Gracie

by Marie Maxwell

  ‘No thanks, it’s too late now. I’ll have to go back as soon as possible to see Sean so shopping will have to wait!’

  Not wanting anyone to see her panic, Gracie casually picked up her handbag and strolled off down the path until she was out of sight, then ran to the telephone box, hoping against hope that Edward hadn’t already left.

  ‘Can I speak to Edward Woodfield, please?’

  ‘He’s not here … who’s calling?’

  Immediately Gracie recognised the voice as Louisa’s. She doubted for a moment that she would remember who she was, but she didn’t want to give her name just in case.

  ‘When he comes back would you tell him I’m sorry, something came up …’

  ‘Who is this?’ Louisa asked curiously. ‘And sorry for what?’

  ‘He’ll know. Please tell him.’

  ‘Is that Gracie from Southend?’ Louisa’s tone was gleefully curious.

  Gracie didn’t answer, just gently replaced the receiver and went back to the Wheaton’s house knowing she had to pack. It was time to go home.

  ‘Is it okay to phone Ruby now?’ she asked George, who was in the kitchen tucked in his usual corner beside the boiler holding Fay, and rocking her back and forth.

  ‘Of course it is. Help yourself.’

  Gracie made the phone call to Ruby and it was arranged that Johnnie Riordan would drive to Melton the next day and take her and Fay home.

  She went back upstairs to her room, walked over to the window and looked out. The window was at the side of the house and looked out over the fields. She remembered Ruby telling her about life in Melton, about her friends and their free and easy lifestyle. Ruby had wanted more excitement in her life than a village could offer but Gracie could imagine living there quite happily with Fay.

  She stared for several minutes before she realised she was imagining life in the country with Fay, but she hadn’t even thought about giving Sean, her husband, a place in the scenario.

  It saddened her to accept that her marriage to Sean Donnelly was dead and buried but she knew there could be no going back despite their marriage vows made barely a year before.

  TWENTY-SIX

  On the drive back to Southend Johnnie explained to Gracie exactly what had been going on. Whereas Ruby would have been gentle and a little evasive in telling her the details, Johnnie was far more forthright. He wasn’t tactless, he simply thought Gracie didn’t need to be protected from the facts of the event and she in turn appreciated it.

  ‘Sean turned up out of the blue, really drunk, which was a shock because I’d never seen him like that before. He was shouting and swearing in the lobby like a navvy. I mean, he was disrupting the guests, threatening to beat the hell out of anyone who was in his way, so I had to remove him …’

  Gracie managed a smile. ‘I can guess what you mean by that.’

  ‘I was very restrained, I’ll have you know.’ Johnnie grinned. ‘I simply had a word in his ear, took him by the arm and led him outside, but he’d already caused havoc for Ruby before I got there. It was daytime so there were lots of people around.’

  ‘I suppose he thought I was there. Jennifer probably fired him up, she seems to have that power over him, but he shouldn’t have done it …’

  ‘We told him you weren’t there but he didn’t believe us, which was fair enough, but to carry on like that in the hotel was bloody ridiculous.’ Johnnie said firmly. ‘If you want to know what I think, Sean is making a fuss to put himself back in the right. It was such a childish temper tantrum. I was shocked but I could see what you meant about him being a mummy’s boy; that was a really spoilt child in action.’

  ‘But he’s getting good at that, turning the tables. I think Jennifer must have taught him – the bitch!’ Gracie let out a short burst of humourless laughter before continuing. ‘But I still don’t really understand what the hell’s going on and I don’t want to blame her for everything, even though I do hate her guts. Any idea about what he knows, doesn’t know? How he knows?’ Desperate to find out what was going on she fired the questions at him.

  ‘Not really, he was so drunk. But I got his new address from him. I told him it was either that or I phoned the police and had him nicked then and there, and he understood,’ Johnnie said with a slight nod of his head. ‘Why not go and see him without Fay and get the lay of the land? Seems he’s living in a room in a house in Westcliff and working in a seafront café.’

  Gracie looked sad. ‘That’s a shame, he had such high hopes with his job and we loved our flat. It wasn’t Buckingham Palace but it was a first proper home for both of us. Now everything is gone. Stupid idiot that he is. And me … I was stupid …’

  She looked out of the car window. A year ago they had everything going for them: good jobs, a nice place to live and a baby on the way. Life could have been good but it had been snatched away because of her stupid deceit, his intransigence and her sister’s total lack of family loyalty.

  ‘Seems he blew his chances at the Palace when he left without a word,’ Johnnie continued. ‘He was at work one day and then disappeared the next. Or so one of the Palace girls told Ruby. Not the way to be Mr Popularity!’

  ‘I know you don’t like to agree but this whole situation, all of it, is my fault. I wish I could go back to just before the wedding, I really do …’

  ‘But if you’d told Sean he probably wouldn’t have married you, and if you hadn’t got married you wouldn’t have Fay so there are two ways of looking at it. I’d go for the positive view myself, as someone who has cocked up so many times,’ Johnnie said quietly. ‘I mean, I feel so bad about Sadie, God rest her soul. I did that all wrong but I have my sons and I couldn’t wish them away.’

  Gracie reached over and touched his hand on the steering wheel.

  ‘Thanks Johnnie, and thanks for coming to collect me. Babs said she’d bring me back but I didn’t want to put on her any more than I already have and I didn’t fancy the train with the carrycot.’

  ‘Can you imagine Ruby letting that happen? No, it’s my pleasure, my dear. And anyway it’s nice to have a drive out sometimes.’

  Gracie looked at him and smiled.

  Johnnie Riordan was tall, fair and slender in a fit, muscular way. Leaning back in the car seat, one hand relaxed on the steering wheel, his elbow on the armrest of the door and the other hand on his knee, he looked completely comfortable with himself and was happily driving slower than usual, aware of Fay in the back of the car.

  When he’d arrived to collect her from the Wheatons, Gracie had watched him say hello to Maggie as if she was just a child he knew. She had been overwhelmed with admiration for both him and Ruby at the way they could brush their own feelings aside in the best interests of their daughter.

  When Gracie had first met him, all those years ago, she had been defensive of Ruby and naturally wary of him, because it was no secret that Johnnie Riordan had been a bit of a lad in the past, and he was also married.

  At that time he worked in a public house in Wanstead but he was also a self-proclaimed businessman, an ambitious wheeler dealer who mostly operated on the very edge of legal, occasionally slipping over into the really dodgy territory of London’s gangland.

  Everything she knew went against him but Ruby loved him and Gracie had soon been won over.

  Ruby had been barely sixteen when they’d met and he was a few years older but much more streetwise; they had instantly clicked but it had all gone wrong when Ruby left Walthamstow and didn’t return. It was several years later he had found out that she had run away because she was expecting his baby.

  ‘What was Sean saying?’ Gracie asked, getting back to the present. ‘I mean, what was the gist of it through the drink? I just need to know how he’s thinking.’

  ‘I think you have to ask Ruby when we get back, she got the brunt of it. But for now you just relax and enjoy the rest of the journey. There’s plenty of time for the other stuff when you get back to the madhouse that is Thamesview!’ Johnnie laughed. ‘
So tell me, how are you feeling now? I bet you enjoyed your holiday. George and Babs always push the boat out for guests …’

  ‘Nicely put, Johnnie!’ she laughed. ‘We both know it wasn’t a holiday, I was packed off to stay at the Wheatons before I went really doolally and ended up in the loony bin … but yes, it was just what I needed. Everything had built up inside me, it was just too much, but I had a lot of time to think and I feel as if I know what I’m going to do’.

  ‘Thinking can be good and bad,’ said Johnnie.

  ‘I know, but this was mostly good!’

  Gracie looked sideways at the young man she had come to think of as a brother; he was good company and had a good business head on him but mostly she liked and envied the way he unconditionally loved Ruby. It was how she had wanted her husband to be, but she could see that Sean simply hadn’t loved her enough.

  ‘How are the boys? And your sister?’ she asked, to deflect the conversation away from herself.

  ‘They’re fine. Betty is doing a great job with them, especially after the Sadie tragedy, but they need to be with me now. She’s still hostile to the idea of me and Ruby having them but she knows it’ll happen. It has to. They’re my flesh and blood, and should be with me. And with Ruby; she’ll be a fantastic step-mother.’

  ‘Are you still planning to live in the house next door?’ Gracie asked.

  ‘Probably in the basement flat when it’s finished, though we have talked about making the basement of the hotel into a flat as well. Depends where we can find most space. It’s hard when there has to be some staff accommodation …’

  ‘I’m sorry, I know I take up too much room now I have Fay. I need to find somewhere else for us.’

  ‘Don’t be daft, I didn’t mean you! You’re not staff, Gracie, you’re family and you earn your keep. Ruby couldn’t have managed in those early days after Leonora died without you.’

  Gracie felt a blush rise up over her face but it was a pleasant glow, brought on by the welcome compliment. After all the bad things that had happened it was just what she needed.

  The journey continued in companionable silence. Gracie watched the passing countryside and towns with half an eye while at the same time thinking about her imminent confrontation with Sean.

  She also wondered about Edward, but common sense told her it was for the best that their meeting had been thwarted. Regardless of Sean’s behaviour, she was still a married woman with a baby. It would have been wrong to even think about meeting him again. Two wrongs never make a right and Edward Woodfield would have to be put back in the box of memories; the ship that sailed without her.

  As they pulled up at the Thamesview Gracie felt the nausea rising all over again, and she hoped against hope that Sean wasn’t hanging around watching. She needed to get inside, get Fay settled and then hear the whole story from Ruby before she decided what she was going to do next.

  That evening, after hearing all the details about Sean’s crazed visit, Gracie had gathered herself together emotionally and, going against everything Ruby and Johnnie counselled, she left Fay with Jeanette and went to see Sean. She wanted to see him on her own terms and she also wanted to visit without telling him so she could see if Jennifer was there with him.

  Gracie felt really uncomfortable as she knocked on the door of the rundown old house in nearby Westcliff, which had been converted into several bedsits with a shared bathroom and kitchen on each floor. The paint was peeling off the whole building, there were cracked panes on some of the windows and the front garden looked like it was a dumping ground for the whole street. As she waited, a mangy dog appeared from the overgrown hedge at the side of the house, her teats hanging low. She had three small puppies around her feet. Gracie remembered the piece of cake that Babs had given her for the journey and pulled it out of her bag just as the door opened. She threw it quickly towards the hedge.

  ‘Which is the door for Sean Donnelly?’ she asked the angry-looking old woman who pulled the door back.

  ‘Is he the Irishman? Upstairs, first door on the left.’

  Gracie started to thank her but she disappeared straight into the nearest door and slammed it hard. She walked into the darkness of the hall and then gingerly made her way up the decrepit staircase to the next floor.

  She found the door and tapped gently on it. When there was no answer she knocked properly. It was a good minute before it was opened and she found herself face to face with Sean.

  ‘Gracie! What the fuck are you doing here?’ His voice was flat and she could smell the alcohol on his breath.

  Glancing over his shoulder Gracie quickly scanned the room; she had been so convinced that Jennifer would be there she wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed to see the room behind him was empty. But regardless, she was mortified to see what he had gone down to.

  The room was noticeably damp and dingy with just a single bedstead, a battered old armchair that looked on the verge of collapse and a chest of drawers; a heap of his belongings were strewn around an open suitcase and he had a candle burning precariously in an old saucer. On the floor beside the armchair was an open bottle of whisky but no glass and it was obvious he’d been drinking straight from the bottle.

  ‘Ruby said you wanted to see me so here I am,’ she said, trying to ignore the state of the room. ‘I didn’t think the hotel where I work was the right place for this, not after what you did. Are you going to invite me in?’

  ‘No, I’m not,’ he slurred.

  ‘Oh Sean,’ Gracie sighed as she stared at him. Despite everything, she wanted to reach out and hug him. He was still her husband and it upset her to see him like this. ‘You don’t have to live like this, Sean. There’s stuff from the flat stored in the shed at the hotel, you could get another place better than this …’

  ‘Fuck all of that, and fuck you, slut …’

  He slammed the door in her face so hard it rattled on the hinges.

  ‘Sean …’ she said through the door. ‘Sean, please let me in …’ She rattled the handle and knocked harder but the door was locked from the other side and there was no response, other than a loud ‘Shut up’ bellowed from behind a door further along the hallway.

  Gracie’s hands were shaking as she fumbled in her bag for her diary and a pencil. She tore a page out and wrote a short note which she pushed under the door.

  He seemed to have completely forgotten that he had wanted to see her because of Fay. In the fug of drink he had probably forgotten she existed the moment the door closed.

  As she walked out of the entrance to the building she saw the dog again; she was sitting on the step looking sad while her pups hung on teats from underneath, desperately trying to feed. It was the final straw for Gracie; she sat down beside the dogs and burst into tears.

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  Sean was trying to focus on the words on the scrap of paper when there was another knock on the door. He ignored it.

  ‘Come on, Sean. It’s me, open the door …’

  He turned the key and walked over to his bed, leaving Jennifer McCabe to let herself in.

  ‘Ooooh, pigsty!’ She laughed and turned her nose up as she picked her way through the débris on the floor, then sat down carefully on the edge of the sagging armchair to avoid falling down the dip in the middle.

  ‘No worse than yours,’ he slurred.

  ‘What did she want?’

  ‘You heard. I saw you hanging over the banister like an ape, you’re lucky she didn’t see you as well.’

  Sean was already lying flat out on the bed; fully clothed but very dishevelled. He still had the note in his hand.

  ‘I’m far cleverer than that! I also saw her write you a message. How cute of her, slipping love notes under the door.’ Jennifer waved her fingers at him. ‘Hand it over, lover. No secrets, remember?’

  ‘How did you know she was here?’ he asked.

  ‘I was in the kitchen and I heard her. She’s my beloved sister, I’d know that sweet voice anywhere. Now, give me the no
te.’

  He held his arm out and she reached over and snatched it from him.

  ‘You’re not going to meet her, are you? Actually, let me say it this way: you’re not going to meet her. You’d better not, I’ve told you to stay away from her – she’s a slut.

  ‘I’ve got a daughter and I want to see her, and you can’t stop me …’ he rolled over on the bed as he spoke.

  ‘How many times do I have to say this?’ Jennifer said coldly. ‘Her or me. You can’t have both …’

  ‘But the baby …’

  ‘… probably isn’t yours,’ she interrupted, finishing the sentence. ‘We’ve gone over this so many times, you idiot, so why are you bothering? To appease my dear sister Gracie? Or to keep your precious mammy happy? What about me? I love you the way none of the other buggers ever will. I’ve given up everything for you …’

  But as she looked over at him she realised he wasn’t listening. Sean had fallen into a drunken stupor.

  As the snoring started she stood up and went over to him. She stripped all her clothes off, climbed over him into the narrow bed, snuggled down in the curve of his back and pulled the covers up over them both. When he woke she would be ready to convince him that he wouldn’t be going to visit Gracie under any circumstances.

  What had started as a bit of spontaneous amusement had quickly turned into something much more serious for the slightly unstable Jennifer McCabe. All she had really intended was to have some fun at her sister’s expense, exert a bit of power and cause a few problems between them. She hadn’t intended to actually have an affair, she hadn’t even liked him very much, but then it had all got out of control and she had quickly and illogically ended up obsessively in love with the man who was still her brother-in-law.

  Although they had always been lumped together as ‘the twins’, Jennifer had spent her childhood in the shadow of her much prettier and more exuberant twin sister. From babyhood she had been the Plain Jane of the family and the older she got, the more it rankled that no one seemed to look beyond that. She hated the way that she and Jeanette were always being compared because Jennifer knew without doubt that she was by far the smarter of the two but no one seemed to care about that.