a door, as Ruby curtsied. ‘Yes, master …’

  Ruby had been able to buy the vacant property next to the hotel at a bargain basement price because it had fallen into such disrepair it wasn’t habitable. The reclusive old lady who had lived and died there had no family that anyone knew of and had refused all offers of help from her neighbours in her final years. In fact, as best they knew, no one had even been allowed over the threshold since before the war.