The Cinema of Lost Dreams

by Alli Sinclair

  It took a moment before he spoke. “It’s all pie in the sky.”

  “I’d really like to hear about it.”

  Luke cocked his head in the direction of the bench in the park across the road. They walked hand in hand, but when they sat Luke let go and kept some distance between them.

  Once again, he took his time before speaking and she waited impatiently. Eventually he said, “In a perfect world, I’d love to build a retreat where people could come and experiment with their artistic side. I’d get in art therapists, painters, I’d teach sculpting with various mediums…lots of things for people to try and experience. I especially want to help kids who’ve been through something traumatic, whether it’s illness, the loss of someone they love…anything that has made them grow up faster than they should.

  “When I lost my mum, my only outlet was art, but my dad couldn’t cope. Seeing me do the things my mum did only brought back memories of the wife and son he lost, so in the end I had to hide the only thing that gave me solace from my grief. It connected me to Mum, but my dad severed that connection, and eventually my art became a source of guilt.”

  “Oh, Luke. That’s a really difficult position to be in.”

  He shrugged. “I’ve worked through it over the years, and now I’m at a point where I can pursue my art on the side, but I could never voice my true wishes to my dad. He’d never understand.”

  All this made so much more sense now.

  “So,” he continued, “I want to give people, especially kids, a way to express how they’re feeling, because a lot of times words just don’t cut it.”

  “That’s so very true.” Right now, Claire was struggling to put all her thoughts together, let alone find a way to express them.

  “And”—Luke appeared to be on a roll now—“how can people not be inspired by this landscape?” He motioned toward the mountains and the sugarcane fields lit by the moon. “There’s so much beauty here just waiting to be discovered and enjoyed, and I want city folk especially to take time to stop, breathe and immerse themselves in this land. In its magic. In its heart. Maybe then they’ll discover what’s in theirs.”

  Claire couldn’t keep her eyes off Luke. As he spoke about his dream, his passion shone, and that, coupled with his blue eyes, perfect straight nose and sandy hair that brushed his shirt collar…

  “It’s a shame you can’t find a way to do everything—your art, the retreat, helping your dad.”

  “Life isn’t like that,” he said. “No one can possibly get everything they want, no matter how hard they work. Dreams are usually just that—dreams.”

  She debated whether to say more, then remembered Luke saying he hated how people acted with him because of losing his mother at such a young age. “I don’t see it that way at all.”

  “How do you see it?”

  “Dreams get people up in the morning. They inspire us to strive harder, work harder, study harder. Dreams keep us going through those moments in life when we’re stuck in a dark tunnel that we feel we’ll never escape. Writers, inventors, scientists, musicians, painters, sculptors, all of them had dreams that they would one day write that book, invent a machine that helps people, find a cure, compose a song that will touch hearts, design a piece that is so beautiful it brings people to tears…these people started with a dream and made it a reality.”

  “Dreams are just dreams.”

  “I wish you could see it another way, Luke.” She turned to face him. “Your dreams sound amazing, and I’m sure you could make them happen.”

  “Let’s talk about something else,” he said.

  She stifled a yawn.

  “Perhaps less talking and more sleeping,” said Luke. “Come on.”

  He helped her up and they crossed the road to the pub and stood outside the door that led to the rooms upstairs.

  “I don’t mean to be pushy,” she said.

  “I know your heart is in the right place. It’s just that you and I come from totally different backgrounds, so it’s only natural we see things differently.” Luke brushed her face with the back of his hand.

  Claire closed her eyes.

  Luke’s fingers traced her jawline.

  She held her breath and fixed her eyes on his.

  His finger gently traced her mouth. “I’ve been wanting to kiss these lips all night.”

  “Then do it,” she rasped.

  * * * *

  Claire rolled over to check the clock. Bright red numbers shone: 0130.

  Luke stirred and slung an arm over her naked torso. She rolled over to face him. He lay peacefully, eyes closed, a small smile on his lips—those gorgeous lips that had covered the terrain of her body only hours ago. And although she should be basking in the joy of being with Luke, a nagging voice wouldn’t let her fully appreciate this moment.

  Questions about whether this was a one-off or the start of something else bounced around her head. Fears of whether he would wake and think it was pity sex because she’d found out about his mum and brother. Stress about not getting enough sleep when she had a massive day of filming that started in a few hours.

  “Ridiculous,” she muttered and got out of bed, slipping on an oversized T-shirt. Standing in front of the window, Claire took in the view before her.

  Shadowy mountains, a sparkling river, the expanse of sugarcane, and a town caught in its own time capsule. No wonder Luke didn’t want to leave. No wonder she didn’t want to, either.

  Claire shook her head, trying to dispel the thought. In a short amount of time, Starlight Creek and its residents had gotten under her skin like no place before. And Luke Jackson had had the biggest impact of all.

  “Can’t sleep?”

  Claire turned to find Luke still in bed, resting on one elbow. The sheet lay casually across his hip, just low enough that she could see the V leading down to…

  She let out a deep breath.

  “Insomnia and I have an interesting relationship.” She moved over to the bed and under the covers. Her legs brushed his and a small shiver shot up her spine.

  “So how do we get rid of this insomnia?” He drew her close, his warm body melding perfectly with hers.

  With a smile in her voice, she said, “I have an idea.”

  * * * *

  Claire woke more content than she’d been in years. She nestled into Luke’s warm embrace, her gaze resting on the hint of sun peeking from behind the mountains.

  “I probably should get going,” Luke whispered in her ear.

  “I probably should get to work.” She left a lingering kiss on his lips.

  Luke smiled but his eyes were sad.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  He sat up and leaned against the headboard. “I’m not one to sleep with girls coming through town, that’s all.”

  “And I’m not one to sleep with men in the towns where I work. We’ve both done something we don’t usually do. What’s the problem?”

  Luke’s voice was low. “I’ve been here before.”

  “You just said—”

  “What I mean is that I’ve had sex with women who visit Starlight Creek, but that was a long time ago. I had an experience that left me…let’s just say that after that particular event I made it a rule not to sleep with women from out of town.”

  “Given the population of Starlight Creek, I’m thinking you don’t have much choice of single women here,” Claire said, then her mouth dropped open. “Unless you have a thing for Scarlet?”

  “No, no. I don’t have a thing for Scarlet.”

  “What then?” The more she got to know Luke, the more complicated he was. Did she really want to delve deeper into his pile of baggage?

  Luke twisted his lips, as if debating whether he wanted to go down this road or not.

  She said, “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.
I don’t want to push.”

  He ran his hand down her arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps on her skin. “Why do I feel compelled to tell you my deepest thoughts and fears?”

  “I don’t know.” But she certainly understood, because Luke had the same effect on her.

  “I just…” He rubbed his forehead. “I just don’t know where to start.”

  “At the beginning?”

  Luke closed his eyes. “I’m wary about this. Us. I don’t know what it is, but all I know is I want more. And I’m not talking about sex, as mind-blowing as it was. I like your company. You make me laugh. You see the world in an entirely different way, and as much as it drives me crazy, it also forces me to expand my horizons. Living in a small town like Starlight Creek does isolate me and, yeah, I get to Brisbane or Cairns every so often, but it’s not the same. It’s like you’ve brought the world to me, and I just want to soak it all in, learn from it. And it scares the shit out of me.”

  “Why?”

  “A few years ago, I got involved in the WWOOF program—you know, the one that gives travelers a chance to stay and work on a farm, and in return they get food and board?”

  “My cousin did that in New Zealand,” said Claire.

  “It’s a great program, and Dad and I loved it. We had people from all over the world—England, Scotland, the States, Canada, China, Argentina—a real blend of cultures and nationalities. The problem was, it caused a bit of a rift within the community.”

  “Why? Travelers would be spending money in the businesses here.”

  Luke nodded. “Exactly, but there were a few incidents where a traveler stole or vandalized something. One ran off with the schoolteacher, who was expecting his first baby with his then wife.”

  “Seriously? Is that why people like Colin are so wary of people from out of town?”

  “The wife who was left behind was Colin’s daughter.”

  “Oh,” she said.

  “The townsfolk in general never got over it,” he said. “To be fair, though, the majority of travelers were fantastic, but there were just too many negative events that made Starlight Creek wary of strangers.”

  “But you don’t feel that way about outsiders, right?”

  Luke took a moment before speaking. “To a degree. The thing is, a French backpacker came to stay, and we hit it off straight away. I’ll be honest and say that there was a steady stream of beautiful backpackers coming through the WWOOF program, but I wasn’t in it to sleep my way around the world, I promise.”

  “I believe you.” And she did.

  “Eloise was her name.” His voice faltered a fraction. “And she knocked me for a six. My friends and Dad and Hattie all warned me not to get too involved, but I refused to listen. I was swept away by her beauty and accent and I was blinded.”

  “We’ve all been there.”

  “The problem was,” he said, “that up until then I’d never experienced anything like the relationship I had with Eloise.” He took her hand. “If this is making you uncomfortable, I’ll stop.”

  “It’s fine, honest. It’s not like I expected you to be a monk. We all have histories.”

  “Thanks for understanding.” He let out a low whistle. “Wow, I had no idea how much I needed to talk about this.”

  “You’ve not spoken to anyone? Not even Hattie?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve always been embarrassed by how I fell in love so hard and fast.”

  “You don’t need to be.”

  “Thank you.” Luke paused. “So, Eloise told me everything I wanted to hear, and I believed her. She had me convinced we’d travel to Paris for our honeymoon, then return to the farm, where we’d raise a family. She told me she loved the land, that she felt she was born to be Australian, that her heart was here, with me, in Starlight Creek.”

  “But it wasn’t?”

  “When I proposed…” He looked at Claire, as if gauging her reaction. “Are you sure you’re all right with this?”

  As hard as it was to hear, she wanted, needed, to know more about this man who occupied so much time in her mind. “Please, go on.”

  “We’d only known each other for six weeks, but I felt so strongly that it was the right thing to do. The romantic in me wanted to believe I was right, though everyone told me I was wrong, that I should wait. She said yes, and I suggested we take our time before tying the knot, because I wanted to organize a wedding that would be memorable. But she didn’t want to wait; she was happy to get hitched at the municipal offices.”

  “Why the rush?”

  “That’s what I wondered. It wasn’t like her visa was going to expire; she had plenty of time left on it. I asked her for some time and I promised she wouldn’t regret the surprise wedding I had planned. I wanted to create a gazebo out of metal that combined Australian flora and fauna with French designs—a marrying of two cultures.”

  “Oh, that sounds beautiful. You are definitely a romantic,” she said.

  “I used to be,” he said quickly. “But she killed that when she ran away to marry a singer in a rock band.”

  “What?”

  “Eloise went to Cairns for the weekend with some friends, saw a few bands and had sex with this guy in the back of a van.”

  “Classy.”

  “He was on a national tour, and she decided to follow him. They got married two weeks later in Brisbane.”

  “Are you serious?” she said loudly. “Who does that? Who would give you up?” Claire steeled herself, embarrassed by her outburst. “I mean, I…” Montgomery, get it together!

  Luke laughed. “Thank you for being so indignant on my behalf, but it’s okay, really. The whole point of telling you this is so you’ll understand where I’m coming from. This thing you and I have scares the bejesus out of me, because I don’t want to be in the same place I was before.”

  “I have an Aussie passport,” she joked, then worried he might take her flippancy the wrong way.

  “Well, I’m glad for that.” He winked.

  “What happened between her and this rocker who is even more impulsive than you?”

  “Last I heard, she left him five weeks after she got her citizenship.”

  “Nice,” said Claire.

  “Yeah.”

  “Looks like you dodged a bullet.”

  “Yep.”

  Quietly, she said, “Still hurts, though, huh?”

  “My brain tells me it was never love, but…”

  “The heart is always going to win out.”

  “Yep.” Luke’s wide blue eyes looked into hers. “What about you?”

  “Me? As in what’s the biggest heartbreak I’ve ever had?”

  “Only if you want to share.”

  Claire stared out the window. How to answer this? “I’ve never been in love.”

  “What?” Luke seemed way more surprised than she’d expected him to be.

  “I’ve been in lust, infatuated, early stages of love, but not the gut-wrenching, world-out-of-control love.”

  “Wow,” he said.

  “What?” She didn’t care that she sounded so defensive.

  “I would never have thought… Look, it doesn’t matter what I think. I’m guessing the right person just never happened along.”

  “Oh, a few did.” She didn’t like that she sounded so matter-of-fact. “But my career always came first.” She chewed her lip. “Though maybe…”

  “Maybe?”

  “Maybe I rejected relationships because the men I dated were used to being in charge, used to having people drop everything and cater to their every whim.” She laughed. “So maybe that’s why it never worked—I refuse to be bossed around.” Claire scratched her head. “I don’t understand how people can have it all.”

  “See? That’s what I was saying before—it’s impossible to have everything we wa
nt in life,” said Luke.

  “We can, I’m sure of it,” she said. “I just don’t know how to make it happen.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  1994 – Starlight Creek, Queensland

  Luke snuck out of the hotel room before the sun had fully risen, leaving Claire to stare at the ceiling and wonder what on earth had happened. The night had rocked between sensual ecstasy and gut-wrenching emotion. She hated that perhaps Luke was right, that realizing one’s dreams may not always be possible. Her entire life had been focused on creating goals and working toward them, dreaming big and doing everything in her power to make them happen. And, despite all the study, all the networking, all the long, arduous hours working on film and TV shows, she wasn’t any closer to fulfilling her dreams. And she’d never allowed herself to be in love.

  Was all the sacrifice worth it?

  “Ugh.” Claire got up and showered, grabbed a banana from the breakfast buffet downstairs and went to the cinema to open up and get things started. The morning whizzed by, the actors got their lines right first go, and Nigel’s mood was the best it had been since this project started. Everything had fallen into place because she’d saved the production at the eleventh hour by securing use of Hattie’s cinema. Even Tony had pulled himself back into line.

  So why did she feel so empty?

  Luke. Their conversations had shaken her. Shouldn’t she be floating with all those wonderful endorphins her body produced during fabulous sex? Shouldn’t she be spinning in circles of happiness with the forward movement of her career? Why did she feel like a weight had been placed on her shoulders and her feet were dragging?

  She excused herself and went outside for some fresh air. Warmth wrapped around her and she welcomed the sun dancing across her skin. Taking a deep breath, she headed toward Scarlet’s café, keen to stretch her legs.

  “You’re with the miniseries, right?” A guy in his early twenties appeared from between a couple of cars parked outside the news agency. He was short, with the broad shoulders of someone who worked physical labor. His Akubra hat covered most of his hair, but a few brown strands poked out from underneath. It looked like he hadn’t shaved for a few days.