A Forbidden Rumspringa

by Keira Andrews

  David snorted. “Who would they tell? It’s not like Bishop Yoder’s going to come to the movies.”

  “I suppose not.” Isaac pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and eyed the food resting on the dashboard and the seat between them. “I’m not sure where to start.”

  David unwrapped his sandwich and took a huge bite. “Anywhere,” he mumbled.

  Laughter bubbled up in Isaac’s chest, and before he knew what he was doing, he dragged his finger across David’s chin, swiping away the red sauce that dripped there. He brought his finger to his mouth and flicked his tongue out to taste. “Wow. That really is good.” He slowly sucked his finger clean, savoring the smoky-sweet flavor. Then he licked his lips.

  Staring at Isaac, David swallowed his mouthful with an audible gulp. “Uh-huh.” He didn’t take another bite, and silence stretched out.

  A loud noise made them both jump. The sound rolled in a rhythm, and Isaac stared at the radio. As more instruments joined in, up on the screen a yellow statue spelled out 20th Century Fox. Isaac and David smiled at each other, chuckling. Isaac picked up his hot dog and settled in, ignoring the voice in his head that screamed of these wicked, worldly deeds.

  Two hours later, Isaac rubbed his eyes. His belly was full, and he felt as though he’d hardly blinked. The movie on Mervin’s Touch was one thing, but seeing explosions and practically naked women bigger than life on a huge screen was another.

  “Did you like it?” David asked. Other cars were pulling away toward the exit across the field, but he didn’t turn the key.

  “I don’t know. I…” Isaac exhaled. “That’s a lie. I did like it. It just seems like I shouldn’t! All those people dying, even if they were bad. But it was exciting to watch.” His fingers were sticky with butter and cheese, and he wiped them with a paper napkin, finishing off his Pepsi with a loud slurp.

  “I liked it too.“ Eyes alight, David whispered, “Your secret’s safe with me.”

  Isaac’s skin prickled, and he felt too warm. “I guess we should get back.”

  With a sigh, David nodded and joined the line of cars inching toward the road. “Sorry—it takes a while to get out of here when it’s busy.”

  “It’s okay,” Isaac said, finding that even though it was getting late, he really didn’t mind at all.

  June’s farmhouse was dark when they drove up, but the light over the workshop faithfully turned on as David parked the truck near it. Isaac had no idea how it worked, but it was a handy thing, this motion detector. Lanterns do just fine. Don’t go getting carried away after one night in the world.

  Inside, Isaac changed back into his clothes with his gaze resolutely on the floor. After a deep breath, he pulled down the zipper on his borrowed jeans himself. He hopped back into his pants, buttoning the flap over his fly with fast fingers. He didn’t bother with the three hooks at the top of his shirt, and shrugged on his jacket over it. He could see David moving in the corner of his eye, but didn’t dare look until he was sure David was dressed.

  “Oh, before I forget…” David said, his voice muffled.

  Isaac turned to find David bent over and peering into the little refrigerator. His black pants stretched tightly over his backside, and Isaac willed himself to look away as a deep ache set his cock and balls tingling. It must have been an after effect of the movie, or perhaps the huge amount of Pepsi he’d drunk. He just had to relieve himself, that was all.

  David pulled out a clear bag holding whole fish. He wrapped them in a cloth before dropping them in a black sack and handing it to Isaac. “For your mother. I’ll tell mine they weren’t biting tonight.”

  Isaac took the sack, his fingers brushing David’s. He steadied his breath. “I need…is there an outhouse here?”

  “There’s a bathroom in there.” David pointed to a door at the rear of the workshop. “But you can go outside if you’d rather.”

  “I’d better. I think I’ve done enough sinning for tonight.” Now that they were returning home, the earlier euphoria was giving way to reality.

  David turned away. “Sure. I’ll meet you by the fence.”

  After he did his business by a tree, Isaac waited where Kaffi was loosely tied, head bowed and munching away. He stroked the horse’s flanks. When David arrived, his shoulders were tense, and he didn’t look at Isaac as he untethered Kaffi. Behind them, the light on the workshop went out, and they were in darkness but for the moon. Isaac blinked as his eyes adjusted.

  “I’m sorry if you regret going tonight.” David’s words were bitten out.

  “David, I don’t. At least, I don’t think I do.” Isaac’s heart skipped. “Are you angry with me?”

  Head down, David laughed, but it was razor sharp. “No, Isaac. Only with myself.”

  “Why?” Isaac touched the sleeve of David’s coat. “I wanted to come. I’m glad you trusted me.”

  When he looked up, David’s eyes shone with unshed tears. “I was selfish to bring you here. Please forgive me.”

  “What?” Isaac dropped the sack of fish and stepped closer, rubbing David’s arm. He hated to see him upset. “There’s nothing to forgive. You said yourself Mervin and I were watching a movie just last week. We’re all curious. We’re all tempted. The tighter they try to lock us away from the world, the more we wonder. They try to prevent rumspringa, but they can’t stop it. Most of the time I feel like I’m drowning in sinful thoughts. A zipper and a movie aren’t so bad, really.”

  A tear slipped down David’s cheek, and he took Isaac’s head in his hands. “Isaac, if you knew what I really wanted—” He broke off.

  Was it possible? David was touching him in a way he never had. Did he mean what Isaac thought he meant? His heart thumped, and the dark desire that secretly hummed through him day and night rose to a crescendo like the music at the start of the movie. “I want it too,” Isaac whispered. Oh God, he did. He wanted it. He wanted this.

  David took a shuddering breath, swiping his thumb across Isaac’s bottom lip. Before he could think better of it, Isaac sucked the calloused pad of David’s thumb into his mouth. David moaned low in his throat, and a warm puff of air feathered across Isaac’s face.

  He wasn’t exactly sure how it came to be that David’s thumb was replaced by David’s lips, pressing gently. The world tilted, Isaac’s head so light it might float away. He was certain he had to be back in his bed, with his brother’s snoring about to wake him from this wonderful dream at any moment.

  Because he couldn’t possibly be leaning into the solid warmth of David Lantz, feeling David’s arms steal around him, their bodies in a tight embrace as they explored each other. He’d never kissed anyone before, and it wasn’t possible that he was kissing another boy—a man—the scrape of David’s late-day stubble exhilarating against his skin.

  Isaac couldn’t be parting his lips and kissing David more deeply, tasting meat and salt and something sweeter than molasses in the next breath. It was impossible that his hands were roaming over David’s back, touching the firm, trembling muscles, wishing there was nothing in between them—that they could rut together flesh on flesh like the animals in the barn.

  Impossible! Isaac groaned, his body flowing with something that had to be electricity.

  Then he woke, David’s warmth ripped away from him with a gasp. Isaac blinked, waiting for the familiar dark shapes of his bedroom to materialize. But there was no chest of drawers or dark clothing hung from pegs on the wall. He was still standing by the fence at June’s farm, his breath shallow, and his mouth wet.

  David stumbled back. “No. I’ve done enough. I can’t do this to you too.” He lurched up the fence and onto Kaffi. “We have to go home. Come on.”

  Isaac stared up at him, his mind spinning hopelessly. “Wait.” He shook his head. “David…”

  But David wouldn’t look at him. “Isaac, get on. Please.” After a moment, he added, “Please.”

  Once Isaac was on the horse’s back, David urged Kaffi onward almost into a gallop, and Isaac bit ba
ck a cry as he clutched David’s waist. They thundered across June’s field into the woods, and as they tore around a group of oaks, Isaac lost his balance, terror twisting through him.

  David yanked on the reins, but it was too late. Isaac let go so he wouldn’t take David with him as he tumbled to the grass and fallen leaves. The air slammed from his lungs, and he opened his mouth with a silent cry, blinking at the branches arching overhead. A moment later, David’s face was above him, eyes bright, lips parted.

  “Isaac!” Kneeling beside him, he cupped Isaac’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry! Are you hurt?”

  It took a few moments for Isaac to drag in a breath, and he shook his head. A couple of bruises would likely be the extent of it.

  “Are you sure?” David ran his hands over Isaac’s limbs, pushing and prodding. “Did you hit your head? I’m so sorry.”

  “No,” Isaac croaked. He took a long, deep breath. “I’m all right. I swear.”

  “Thank you, Lord.” David leaned over him and pressed a kiss to Isaac’s forehead. “If you were hurt, I don’t know what I’d—” He inhaled sharply. “And it was because of me.” He shook his head. “Can you forgive me?”

  “Of course.” Isaac reached up and brushed back David’s hair.

  His face was creased with misery. “You should run far away from me, Isaac. I’ll drag you down. Lead you to temptation.”

  Isaac considered his choice—the first he’d truly had in as long as he could remember. It was easy, really. With another deep breath, he tightened his fingers in David’s hair and pulled his head down. “I’m already there,” he whispered.

  This time he didn’t hesitate to open his mouth, seeking David’s tongue with his own as they came together on the forest floor. He had no idea what to do, but some kind of instinct spurred him on, and he urged David on top of him, spreading his legs and moaning as David rubbed against him. They kissed deeply, gasping for air and exploring every corner of each other’s mouths.

  The ground was cold with impending frost, but Isaac was alight, consumed with fire from the inside out. “Please, David. I need…I need…” He arched his hips, his cock hard as a rock in his pants. It felt so good, and he was desperate for something he couldn’t name.

  “Are you sure?” David held himself up on his arms.

  He’d traveled the devil’s path all night, and he couldn’t stop now. Didn’t want to stop. Isaac gripped David’s rear and yanked him down, grinding up against him. “Yes. Yes.”

  Groaning, David tugged up Isaac’s shirt and stole his hand beneath it, sending tremors through Isaac’s belly. The feel of David’s long fingers caressing his bare chest and nipples had Isaac bucking up wildly. Everything was taste and sound and sensation, and they panted together in a frenzy.

  David kissed Isaac messily as he rubbed against him. “Oh help me. I’ve wanted this for so long. Wanted to touch you and hear you cry out for me. I can’t believe this is real.”

  “David,” Isaac moaned, working his hands beneath David’s shirt to grip his sides and feel the muscles flexing there.

  “Let me hear you, Isaac.”

  His cries and calls echoed through the rustling leaves as Isaac gave himself over to the growing fervor within him, the pure bliss licking out through his body like flames spreading through a hayloft. David buried his face in Isaac’s neck, his lips soft and wet as he thrust against him.

  Isaac wondered what it would be like without their pants on and nothing between them. Gasping, he tangled his hands in David’s hair, breathing his name as he reached the edge. When he tipped over the side, it was like falling from Kaffi’s back all over again. Yet this time he didn’t come down, instead launching above the treetops as if he could touch the stars.

  He floated back into himself and held David close, not caring that he’d made a mess of his pants. He could feel David’s hard shaft through the material, and he wrapped a leg around David’s hip to encourage him. Straining, after another minute David shook and exclaimed something Isaac couldn’t understand. He petted David’s hair as they caught their breath, tangled together.

  This can’t be true.

  David kissed his neck as he moved up to Isaac’s face, pressing pecks to his cheeks, forehead, nose and chin, and to the corners of his eyes. His lips were gentle, and Isaac had never felt so cared for. So special.

  “My little eechel.”

  The endearment was nonsense—little acorn—but Isaac’s heart swelled. David kissed him again, this time finding his mouth tenderly. Nearby, Kaffi ambled, rustling the foliage as he munched contentedly.

  Isaac waited for the horror of what they’d done to reach him—to grip his soul in mortal terror. Yet as they kissed and breathed each other in, sticky and sated with the oaks standing sentinel, Isaac felt only a peace and wholeness he hadn’t realized he’d been missing.

  That it was a sin, he had no doubt. But it was the sweetest he’d ever known.

  “Just where do you think you’re going?”

  Heart sinking, Isaac froze by the front door, straw hat poised over his head. He glanced back at Mother in her rocking chair in the main room, Father reading a prayer book in his rocker next to her. Father turned the page, but Mother raised an eyebrow.

  “Isaac, you look like you did when I used to catch you sneaking an extra piece of streusel. Don’t wander far—we’re going visiting at the Lapps’ shortly.”

  “But I promised Mervin and Mark we’d go to the lake.” The lie flowed easily.

  “Surely that water’s far too cold now. You should take your other hat too. Time to put the summer hats away. Don’t you think?” she asked Father.

  “Mmm,” he affirmed, eyes still on his page.

  “All right, I’ll get my other hat.” Isaac’s pulse raced. “So can I go?”

  Mother eyed him sharply. “What’s at the lake? You can’t be swimming. More fishing? Didn’t you have enough of it last night? Not that you actually caught anything. Seems to be a waste of time.”

  He’d completely forgotten the sack of fish by June’s fence after David kissed him. It was incredible to even think the words—David kissed me. The memory of what they’d done should have shamed him, but hungry desire sparked instead. The sweet wet of David’s mouth, his breath hot, rutting together, and—

  Isaac dropped his gaze to the floor and forced his mind blank. “We were just going to play around.”

  Father cleared his throat. “The Lapps are expecting us all.”

  He sighed. “Yes, Father.” He knew that when Father used that tone, his pronouncements were as carved in stone as the commandments.

  Squeezed in the back of the family buggy with his brothers and Katie before long, Isaac winced. His back was sore from where he’d tumbled to the ground, and the bumping of the buggy didn’t help. He fiddled with the knife in his pocket and remembered the night before, careful not to let his mind stray too close to what had happened on the forest floor. He was liable to tent his pants.

  After he and David—a current pulsed through him just at the thought of David’s name—had become too cold in the night air and straightened themselves, they’d remounted Kaffi.

  He’d rested his cheek against the stiffness of David’s jacket. His arms wound around David’s waist, and he’d held on tighter than before, closing his eyes to the dark forest and sure he could drift off right there. The gentle rocking as Kaffi walked home made him like a baby in a cradle. Just to hold David close was bliss.

  “Don’t fall asleep now,” David had teased.

  “Mmm.” Isaac had opened his eyes.

  Reaching back, David had stroked Isaac’s thigh. Wonderful warmth flowed from David’s hand all through him. They’d continued on in comfortable silence, and still Isaac had waited for the proper disgust for what they’d done to find him. It remained mysteriously absent.

  When David’s darkened house came into sight, Isaac had roused himself enough to sit up straight and keep a respectable few inches between them on Kaffi’s back.
In the stable, David had turned the lantern on low, and Isaac led Silver from her stall, dreading the buggy ride home on the dark road. David had fiddled with a curry comb, and they’d stared at each other.

  Now it would happen, Isaac had thought. The guilt and accusations. The blame for the sins they’d committed.

  But they’d only moved into each other’s arms as if they had a hundred times before. Isaac held David close, Silver’s reins looped over his wrist. “Thank you,” he’d whispered.

  David took a deep breath. “I don’t want to wake up from this.” He’d pulled back and pressed their lips together. “Get away tomorrow if you can. They’ll all be visiting. I’ll make an excuse. Mother won’t question me.”

  “I’ll try.” The very notion that there would be a tomorrow for them had made him so happy.

  David had drawn his fingertips down Isaac’s cheek. “This will be our own little rumspringa. They never have to know.”

  A tendril of fear unfurled in Isaac as he’d remembered what they were risking, but he’d pushed it away.

  “Isaac!”

  He blinked back to attention, jostling against Nathan as the buggy lurched over a dip in the road. His siblings watched him. “Huh?” he asked.

  “What’s up with you today?” Ephraim regarded him suspiciously.

  “Nothing!” Isaac willed himself not to blush.

  “So?” Katie said, watching him expectantly. “What about David?”

  “David?” He felt hot under his felt hat and wished he’d worn the straw even if the wind was whipping today.

  She rolled her eyes. “Do you like him?”

  “Why would I?” Isaac’s heart was like rain beating on the tin roof.

  “Is he really good to work for? You’re away so much now we hardly talk to you.” Ephraim leaned in and lowered his voice. “We just want to know what it’s like being off the farm.”

  “It’s…good.” Isaac didn’t trust himself to say anything else at the moment.

  “One day I’m going to be the teacher,” Katie pronounced.