She found my lips again, this time kissing me more forcefully. Her desperation was hot and I didn’t want her to stop. I reached my hand down and got a hold of her ass. With her being in the water, it was simple to move her up and down over my throbbing hard cock. I wanted her to know that I was ready whenever she was. Our tongues played games with one another outside of our mouths. She bit my bottom lip and pulled it back, while making this growling sound that drove me wild. It was rare that she got this way and it was always because she was taking out stress. My dick didn’t care what the reason was. I wanted more.
We made out like kids at a drive-in. Our hands explored the most sensitive areas of each other until we were both panting and out of breath. I reached my hand between her legs while we continued kissing. Her body was grinding into mine, so I stuck my thumb over her sensitive clit and rubbed hard. The more I rubbed, the harder she grinded. I wasn’t just pleasing her. In turn, she was pleasing me.
Her breasts were bobbing up and down out of the bubbles. I could feel them rubbing against my own chest. I pulled away and kissed down to them, taking one of her wet nipples into my mouth. I kept it there until she screamed out in pleasure. The combination of my thumbs and lips had given her a fantastic orgasm. When her moans began to settle, I ran my hands up both of her breasts. Her eyes opened wide and my wife just froze. She took my hands and moved them. “Please don’t!”
She slid off of me and sat across the tub.
“Don’t what? What’s wrong?”
She started to cry. “How will you even be able to look at me?”
I was rock hard and had no idea what she was talking about. “Darlin’, what just happened?”
“How will you be able to look at me after they take away my breasts?” She covered her face and started to cry. I felt so defeated, like no matter what I tried to do, I always ended up in the same place.
“Jesus, Savanna. You think I won’t love you anymore because you’re having skin removed?”
She still wouldn’t look up. “I just feel like you’re going to want to find someone else. What if I can’t turn you on anymore?”
I ran my hands through my hair, considering what I could say to get myself out of this mess. The last thing I wanted was to fight with her. “Do you have any idea how crazy you sound? Do you think I married you for your tits?”
She shook her head. “No!”
I grabbed her chin and looked into her eyes. “Savanna, I don’t care what you look like. I will never stop lovin’ you. Now get your ass back over here and love me.”
I pulled her back on top of me. Our lips were almost touching. I leaned in just enough to brush mine against hers. She closed her eyes and finally kissed me back. I could feel her crying, but I wasn’t going to let her become upset when we were in the middle of making love. Her legs were easy to wrap back around me and the water eased the way to guide my erection right inside of her. She bit down on my shoulder as I filled her with my length. Her tears dissipated as our bodies began to get a rhythm.
Savanna grabbed my throat and pushed me back against the edge of the tub. The harder she pushed, the more turned on I got. I grabbed her little waist and shoved her up and down, almost letting my length out before slamming it back in. She threw her head back and cried out again and again. It was too much to handle. I felt myself erupting and it was exactly what she wanted to happen. She let go of my throat and pressed her lips against mine. I closed my eyes and held her body as still as I could, considering she was fighting me. Her fine ass grinded just enough to give me the shivers.
Finally, when the tingling subsided, I held her naked body against mine and kissed down her shoulder. “Don’t doubt my love, Savanna.”
“I’m sorry.”
It was hard to get mad at her knowing she was struggling to accept it herself. I think she was more worried about loving her body than she was about me having issues with it. I was a man and maybe it was hard for me to express myself the way she needed me to. I always just assumed that she knew what I was thinking.
That night, Savanna cuddled up close to me and slept better than she had in days. I stayed awake listening to her breathing. It was hard to pretend to be tough when I was petrified of losing her. I couldn’t admit it to anyone.
Well, there was one person that I knew I could talk to, but I wasn’t willing to admit I was wrong. Tyler loved Savanna in a way that I may never understand. He didn’t want to be with her, but he cared for her like she was blood. Instead of being jealous, I should have appreciated that she had someone that loved her enough to drop everything and be by her side. That’s the kind of person she was, though. She made everyone love her and she never even had to try.
As if he could feel me thinking about him, my phone rang and Ty’s picture popped up on the screen.
I considered hitting ignore.
Hello? Do you have ESP?
Yeah, I’m the Wizard of Fucking OZ!
What do you want, Ty?
I know you’re a mess, man.
Yeah, do you blame me?
Nope. I don’t.
It’s hard. I’m tryin’ my best to be strong for her.
Look, I know you’re mad at me. I get it. Maybe I overstepped some cousin boundaries when I stepped in. I just couldn’t let her deal with it by herself.
I get it now.
Colt, none of us want you to go through this alone.
I appreciate that.
She’s going to be okay, you know.
I hope you’re right, Ty.
I’m always right, fucker. Call if you need anything.
I shook my head when I heard the line go dead. It was weird that he’d called when I needed him to. Ty had a way of always being there when someone needed something. He had a weird way of doing things, but he was a good guy.
Savanna’s father offered to manage things on the ranch, so I could stay home with her. We still hadn’t told the kids, but I think Noah knew something was going on. He’d asked several times if Savanna was still mad at him. It was hard for me to not tell him the truth, when I worried their relationship depended on it.
The boy had already lost one mother. I couldn’t let him fear losing another.
While the kids were at school, Savanna and I would sit down and read up on everything we could about cancer. There were so many questions to be answered.
I think as the days went by, she was finally starting to be able to act more like herself. There was nothing we could do but move forward.
On the morning of her surgery, I saw her standing in front of the mirror without clothes on. She cupped one of her hands over her breast. “How would you feel if I had them both removed?”
I leaned against the counter. “How would you feel?”
She shrugged but kept looking at herself. “It would be weird at first, but I could always get implants. The one website said I wouldn’t even have to wait that long to get them.”
I stood behind her and reached my arms around her waist. “No matter what you decide, you’ll still be beautiful.”
She let go of her breast and turned around to look at me. “I couldn’t do this without you, Colt.”
“You don’t have to. You never have to.”
I kissed her forehead and held my lips there. It was just a small moment that meant the world to her.
Chapter 27
Savanna
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t petrified. This life changing surgery was almost more than I could handle. I tried not to dwell on the negative. They were removing the cancer from my body, and for that, I had to be content.
Colt was a champ as far as being there or me, but I could tell that it was weighing heavily on him. The more he tried to hide it, the more I knew just how affected he was.
When we got into the hospital, I was taken to a preoperative room with other patients that were also having some kind of surgery. A nurse allowed Colt and my mother come in with me. She gave me a gown, cap and booties to change into. We sat there f
or a while waiting for my doctor to arrive. In the meantime, the nurse came in and got my IV ready.
Once the doctor arrived, he pulled down my gown and drew markings over the breast to show where his incision would be made. The marker tickled, and even though he was performing surgery, I felt weird about him drawing on my boob.
Before Colt and my mother had to leave, the doctor gave us a couple minutes alone. My mom kissed me and left Colt and me alone in the room.
I was fine until it was time to say goodbye to Colt. He was holding my hand and I refused to let it go. The more he attempted to pull away, the more I fought him. “Darlin’ you’re goin’ to be fine.”
“I’m so scared. I don’t want you to go.”
“The sooner I go, the faster they can get done. I love you with my whole heart, Savanna.” He was getting choked up and I needed to let him go. Our fingers parted and I felt alone.
I was still crying when the anesthesiologist came into the room. It was a middle aged man, who obviously knew what I was in the operating room for. My doctor came in right after him. He was filling out something on his laptop, before turning his attention to me. “How are we doing?”
“Not good!”
He patted my arm. “My friend here is going to make you more comfortable. When you wake up, I’ll be all done.” He looked at my vitals on the monitor for a second. “Today we’re going to remove the mass in your left breast. As far as the double mastectomy goes, I think we’ll wait until next month. If you want to have reconstructive implants, we can do them at the same time.”
“So I won’t be without breasts?”
He chuckled. “Not unless you want to be. Listen, if you want to read a good story, a movie star just had this same surgery done a few months ago. Until she came forward, nobody even knew it had happened. I just want you to be sure about what you want once we do this. Our main priority is removing the malignant cells today.”
“I’m ready.” Getting new breasts would take some of the worry off of me. I didn’t want to feel different. I certainly didn’t want my children looking at me like my body was falling apart. Being treated for cancer was going to be hard enough. I was going to get sick and possibly lose my hair. If there was anything that could help, I wanted to take it.
“You’re most likely going to have drains put in. It will help the access fluid leave your body to prevent infection. In the next couple days your nurse will keep checking and making sure they are doing their job. If it goes as I plan, we may be able to remove the drain before you leave the hospital. If you’re ready, I’d like to get started.”
“Let’s do this!” I put on a fake smile and watched the anesthesiologist come over and stick a needle into my IV. Before I could count to five, I was out.
I woke up in a recovery room. Colt was sitting across from me, reading a magazine. When he saw that I was awake, he came rushing over to the bed. “Hey. Are you in any pain?”
My mouth was dry, so I shook my head.
He brushed the hair away from my face. I was still hooked up to an IV for pain and even though I couldn’t feel pain, I was still irritated by the tubes. “The doctor said that everything went as planned. He said you’ll be able to go home in two days.”
I smiled, thinking about being home. I couldn’t wait to see the kids. They knew I had to have surgery, but they didn’t know what for.
He grabbed my hand and kissed it, like he always did. “Your mom went home, but she said she’d be back later tonight. Ty and Miranda called several times. They said they love you. Oh and I just want to warn you, my mom called the florist. Be prepared for flowers to be delivered.”
Colt continued to talk, but I was still so drugged that I lost track of what he was talking about. I could feel my eyes closing and I couldn’t seem to fight it.
I woke up a while later and saw the nurse checking my vitals. “How are you feelin’?”
“I’m thirsty,” I whispered.
“I will get you some ice water.”
When I didn’t see Colt, I started to get upset. “He’s outside in the hallway. He got a call and didn’t want to wake you.” She finished what she was doing. “I’ll be right back with that water.”
As she walked out, Colt walked in. He stayed with me for the next two days. In fact, the only time he left was to shower and eat. By the first evening, I was sitting up and feeling like myself again. The pain medication was through a button, and even though it was there for me to use, I tried to go without it as much as I could.
The girls were too young to visit, but Noah was old enough. I was so excited to see him walking in the room the next morning. My father had brought him after I’d talk to him on the phone. I could tell that he was a little scared to see me lying in the hospital bed. I reached out my hand and he walked right up to it. “Hi, sweetie.”
He put a vase full of flowers on the table beside me. “Hi, Mom. Does it hurt?”
“Not really bad. It’s just really tight right now. The flowers are beautiful.”
He couldn’t see where I was wrapped up since I was wearing a gown and I had a blanket over me. “ We got them on the way here. Christian and Addy were crying because they couldn’t come in. Grandma had to take them to get ice cream.”
I played with his hand. “Are you being helpful?”
“Yeah. When are you comin’ home? I don’t want to stay at their house anymore. Can’t we take care of you?”
I felt so appreciated. “I’m coming home tomorrow and Dad’s going to need your help. I’m going to be sore for a while.”
“Mom, why did they have to operate on you?” The concern in his eyes broke my heart. He just stood there waiting for me to reply.
“I had a little growth inside of my body and the doctors cut it out, so it wouldn’t make me sick.”
“Are you goin’ to be alright?” He was worried about me.
I squeezed his hand. “I am, now that you came to visit.”
He finally smiled. “I cleaned my room. Dad said we need to pitch in more. Christian cleaned hers too. We’re making a chore list to do.”
Colt winked at me. I was impressed that he was already on top of things. “Thank you for doing that. I’m sure your grandparents are going to help Dad out. Plus, you know Lucy. She won’t let you go hungry.”
“Yeah.” Noah looked around the hospital room. I knew he was uncomfortable.
I handed him the remote control. “Want to watch something with me?”
He flipped on the television. As slowly as possible, I moved over and patted the small spot beside me. “Will it hurt you?”
I knew it would hurt a little bit, but nothing was going to stop me from cuddling with my son. Since he was on my right side, it wasn’t so bad. He put on a superhero hero movie and wrapped one arm around me. “I love you, Noah. Thanks for coming to see me. I hate it here.”
“Do they feed you?”
It hurt to laugh and as I much as I tried to hold it in, I just couldn’t. “Of course they feed me. I had cereal for breakfast and a salad for lunch. They give a menu and you pick what you want.”
“Is it good?”
“No! Its horrible. Maybe next time you can bring me a chicken sandwich.”
“When Dad brings you home tomorrow he can stop and get you one, right Dad?” Noah looked to Colt.
“If she wants me to.” He pointed towards the door. “I’m going to walk down to the cafeteria with your dad. I’ll check on you both later.”
We waved as Colt left the room with my dad. Noah was already occupied in the television, while I focused on him being so close. I’d been through something so traumatic just one day before. Noah being in my arms made me realize just how grateful I was for my life. I wanted to live every single day for my children and my family. They needed me as much as I needed them, and together, we could get through anything.
Noah stayed until visiting hours were over. My father took him home, while Colt stayed the night. We went to bed early, in hopes of being released as
soon as the sun came up. We ended up having to wait until ten the next morning. I refused to eat another hospital meal, so once we left the hospital, we stopped and got something to eat, while we waited for my prescriptions to be filled. I was given antibiotics to fight off infections, pain medication, and some kind of hormone replacement. My radiation wasn’t going to start for a couple of weeks, to give my body the full time to recuperate.
I should have known that our Kentucky family would be at my house to welcome me home. The house smelled like a bakery and signs were hung all over the living room. My girls both ran up and hugged me around the waist. I pulled them into my body, appreciating that they missed me as much as I missed them.
My parents sat with Colt’s mom and Lucy, while I was overwhelmed with hugs from my children. Noah was gentle with me, where the girls didn’t know any better.
We spent the better part of the afternoon with the family. They left just before dinner, so that I could go upstairs and get some rest. Taking a nap had never been so eventful. All four of them walked me up to my room. Colt pulled down the covers and the kids all climbed in the bed. I got in slowly and felt Colt lifted the covers over me. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. “Welcome home, darlin’.”
I smiled and looked around at the kids. They were all three smiling. “It’s great to be home.”
Chapter 28
Colt
It was so good to have my wife home. She was still weak, even after a couple of days. The doctor said it would take her weeks to get back to her normal self. The kids had been so happy to have her home that they all wanted to sleep with her that first night. I wouldn’t have minded if they didn’t kick and roll around all night. It was too much of a risk for one of them to accidentally rip her drain or her sutures. Since Savanna went to bed at dinner time, It was easy to get the kids to come downstairs. For once, they didn’t complain.
The girls stayed up for another couple of hours, while Noah stayed up watching the game with me.
“Dad, can I ask you a question?”
I looked away from the game and gave him my attention. “What’s up?”
Blinding Trust Page 19
