Blinding Trust

by Jennifer Foor

  Savanna walked out of the room and sat on the couch. I didn’t mean it like I wanted to be with Krista. I think she’d just had enough for the night. “Look, I think it’s best that we just sever ties. Noah has met you. If you want to see him, it’s going to be here. I don’t want my son knowin’ your lifestyle. It’s not the place for a kid.”

  “So he can’t come and stay with us?”

  “No!”

  Zeke grabbed his wife by the arm and almost pulled her out of the kitchen. “If you’re going to refuse me to see my own nephew, I’m going to have to contact my lawyer. Do you really want to go about it that way, Colt?”

  “You do what you gotta do! No judge in his right mind is goin’ to think that Noah bein’ around all that partyin’ is a good idea.”

  Zeke shook his head again. “I hoped this would go better, I really did.”

  Once we watched them pull away, I hugged my wife. “It’s goin’ to be fine, Savanna. He’s just mad that we wouldn’t let him take Noah. He’ll calm down and it will be fine.”

  “I hope so,” She cried with her face tucked into my chest.

  Our kids had never been threatened like this. I didn’t know what to think. On one hand, I was hoping that it was just some phase that the guy was going through. Maybe after he left and calmed down, it would just all blow over and he would decide it wasn’t worth his time or his money. It wasn’t like I forbid him to see my son. I just said it had to be on my terms. I’m his father. He had to know that I would throw that card out there. Any good father would have done the same.

  It also wasn’t because Zeke’s appearance. I knew there was a good guy somewhere in that tough armor he wore. The problem with Zeke was the package that came with him. He may not have been using and he could have been married to a princess for all I cared. It was the crowd of people that surrounded him wherever he went. It was the type of things that his songs implied.

  He couldn’t get away from the life he’d made for himself.

  I got that he broke down after losing Krista. It made sense. The kid came from nothing and she was his only lifeline. Before they stayed with me, it was Krista who fed him and made sure he went to school. Their dad wasn’t much of a father at all. They had no supervision.

  “The bottom line is that Noah is our son. We decide what happens.”

  Savanna turned and looked at me. She was so serious and I knew what she was going to ask. “Colt, I am going to ask you something and I need you to tell me the truth, no matter how much it would hurt me.”

  “Don’t do this Savanna. I know where you’re goin’ with this.”

  She put her hand over my lips and was already starting to tear up. “When I was going to marry Ty and your father had his fall, what would you have done if Krista was on your doorstep, pregnant with your child?”

  “I would have done the right thing.” She was starting to get up. I pulled her back down beside me. “You wanted the truth and you of all people know what kind of man I am. As much as I was in love with you, I’d have to take care of them. I would have felt obligated.”

  She covered her face and I could hear sniffling. “I get it. You’re a good man, Colt. I just can’t imagine coming here and the pregnant woman at your door not being your cousin. I can’t imagine a life without you in it.”

  “You don’t ever have to, because you’re right where you belong, darlin’. I didn’t say I would ever love Krista. She came from nothin’ and if I wanted my child to be taken good care of, it would have been under my roof.”

  She still wouldn’t turn to look at me. “It doesn’t bother you that things could have turned out so differently?”

  “If your askin’ if I would have showed up for your and Ty’s wedding, I’m not goin’ to answer that.” I wasn’t that guy that runs in and breaks it up, even if it was what I wanted to do. “I’d never get over you, Savanna. Losin’ you would kill me.”

  She finally turned to face me with a face full of tears. I brushed them away as she spoke. “You’re saying that after being with me for over ten years. You don’t know what it would have been like back then. Having a baby with someone changes people.”

  “I know what I know. You were always the one. Thinking about you bein’ with Ty still makes my blood boil.”

  “Well, I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach when I hear you say that you would have just been with Krista.”

  Why did she even ask if she knew what path I would have chosen. Women were so difficult. “Oh, so it was alright for me to go to sleep in that carriage house while you were showering with my cousin?” It was a low blow and I knew that my frustration had caused our disagreement to escalate. She stood up and started walking away from me. I tried to grab her arm. “Wait!”

  Savanna turned and pointed at my face. “How dare you! You knew how hard it was for me. I wasn’t showering with Ty. He came into the bathroom. Why are we even rehashing this, Colt. It was years ago!”

  “You started this!”

  “Screw you!” She threw her little temper tantrum while walking away.

  I followed her and grabbed her from behind. “We shouldn’t be fightin’. Everything turned out the way it should have.”

  Just as Savanna finally started to relax her shoulders, we both caught a glimpse of Noah standing on the stairs. His eyes were wide open and he had tears in them. “You wished my mother dead!” He ran up the stairs and we heard his door slam shut.

  Savanna followed me up the stairs to Noah’s bedroom. He’d locked the door, so I knocked to get him to open it. “Open the door, son. We need to talk about this.”

  Silence.

  “Noah, I’m not kiddin’. If I have to break down this door, you’re goin’ to be sorry.”

  I heard footsteps and then the door knob jiggling. He didn’t open it. When I pushed the door ajar, I saw him jumping back on his bed, face first. “Are you goin’ to talk to us?”

  “I heard you, Dad. I heard you say it turned out right. You wished her dead! You wished my mom dead so you could be with her!” He pointed at Savanna and then threw himself back down on the bed.

  The damage was done. Savanna walked out of the room and I was so mad at Noah that I couldn’t think about running to her. “You watch your mouth, boy! Savanna is your mother and you don’t…”

  “SHE’S NOT MY MOTHER!”

  His words hurt me and I knew she heard them too. I grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him off the bed to a sitting position. “Don’t you ever say that!”

  “I hate her! She took my mother’s place. I wish she never even lived!”

  My bare hand made contact with Noah’s mouth faster than I could realize what was happening. I’d never been so upset with him before. He covered his mouth and started crying.

  When I stood up and got to his door, I turned back around and looked at my son, laying on his bed, bawling his eyes out. “You will stay in this room until you can apologize to your mother. Savanna may not have had you, but she is your mother in every way possible. What you just said to her, you can never take back. You remember that, Noah.” I started to walk down the hallway. “And you can forget about seein’ your uncle again. This is not happenin’ anymore!”

  Savanna was in the bathroom, in a ball, in the corner. Her head was in between her knees and she was hysterical. I couldn’t imagine the pain of Noah’s words and how they had affected her. She didn’t deserve that; not after everything she’d done for that kid. In one sentence, he had ripped her whole world apart. Nothing was more important to my wife than being a mother. I knelt down beside her. “Darlin’, he didn’t mean what he said.”

  She pulled her knees away. “Yes he did.”

  “Oh hell, Savanna. He couldn’t live without you. None of us could. He’s just mad and he’s a kid, so taking it out on us is all he knows to do.”

  “Please just leave me alone,” she cried.

  “No!” I picked her up and carried her to our bed. Once I had her on it, she turned and put her face in the co
vers so I couldn’t see her. “He will apologize and everything is goin’ to be alright. I promise!”

  She looked up at me, with makeup running down her face. “Did you see his face, Colt? I know Noah and I know when he’s serious. He meant what he said. He meant every word of it.” She cried harder. I watched her face scrunch up as the tears poured out.

  What was I supposed to say to her? Noah was probably still crying because I’d hit him. Naturally, I just wanted to walk away and come back when it was all settled. Unfortunately, I was right in the middle of it all.

  I left Savanna and Noah crying and headed to my mother’s to get the girls. At least if Savanna had them to keep her busy, she wouldn’t have time to be so emotional.

  My mother had this intuition about her. She knew when something was wrong. I’d no sooner walked in the door when she started asking me questions. “What’s wrong? It didn’t go well?”

  “Mom, nothin’ about it was well. Zeke wants to take Noah home with him. Noah told his mother that she wasn’t his mother. He said he hated her.” I shook my head in disappointment. “I slapped him.”

  She walked over and hugged me. Right away my daughter reached out for me to pick her up. She was getting entirely too big to be carried around. I looked down at the couch and saw that Christian was asleep and laying on Lucy’s leg. Christian didn’t get naps like her sister, so she was always the first to conk out. Lucy smiled but stayed quiet so she didn’t wake her. “Son, this is what being a parent is all about. There is good and there is bad. I hate to tell you this, but the rebelling doesn’t go away over night. I’m afraid this is probably just the beginning.”

  “Savanna is never goin’ to forget this. I’m afraid this can’t be undone.”

  “Time heals all wounds. You and I both know how much that kid loves her. He reminds me of someone I know.” She patted me on the back.

  “What did you do when I got mouthy?”

  “I hit you with a wooden spoon!”

  I suddenly remember running from the wooden spoon. “You never caught me.”

  “No, but your father’s belt did the trick, didn’t it?”

  That was something that I could never forget. He used to snap it to scare me. I learned to mind what I said, in fear of getting that leather smacked across my bare ass. “Yeah.” I finally smiled.

  “Get the girls home and just be there for your wife. Everything will work itself out. You have to have faith, Colton.”

  I kissed my mother and Lucy goodbye before getting the girls back to the house. Savanna and Noah were both in their bedrooms. It was difficult to carry both of them, but I was used to the task. Once I got Christian in her room, I carried Addy straight to her mother. When I laid her down beside her, she started to stir and it got Savanna’s attention. She wrapped her arms around our daughter and kissed her little head. She was still sobbing, but I knew that this was the best thing for her. She needed to feel that motherly connection, even if it was with another one of our children. “Why you cryin’, Momma?”

  “I was just sad.”

  “It’s okay, Momma.”

  We didn’t know why she’d started calling Savanna that, but my wife loved it.

  I wrapped my arms around Savanna and Addy, but said nothing to her. I just wanted her to know that I was there for her.

  As far as Noah went, well, I left that kid in his room without checking on him. He needed to feel left out, because he’d hurt her so badly. This was going to leave scars and I wasn’t okay with that.

  Chapter 7

  Savanna

  I wanted to wake up and it all have been a nightmare. Noah’s words repeated over and over again. It was breaking my heart each time. Then there was the fight with Colt. I knew we’d both been too frustrated to have that sort of conversation, but I forced it anyway.

  Now he was mad, at not only Noah, but me as well.

  It felt good to have his arms around me, and even better to have Addy in bed with us. It also reminded me of the child in the other room, who had broken my heart. I never thought I would hear him say such awful things to me. Hearing that he hated me was just indescribable.

  When morning came, I was afraid to get out of bed. I didn’t know what to say to Noah. I just loved him so much and if he didn’t love me, I didn’t know how I could handle that.

  Colt took Addy downstairs early. I could hear him talking to Christian when I started walking down the stairs. Since she had no idea what happened the night before, I put on a happy face. “Good morning, pretty girl.”

  “Hi, Mommy. Grandma and Aunt Lucy let me stay up and watch the show with the duck mans in it.”

  “The duck men, you mean?”

  “Yeah, that’s what I said.”

  She loved watching the men with the long beards goofing around. Colt never missed an episode and now he had the whole family watching it. Of course, Ty and Conner took their love for the show to a whole different level. On several occasions they had a whole conversation with each other by only using lines from the show.

  At first it was funny but, after a while, it became so annoying.

  “Did you have fun with Grandma and Aunt Lucy?”

  She nodded and started playing with her doll. Addy had a handful of banana and was shoving it into her mouth. Her eyes lit up when she saw me smiling. It melted my broken heart a little.

  Colt smiled as I poured myself a cup of coffee. “Mornin’, darlin’.”

  I smiled back at him.

  “So, I talked to Noah this mornin’ and told him that he wasn’t comin’ out of that bedroom until he thought long and hard about what he said to you. Until he apologizes, he is not to step foot outside that room unless he has to piss.”

  “Piss! Mommy, is piss a bad word?” Christian asked calmly.

  Colt shook his head, smiling, as I gave him one of my looks, like he should have known better. Addy put her little hand over her mouth and started laughing. I feared that soon they would both be saying it in unison.

  “Yes, honey. It’s a bad word. Let’s try not to say it again.”

  “When I’m a big girl, can I say piss?”

  “Christian, your mother said not to say it. Daddy is sorry for slipping. I will put a dollar in your piggy bank.” Colt was trying not to curse in front of the kids at all. To help with that process, he would give each child a dollar if he cursed in front of them.

  Soon they would need new piggy banks.

  “How was Noah when you checked on him?” As hurt as I was, he was still my son and it mad me sad that he was stuck in his room, even if it was because of something that he deserved to be punished for.

  “I woke him up to talk to him. He didn’t say much.”

  I handed him a rag to wipe off Addy’s face. Our little piglet always got more on her face than in her mouth. She was getting too big to eat like that. She moved her head to the side. “No! Stop it, Daddy.” It was cute how she talked.

  “Your face is dirty. Maybe if you’d eat slower you wouldn’t wear it,” Colt teased.

  She jumped down from her seat and went running after her sister. It was great that they were finally old enough to play together. They still fought and got jealous of each other, but other times they were the best of friends.

  Colt had to make his run around the farm, like he did every day. He kissed me goodbye and said bye to the kids, before leaving. I took a deep breath and walked up the stairs to Noah’s room.

  He was putting on his shoes when I entered. “Your dad made breakfast. You need to hurry and eat so we don’t miss the bus.”

  He stood up and walked by me, like I didn’t exist. “Noah, I know what your father said to you.”

  He grabbed his book bag by the front door and stormed out. I put on a pair of flip-flops and ran out on the porch after him. That kid was already on his electric scooter and halfway down the dirt road. The girls were at the door, making sure I wasn’t leaving them there.

  Knowing that I still had to get both of them ready for school and pre
-k, I couldn’t take the time to chase after my son.

  The girls were good for me and we climbed on the golf cart to head to the bus stop.

  “Mommy, look it’s Noah.” Addy pointed toward her brother. He was leaning against the ranch sign with earphones on his head.

  “He’s grumpy, so I want you both to leave him alone today.”

  “Why is he grumpy?” Christian asked.

  “He just is. Boys can get grumpy sometimes.” Thankfully, the bus pulled up.

  Noah held his hand out and walked Addy onto the bus, like he did everyday. At least he wasn’t mad at his sisters, like he was at me. Addy sat down in one of the first seats, like the preschoolers had to. Christian sat in the seat behind her and Noah went to the back of the bus. When it started to pull away, I saw him looking directly at me. His eyes were filled with hate.

  I was so upset over it, that I took the golf cart straight to my parent’s house. They were sitting out on the screen porch drinking coffee. I think they knew something was wrong. Right away, my mother made me a cup and they both gave me their attention. It took about an hour to tell them everything that had happened. They were so reassuring and tried their best to make me feel better.

  After I had heard enough positives from them to aid a hurricane relief party, I headed back to the house to start on my daily routine.

  Usually, by the time Colt came in, around lunch time, I’d have the house picked up and his lunch ready. I was doing good, getting all the beds made and the dirty clothes picked up from each room. It wasn’t until I got to Noah’s room where I got distracted.