Between Now and Goodbye

by Hannah Harvey

  'You ok?' She asks.

  'No,' I say honestly, 'but I think eventually I will be.'

  Fifty Seven – Julie

  Home feels strange after spending the last few weeks at the cabin. It feels strange being back here and knowing that Mrs Parson's won't be coming home with Charles and Libby, who are due to arrive in about an hour.

  When I walked through the doors of my house, my mom came running down the stairs and pulled me into a tight hug. We both cried for ages, standing in the hall and sobbing our eyes out.

  My parents told me that I didn't have to go to boarding school. They said that they could see I'd made a lot of changes, and I've learnt my lesson. They said that if I wanted to stay and be here for Charles, then I could.

  I considered it for almost the entire first day I was home, but in the end I decided to still go. I don't know if that makes me selfish. I hope it doesn't, but I just feel like I need a clean slate. I feel it so strongly that staying here doesn't seem like an option for me. Besides, he has Libby and she'll be able to help him far more than I can.

  I'll stay for the funeral, that's happening tomorrow, exactly forty eight hours after we left the cabin. Libby and Charles will make it home fifteen hours before the funeral, and I think it's good for Charles that he's had this time. I think if he'd been around here while his aunt, my mom and Libby's mom worked on the funeral and arrangements for a little get together afterwards, he would have fallen apart.

  Instead, he's out on a cross country road trip with the one person who I feel confident, will be able to keep him from being swallowed by his grief.

  Watching them together these past few days while we were at the cabin, making arrangements to come home. It's really taught me how well she can calm him down, keep him from losing it. She isn't afraid to see him cry, and that's something I was never good at. Perhaps it's because my dad believes men should never cry, and that's why I feel uncomfortable when I see Charles cry. All I know is that Libby is what he needs, and I think he's going to be exactly what she needs as well.

  I glance up from my floor, where I'm sitting surrounded by luggage that I'm packing for France, and look at the clock on my bedside cabinet. They should be back in about forty five minutes. I'm planning on going over there for when they arrive. See if there's anything I can do to help.

  For now, though, I just keep folding clothes into my suitcase. Careful not to let anything get wrinkled, and after each layer of clothing, I put in a scented draw liner. A trick my mom showed me for keeping clothing fresh when you travel.

  I work away until it's time to go over to Charles' house. Then I get up from the floor, grab my car keys and phone, and head out, wondering how he'll be when I see him.

  I get to Charles' house about two minutes before Charles and Libby show up. They both look really tired, like maybe they haven't slept for the entire trip. I suspect that they probably haven't.

  'Hey,' I hug Charles, 'How are you?'

  'Coping.' He replies. I nod at him and let him go and greet the kids, who have all come barrelling out of the house. I move over to Libby and give her a hesitant hug, still not sure if we're ok enough to be hugging. She hugs me back though.

  'How's he really doing?' I ask once we've pulled out of our hug.

  'He's... coping, but sometimes it's too much for him. He'll get better with time, but right now as you can expect, it's really rough.'

  'And you?' I ask.

  'I'm fine. Tired and broken hearted for Char, and unbelievably sad that Mrs Parson's is gone.' She brushes away some tears, 'Mostly I'm just trying to hold it together for Char.'

  'I get that.' I nod.

  'How are things here?'

  'Preparations are all done. The kids have been...mostly coping. Katie and Lewis have taken it the hardest. I'm not sure Georgia and Sean really know what's happened, and I know that obviously April doesn't.' I look over at Charles, who is holding April, while having one arm slung around Katie's shoulders, as he talks to his aunt. 'You look tired.' I say looking back at Libby.

  'We didn't sleep. It was easier to just keep driving.' She replies. 'We should head inside.' She adds as everyone starts walking into Charles' house.

  I follow them and notice how Libby slips her hand into Charles' just as he's entering the house. He squeezes tightly, and takes a moment before stepping inside.

  It must be awful for him returning to this house without his mom. As soon as I step into the house, the reminders of her are everywhere. From the picture frames on the walls, to the coat on the rack. I watch as Charles picks up one of the photos from the hall table, brushes his finger against her image, and then seems to crumble ever so slightly.

  Libby whispers something in his ear, and he nods, smiles sadly and kisses her cheek. He sets the picture back down and continues through to the lounge.

  He drops down onto the couch, and Libby sits beside him. The kids all sort of flock to him, like they've been without oxygen for the past thirty three hours, and he's brought them a fresh supply. They need him more than I ever realized, and while I was dating him, I resented the time that he gave to them and not to me. Now I can see why he did that, he did it because they need him, they rely on him.

  Most of the rest of the day is spent filling Charles and Libby in on the funeral arrangements. Libby's family come over and offer their sympathies to Charles.

  I can see Pippa's eyes popping out of her head, as Charles kisses Libby goodbye when she finally gets convinced by her parents to leave his side. I'm guessing that with everything that was happening in Arizona, Libby didn't get round to telling her family that she's with Charles now. Libby's gone home to sleep, and I know that Charles needs to rest as well, so I say my goodbyes and head home to tackle the rest of my packing.

  Fifty Eight – Libby

  After getting home from the trip, and Charles' house after that, and then talking to my family for over an hour about Mrs Parson's death, and my new relationship with Charles. I crawl into bed and sleep right through until my mom wakes me, telling me that it's time to get up and ready for the funeral.

  I hadn't meant to sleep for so long, but there's very little I can do to change that now. So I get up quickly, shower, change into a black dress that my mom bought me because I didn't own one. It's fitted at the top, and then floats out into a chiffon skirt that skims my knee. I blow dry my hair and put on a black headband. Slide my feet into some flat pumps and then I climb up onto the roof.

  As I suspected Charles is up here, dressed in his black suit, with a black shirt and tie, and then on his wrist is a piece of yellow ribbon. He smiles sadly at me as I sit alongside him, and then he holds up another piece of yellow ribbon. Gently he takes my arm and ties it around my wrist.

  'Katie's idea.' He says kissing my hand before linking his fingers through mine. 'This shade of yellow was my mom's favorite. Just like sunflowers.'

  'It's nice.' I say softly. I curl up against him and he wraps his arm around my shoulders. 'You doing ok?' I ask.

  'I'm holding it together for the kids.' He replies, 'It helps, having them to take care of, which is why I wish that my aunt Gina wouldn't try and do everything herself. I need to feel busy, and I know she's just trying to help, because she thinks I need to slow down and take it easy, but when I slow down it's all too much.'

  'Charles, where are you? I'm about to head out.' Gina's voice calls loudly, and he lets out a small sigh.

  'I should go.' He says reluctantly. 'Are you travelling in the minivan with us? Aunt Gina is going ahead early with your family, to make sure things are all set up properly.'

  'I can if you want me to.' I say, holding onto his arm.

  'I want you to.' He nods.

  'Then I'll meet you outside in half an hour.' I kiss him gently. 'You need anything?'

  'Just for today to be over.' He replies.

  'It will be soon.' I promise.

  The day passes quickly, a blur of people offering their condolences to Charles and his family, while he tries his best
to hold it all together.

  Now it's the last day of August, and I'm bustling around Charles' kitchen, trying to sort out all of the food that's laying on the counter.

  Charles walks back in after answering the door. He's carrying a dish wrapped in plastic.

  'Lasagne.' He says, holding it up.

  'Add it to the stack.' I indicate the collection of eight other lasagne’s, which have been appearing ever since the funeral. They're joined by collections of pot roasts, meat loafs, pasta bakes and baked goods.

  'I know they mean well, but this is getting crazy.' He leans against the counter and pulls me towards him. 'Tell me you can make something out of these, because I don't think any of us can stomach that much of one thing.'

  'I can definitely try.' I reply as he loops his arms around my waist, pulling me in as the doorbell rings again. He sighs heavily.

  'Maybe if we're really quiet, they'll go away.' He whispers in my ear. I swat his arm lightly, kiss his cheek and wriggle from his arms.

  'I'll get it.' I say and he gives me a thankful smile. He looks so tired, so sad, so broken all of the time now. If answering the door can get even a small smile from him, then I'll take up permanent residence in front of it, so he never has to get it again.

  I head down the hall, and pull open the door. Two of the neighbors, who I recognize but can't place names too, are standing outside with a covered red dish. I hold back a groan and start wondering when grief started being soothed by casseroles, lasagne’s and other home cooked food.

  'Hi sweetie,' the blonde woman smiles, 'you're the Parson's neighbor right?' She asks.

  'Yes, I live,' I lean out a little and point to my house, 'there, and I'm also Charles' girlfriend.' I say. The word still feels like a thrill to me.

  'Oh, how sweet of you to come over and help him out.' The red headed woman coos, she actually coos like I'm a five year old. 'Are any of the family at home?' She asks, and they are. Charles, Katie and Georgia are all in the house. While Gina has taken the others out to buy groceries.

  'They not really up to visitors.' I tell them. Which is the absolute truth, because Katie hasn't been out of her room since the funeral. Georgia ends up getting upset every time someone says they're sorry that her mommy's gone, and if one more person hands Charles a food related gift, while offering their deepest condolences, he'll probably lose it completely.

  'Oh, oh of course.' The blonde woman says, 'Well, I made them this, it's just a chicken casserole, nothing fancy, but I figured none of them would be up to cooking anything.'

  'Thank you, that's really thoughtful of you.' I reply as she tries to peer past me to look into the house. I close the door a touch to block her view. Not that there's anything to see.

  'And I made this.' The redhead says, blustering slightly. Clearly she noticed that I'd noticed that they were being nosey. She pulls out a container which I hadn't seen before. 'It's an almond cake.'

  'Thank you.' I smile politely.

  'If you like, I could stop by everyday and bring over a new meal. Just until they're back on their feet.' The blonde again.

  'It's sweet of you to offer, but they actually already got a pretty good collection of dishes from the other neighbors.'

  'Oh, well then when they run out.' She smiles, but she's starting to sound just a little too pushy for me to believe she's just trying to help out.

  'When they run out I'll be doing all of the cooking, but Char is strong, and his aunt is here, so I don't anticipate needing to do it for long. Thank you for the offer, but it really is unnecessary. Now if you'll excuse me, I have things I need to get to.' I ease the door closed after some polite goodbyes, which are forced from all parties. Then I head back into the kitchen.

  Charles is staring out of the window, his shoulders slumped and shaking slightly. I drop off the casserole, and the cake. Then I walk up behind him, looping my arms around his waist. He spins around so that my cheek is resting against his chest. I glance up and see his tears and hug him tighter.

  'It will get better.' I whisper, 'It'll get better.' I repeat as he sobs in my arms.

  Fifty Nine – Charles

  Just as Libby has finished making the dinner, my aunt returns from the grocery store, with an angry looking Lewis, and a crying Sean. The only one who seems content is April, and that's because she's happily sleeping in my aunt's arms.

  'Hi kids.' Aunt Gina smiles at me and Libby. 'Something smells good.'

  'Uh, yeah...Libs turned one of the chicken casseroles into a curry. What happened?' I ask, indicating towards Sean, who has run to me and is hugging my legs, and Lewis who has just stormed off up the stairs.

  'Someone at the store.' Aunt Gina sighs, 'They'd been out of town and hadn't heard about your mom. They asked us to say hello to her, and Lewis got a little bit upset by it, and he started shouting about how your mom was gone, and it got a little...much for poor Sean, who burst into tears and hasn't stopped since.' She smiles sadly. 'I've told Lewis he can go straight to bed without any supper.'

  'Why?' My eyes snap to her.

  'For causing such a scene at the store. We had to leave without buying any of the things we needed.' She brushes her hair back from her face. I cast a glance over to Libby, who understands exactly what my look means. She grabs two dishes of food and starts heading towards the stairs.

  'Where is she taking those?' Aunt Gina asks as Libby hurries from the room.

  'Katie won't come out of her room, so one of them is for her and the other is for Lewis.'

  'But I told him...'

  'I know what you told him.' I say, bending and picking Sean up, letting him cling to me while I try and calm him. 'But I'm not going to have my brother punished, for being angry about our mother dying. I'll talk to him and make sure he knows that what he did, wasn't an appropriate way to express his feelings, but I won't send him to bed without dinner. Not ever.'

  'I was only trying to help.' She grumbles.

  'I know you were.' I sigh, 'but Lewis won't respond to that kind of punishment, it'll just serve to make him angrier.'

  'Sometimes I forget how mature you are now.' She smiles now. 'Your mom would be so proud of how you're handling yourself.'

  'I hope so.'

  After a long talk to Lewis, and then getting the kids to bed, and checking on Katie to see if she'll come downstairs for a bit, which she won't, I finally crash down onto the couch next to Libby.

  'Where's my aunt?' I ask.

  'She had a headache, so she went to bed early.' Libby replies, lacing her fingers through mine. 'I labelled and put away all of the dishes that were brought around today.'

  'Thank you.' I sigh, 'I honestly wish they'd all stop interfering, it's obvious that most of them just want to see if we're falling apart yet. Interfering busy bodies. Maybe we should just start charging entrance fees to look at the poor grieving kids.'

  'Hey, come on,' she nudges me lightly, 'in their own way they're trying to be kind. Maybe some of them take it a little far.'

  'Like the woman who pushed into the house and started reorganizing the kitchen.'

  'Well,' she smiles, 'a clean home is a clean mind.' She says mimicking the voice of the woman. I can't help but laugh.

  'I feel like putting a sign on the door, saying we're not accepting any more food, and if they want to give some away, there's a homeless shelter five blocks from here.'

  'It's worth a shot.' She smiles, glancing at her phone for the third time in the past five minutes.

  'You need to go?' I ask.

  'No.' She shakes her head. I know it's a lie.

  'Libs?'

  'I kind of promised Julie I'd stay at hers tonight, since she's leaving for France tomorrow.'

  'Right, of course.' I nod. Libby had mentioned that this morning when she came over.

  'I won't go if you need me.'

  'I always need you.' I smile, leaning over and kissing her. I pull back a few seconds later, 'Go on, say hi to Julie for me.'

  'I will.' She kisses me again, 'Ar
e you coming over tomorrow to say goodbye to her?'

  'I'm driving her to the airport.' I remind her.

  'Right,' she nods, 'I still can't believe her parents didn't take time off from work to take her. Apparently they're having a farewell breakfast tomorrow morning.'

  'Yeah, they invited me over for it.'

  'Are you coming?'

  'I don't really feel up to social events.' I reply.

  'No, I get that.'

  'But she's been my friend for so long, and she's leaving so...' I shrug, 'I'm not sure, I'll let you know.'

  'Ok.' She kisses me again. 'I'm on my feet and out the door, right?'

  'Right.' I nod and kiss her again.

  'And now I'm walking down the path, getting into my car.' She says between kisses.

  'Sounds about right.' I say and then sigh, getting to my feet and pulling her with me. 'Ok, I should really let you go.'

  'I guess so.' She hugs me tight. 'Call me if you need to talk, or if you need me to come back.'

  'Libs,' I tug her back to me as a cloud moves outside, and moonlight starts streaming through the window into the dark lounge. 'I love you.'

  I hadn't planned on saying it now, even though I've been thinking it for a while. Part of me thinks it's still too soon, we haven't been together long, but the larger part of me, knows that it's simply the truth.

  She stares at me for a moment, blinking quickly, her mouth slightly parted and her eyes just a touch wider than they normally are, and just when I'm starting to worry, her lips curl into a smile and she kisses me.

  'I love you too.' She says quietly, and in a way that I never felt with Julie, I know that she means it.

  Sixty – Julie

  While I butter another piece of toast, I watch Libby as she lifts the spoon up out of the pot of honey for the third time, and lets the honey trickle back into the pot. She didn't need to tell me last night about Charles saying he loved her, because her looks and actions ever since he said it, scream of someone who's in love for the first time with someone who loves them back.