The Cinema of Lost Dreams

by Alli Sinclair

  “To be honest, I’m not sure if we’ll ever get to the point where women are valued as highly as men—at least on the payroll.” Hattie rubbed her finger on her chin. “I wonder if the wheels I started turning would have sped up if I’d stayed in Hollywood.”

  “From what I understand, you made a very big difference in a very short time.”

  “I did.” Hattie leaned her head against the back of the chair. “Maybe leaving was a mistake.”

  “Was there any way you could have stayed, though?”

  “No. My time there was done. Besides.” She leaned forward. “My heart wasn’t in it anymore. How could it be? I’d lost the love of my life, my career, my dreams. There was nothing to salvage. Oh my.” Hattie sat back. “That took more out of me than I’d expected.”

  “How do you feel?”

  Hattie drew her brows together. “Good, I think.”

  “Maybe it will take some time.”

  “Yes, I suppose it will. So what now?” Hattie asked.

  “We’ll head back to Melbourne and edit everything we’ve filmed. We’ve already had interest from distributors.”

  “Already?”

  “Yes,” Claire said. “But it won’t go out until you’ve approved it.”

  “Just show me when you’re done. I know you will do this justice.”

  “Thank you.” The words just didn’t seem enough.

  “You remind me so much of me when I was younger.” Hattie’s smile was slow and warm. “You’re strong, independent, and want to change the world. I did—for a time. And I suspect you will as well—with longer-lasting effects, I hope.”

  “I’m not so sure you’re right,” said Claire.

  “Why not?”

  “You set up an organization to give women somewhere safe to live and skills they need. What have I done?”

  “Oh, my dear girl! You are helping me put a matter to rest.” Hattie picked at a fleck on her jacket. “You’re helping me honor my Reeves. Honor those whose voices have been lost.”

  “There are so many lost voices.”

  “Exactly,” said Hattie. “And it’s high time they were heard. You can do this, Claire. You have the perfect medium to help, and you’re talented and passionate.”

  Claire let Hattie’s words wash over her. Everything she said made sense, and it spoke to her heart.

  “Women,” Claire said.

  “Pardon?”

  “Women’s voices. That’s what I need to do. I need to seek out women who are struggling to be heard, whose voices are suppressed for whatever reason, whether they were born into a world that silences them or have had their voices taken away.” Claire sat forward, her body buzzing with energy. “This is it. This is what I’m supposed to do!”

  Hattie grasped Claire’s hand. “I couldn’t think of anyone more perfect for the job.”

  Claire wrapped her arms around Hattie and squeezed her tight. “I don’t know how to thank you!”

  “You’ve thanked me by following your heart.”

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  1995 – Starlight Creek, Queensland

  Claire sat in the front row of Hattie’s deserted cinema, hardly able to believe that six months had already passed. The TV miniseries that had originally brought Claire to Starlight Creek was well into the final stages of production, with the premiere scheduled in a couple of months. Tonight, though, was the opening night of another project—one very close to Claire’s heart.

  “When did you arrive?” A familiar voice echoed from the back of the cinema.

  Claire spun around, happiness washing over her. “About three hours ago.”

  Hattie walked toward her, looking as elegant and spritely as Claire remembered. Hattie wrapped her arms around Claire, who relaxed into the hug.

  Stepping back, Hattie said, “By the way, I wanted to thank you for the offer to watch the documentary before everyone else, but I’m truly happy to wait.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “My dearest Claire, I have every faith in you. Why the self-doubt?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, maybe seeing my great-nephew will cheer you up.”

  Claire’s shoulders tensed. “We haven’t spoken for a while.”

  “That’s because you two are being ridiculous.”

  “No, we’ve both been busy. We tried, we really did, but the distance has made it next to impossible.”

  “I call BS.”

  “Hattie!”

  Hattie shrugged. “If only you young ones would realize how pointless it is to let obstacles get in the way of true love.”

  “They’re very real obstacles,” she said, slightly miffed that Hattie was making it all sound trivial. “We really did try.”

  Between working on the documentary and picking up extra jobs with Nigel’s company, Claire barely had time to eat or sleep, let alone maintain a long-distance relationship with Luke. She hated that something had to give, and doubly hated that it was Luke. But they’d promised each other neither would get in the way of the other’s dreams. Although, from what she understood, Luke had done nothing to work toward his own goals. Had he fallen back into the trap of trying to please his father?

  “How’s he doing?” Claire asked gently.

  “You’ll have to ask him yourself when you see him tonight.”

  The butterflies in Claire’s stomach fluttered. For weeks she’d convinced herself that she’d be fine seeing him, as they’d parted ways amicably. But now, in the heart of the town that had become her second home, Claire was hit by nerves and shyness. How on earth would she cope with seeing Luke? Especially when she thought about him every spare second she had?

  “Is everything ready to go?” asked Hattie.

  “Yes. Phil sends his apologies, as he’s shooting a story in Papua New Guinea.”

  “Bless him. You are surrounded by such lovely people.”

  “I am.” She stood. “I guess I better get ready.”

  “You can use my bathroom to shower and get dressed if you like.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind going to the hotel.”

  “Nonsense. I like the idea that it’s full circle.” Hattie laughed at Claire’s frown. “Don’t you remember? The milkshake?”

  “Ha! Yes! Oh wow, that feels like it happened ages ago.”

  “It certainly does.” Hattie cocked her head toward the door. “Come on, let’s go glam up.”

  * * * *

  Opening night had every man, woman and child in Starlight Creek dressed in their finest. They mingled in the foyer of the cinema, as well as outside on the street, eating sausage rolls, sandwiches and delicious cakes, including lamingtons and strawberry tarts. Claire socialized, talking and laughing, happy to be back in the company of the townsfolk who once saw her as the devil incarnate.

  “This is quite the crowd,” said Colin, who looked smart in a light blue shirt and navy trousers.

  “It’s amazing,” Claire said. “Thank you for coming.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Colin bit into a lamington. “You know, there’s always been an air of mystery around Hattie. Those who knew her way back when are long gone, or have kept her secret close to their chest. I’m looking forward to learning more about her other life.” He laughed. “To think we had a Hollywood starlet living in our midst!”

  “Hattie is one inspiring woman.” Claire tried to engage in the conversation, but the whole time she was on high alert, wondering when Luke would show.

  The bell rang and the cinema lights dimmed then brightened.

  “Please, excuse me.” Claire went over to Hattie and threaded her arm through hers. “Are you ready?”

  Hattie’s lips drew into a tight line. Had she gotten cold feet?

  The townsfolk swarmed into the cinema. Marcela, Scarlet a
nd even Laura waved at Claire as they entered through the main door. Hattie stood rooted to the spot.

  “Are you all right?”

  “No.” Hattie’s body trembled.

  “What can I do? Do you need a drink? To sit down? Shall we delay?” Perhaps it was all too much. After all, Hattie had bared her deepest emotional pain in front of the cameras, and now she was about to share it with everyone she knew.

  “It’s a mistake,” Hattie muttered.

  “What is?”

  “I should have watched it first.”

  Claire looked around the deserted foyer, not sure what to do. As much as Claire wanted this premiere to go ahead, Hattie’s feelings and well-being were way more important. If the townsfolk turned on Claire once more, so be it. “If you don’t want me to show it, I won’t.”

  Hattie stared at the closed doors leading into the cinema, her body stiff.

  “Hattie?” Claire said gently. “What do you want to do?”

  “I miss him.” She sniffed. “I miss him more than I’ve ever expressed.”

  “Reeves?”

  “I would have given up everything to have him alive. I’ve spent a lifetime keeping my hurt close to my chest. And now…” She choked on a sob. “Now I’m telling the world my innermost secrets. For what? Entertainment?”

  “You did this because you wanted to honor Reeves by finishing your story. And to give voice to the young actresses who have suffered at the hands of the industry, remember?”

  Hattie nodded, but her feet remained rooted to the black and white tiles.

  “Can I help?” Luke strode in, his face flushed.

  “Hattie’s having second thoughts.”

  “Aunt Hattie?” Luke gently clasped her hands.

  She didn’t answer, and Claire feared this would be too much for her heart. She went to a nearby table and poured icy water into a glass, then handed it to Hattie, who took a few slow sips.

  Luke’s blue eyes looked into Claire’s, and all the bravado she’d been clinging to fell by the wayside. Who was she fooling? Luke still had her heart.

  “Claire is the most compassionate person we know.” Luke addressed Hattie. “I would bet my life that she’s done an absolutely amazing job with this documentary.” Luke concentrated on his great-aunt, his eyes not straying to Claire. “Remember why you trust her. Why we both trust her.”

  Claire studied Luke’s broad shoulders, the way his sandy hair skirted his collar, his tanned arms, his strong jaw. The soothing tone of his voice when he spoke to Hattie, and the kindness in his eyes were enough to bring tears to her own. God, she’d missed him.

  Hattie blinked hard, like she was coming out of a daze. She patted Luke’s hand. “I’m a silly old fool. What was I thinking? Come on.” She looked at Claire. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

  Luke glanced over Hattie’s head at Claire and his expression said exactly what Claire was thinking—Hattie was faking this boldness. But wasn’t everyone? Isn’t that what Claire was doing now? Pretending she was absolutely fine seeing Luke again when inside she was a sad and crumpled mess?

  Hattie held her chin high.

  “I’ll go and introduce the documentary first,” said Claire. “Then I’ll announce you and you can make your grand entrance.” She looked at the closed doors. “I wish we had a red carpet for you.”

  “I don’t need fanfare; I’ve got two of my favorite people by my side.” With one hand she took Claire’s hand and with the other, Luke’s. “Let’s do this.”

  Hattie squeezed Claire’s hand, then let go as Claire entered the cinema alone, making her way to the small stage in front of the screen.

  She took a deep breath, hoping it would calm her nerves. It didn’t work. Clearing her throat, she said, “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, thank you all for coming to the world premiere of Lena Lee: The Woman Behind the Mystery. This story was decades in the making, and we are very honored to have the star of the show here tonight. Everyone, please give a very big welcome to our beloved Hattie Fitzpatrick, also known as the talented and inspirational Lena Lee.”

  The audience burst into a round of enthusiastic applause as the doors to the back of the cinema opened. Bright light framed Hattie as she stood on the threshold. She didn’t move forward, and once again Luke appeared at her side and held out his arm, which she took. With slight hesitation, they moved into the cinema and began the long walk to the front. As they passed each row, people stood and clapped, and some even cheered. Hattie’s steps grew more self-assured, and by the time she reached the seat reserved especially for her, it was like she was walking on a cloud of confidence. She turned around, waved at the adoring audience, and motioned for them to sit down.

  “Thank you.” Her voice wavered slightly. “I do appreciate you taking time to come here. Please, enjoy.” Hattie sat and rested her hands on her lap, her eyes trained on the blank screen.

  Luke waved up at the projector room where his father was, and the screen flickered into action. Claire sat next to Hattie, while Luke took up the position on the other side of his great-aunt. As the music started, images of sugarcane blowing in the gentle breeze under a bright blue sky filled the screen. Nausea swelled in Claire’s belly. She struggled to breathe. Here, in this moment, her dream was finally coming true, and she was scared out of her wits. What if Hattie didn’t like it? What if the audience hated it? What if—

  A tap on her shoulder brought her back into the cinema. She looked at Luke, who mouthed, “Are you okay?”

  She shook her head. He motioned toward the back of the cinema. She shook her head again and followed it with a smile. Luke smiled back and returned his attention to the screen, where the camera was focused on Hattie with the sugarcane in the background. The image faded and an early photo of Hattie as a swimsuit model appeared on-screen. A loud wolf whistle filled the cinema, followed by some laughter. Hattie smiled broadly.

  As the documentary progressed, Claire’s nerves eased, though she kept sneaking glances at Hattie to gauge how it was all going. Thankfully, Hattie only seemed to express happiness mixed with nostalgic sadness for times long gone. Claire didn’t know how she’d handle it if Hattie was angry or disappointed.

  The documentary moved along, and as Hattie recounted her days in Hollywood and her rise to fame, the audience remained silent, hanging on every word. When an image of Reeves Garrity appeared on-screen, Hattie gasped and held her hand to her heart.

  Claire leaned forward and whispered, “Are you all right?”

  “Yes,” Hattie rasped. “It’s just been so long since I’ve seen a photo of him.” Her eyes welled up and she dabbed them with her handkerchief. “Such a handsome man.”

  “Very handsome,” whispered Claire.

  Hattie remained transfixed by the documentary, her body unmoving. As the story of her love life with Reeves unfolded, a few gasps mixed with sobs filled the cinema. Her heartbreaking story of love found then lost, and then her blacklisting from Hollywood, appeared to touch people’s hearts. Claire forced herself to look around at the audience and found dozens upon dozens of glassy eyes fixated on the screen. A couple of women openly cried. She glanced at Luke, whose eyes were directly on her. He smiled, and she couldn’t help but do the same. Checking on Hattie once more, Claire found her staring straight ahead, her bottom lip trembling. Hattie grabbed Claire’s hand and held it tight.

  Hattie’s face faded on the screen, and the credits slowly rolled up while Nigel’s composer-wife’s music floated through the speakers. Claire closed her eyes and braced herself. The silent audience unnerved her, because usually by now the cinema would be full of clapping and cheers.

  A solitary, continuous clap started and in a few moments the room was full of whistles, clapping and shouting. “Bravo!” “Fabulous!” “Well done!”

  Claire opened her eyes to find the entire cinema, including Hattie and Luke,
on their feet, clapping wildly, their attention focused solely on Claire.

  She got to her feet, using the armrest to steady herself. Turning to face the enthusiastic audience, she waved for them to stop and sit. They did so, but the excited chatter was barely contained.

  “Thank you,” said Claire. “You have no idea how much I appreciate your enthusiasm and support. If it wasn’t for Hattie’s willingness to share her story with us, we wouldn’t have the documentary we do. Hattie.” She reached for her hand. “I can’t begin to express how grateful I am. Thank you for giving me this chance and for being so open and honest about your amazing life. I am honored to call you my friend.”

  Hattie patted Claire’s hand.

  “And now,” said Claire, “please join us for post-screening celebrations!”

  Hattie and Claire were instantly swarmed by people wanting to congratulate them—the love from people Claire barely knew warmed her heart. For the first time, Claire felt like part of the Starlight Creek community. After a while, the group dwindled and Claire stepped away, grateful to have a moment to herself. She quickly exited the cinema and headed over to the park to sit on the swing—just a few minutes of quiet to take it all in and breathe.

  Claire pushed her toes into the ground. The swing took off and she swung her legs, her head back, eyes taking in the inky sky above. Stars twinkled and the moon shone on the town, highlighting Colin’s news agency, the pub and the bakery. Since she’d left all those months ago, the entire town had enjoyed a lick of paint. Even the old Coca-Cola sign had been replaced by a mural painted by one of the talented teenagers. How could she say goodbye to Starlight Creek in a few days? Especially as she had no excuse to return, other than to visit Hattie?

  “Well, they didn’t lynch you.”

  Claire stopped swinging as Luke came over and sat on the swing next to her. “No, they didn’t.”

  “In fact, they loved it.”

  “Really?” She gripped the swing chain so hard her hands hurt. Letting it go, she said, “I didn’t realize I was so needy for everyone’s approval.”

  “You’ve just realized your dream, Claire. It’s only natural you’re going to worry what people think. And from what I’ve been hearing, it’s the best documentary a lot of them have ever seen.”