The Cinema of Lost Dreams

by Alli Sinclair

  It had taken some time for her to recover from the initial shock of Pierre leaving, and when the full severity of the situation hit, it had been hard to take. Still was.

  “You never suspected this could happen?”

  “No.” And that was what hurt—Pierre Montreaux hadn’t cared enough to tell her his plans. “I thought we were in a partnership, but I was wrong. I’m not going to make that mistake again.”

  “The actions of one man don’t represent the rest of the men on this planet.”

  “Though there are certain traits I have seen again and again.” When had she become so cynical?

  “I’m sorry you see it that way. I’d like to think I could change your mind.”

  She looked away, scrambling for words that wouldn’t come.

  Reeves didn’t restart the conversation and the air grew thick. He’d made an effort to visit her in person, yet now silence shrouded them, and she didn’t know how to break it.

  Eventually, he ran his fingers through his dark hair. “There’s a conversation we never really finished.”

  “Not tonight, Reeves. Please.”

  “It’s important.”

  “More important than HUAC harassing people?” she asked.

  “In my eyes, it is.”

  She ran her fingers across the cool, smooth marble of the countertop. She could stop this conversation in its tracks, though a part of her wanted—needed—to get it out in the open. Although today had been a huge rollercoaster, she hoped this conversation wouldn’t send her off the rails.

  “Lena?”

  “Fine. Okay.”

  Reeves’s smile shouldn’t have had such a marked effect on her. The crinkle lines around his eyes softened his entire face.

  “Do you remember when we kissed?” he asked.

  “Yes.” This conversation was such a bad idea.

  “Don’t look so scared. You don’t need to be concerned, I promise.” He splayed his hands on the marble and stared at them for a moment. “The thing is, I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I really wanted to kiss you then—and now—but I didn’t realize how complicated things were. And I couldn’t foresee the complications we have now.”

  “You and I aren’t complicated. We’re filming a movie together, that’s it.”

  “Is it really that straightforward?” he asked.

  “Yes.” The lump in her throat made it hard to swallow.

  “So, you don’t want me to kiss you again? Ever?”

  “You’ll be kissing me in front of cameras soon.” Visions of their clandestine kiss on the studio lot caused a thin film of perspiration to break out on her body.

  Reeves laughed. “It’s not the same.”

  “No, it’s not. Although…” She bit her lip, debating her sanity. “Maybe we should do a practice kiss.”

  Reeves laughed then halted. “You’re serious?”

  “Why not? The crew and Henry need to see us fumble and whatnot.”

  “Fumble? Whatnot? How bad a kisser do you think I am?” He punctuated this with a wry smile.

  “I’m not, I’m… Look, last time we kissed it was nice.”

  “Nice?”

  “Wonderful, okay?” Why was this so painful?

  “I thought so, too.”

  “And that’s my point. We are supposed to be kissing for the first time, and I just think we should make it look like that.”

  “By practicing now?” He tilted his head to the side.

  “Yes.” She took in his confused expression and paused to get her thoughts straight. “I don’t know about you, but that kiss was the most natural, comfortable thing I’ve done.” What was she saying? She’d never told any man exactly how she felt. Yet here she was, about to let her thoughts and feelings flow out like water after a glacial melt.

  “I felt the same way.”

  “So we need to make it look awkward. To, you know, fool everyone.”

  Reeves moved toward her. “I’m happy to practice awkward.”

  Her gaze rested on his lips, those beautiful lips she’d wanted to kiss again for what seemed an eternity.

  “Awkward is good,” she breathed, her pulse racing.

  The second their lips met, any idea of practicing disappeared. Reeves wrapped his arms around Lena and her body melded against his. Hands explored curves. Kisses intensified. Breathing grew shallow.

  “We need to stop.” Reeves drew back, his dark eyes searching hers. “This is far from awkward.”

  She pulled him closer. “To hell with awkward.”

  * * * *

  Lena woke the next morning and, with her eyes still closed, reached beside her. All her fingers found was a cool mattress. Sitting up with a start, she studied the crinkled sheets where Reeves had laid after their lovemaking. Those few precious hours they’d shared made her realize what she’d been missing with Pierre. Were the accolades and glamour and wealth worth the sacrifice of being in the arms of someone she cared about?

  Lena got out of bed, went in the shower and turned up the hot water, enjoying the sting of the heat on her skin. Visions of a naked Reeves made her temperature soar, and she quickly twisted the taps to cold. Then she exited the shower and prepared for a day at the studio, a nervous energy rippling through her. How would she cope with seeing Reeves today?

  It didn’t bother her that Reeves had left without waking her. After all, sleep was a commodity neither of them had the luxury of enjoying, so it was a matter of taking it while they could. But, if she were entirely honest, she didn’t want this to be a one-off. How could she, when she felt so physically and emotionally connected to him? The only other time she’d experienced that was with Charlie when they’d first started dating. She’d been sucked in so easily until his drinking started, then he started undermining her confidence…no. She could not let any thought of Charlie ruin this moment. She’d spent too long trying to get him out of her mind, and even after seeing his sister, Dotty, she’d struggled with erasing the anger and disappointment.

  Lena sat on the stool in front of her dressing table. Maybe she should find Dotty and get this over with. Lena thought it was all said and done, but a small doubt had been nagging her ever since the HUAC men showed up. The last thing she needed was Dotty blabbing about Lena’s past to strangers.

  By the time Lena arrived at the studio, the place was buzzing and everyone was in full swing. She went directly to her dressing room, where she was met by Yvonne and Vanessa, who already had the day’s makeup and costumes ready to go.

  Yvonne made a point of looking at her watch.

  “Yes, I’m sorry.” Lena collapsed onto the chair in front of the well-lit mirror. “I’m only a few minutes late.”

  “You’re never late.” Vanessa troweled on the makeup.

  “There’s a first for everything,” said Lena, closing her eyes while Vanessa worked her magic. Even though she couldn’t see the expressions on her friends’ faces, Lena suspected looks of surprise were being exchanged.

  “Mmhmm.” Vanessa worked more quickly than usual. She started on Lena’s hair. “Slept through the alarm, did we?”

  “Yes,” said Lena, a little too hastily. They fell into silence while Vanessa worked on Lena.

  “You’re done!” Vanessa stepped back to admire her work. “You really don’t need me. You’re gorgeous without all the makeup and perfectly styled hair.”

  “Thank you.” Lena got off the chair and Yvonne fussed with the dress.

  “First kissing scene today, huh?”

  “Yes.”

  “Nervous?” asked Vanessa.

  “No.”

  “Liar.” Yvonne laughed and adjusted the strap on Lena’s shoulder. “You’ll do great, especially with such a handsome and charming leading man. Makes for
a nice change.” Yvonne froze, her eyes wide. “Not that I meant Pierre wasn’t charming or handsome. It’s just that…uh…”

  “It’s okay, Yvonne,” Lena said. “You’ve never been a fan. A lot of people weren’t. His arrogance put many people off, but deep down he was actually a nice person.”

  “Nice people don’t dump someone without telling them, then go to a new studio,” said Vanessa.

  “Look, what’s done is done. I’ve moved on, and you ladies need to do the same.” Lena bent down to check herself in the mirror. “Wow. That is some very red lipstick.”

  “Sirens wear red,” said Vanessa. “No more soft pinks for you. You’ll get used to it.”

  “I’m sure I will.” Lena chose not to mention that the dress showed a bit too much cleavage for her liking. There was no point in upsetting Yvonne as well. If Henry had an issue with it, he would certainly let them know.

  Lena walked toward the door, her balance uneasy in the ridiculously high heels.

  “Go get ’em!” shouted Yvonne.

  “Knock their socks off!” yelled Vanessa.

  “To dream is to live.” Lena quoted one of her lines as she stepped out the door and into an unknown future.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  1994 – Starlight Creek, Queensland

  Claire sat in her ute in front of Scarlet’s café, unsure if she wanted to enter. Now that filming had finished, the cast, crew and the production had left Starlight Creek. Phil had taken off to Cairns for a couple of weeks’ vacation and had done his best to convince Claire she should go with him. She ended up canceling her Bali trip, but not so she could meet Phil and Leila in Cairns. Claire’s heart just wasn’t in vacation mode, no matter the destination. When she’d told Phil that she might join them later, they all knew it wouldn’t happen.

  It had taken a few days for the team to pack up due to the ongoing arson investigation and Claire had laid low, doing her job and staying clear of the townsfolk. Although that wasn’t difficult—apparently she had the plague. Every time someone saw her, they’d cross the street and avert their eyes.

  After taking a deep breath and getting out of the ute, Claire opened the door to the café. The bell tinkled, and Laura looked up from flicking glossy pages.

  “Oh, it’s you.” She went back to her magazine.

  “Is Scarlet here?” Claire tried to ignore Laura’s stink eye, but it was hard not to take it personally.

  “Scarlet!” Laura yelled over her shoulder.

  A few seconds later Scarlet appeared from the back, wiping her hands on a tea towel. “Oh, hey.”

  “Hey,” said Claire, her voice shaking. Damn it. She’d thought she’d be fine.

  “Coffee?”

  Claire nodded and sat on the nearest chair. Laura alternated between reading the magazine and glaring at Claire until Scarlet shooed her into the back room. “I need you to sort those crates of soft drink.”

  Laura headed toward the door, but not before throwing Claire her best steely glare.

  “I’m sorry about her.” Scarlet arrived at the table with two cups of coffee.

  “It’s all right,” said Claire, even though it wasn’t. “Everyone is on the anti-Claire bandwagon these days.”

  “I’m not.” Scarlet squeezed Claire’s hand.

  “Thank you, but you’re the only one.” Claire sighed. “How’s Hattie?”

  “Good, from what I hear. She’s left the hospital and is staying with Luke and his dad. The turn gave her a fright, but according to the doctors she was bound to have a health scare sooner rather than later.” She looked at Claire intensely. “And it had nothing to do with the news of the cinema. It was just bad timing.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “When did you get your medical degree?” asked Scarlet.

  “Very funny. So what does that mean? A health scare?”

  “Turns out she hadn’t been feeling well for some time and hadn’t fully explained her symptoms to the doctor. Apparently she’d thought it would pass.” Scarlet straightened the sugar packets in the container in front of her. “They’re doing more tests, but she’s not telling anyone the details.”

  “Oh.”

  “Hattie getting upset over the cinema probably saved her life. By her going in to get checked out, they can now work on improving her health.”

  “It doesn’t make me feel any less guilty,” Claire said.

  Scarlet hesitated but finally said, “You really don’t need to.”

  Claire bent her head forward. “I just don’t know how to make it right. I made a promise to Hattie and I broke it.”

  “How long are you planning on beating yourself up about this?”

  Scarlet’s blunt question took her by surprise. “Until Hattie and Luke forgive me.”

  “Ah.” Scarlet stirred her coffee. “Now we’ve come to the crux of it. How serious did it get between you and him?”

  “What?” Claire asked.

  “No need to be surprised. This town has eyes and ears.”

  “Well, the eyes and ears should know that I had nothing to do with that fire.”

  “It will all come out in the end.” She put the spoon on the table. “So, how serious?”

  “Between me and Luke?” Claire looked up at the ceiling, then back at the only friend she had in Starlight Creek. “There was potential but…”

  “But?”

  “But we’re so different. I travel for work, he loves Starlight Creek. He doesn’t think you can ever have it all, and I do.”

  “Prove it,” challenged Scarlet.

  “What?”

  “Prove to him you can have it all. Have you had any bites on projects you’ve pitched?”

  “Nope. Nothing.”

  “Well, you need to change that somehow.” Scarlet made it sound so easy.

  “I’ve been building my career for years and now, electrical fault or not, this disaster is going to have a massive impact on my employability.” Not to mention Tony gunning for her.

  “Why not create your own luck?”

  “How?” asked Claire.

  Scarlet laughed. “I don’t know! That’s something you have to figure out. When Laura and I moved here, I winged it big-time. I had no idea what was going to happen, but all I knew was that I had to try.”

  “I’ve been trying forever.”

  “Then try something different. Maybe it’s your approach.”

  Claire twisted the serviette in her hands. “Sometimes it feels too hard.”

  “I never pegged you as a quitter.”

  “Huh?” She couldn’t believe Scarlet was talking with her so frankly. And it hurt, because she’d just hit the bullseye.

  Scarlet stood and collected the mugs. “Look, I’ve gotta get back to work. Feel free to linger here as long as you like.”

  “Thanks,” said Claire.

  Scarlet set about organizing the café while Claire stared out the window. What was she hanging around for? And all she needed to do was get in the ute and escape Starlight Creek. Yet she couldn’t convince herself to do it. The only way to cut the tie that was holding her back was to confront it head-on.

  Claire put money on the table and gathered up her keys and bag. “Thanks for the talk, Scarlet.”

  “Any time.” She finished wrapping the slices of banana cake. “And Claire?”

  “Yes?”

  “You need to believe in yourself more.”

  Claire left Scarlet’s café feeling more unsettled than ever. She got in her ute and started the engine, leaving it idling while she stared at the steering wheel like it was a crystal ball. She could just leave Starlight Creek. There were quite a few people who would be more than happy to see her go. But she wasn’t brought up a quitter. Facing consequences, owning up to mistakes…that’s who she was. Not some scaredy cat
who skipped town because she was frightened.

  She chucked the ute into gear and drove slowly through Starlight Creek. Although nothing had physically changed, the town seemed different. An air of division still clung to the bricks and mortar, but there was something else. What was it?

  Claire crossed over the tracks leading to the mill and headed down the road that led her to the last place she wanted to be right now. But she had to do this. Somehow.

  When she pulled up to Luke’s, she parked on the side of the road like she had the first time she’d come here. It felt like a lifetime ago that she’d begged him to come around to her way of thinking, yet here she was, about to plead her case once more.

  Was it really worth it?

  Memories flooded in of Luke’s blue eyes surrounded by smile lines, his warm touch, his engaging laugh, the way he reached for her hand, the excitement when he talked about helping young kids through art, the kisses that sent her mind and body into a flurry of desire….

  Claire stood at the gate, one foot on the property and the other on the road. Stay? Go?

  A car pulled up behind and she turned around to find Don and Hattie staring at her.

  Claire waved and forced a smile, despite her desire to flee.

  Hattie returned the wave. She rolled down the window. “Come up for tea.”

  Claire walked up the gravel driveway, following Don’s car. The fact that he hadn’t offered her a lift did not bode well.

  By the time she got to the house, Hattie was sitting on the swing, her floral dress perfectly pressed and hair beautifully styled. For someone who had been so sick, she looked rather marvelous and bright. Inside the house she could hear crockery banging in the kitchen.

  Hattie patted the cushion next to her and Claire took a seat.

  “How are you doing?” Claire asked.

  “As well as can be,” said Hattie. “How are you?”

  “I’m so very sorry.” The tears that Claire had fought to keep at bay flowed, and she had lost the willpower to stop them.

  “There, there.” Hattie patted Claire’s knee. “I know you didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  “But it did,” she sobbed. “And you trusted me!”