Blinding Trust

by Jennifer Foor

  “And he turned to you, Van,” he interrupted. “He loved you from the first moment he saw you. Who wouldn’t? You’re like a damn saint when it comes to kids.”

  “I just longed to be a mother so badly. It was all I could think about. We’d tried so hard to get pregnant and when I lost the baby, I felt like maybe I wasn’t supposed to have children. I just wanted to feel that unconditional love.”

  He put his arm around me. “Can you not be so damn gloom? I am ready to go draw wedding flowers with the girls, just to avoid your sad ass.”

  “Shut up!”

  “Dinner is going to be ready soon. I thought we could just all four ride up to the main house together. It will give those two old women something to gossip about when we leave. They’ll think it’s scandalous and we’re having a heated affair right under everyone’s noses. It will be fantastic!”

  I stood up and put Noah’s drawer back in his dresser. “You seriously have issues. First off, I would never, in a million years, cheat on my husband. Secondly, you are the last person on earth I would do it with and third…”

  He threw his arms up in the air. “Save me the excuses. I’ve already been there and done that, so to speak. Well, actually, I really have had that. Anyway, I know it isn’t going to happen. You ain’t my sexual cup of tea either. I mean, have you seen how flexible my wife is?”

  I shook my head as I walked out of the room. He was still talking when I started to walk down the hall.

  “She can put her legs behind her head and crawl around on the floor, Van. It’s awesome!”

  The girls were still in the playroom and had done quite a job at decorating everything. They had cut out, well they’d tried to cut out, flowers with construction paper.

  “Mommy, you’re just in time! How do you spell, just married?” Christian had a marker in her hand.

  I told her and watched her writing down the letters in her neatest first grader handwriting. Addy leaned over the table and watched her sister, like she wanted to know how to spell it herself.

  “So, when is the big day?”

  She stuck out her tongue when she tried to make little hearts on the corner of the paper. “It’s Saturday night. Daddy and Noah have to be home for it.”

  “Are we having it in here?” I looked around the room full of toys.

  “Yes. Can we bring up some chairs?” Obviously this event was really going to happen. I wanted to laugh at how serious they both were about it.

  Then it hit me.

  I needed to prepare myself for not being able to be around for these kind of things. Even if the test was negative for cancer, I still needed to live each day as if it were my last, incase there was no tomorrow. I just wanted to surround myself with the family that I adored so much.

  I could feel myself getting upset as I stood thinking about my girls being without me. Before I could let them see me, I ducked out of the room.

  Ty was standing outside the door and without even saying anything, he opened his arms up for me. After I had sniffled back my emotional breakdown, he pulled away. “God isn’t going to take you from them, Van.”

  For him to say something so serious like that, just reminded me of how real the situation was. “You don’t know that. It happens all the time, Ty. We can’t change our fate.”

  “Would you please stop being so negative? I get that you’re scared. Hell, I’m scared for you, but we have to have hope, because without that, we have nothing.” He rubbed his face. “Let’s just…We need a beer!”

  He pulled me down the stairs like he used to when we were kids. I followed behind him and didn’t argue or fight. He was here to be supportive and I needed it, now more than ever. In fact, aside from Colt, Ty knew me better than anyone, even the girls. Colt wouldn’t have agreed with me, but it felt normal for him to fill in.

  He pulled out a bottle of wine from the refrigerator and smelled it. “This shit is rank. You got anything harder?”

  “We have beer in the garage.” Colt drank on weekends or if we had company, but it wasn’t like we did it every night. Surely, I hadn’t planned on Ty coming to visit, so I had no reason to go out and buy it.

  “No! I’m talking about the shit that puts hair on your ass.” He opened the pantry and looked around. “Hey, remember when you and Colt were in here getting it on? That was awesome!”

  “Colt keeps that stuff locked in his office. He didn’t want the kids getting into it.”

  Ty popped out of the pantry. “What are they, five and six year old alcoholics?”

  “It was a precautionary measure for the future. Noah will be curious in a couple years.” Ty’s sons were going to be trouble. I could just see it in his future. He’d be gray in the next ten years, for sure.

  “It takes one time and he’ll change his mind. That little peck will sneak a few shots and it will knock him on his ass. After he pukes it up, he’ll put off drinking for a few more years.”

  I started to laugh. “Where did you learn that, because I’m sure it wasn’t from a professional.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I’m a guy and it’s the truth. Just face it, I’m awesome!”

  No matter what I could say to him, he was going to turn it around and make a joke out of it. I grabbed the bottle of wine and drank right from it. “It’s going to be a long night.”

  He grabbed a large cucumber off the kitchen table. “If you’re planning on taking this up to your room tonight, can you at least take a picture?” He was laughing before he even finished the sentence.

  “You’re sick. Besides, I bought it for you. I thought I heard you tell me that you liked them big.” I smacked him and walked out of the kitchen.

  As gross and perverted as Ty was, he was offering me little distractions and it was working. Even if Colt was around, we would have been dwelling on the negatives together.

  Realizing that it was almost time for dinner, I left Ty in the kitchen and ran up to get changed. I checked on the girls before getting a quick shower. When I was ready, I found the girls downstairs playing with their uncle. He had Addy on his back and was crawling around the couch, chasing Christian. She was giggling so hard that they were gaining space on her. When he caught her, they all tumbled on top of each other and laughed.

  “Are you three children ready to go?”

  They all stood up and said, ‘yes’, at the same time.

  When I checked my phone, I’d had several missed calls from Colt and even a voice message. I excused myself from the living room and went to listen to it.

  Darlin’ it’s me. Look I get that you’re angry, but there’s somethin’ important that I need to talk to you about. Can you give me a call, please? I love you.

  I listened to the message twice just so I could hear his voice. Sure, I was angry at him, but I missed him terribly and the distance between us wasn’t helping with any of our problems. Plus, it was really bothering me that Ty knew my secret and Colt didn’t.

  I decided to text him, instead of calling. The reasoning behind that being that I just didn’t have the energy to get myself all upset in front of the girls. They didn’t need to know anything was out of the ordinary.

  Headed to dinner at your mother’s house. I will call you later when the girls are in bed. I love you, too. –S

  Colt was rough around the edges, but he was born to be a family man and I believed in the bottom of my heart that it was never going to change. I could only hope that the doubts I was having were just my imagination playing tricks on me. Losing him would kill me before any ailment could.

  Dinner at my mother-in-laws was always a good time. We drank wine and talked about all sorts of things. Ty was like the eighth man out, never really getting into our social life talk. Lucy made the best dessert and while scrubbing the house, I’d steamed some vegetables. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it was enough.

  We played cards for a little while, but the girls were getting too tired and whiney for us to stay any longer. While Ty carried a sleepy Addy to the golf cart, a
nd Christian followed behind them, my mother-in-law pulled me to the side. “Is everything okay, Savanna?”

  “Are you asking because Colt is away, or because Ty is staying at the house?” I didn’t mean it to come out defensive, but I guess she took it that way.

  “You just seemed off, that’s all. I know real love when I see it and you and Ty both have that with other people. If I was afraid of that, I would have just come out and asked you.”

  I hugged her. “Mom, I’m sorry. I guess I’m just not used to Colt being gone. We’ve always traveled together. Plus, this problem that I’m having with Noah is just driving me crazy inside. Just tell me it will all get better?”

  She kissed my cheek. “Oh, honey, it will. You just have to take it one day at a time. Boys will be boys.”

  “Thanks for having us over, Mom.”

  “If my nephew gets on your nerves too much, you know where to send him,” she teased.

  “Yes, I have a couple good ideas where to send him.”

  We both laughed as I exited the house and joined the crew on the golf cart.

  When we got home and tucked both of my girls into my bed, I knew I had to make that phone call that I had procrastinated about. Ty was busy watching basketball on television, so I snuck out onto the porch and called Colt.

  Darlin’, I was startin’ to wonder if I’d have to hop on a plane for you to talk to me.

  It might of helped.

  Listen, you got the wrong idea about them girls.

  Is that what you’re calling me about?

  No. I’m callin’ you because somethin’s happened and I wanted you to be a part of the decision, but since you didn’t call me back, I had to make it on my own.

  What kind of decision? Don’t tell me you’re leaving Noah there with them.

  Of course not, Savanna. What kind of parent would I be to do that. At this point, I don’t even want to be here, but the kid is having a good time. That’s what I needed to talk to you about. Zeke is puttin’ Noah in his next music video and…

  He what? How could you allow something like this, Colt? How could you subject our son like this? We said we didn’t want him in the spotlight. You promised everything was going to be okay!

  It is. I’ll be with him the whole time. He’s so darn excited about it that I didn’t want to disappoint him.

  Well, you’ve sure disappointed me. I thought we were a team, Colt. If it was that important you could have called Ty or your mother to get in touch with me. Instead you just went ahead and signed him over to the devil himself.

  Savanna, stop being so dramatic. He’s goin’ to be fine.

  He will never be the same innocent kid again. Don’t you get that? You put him right into the spotlight and I don’t know if I can forgive you for that. I don’t know if I can forgive you for making me feel like I have no say in his life. He’s my son too, you know.

  I never said he wasn’t! Damn, would you just calm dow…

  I hung up the phone and turned the damn thing off. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to the man who had put my baby out there for the whole world to see. He was no longer my sweet, protected little boy. I was more than angry.

  Ty looked over at me when I walked back into the house. “Don’t plan on going to sleep anytime soon. We’re getting drunk!”

  Chapter 20

  Colt

  I tried to call her throughout the day and she just wouldn’t answer the phone. Yeah, I probably could have called Ty’s phone, but I hated that he was even there.

  Why was he really there, anyway?

  I appreciated his help on the ranch, albeit I feared something bad was going to happen. In all the years that I’d been with my wife, they’d never stayed together alone. Was I wrong for thinking that something could happen? Being so far away was making me doubt my wife. I hated feeling that way about her and about our love for each other.

  When I couldn’t get ahold of Savanna, Zeke worked things out so that Noah didn’t have to shoot his scenes until Friday. When we arrived back at his place, everything seemed to go back to normal. Piper was lounging out by the pool and the chef was preparing dinner. The house had been cleaned, even all the bedding. To anyone just walking in, it would seem as if nothing had ever happened.

  After my heated argument with my wife, I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling for a good while. My wife was furious with me and that was never a good thing. She could be moody and hardheaded, but she was usually right when we fought. Savanna had a way of working situations out in her head and being able to come up with practical solutions that work out for everyone involved.

  If Noah hadn’t been so darn adamant about the video, I would have had time to reach out and get her opinion. I was digging myself into a deeper hole. It all started with Zeke and now I was on a downhill spiral.

  I heard a knock on my door and in came my son. He was wearing his pajama shorts and a new t-shirt that we’d picked up when we were out. I sat up right away. “What’s up, buddy?”

  “I heard you yellin’ on the phone. Were you talking to Mom?”

  I patted the spot next to me and waited for him to sit down. I couldn’t tell the kid that his mother was completely against him being in the video. He didn’t need another reason to put that wall up. “She’s havin’ a hard time bein’ away from us.”

  “She’s mad at me, isn’t she?”

  She was, but I couldn’t tell him that. “No. Your mom is just feelin’ like we’re leavin’ her out. She misses us.”

  I thought he was about to say that he missed her too. Instead he turned around and got an excited look on his face. “Why ain’t you havin’ fun here, Dad? This is the coolest place I’ve ever been.”

  “I’ve had fun this week, but I miss your mom and your sisters. One day you’ll see how our life ain’t so bad.”

  “When I grow up, I want to live in a place just like this.” Yep, he said it. As much as I wished that I’d never heard it, I think it will be etched into my mind for the rest of my life.

  I patted him on the leg. “Son, I hope one day you can appreciated the real meanin’ of home. It ain’t about appearances, it’s what fills it that counts the most.”

  He look around the room. “You mean the furniture?”

  “No! I mean the people. A house is not a home until it’s filled with real whole-hearted love. It can’t be bought with any kind of money.”

  He shook his head and let out an air filled laugh. “Yeah, I think I’d rather have this.”

  I was disappointed in him, but he wasn’t even eleven years old yet. How could I expect him to know the things that I’d learned through growing up?

  “I hope you change your mind, Noah. One day I’m goin’ to need someone to take over for me. I’d like it to be you, but it’s your choice in the end.”

  I think the conversation was just getting to deep for Noah. He told me goodnight and went back to his room. Fear overwhelmed me when I thought about my son wanting this type of lifestyle. I knew he was a child and this was probably the greatest place he could have imagined being in, but the walls were empty. Instead of family photos, they were filled with band pictures and decorated records. The house lacked a heart, and for me, that was sad.

  I fell asleep thinking about my son, so it was only natural for me to dream about him. I dreamed that he’d somehow taken over for his uncle. A very grownup version of Noah was surrounded by beautiful soulless women, that were willing to do anything to get a hand in his pot of wealth. While he was surrounded by people who only loved his name, he’d lost touch with us, his real family.

  I shot out of bed and looked around the room. If this was how my wife had been feeling, then I finally understood completely.

  I had to find a way out of the contract. There had to be some way to free Noah from his obligation and get the kid where he belonged.

  It was easier said than done. After calling my attorney, who informed me that it wasn’t exactly his field, I was left feeling like there was no way out.
Noah would have to be in the video and thus he would be exposed to the whole world.

  Zeke had planned a whole day of places to take us. We started out going to the Hollywood Walk of Fame, followed by a few hours at some exclusive beach attached to a private club that he was obviously a member of. We were waited on hand and foot and even had this hut looking thing that had rooms in it.. It seemed that Noah’s obsession with Jaws had him petrified to go into the water. After standing in knee deep for over an hour, he played catch with some kids instead. When it was time to leave, we were able to get cleaned up and head on our way without being sandy.

  For dinner, he took us to his friend’s restaurant. Zeke ate another weird concoction, while Noah and I had big, fat, juicy steaks. Noah ordered a dessert bigger than his head. Once he finished, we headed to a wax museum that had life sized statues of famous people. I took lots of pictures to show Savanna, especially the ones where Noah stood next to superheroes.

  It was absurd to me how Zeke could be normal one minute and a complete asshole the next. Of course, Noah never saw that side of him.

  Our day was long and exhausting and after everything we’d done, we were both ready to go home and go to bed. Zeke had his driver drop him off at some club on the way home. I didn’t get how he could go to clubs and be around all the drugs and booze and still have a good time.

  Upon our arrival back at the mansion, Noah went right up to his room. I pulled out my phone to call Savanna, but overheard someone crying. I pulled back the curtain to see Piper sitting outside under a cabana. I could see someone’s legs sitting across from her, but their face was blocked. I should have just walked away, but curiosity killed the cat.

  I stood there listening.

  “You don’t know what it’s like, Pete. I try to be happy and I know someone in my position shouldn’t complain, but he’s never home. When he is, he’s throwing crazy parties. I can’t deal with it anymore. I know he does things behind my back. I know he sleeps with other women. It’s practically broadcasted to every media site daily. Does he just expect me to sit around and deal with that?”