Between Now and Goodbye

by Hannah Harvey

  'I'm not sure she ever did.'

  'Of course she did.' I say quickly, 'Char she did, and I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about her calling me, but she specifically asked me not to and...'

  'It's ok. I don't blame you for not telling me. It wasn't your place to tell me, and she's your best friend as much as I am. More even.'

  'Why more?' I ask.

  'Because, you're both girls so doesn't that mean you have that girl code thing or whatever.' He says. I raise an eyebrow at him.

  'I think maybe Julie's had you watching a few too many teen movies.' I laugh and then realize he probably doesn't want jokes right now, so I let the laugh die in my throat, 'Look, you're just as much my friend as she is, and frankly, at the moment she's making me angry way more times that I'd like to admit to.'

  'She's right to break up with me.' He says after a couple beats of silence. 'I'm a mess right now.'

  'Julie ended things because of her. She was bored. You didn't do anything wrong.'

  'Maybe not wrong, but I wasn't doing things right. I wasn't around for her as much as I used to be.' He points out.

  'You have other things to worry about.' I remind him, not that he needs the reminder.

  'That's the problem though isn't it, trying to juggle all of this stuff with my family and a girlfriend.'

  'I'm really sorry.' I never seem to be able to find something better to say.

  'Well, at least my mom will be happy.' He sits up straighter and lets his hands fall to his sides.

  'Why would this make her happy?'

  'Because, she never understood why Julie and I were together. When we were kids we were a lot more similar, but as we grew up, my mom always thought that we'd end up losing touch. She also thinks that Julie is a touch too self-obsessed.'

  'Your mom said that?' I laugh out loud.

  'She's a lot more blunt now that she's sick.' He nods his head, laughing lightly.

  'Do you mind if I'm blunt?' I ask.

  'Go ahead.'

  'Why were you with her so long? I mean she's one of my best friends, even when she does things that drive me crazy. It's just that...I don't know, the two of you don't seem to have anything in common and she is a little...how can I put it without sounding horrible...high maintenance. She has so many good qualities, but being a good girlfriend, it's not exactly one of them. Your whole relationship has been about you doing stuff for her, and just from what I can tell, she doesn't give a lot back. So I guess I'm just wondering why you put up with it?'

  'Because,' he looks at me with a dull hopeless look in his eyes, his posture slumps and he lets out a little breath, 'I love her.'

  I end up falling asleep on Charles' couch, after staying up into the early hours of the morning talking over his relationship with Julie. He wanted to know what I thought went wrong, only he kept asking what he did wrong, and from my point of view, he hasn't done anything wrong. Sure he hasn't been able to take her out as often as before, but he always makes sure he has time for her. He takes her out when he can, at least once a week.

  For the most part I just listened, because I don't know what happened between them. I don't understand how someone can love you one minute, and be bored the next. I'm not the best authority, of course, considering I've been on a grand total of two dates in my life, both of them with a boy called Jamie. Both dates happened over a one week period last year, and each was really awkward and neither of us spoke all that much.

  I'm aching from sleeping on the not hugely comfortable couch. I open my eyes and look around. The lounge is empty, so either Charles went up to his room last night rather than falling asleep where he'd been on the couch next to me, or he's already up and managed to get up from under the weight of my feet on his lap, without waking me. I glance at the clock on the wall. It's just after nine, which means that undoubtedly he's awake, regardless where he slept.

  I get myself up off the couch and run my fingers through my hair. Neaten up my dungarees which, at some point while I was sleeping, have come unclasped on one side, and started twisting around me.

  Once I'm fairly certain I no longer look like I've just been dragged through a bush by my hair, I head off in search of the two things I need most. Coffee and Charles, to check that he's ok post breakup.

  The kitchen in empty, but there's coffee in the pot, and the pot has a bright Post-it on the front.

  Caffeine has multiple bad side effects. I emailed you a list. You should probably limit your copious intake of it. Hence the fact that there is only enough for one cup in this machine, and I've hidden the bag. It's for your own good. -Char

  I laugh out loud and pour out the coffee into the large blue mug with a yellow smiley face on it, my mug whenever I'm here. Sure enough the warm black liquid runs out as soon as my cup is full. I find it funny that he's always warning me about drinking too much coffee, I've had emails before today, and yet it was at his house that I got my very first taste of it.

  His mom is something of a caffeine addict, or at least she was until she got sick and decided to go on an extremely healthy diet. She's the one who gave me my first ever cup of coffee a couple of days after I moved here. She's the one who taught me about different blends and directed me to the best places to buy coffee in a ten mile radius. She's the one who taught me how to make the perfect cup of coffee.

  I'm lost in these thoughts until I hear a shriek from the yard and instantly I'm moving. I go over to the door to look out, worried that one of the kids has hurt themselves. Instead, I see Charles chasing the twins around the yard with the hose. Both of them are in their bathing suits, as is Charles, and while the twins are soaked from head to toe, Charles is almost completely dry.

  I step out onto the small paved area before you reach the lawn. Hold a hand above my eyes to block out the sun and smile at how happy Charles seems to be this morning. His family always do know how to cheer him up the best.

  Charles spots me and waves. I wave back, and while he's distracted by me, Lewis appears from behind the small tool shed, and grabs the hose from Charles' hands, turning it on him and soaking his brother, until Charles playfully wrestles it back.

  'Want to play Libby?' Georgia runs over. Stands in front of me with a wide smile on her flushed face. She's dripping water onto my bare feet from her wet blonde hair.

  'Maybe in a bit. I can't do anything until I've had my first cup of coffee.' I smile, making sure I say it loud enough that Charles can hear. He responds by groaning, but he laughs at the same time.

  'That's what my mommy always used to say.' Georgia grins.

  'Your mom's a smart lady.'

  'I wish that she was here to stay with us.' Georgia's smile drops and I pull her up onto my lap. One arm snaking around her waist, ignoring the wetness that starts seeping into my dungarees. My other hand holds onto my coffee.

  'I know you do sweetie, we all miss her, but she'll be home soon.' I let Georgia rest her head against my shoulder while I finish up my coffee, and then I stand up and set her back onto her feet. 'Ok,' I smile at her, 'what do you think...girls against boys?'

  'But there's more of them.' Georgia purses her lips and studies the three dripping wet boys who are still rushing around the yard, with seemingly endless energy. I'm glad I've had my coffee or else I may not have been able to keep up.

  'That's true, but I think we can handle three boys between us.' I smile at her and she beams up at me, a toothy grin that takes over her entire face. 'We just have to be a little bit more...clever.' I reply and then whisper a plan to her. A minute later I'm holding up my arms and calling for them to hold fire for a moment. Charles, just like I knew he would, twists the nozzle into its off position, and I walk across the wet grass towards him.

  'Hey, so I'd better take off, explain to my mom and Matt why I didn't come home last night.'

  'Oh, right sure.' He smiles, 'Listen, thanks for listening last night, I was... well, I needed to talk, and you were there again. You're a really great friend.'

  'Any time.' I say h
onestly, and then I hug him, and in the process I grab the hose from his hands, twist the nozzle, back up and start spraying him.

  'You're such a cheat.' He laughs loudly.

  'And you're slow.' I sprint across the small yard, keeping the hose on him, just as Georgia returns to her yard, pulling the hose from my yard with her and turning it on Sean and Lewis.

  Charles runs towards me and throws one arm around my waist, lifting me off the ground while his other hand reaches for the hose.

  'No fair.' I shriek and laugh at the same time. I struggle in his grip. How is he so strong? He's only using one arm, and yet my feet are off the ground. Somehow, despite my best efforts, he gets hold of the hose. I keep my hands on it though, so we end up with it shooting upwards so that it starts showering down onto both of us.

  A second later Charles yelps as he gets drenched. He loosens his grip just enough for me to pull away, and I see why he was so surprised. Georgia has lost control of the second hose, which Lewis currently has, and so being the genius that she is, she'd gone inside and filled up a bucket, dragged it over here and threw it over Charles.

  I laugh out loud and give her tiny hand a high five.

  'You guys teaming up on me?' Charles asks.

  'Solidarity.' I smile at him and then at Georgia as I turn the hose back towards him.

  I'm drenched to the skin, my feet and legs are muddy, and yet for the first time since coming home from New York yesterday, though it seems like longer, I'm actually really happy to be home.

  Seventeen – Charles

  After an hour of running around the yard soaking each other with hoses and buckets, Libby has to head home and I have to start thinking about everything that needs to be done today.

  The first obvious task is to make sure everyone gets cleaned up from the yard, and into dry clothing. Then I have to take them to visit mom because they all want to go, with the exception of Katie who went out first thing this morning to spend the day at the beach with her friends.

  She wants to act like everything is normal, and I don't have the heart to try and stop her, because if for a few hours she can escape the reality of our lives by having some fun, then I want her to do that, so long as it's safe fun. I can't criticize her for doing it, it's what I was doing this morning in the yard with my brothers and sister and Libby, while April slept soundly after an incredibly fussy night.

  Once we're back from the hospital I need to try and tackle some of the housework which has been piling up. Libby cleaned the kitchen last night, so that's one less task on my list, but there are still many others to keep my time occupied.

  Then of course there's Julie. I need to call her. I need to talk to her and try and understand if the break-up was just a reaction to me getting angry at her last night. It has to be because we've been together for eight months, and as far as I knew we were happy.

  Libby was right last night, as she so often is, we are an unlikely match and she can be a little on the high maintenance side. She's also intelligent, fiercely independent, she knows what she wants and she's not afraid to go out and get it. I've known her my entire life and even though at times she can be selfish, and occasionally she does think that she can get her own way simply because she has money. I know too that she has a good heart, and she means well most of the time.

  She can't really want to break up with me. I can't have another person in my life walk away from me right now. I loved and trusted my dad and he walked away at the first hint of trouble, and now there's no sign of him.

  I love and trust Julie, and I'm not willing to give up without a fight. She loves me, I'm sure she does. I wasn't sure last night when I was talking to Libby, but I am now. She told me that she loves me, and she's told me so many times, so there's no way she could have been lying all of those times. Part of her loves me, and she's backing off now because I haven't been around for her, so all I have to do is show her that I can be the boyfriend that she both wants and deserves.

  I just have to figure out a way to prove that to her when I have so much else going on in my life.

  Georgia doesn't like the hospital, and from the second we walk through the doors she's clinging to my hand, with more strength than I knew she had. She walks close to me and the smile she had this morning while she teamed up with Libby to soak me and the boys, is all gone now, and instead it's been replaced by a scared look that makes me want to take her straight home.

  Sean doesn't seem to like it much either. He's trotting along beside me with his thumb in his mouth, a habit that we'd managed to break last year and is now back. Lewis trails behind us, looking like he's rather be having teeth pulled than visiting mom in the hospital. At least he's here though.

  I called Katie this when we were leaving and said I could pick her up and she could come as well. I told that it would mean a lot to mom, but she said she was busy and she'd just seen mom when she's out of the hospital.

  I can tell when she's putting on a show to be brave, and the forced brightness in her voice had told me that she's barely holding on. Just like me. Just like all of us.

  I'm glad she had her friends. I overheard them all talking one time when she had her three best friends over for a slumber party. She may not be able to talk to me about mom's illness and how it's making her feel, but after hearing her with her friends, I know at least that she's not keeping everything bottled up. She talks to them the way I wish I could talk to Julie. The way I do talk to Libby.

  The thought of Julie brings a tightness to my chest. I tried calling her after I'd showered and changed this morning, but there was no answer. I didn't call again right away, and I didn't leave a message. I don't want her to think I'm pushing her. If she's not ready to talk yet, then I'm not going to force her. If she hasn't returned my call by later this afternoon, then I'll try her again.

  We make it to mom's hospital room, which she shares with three other women. Georgia hesitates by the door, scared to even enter.

  'It's ok.' I say bending down to her level while the boys go inside to say hello to mom. 'You want to see mom don't you?'

  'Yes,' Georgia nods and her eyes look all around her, taking in the other women in the room. Wires and tubes connected to their arms, and she shrinks back even further. 'Mommy's got a thing in her arm. Are they hurting her?'

  'No,' I shake my head, 'that's an IV. It's giving mom medicine to take away the pain. It's helping her.'

  'IV.' She says it a couple of times and then nods her head, 'You're sure she's ok?'

  'Go on in and ask her yourself.' I say with as bright of a smile as I can muster. It seems to work because she lets her hand slip from mine and walks into the room.

  'Hi darling.' Mom beams at her, and with that smile on her face you can hardly tell how sick she is. Just like me, her family makes her stronger. I just hope that we can make her strong enough. 'Hi love.' She smiles up at me.

  'Hi mom.' I bend over her bed and kiss her cheek, 'How are you feeling?' I ask, even though with my brothers and sisters here, she's not likely to tell me if she's not feeling great.

  'Comfortable.' She replies, which is a lot better than she's felt a lot of times recently. 'Lewis has been telling me that he was alone in the house last night...with the kids.' She raises an eyebrow at me. Sometimes, because I care for her a lot of the time now, I forget that she's still able to ground me if she wanted to.

  Trust Lewis to go and tell her they'd been alone in the house.

  'Yeah, there was a sort of.... miscommunication.'

  'Uh huh.' She keeps her eyes on me. I didn't think I'd be able to get away with saying that little, but I'd hoped that I wouldn. Now I'm going to have to tell her the whole truth.

  'I thought that Julie was staying with the kids while we were at the hospital and Julie didn't think that she had to.' I reply and then fill her in on all of the details. Mom purses her lips together and shakes her head.

  'I know that she's your girlfriend and you love her, but that girl needs to learn that she can't always have ever
ything she needs, and sometimes the world doesn't revolve around her.'

  'Mom...'

  'I'm sorry Charles, but she left my children on their own because her dress got messy. Who does that?'

  'I know. I didn't think she'd leave either and I was mad when I found out she did.'

  'I hope you let her know you were mad.' Mom replies, 'You never stand up for yourself with her.'

  'I did.' I nod.

  'Well, good, she needs to learn that she can't walk all over people. As if burning down her father's office wasn't bad enough, and she's getting away with that.'

  'They're sending her to boarding school.' I remind her.

  'Charles, she burnt a building to the ground after breaking into it. She should at the very least be facing community service. Instead, she's being sent to a prestigious private school where she'll get one of the best educations on offer. Don't get me wrong, her parents are good people and I used to be really close to them, but I've always, on occasion, questioned their parenting skills.' She sighs. 'I know you love her, I just worry that one day she's going to end up hurting you and I don't want to see that happen. She's too wrapped up in herself and she's been raised so spoilt that she thinks it's ok to get or do whatever she wants. It's like she thinks it's her right or something. I worry that she'll hurt you, and I want to protect you from that.'

  'Too late.' I say quietly. Mom watches me for a second and then pulls her wallet out from the cabinet next to her hospital bed. Gives Lewis a few notes and tells him to take the twins to the vending machines just down the hall. She can see them from her bed, so I know she won't worry about them getting lost, or wandering off.

  She sits up a little straighter once they're gone. April is cradled in her arms.

  'What happened?' She asks softly. I sink into the chair next to her bed and sigh heavily.

  'Julie and I broke up last night...she ended it.' I give her a brief outline of the events of last night, and when I'm done she takes my hand and gives it a squeeze. I glance over my shoulder. The kids are still at the vending machines, looking as if they're in a debate about what to buy.