Miss Taken

by Sue Seabury

In case it isn’t obvious, this date was not turning out to be much fun.

  I couldn’t stand it any longer. Interrupting his thoughts on the comparative merits of working in a pizzeria versus an ice cream shop, I asked, “Are you looking for someone?”

  “No,” he protested a little too quickly. “I don’t know anyone here. Who would I be waiting for?” He cracked his gum many times in a row.

  I considered him for a long moment. “Wanna walk around?”

  “Sure, yeah, good idea.”

  Kyle didn’t make a move to hold my hand. Several kids from school were there, which was to be expected, but it didn’t seem like a good enough reason not to at least touch me in some way, even if it wasn’t to stroll along with our hands in each others’ back pockets like some couples were doing.

  The remainder of the “date” with Kyle was spent by me fantasizing about whether Ned would have held my hand or stuck it in my back pocket (I’m not sure I would have liked that anyway. Things are a bit squishy back there. Have to get those leg lifts on the schedule.) and regretting all the time I wasted on attempting to fix my hair and trying on a dozen different outfits that were now lying wrinkled on my bedroom floor, all for this dud of a night out.

  After we circled the mall twice on all three levels there was still a little time left till my mom was due. I asked Kyle where he was planning on meeting his mother. He said, “Oh. Umm, where is your mum picking you up?”

  I told him. He said, “Oh, no, my mum said she’d meet me at the other end, by Lacy’s.”

  I considered telling him that I was going to call my mother and tell her to pick me up at Lacy’s too, just to see his reaction. Then I decided he wasn’t worth it.

  There was just no chemistry with this guy. I had let my head get turned by the slightest bit of attention from a boy. This was a sucky lesson, for sure. I picked up Kyle’s wrist in one last attempt to be flirty and salvage this lame date.

  “Well, I guess it’s about time for me to be going.” I looked meaningfully at him.

  “Oh, yeah,” he said, twisting his hand away from mine and up into a wave. “Well, this was fun. Thanks for coming out with me tonight.”

  I leaned in ever so slightly as one final, unmistakeable hint. He saw he couldn’t escape and gave me the driest, most brotherly peck, nowhere near my mouth. “Say, would you want to meet up sometime this weekend to study?”

  My cheek felt cold where his lips had touched it. “I’m pretty busy.”

  “Okay then. See you Monday.” Single shot from a finger pistol.

  So that was that. I turned without even saying goodbye. Even though you would think my eyes should have toughened up by this point, they were prickling dangerously. I walked away quickly, doing long division with three digit divisors to make the tears retreat. I was only about twenty feet away from Kyle when an idea struck me.

  I turned around just in time to see him heading down the corridor leading to the movie theaters.

  Robin Jane’s sixth sense was right. That red hair of his is good for something. I had no trouble keeping tabs on him.

  He was definitely meeting someone. But not with a million chances would I have ever guessed who that someone was.

  Even though I was easily a hundred feet or more away from them, I had no trouble recognizing that impeccably styled golden hair.

  Hannah.

  I could still hear her telling me how he “wasn’t her type.” I guess tigers don’t change their stripes so easily after all.

  I watched them buy their tickets and go in to the theatre, hands in each others’ back pocket of their pants. Why I stayed to watch that part, I don’t know. Just before they went in, Hannah turned, looked straight at me and - I swear - winked.

  Even as my eyes fogged up with condensation, the strains of mall music got through to my ears. “Maneater.” Never was a more appropriate song ever translated into Muzak.

  Those contacts of mine needed to come out. And I was going to be late for meeting my mother.

  As I made my way to the other end of the mall, I counted tiles containing gold flecks. Mom could hear me panting from practically running to be on time but that didn’t stop her from scolding. That pushed me over the edge.

  “Not now, Mom, please,” I said, my voice cracking.

  The only good thing about being a blubbering idiot was that it shut her up.

  I was so happy to see my laundry pile. I vowed never to get off it to go out again. It was much more loyal than any stupid human ever would be.

  The next day I was supposed to meet a certain traitor for tutoring at the library. I called her, expecting her to cancel or at least explain how she had had the nerve to do what she did. She acted like nothing had changed between us.

  Maybe she hadn’t seen me at the mall. But then I had to wonder if Kyle told her about our lame little kid date right before their big date to the double feature movie that didn’t let out until after midnight. The idea of the two of them laughing into their giant tub of popcorn at my naivete made me feel sick all over again.

  I canceled on her, saying that I wasn’t feeling well, which wasn’t even a lie. The two-faced witch had the nerve to act all concerned. Before I could start blubbing into the phone, I hung up.

  Strange but true scientific fact: Only 3-5% of mammals are monogamous.

  I spent a miserable weekend wallowing in self-pity. The weather was foul to match my mood. When Monday rolled around again, I marched through the day, not even attempting to conceal my anger from any and all of the guilty parties. Kyle was a quick study and steered clear of me. Hannah stopped me in the hall, ostensibly to ask if I was feeling better.

  Ha. As if she ever cared a whit about me other than my amazing abilities in the math realm.

  I waved off her phony concern and stalked away.

  She actually had the nerve to bring it up again when we were in the locker room changing for gym.

  I stared, incredulous that she was insisting on the matter.

  “I’m fine,” I snapped.

  “Well, I can see that you’re not sick,” she replied. “I’m just wondering why you’re all pissed off at me. I haven’t even seen you.”

  I was so close to shouting,“But I saw you!” I was sure she could hear me yelling inside my head.

  But rather than answer right away, I worked out the approximate square footage of the mall based on the number of tiles I had counted after catching Hannah and Kyle together. Then I realized that I had seen the answer on the TV news.

  Lightly, I asked, “So, what did you do Friday night?”

  She didn’t even have the decency to blush. “Went to the movies.”

  “Oh?” I said, acid creeping into my voice. “Go with anyone special?”

  “As a matter of fact, I had a date.” She looked away at first, but met my gaze with the word ‘date.’

  “Anyone I know?”

  “Yeah.”

  I made a solemn vow to myself that I was not going to be the first one to say his name. “Oh, really? Who?”

  “Why are we playing this game? Don’t pretend you didn’t see me wink at you.”

  Hannah’s good, I have to admit.

  “Okay, so since we both know who we’re talking about, were you aware that I had gone out with the nameless person right before you had your hot date?” Robin Jane interrogates.

  “Yeah, he mentioned it.”

  I was almost knocked over with that avowal. “How could you Hannah?”

  Hannah scowled and fluffed her hair. “You don’t get it at all, Jane.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means exactly what I said: You don’t get anything.” She paused, considering me for a minute before striking the final blow. “ You didn’t miss anything. He’s a crappy kisser.” She turned with another flip of her perfectly manicured hair and sashayed out to the gym floor.

  I sank down on a bench, grateful that there was one there to stop me from hitting the floor. More tears. It’s a go
od thing those contacts of mine are stuck on like glue.

  Strange but true scientific fact: Everyone has a blind spot where the optic nerve passes through the retina. This is why it is easier to see a star by looking slightly to one side of it.

  Some people’s blind spots are bigger than others.

  Ned continued his boycott of any acknowledgement of my existence. I tried to feel angry, but I only felt depressed. I spent another day in isolation, only coming out of my Ice Queen persona to snarl at anyone who had the audacity to approach me. There weren’t many takers.

  Diana regarded me hostilely and muttered that I was acting like a psycho. Kyle must have been warned off by Hannah. He sat as far as he could from me during bio lab and just slid the paper across the table if it was necessary that I add to it. He moved to the opposite side of the room when I picked up any power tools in wood shop. My shelf was looking more pathetic with each hole I drilled.

  The weather suddenly turned milder with that smell of thaw that makes your heart leap thinking spring is just around the corner. I asked to go to the courtyard for study hall and got permission, most likely because there weren’t any other takers as it was very muddy and not actually warm outside.

  It was probably the worst idea I had had in a while, and that is saying something. All I could do was to think about Ned. This was where we first met. This was where we came to an understanding about his bad smoking habit. This was where we had made up from another fight.

  It was also where he dumped me.

  I sat down, not caring about mud or trash or anything and dissolved into a giant puddle. I was almost fifteen years old and had accomplished exactly nothing meaningful in my life. Fifteen wasted years, having only mastered all mathematical concepts up through college level and read almost an entire unabridged dictionary, but without a quasi-boyfriend to call my own.

  I don’t know what volume of water in a body can be converted into tears before a person dehydrates herself, but apparently I reached it because the tears finally stopped.

  I sat there, staring at the ground, willing myself not to see scenes of Ned and me in this exact same spot. I thought I spied a cigarette butt, but it was actually a tiny flower pushing through the dirt. (I know it’s a stretch to think a snowdrop is a cigarette, but a warped mind will see what it wants to see.)

  I looked around and saw there were several of them, and that some of the scraggly bushes were in fact forsythia about to bloom. The ugly, neglected courtyard was actually going to be kind of pretty in spring. Since probably just about no one but myself had been crazy enough to come out here all winter, there was no trash. Someone had cleaned up all the dead leaves and it looked like trimmed the bushes as well. I almost burst out into tears again thinking how I wished Ned was here to see it with me but fortunately that well was dry.

  And no, he didn’t magically appear. But I did come to a conclusion on that cold, damp early spring day.

  Ned was always the one I wanted. Kyle I had to chalk up to temporary insanity. We just spent so much time together and he was charming and his freckles grew on me, but other than that, there was no real connection between us. He wasn’t the one for me. Especially after what he did to me with Hannah.

  But honestly, even if he is from the most exotic island in the whole world, I can’t blame any guy for losing his head over Hannah.

  He’ll get his just deserts.

  I mean, I wish them well. Robin Jane has a heart. The proof? It is beating right now with renewed hope for one brown-eyed Junior boy who is probably struggling through English class right now. I know what I have to do.

  Strange but true scientific fact: The adrenal glands sit atop the kidneys like a pair of top hats. Although they are tiny, they release hormones with the power to make a person strong enough to lift a car off her baby.

  It also gives a person the energy to walk for miles even if her shoes are not made for covering such distances.

  I didn’t bother doing my homework on the bus. I was too busy going through the list in my head to worry about unimportant matters like that. I marched straight up to my room and set to work. I knew exactly what songs to pick and in exactly what order. After only slightly more than sixty minutes, I had a soundtrack to communicate my feelings to Ned.

  I did take the time for a quick primp before setting off. I went with a new ensemble I had never tried before. Risky, I know, but today was all about taking the big risks.

  The day of my non-date with Kyle, I had discovered in the bottom of my closet a high-necked, pure white satin blouse with sleeves that pouf at the shoulder but are really tight through the forearm. It was kind of like something Mrs. Olsen from Little House on the Prairie would have worn, but way cooler.

  The color communicated purity and innocence, as well as being exactly the right shade of white for my winter skin tone. This is not easy to do in late February when nearly everyone looks washed out. I was glad I hadn’t wasted it on Kyle.

  I paired it with a full-of-romance red dirndl dress with black bodice (extra slimming right where I needed it), a big score from the Shabby Chic Shoppe clearance rack. I sent out a mental thank-you to those excellent friends back in Beckett that are definitely worth keeping in touch with. I believe we should make a semiannual visit to them, in December and June, conveniently coinciding with sales at the Shabby Chic.

  I removed the apron, and then replaced it when I found my tape deck fit into it perfectly. Practicality meets beauty. I put my multicolored rayon sweater over it all to give it my signature original look.

  It won’t surprise anyone that my hair wasn’t cooperating and I did not have the patience to fool with it. I found a white crocheted cap to stuff it in. But with my glasses-free face and flattering ensemble, I figured the rest of me was more than forgiveable even without perfect hair.

  Seizing my fuzzy mouton coat so as not to fall victim to the weather, I stepped into some clogs that were by the door and marched decisively out to accomplish my quest. It was quite a hike to Ned’s but I didn’t even feel it, at least for the first fifteen or twenty blocks. Then the front band across the clogs started to make their presence known.

  Bleeding feet or no, I was a Woman on a Mission (WOAM).

  Robin Jane is tough, she just wishes she had remembered to wear appropriate footwear to carry out her plan.

  If anyone had dared to accuse me of only thinking of spring break in New York City, I would have cheerfully scratched his or her eyes out. Spring makes everyone’s heart turn to love, and that trip wasn’t a sure thing anyway.

  By the time I made it to Ned’s house, my feet felt like they were on fire but my determination didn’t waver for one second. I did my best to not hobble as I came down the final stretch.

  I rang the doorbell before I had the chance to chicken out.

  The door opened but I found I couldn’t speak, and not just because it was Ned’s scary father who was standing there.

  I stared. He and Ned look exactly alike, allowing for twenty-five or thirty years of age difference.

  “Can I help you?” He sounded slightly impatient with the dumbstruck idiot standing in front of him.

  It took a few extra seconds before I could stammer out that I was there to see Ned. Mr. Noggin looked me over closely, brazenly, with more than a hint of distain thrown in. I almost thought he was going to tell me to go away. But then he told me, rather begrudgingly, that I could come in and wait in the vestibule. As I clip-clopped on the tile, he threw me another glare of disapproval.

  According to my watch, only two minutes went by, but it felt like at least a half-century had passed before anyone appeared. It was Ned’s mom.

  “Darling! Haven’t seen you in ages, how’ve you been?”

  It was such a tremendous relief to have someone be nice to me that I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes. But it was imperative that I check that immediately because I had put on not only mascara but eyeliner as well and I did not want to look like a raccoon for Ned.

&nbs
p; He came around the corner before I had the chance to answer Harley, but there was definitely some wariness to his lope.

  “Ned,” I said softly. I didn’t even have to remind myself to smile.

  Ned’s face was not encouraging, however. “What do you want?”

  It was a struggle to keep my smile in place. Harley said, “Ned, that is no way to speak to anyone, especially not Jean.”

  Ned ignored his mother. He didn’t even bother to correct her when she got my name wrong.

  Ouch.

  “Well?” he said.

  His voice was so cold, so hostile, I had to find common denominators for multiple four digit numbers before I could reply. Finally I managed to mumble, “Can we talk somewhere, you know, alone?”

  “Anything you have to say, you can say it here.” Ned was doing a very good impression of a brick wall.

  My smile was really having trouble hanging in there after he said that. But losing him forever would be ten million times worse than embarrassing myself in front of his parents.

  “Okay,” I whispered. Rather than waste any more breath on ordinary words, I pulled the tape deck out of my apron pocket and hit ‘play.’

  Thin strains of “My Hero, Zero” echoed around the tiled foyer. I loved the math schoolhouse rock songs so much, my dad bought me the tape of it in third grade even though it wasn’t my birthday. I had it memorized by the end of the weekend. (I already knew all my times tables of course, but I still liked the catchy tunes.)

  It sounded a little scratchy on my cheap mono-speaker player, but I swallowed every last vestige of pride, converted it directly into bravery and started singing along.

  At first my voice was so weak, I could barely hear myself. But as the song went along, I sang louder, especially when it got to the part about “And nobody really knows how wonderful you are.” I ended with a crackly off-key high note of “you are” but I didn’t care.

  Afraid that Ned’s stern face would make me forget the words, I hadn’t dared look at him until it was all over. I clicked the stop button and risked a quick glance. Ned, his mother and his father were all watching me, each with a different expression on his or her face.